“Damn, it’s good to see you, Andi.”
Andi placed her hand on Jimmy’s arm and smiled. “You too.”
Jimmy looked past Andi to Gwen. “And who do we have here?” she said, offering her hand in welcome.
Andi felt the warmth spread through her cheeks as she tried to find the word to describe Gwen’s place in her life. “This is Gwen,” she offered, the pride evident in her voice. “Gwen, this is Jimmy.”
Gwen took Jimmy’s hand, and Andi was pleased by Gwen’s relaxed, open posture and Jimmy’s genuine welcome. Some part of Andi unwound as she felt her two worlds connect for the first time. These were the three women she cared for most in the world, and it was important to her that they all got along. She laughed to herself for ever questioning that they would all be anything but friends.
They talked most of the day and got caught up on the changes in their lives since Andi had left. She could see the shimmers of pain in Melissa’s eyes as they talked, and she recognized the hollow stares that often made Melissa seem aloof and distant. Only Andi knew the demons that Melissa wrestled with in her thoughts and memories.
Mustering all her courage, Andi finally dared to bring up the reason for their reunion.
“So, what do we know about this parole hearing, and what do we need to do about it?”
Jimmy met Andi’s eyes and squared her shoulders as if readying for a fight, a posture Andi recognized from endless days sitting next to Jimmy in the courtroom.
“Well, it’s part formality but does present a real risk. We all have to decide what we’re willing to do. The best thing would be for everyone to appear at the hearing and testify as to why Kevin James is still dangerous and should be considered a threat to society. We already have documentation that he has continued to make threats against you, Andi, while he’s been in prison and has shown no remorse for what he did.”
Melissa spoke up at this point, her voice cold and bitter. “The state is trying to tighten the belt on the budget, and this is one way to do it. They’re trying to early release as many people as they can without negligent risk to the community. We have to convince them that Kevin James is still dangerous and that releasing him goes beyond negligent. I don’t even know how the bastard made the list.”
“Do you really think he could get out?” Andi asked, the fear thick on her tongue.
“It’s possible,” Jimmy said, “but not likely. These are special circumstances, and I can’t see the state wanting the responsibility for any future crimes that could result from his release. But like I said, that depends on everyone being ready to fight. We can ask for letters from people involved in the case, victims of course, authority figures in the community, psychologists working with James, and so on. We have to protest his release. The district attorney believes we can stop the parole.”
Jimmy studied Andi, her dark eyes soft with empathy. “I’m sorry, Andi. I know this is difficult for you.”
Andi stared at her hands, clasped tightly in front of her on the table. A long silence stretched between them. She was angry and scared and she hated all of it. Then she felt Gwen’s hand slide onto her thigh with a reassuring squeeze. She was grateful for the contact and the love she felt in the simple gesture. She looked to Gwen, and there was no hint of pity in her gaze, only comfort and concern.
Andi smiled and took Gwen’s hand, giving it a return squeeze.
Melissa was the first to break the silence. “I’ll be there with you if you want to testify, Andi. I know we can get through this together.”
Andi looked up into Melissa’s sad eyes, hearing the plea in her voice. She knew Melissa had never forgiven herself. She still carried the guilt that wasn’t hers to shoulder.
“I don’t know if I can face him again. All this time I’ve been trying to purge the image of his face from my mind. I can’t let him back inside my head.”
Andi’s voice started to tremble and her insides were shaking. When Jimmy reached out for her hand, Andi flinched away from the contact, afraid that even the simplest touch would make her shatter like an already-fractured piece of glass.
“Okay,” Jimmy said, leaning back in her chair to offer Andi some space. “I’ll get the ball rolling on the letters for the hearing. That means you two will need to write out statements as well. We have to put a stop to all of this.” She clasped her hands in front of her with an air of finality. She grinned. “For now, what’s for dinner?”
Andi and Melissa both looked at Jimmy as if she were suddenly speaking a foreign language. Andi blinked a few times, trying to clear the torrent of thoughts from her mind, not able to process the sudden change in subject.
“Steak,” Gwen said with a dramatic rub of her stomach.
“Lasagna,” Melissa answered, “or sushi.”
Andi smiled in understanding. It was time to change the subject.
There was no further discussion about Kevin James over dinner. The business at hand was handled, and now it was time to fill in the blanks of three years of their lives. Andi was oddly relaxed as she studied the two women who had been such an integral part of her life, but that she now knew very little about. She was unprepared when the conversation turned to her.
“So, Andi, what’s new in your life?”
Andi didn’t answer for a moment, feeling her tongue swell within her mouth, making it difficult to form words. A loud ringing in her ears permeated her thoughts so that she forgot what had just been said. “I’m sorry, what was your question?”
Jimmy put her elbows on the table and leaned in so she held Andi’s full attention. “I asked, what’s new in your life? You said you were finally getting your life back on track when we spoke on the phone.”
Andi felt the heat spread from her chest, up her neck, and into her face. She cleared her throat and took a long drink of water. She glanced at Gwen and was embarrassed by the heat spreading through her.
“Well I opened my own business. I spent the last three years just trying to act normal and start over.”
“Yeah. So, how did you and Gwen meet? Have you known each other long?”
To Andi’s surprise, Gwen answered the question. “Andi and I just met this summer, after Andi had a run-in with my dog. I pretty much followed her around for a few weeks after that, trying to convince her to go out with me.”
Andi couldn’t repress her smile. The memory of meeting Gwen still made her shake her head at the strangeness of the whole event. As Gwen continued to talk, Andi began to realize once again how important Gwen had become in her life. She couldn’t imagine her life without her. It had become hard to remember what her life had been like before meeting Gwen. The life she had once found peaceful and safe, now just seemed empty. Gwen had filled her life with hope, laughter, excitement, adventure, unimaginable good sex, and unexpected love.
Andi felt herself blush at the thought.
“Are you in love with her?” Melissa asked Gwen, her voice gentle.
Gwen looked pointedly at Melissa. “Yes. I am totally and completely in love with her.” She turned to Andi. “She’s everything to me.”
Andi was still gazing at Gwen, in awe of her openness and the certainty in her declaration. Her heart swelled with happiness.
“And what about you, Andi? Has Gwen here managed to steal your heart as well?”
“Mel,” Jimmy said with a warning tone.
Andi thought about it for a moment and smiled. She hadn’t told Gwen she loved her and wouldn’t make her first declaration in public, even in front of friends. But she knew she couldn’t deny it. She fell a little deeper in love with Gwen every day. “Hmm…she’s definitely very special to me.” She took another sip of her water, watching Gwen’s reactions.
Gwen smiled, lifted Andi’s hand to her lips, and kissed the backs of her fingers. Andi suddenly wanted to be alone with Gwen. These were feelings she wasn’t ready to explore with anyone but Gwen. But she waited for Melissa to volley the next round of questions.
At last Jimmy interrupted t
he conversation, stretching out her long arms over her head. “I think I’ll see if I can convince Gwen here to go for a walk with me so you two can catch up. What do you say, Gwen?”
Gwen nodded. “Sounds perfect.”
Jimmy got up from her chair and leaned down to kiss Andi on the cheek. “It’s really good to see you, Andi. We’ve missed you.”
Andi stood and kissed her back, wrapping her arms lightly around her shoulders. “Thank you—for everything.”
Jimmy grinned and winked at her before turning her attention to Melissa. “I’ll see you in a bit. Take your time.” She leaned down and kissed Melissa tenderly on the lips.
Andi could see the love vibrate between them, and she was happy they had each other. She was glad someone had been there for Melissa when she hadn’t had the strength to be there herself.
Gwen brushed her fingers along Andi’s back as she passed, pausing only a moment to drop a kiss on top of her head. “See you in a bit.”
Andi smiled as Gwen and Jimmy left the room together. She was happy at how well they were getting along. There was no telling what trouble those two could get into together. They were like two peas in a pod.
It amazed her how much peace she felt at that moment when there was so much danger looming ahead of her.
Chapter Twenty-two
Melissa and Andi made their way to the back deck where they sipped beer and gazed up at the stars.
“So,” Melissa started after a long silence, “you’ve been a little quiet this evening. Are you doing okay?”
Andi realized Melissa had waited until they were alone to ask the serious questions. She knew Andi wouldn’t have wanted to talk openly in front of Jimmy. She saw the worry in Melissa’s eyes.
“I’m as okay as I can be.” She paused. “I think I had started to believe I could put all this behind me. I just wanted to live a normal life.”
“You still can, Andi, nothing has changed.”
“Hasn’t it? For the rest of my life I’ll be looking over my shoulder. I’ll never be certain he won’t come after me. Even if he doesn’t get out this time, it’ll happen eventually.”
“No one has any guarantee that something bad won’t happen, Andi. But you can’t stop living. You can’t just sit around and wait for something that may never come.”
Andi picked at the label on her beer bottle. “It’s all so crazy. We weren’t even supposed to have to think about this for years.”
“I know. But we’re going to put a stop to it. He won’t get out.”
“I hope you’re right.” Andi sighed and took a drink of her beer.
Melissa regarded her for a long while, and the attention made Andi self-conscious.
“What?”
Melissa pursed her lips as if trying to decide if she should say something. “You and Gwen look really good together. I can tell she’s crazy about you. God, could she be any more gorgeous?”
Andi smiled. “She is, isn’t she?”
“She seems to be taking this pretty well. Does she know everything?”
“Most of it. She knows about Boyd and James.”
Melissa was studying her and it made Andi uneasy.
“What about the other stuff?”
Andi didn’t answer. She looked off into the darkness, not wanting to admit her cowardice.
Melissa sat up in her chair and looked hard at Andi. “You haven’t told her, have you?”
Andi met Melissa’s gaze. “No.”
“Andi, you have to tell her. Let her be there for you,” Melissa said, sounding incredulous.
Andi closed her eyes tight and thought of Gwen. She liked having someone in her life who didn’t know about her past. She felt more normal not having Gwen look at her and see everything. By telling Gwen her story, she would allow the evil to soil the purity of their relationship and the innocence would be lost.
She tried to explain the inexplicable. “Maybe if all this had happened when we thought it would, I would have had time to build a life with Gwen I couldn’t let go of, but not now. I can’t let anyone else get hurt because of me. We’re just getting started, Mel. This isn’t something I can just tell her.”
“You’re afraid she’ll leave you the way J.C. did.”
Andi’s hands clenched at the mention of J.C.’s name. Gwen was nothing like J.C. She was so much more.
“She’s different, but yes. I know she would never walk out on me the way J.C. did, but yes, I’m afraid I’ll lose her. I’m afraid all this will be too much to handle or, worse, that James will get to her. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to her.”
Melissa reached out and placed a hand on Andi’s arm. “Oh, sweetheart, Gwen will understand. But you have to tell her. I saw the way she looked at you. She loves you, Andi.”
Andi shook her head. “I just don’t know.”
“Do you trust her?”
Andi sighed. “Yes.”
“Okay then, tell her. Wouldn’t you want to know how to help her if things were turned around?”
Andi knew Melissa was right, but she had no idea how to tell Gwen the truth. The whole truth.
“You say you want a normal life. Well, that means letting people into your life, letting people love you, and letting them help.”
Andi dropped her head back onto the seat with a thump. “I let you in and look what happened.”
“You were not responsible for what happened to me, Andi. I can’t tell you how much I wish things had been different.”
Melissa dropped her gaze. Andi could see the muscle in Melissa’s jaw jerk as her teeth clenched.
“Hey, we can’t go back there,” Andi said, getting up to go sit next to Melissa. She put her arm around her shoulder.
“I know,” Melissa said, her voice weak as she glanced up and met Andi’s eyes. “But I’ve missed you.”
“I know,” Andi said with a sad smile. “I’m sorry I ran away.”
They were silent for a while as they drank their beer and watched the stars.
Andi was the first to break the silence this time. “How do you get through it, Mel? How do you make the nightmares stop?”
Melissa’s gaze burned into Andi, all the emotions of the past four years pouring out like a tsunami. “I don’t know. Sometimes I spend hours talking to Jimmy. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all. I don’t know that the nightmares will ever stop. There are times when the memories are so vivid it’s like it’s happening all over again.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“When I saw what they did to you, it killed me. What they did to me was nothing compared to seeing you hurt that way.”
“Mel.”
“Don’t worry. I’m okay. Things happened so fast and there was so much going on. You were vulnerable, and I never should have let things get out of hand. If I had done my job and protected you better, you wouldn’t have been hurt. I didn’t blame you for leaving.”
“You’re wrong, Mel.” Andi took Melissa’s hand. “You did everything you could. What happened was not your fault. I ran because I couldn’t face you, knowing that every time you looked at me, you would see what he did. I thought it would be best if I wasn’t around as a constant reminder of what happened. If it wasn’t for me, they never would have hurt you.” Andi’s last words came out strangled, and she swallowed, trying to hold back her emotions.
Melissa stared at Andi, her expression a mixture of hurt and surprise.
Andi squeezed Melissa’s hand. “After everything you had been through because of me, I knew you would never be able to look at me the same way. I would always be a reminder to you of the horror and pain. I thought it would be better for you if I just…disappeared.”
Once the words had started, all her feelings poured out. Andi couldn’t hold anything back. “I felt so much shame and guilt. Throughout the trial I could hardly look at you because I could still hear your screams in my head. I was reliving every minute of that night, and I didn’t want to be that reminder for you.”
�
��Oh, Andi.” Tears spilled from Melissa’s eyes and ran down her cheeks. She knelt in front of Andi. “I’m so sorry, Andi.”
Andi leaned in to Melissa and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry too, Mel. I’m sorry I was a coward.”
Melissa’s lips brushed Andi’s cheek before she buried her face in Andi’s shoulder and cried. They held each other, mourning their loss and trying to heal the hurt with a small portion of understanding. When they broke apart, Andi stroked Melissa’s cheek with the back of her hand.
Melissa gave her a half-crooked smile and sighed. “I can’t believe we never talked about any of this.”
Andi shook her head. “So much has changed. You have Jimmy now.”
“And you have Gwen,” Melissa said with a grin. “What do we do now?”
Andi’s eyes burned from the remains of her tears. “We fight back.”
“See, this is exactly why you have to tell Gwen everything. Just be honest with her. You’re going to need her.”
Andi shrugged apologetically. “I just can’t.”
“Shit!” Melissa pulled away from Andi suddenly as she stood and began to pace.
“Mel?” Andi was confused by Mel’s sudden change. Was she having a panic attack? Had Andi somehow triggered it?
“Give me a minute.” Melissa waved her hands in the air as if she was fighting to breathe. Her pace was frantic and she wouldn’t make eye contact with Andi.
Andi stood and approached Melissa, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. Melissa tried to turn away, but Andi held her tight in her grip.
“Mel.” Andi’s voice was commanding and it made Melissa stop and look at her. “Talk to me.”
Melissa’s voice trembled. “When you left, you left me believing I failed you.”
Andi’s heart sank. “I’m sorry, Mel. I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t ask you to forgive me. I was falling apart. You were trying to heal and I couldn’t ask you to take on my part in this too.”
No Boundaries Page 19
