What If You Are a Horse in Human Form

by Jason the Horse

  Once in that state, she would shake the rattle near my ears and forehead to open the third eye, to facilitate my communication with my spirit guide. She also said that she would blow into my heart chakra and head chakra. The first (heart chakra) would help open the communication with my spirit guide, and the second (head chakra) would “set” the focus into my mind. With all of this explained we began the ceremony, and we both got more than we bargained for!

  Debra started with the rattle and then moved to the drum, accelerating the beat to enter the shamanic state of consciousness. Then she began chanting. I silently called not only my spirit guide (Lucy the mare), but also Copper. (He was the buckskin gelding who, in 1980, had dragged me, which resulted in the back injury that the Horse Ancestors purposefully inflicted upon me to keep me sensing the world with my body as well as my mind, as horses do.) I also called the other Horse Ancestors. With my eyes still closed, I could hear Debra gasp in amazement several times.

  I didn’t see anything in my mind except a faint, allencompassing veil that looked like slowly swirling fog. I also faintly felt the presence of Lucy, Copper, and many other Horse Ancestors. The air in the room literally felt thick with their combined presence. I thought to them: “I am a Shire draft horse, heavy and close to the Earth. Please help me to connect with you.”

  To try to help them, I pictured myself in my natural Shire form, looking down my long equine face. At that instant I felt an electric sensation in my upper jaw, and it felt as if it was about to stretch far forward to form an equine jaw. If I had willed it at that moment, I would have slipped out of my human body and found myself in (spirit) equine form. It took a lot of willpower to not do this!

  Still in the shamanic state of consciousness, Debra blew into my heart and head chakras, and then she gradually slowed down her drumming to return to normal consciousness. She exclaimed “Wow!” after coming out of the trance state, and I opened my eyes. “They have several things they want me to tell you,” she said. Before Debra told me these things, she expressed her amazement at what had happened, saying that: “There were thousands of horses who came here to witness this ceremony!” She added, “I have some bad news for you.”

  Debra said that all horses are the Horse Ancestors, including those of us who are currently in human form. Furthermore, she stated, all of the Horse Ancestors are equals; those who are in the spirit realm are not “above” horses who are living on Earth. She also told me that the Horse Ancestors are in awe of me and of the other horses who have volunteered to take on human form. They understand that it is a great sacrifice for us, and they greatly appreciate the work we are doing for all horses. The equine race is at the point of taking an evolutionary step forward (in mental abilities), and our work here is bringing that about.

  Here is the bad news: Debra said, “You can’t go back to being an ordinary horse, because once you’ve evolved you can’t go backwards. You will definitely go back to being a horse, but a more evolved horse. You will be the equivalent of a Buddha to horses.” She saw my stunned and slightly horrified expression (I don’t want to be an equine deity). “Relax,” she reassured me. “I don’t mean that you’ll be the Buddha to horses, but that all of you horses who are in human form will become wise, guru-like horses who will be leaders of your people. Having lived these lives in human form will make you more evolved horses.” I replied to her (only half-jokingly) that I “just wanted to go back to pulling plows.”

  (Two days after the ceremony Linda Kohanov, commenting on what I had told her about the ceremony, said that: “Accepting a role as leader, of horses or humans, is simply a matter of focus, of being able to help others focus, and the ability to share wisdom gained through experience. It is not about dominance or rising above others. That is a purely human, highly egotistical concept of leadership that has caused all species on this Earth to be victimized in some fashion or another over the centuries. Horses who have lived in human form become natural leaders of other horses because after you’ve been in human form, your powers of focus are enhanced immeasurably. Focus is one of the greatest talents of the human species.”)

  I asked Debra about the thing in my past that I needed to work on before I could move on. After her second shamanic journey on my behalf, she discovered that it was merely my concern about being able to return to equine form. She said that the Horse Ancestors told her I will definitely go back to equine form. She also told me that the Horse Ancestors are watching over me and over the other horses in human form, to protect and guide us.

  Debra gave me a shamanic rattle as a gift, and she asked me to use it (while I was still in a state of mind in which I could more easily connect with the Horse Ancestors) to contact them and thank them for their help. I relaxed in the chair again, closed my eyes, and began shaking the rattle near my ears and forehead while Debra shook her rattle in sympathy with mine. I again faintly felt their presence. After I thanked them and ended the ceremony, Debra said that she had seen a mare (it was Lucy, as I had summoned her and thanked her individually) standing in front of me, nuzzling my forehead to open my spiritual vision.

  Debra then told me that the Horse Ancestors and my spirit guide (Lucy) want me to contact my guide as often as possible. She added that I needed an object, preferably indigo in color, that I could carry with me and hold to concentrate my intention. This, she said, would make it easier for me to contact Lucy and the other Horse Ancestors, by holding it close to my heart and visualizing the focus in my heart while making the contact. I expressed my fondness for purple octahedral fluorite crystals and Debra said, “Get one!” I bought a nice one a few days later.

  Contacting the Horse Ancestors Yourself

  I still have the rattle and the fluorite crystal, but I must admit that I have almost never used them. Even under the most favorable conditions (quiet, darkness, and calmness of mind on my part), I find it quite difficult to alter my consciousness to perceive and enter the realm of the Horse Ancestors. On the few occasions when I have achieved this, I did it in complete silence and darkness. Even then, it took several hours to do it each time, and the process was physically as well as mentally tiring. I am simply an “Earthy” horse, and I suspect that it has to do with being a “cold blood” draft horse, as horses in human form who are “hot blood” equines (Arabians, Barbs, Thoroughbreds, etc.) and “warmblood” horses (Morgans, Quarter Horses, Appaloosas, etc.) are usually much more spiritually sensitive and find it much easier to contact the Horse Ancestors.

  Nonetheless, I recommend this silent method to horses in human form who wish to contact the Horse Ancestors because it is the same method we use when we are in our natural equine forms (we don’t and can’t use drums or rattles as human shamans do!). Also, this method will not disturb other people in the vicinity. In addition, any horses in human form who are in communities or families that might react with hostility if they revealed their true equine identities can use this silent contact method discreetly.

  For those who would like to try using human shamanic techniques to contact the Horse Ancestors, the Foundation for Shamanic Studies (Web Site URL:www.shamanism.org) has shamanic drumming CDs and cassette tapes, as well as shamanic drums and rattles. They also offer several books on shamanism (which is a methodology and not a religion, as shamanic techniques are empirical and were discovered and refined through experimentation and practice over thousands of years). Dr. Michael Harner’s book The Way of the Shaman contains all of the information that is needed to learn how to conduct the classical shamanic journey using only a shamanic drumming CD or cassette.

  The silent contact method that I have used isn’t known only to horses, however. I have corresponded with John Michael Greer, the Grand Archdruid of the Ancient Order of Druids in America, whose headquarters are in Ashland, Oregon (Web Site URL: www.aoda.org) concerning how therianthropes (the Greek term for animals in human form, usually shortened to “therian”) can contact their various equine, feline, lupine, and other species’ spirit ancestors (their species c
ollective spirits or species oversouls, what the British biologist Dr. Rupert Sheldrake refers to as species morphogenetic fields) to learn what their purposes are here in human form.

  A few years ago, a wolf in human form contacted Mr. Greer seeking advice on how to contact the spirit ancestors of his species. He suggested two methods, both of which will work. He also told me that: "This can be done by anyone who's in a human body but doesn't belong there, by the way—just change the species." I have reproduced Mr. Greer’s description of the silent contact method below.

  "In magical language, the horse in human form is attempting to make contact with the oversoul or overlighting angel of horsekind. That can be done either by ritual, if he has a background in that, or by meditation and active imagination if he doesn't. If the horse in human form has a background in ritual, he will know how to make the necessary changes, and if not, Israel Regardie's book The Golden Dawn and my [John Michael Greer's] book Circles of Power explain and describe ritual magic in the Western tradition." Here is Mr. Greer's description of the meditation and active imagination method:

  "Basically, the process is to relax physically, breathe slowly and rhythmically, and calm the mind. Once there, focus the mind on horsehood as a concept. Keep the mind centered on horse-imagery, horse-ideas, horse-emotions. Through that, without losing touch with it, say inwardly something on the order of, "I invoke the horse oversoul." Repeat it, maintaining the focus on horsehood. Do this for maybe five minutes at a time, then return to calm, relaxation, rhythmic breathing and end the session."

  "He may get results at once, or it may take a while—[it's] anyone's guess. Patience is vital. Success will be hard to miss. When he gets in touch with the horse-oversoul, he can ask what his specific purpose is, and likely get at least a partial answer." This meditation/active imagination method is exactly what I have used to contact the Horse Ancestors. I can certainly relate to Mr. Greer’s comment: "Success will be hard to miss." When thoughts, sensations, and images that are not your own start flooding into your mind, you know you've succeeded!

  Longing To Jump the Fence

  Beginning in 2005 my back pain became unbearable, and I was later diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS), an autoimmune disease that attacks the spine and joints. It is destroying the discs in my spine and fusing the vertebrae together. The pain is so intense that I must take two morphine pills each day to keep it within tolerable limits.

  Before I was diagnosed with AS (the urgent care center physician knew that there was something wrong with my spine), I was put on vicodin and much later oxycodone. When they both ceased to be effective, I was put on morphine. While these painkillers do make the pain tolerable, they do so at the price of frequent mental confusion and poor memory. These side effects, along with my general physical deterioration (being bent over, being unable to sleep on a bed, being unable to be physically active due to stiffness and pain), caused me to descend into a deep depression.

  Early in 2006, my boss at work severely cut back my hours after I stood up to him over a disagreement. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, although it certainly didn’t seem that way until more than a year afterward. I became unable to keep up with my house payments, and I knew that before long I would lose my home. I began to yearn to be free from this two-legged existence and to go back to equine form and be with the Horse Ancestors. I contacted Debra Chesnut and told her about my despair and my desire to “jump the fence” back into the realm of the Horse Ancestors. She compassionately and patiently did her best to help me through this rough patch. As Debra told me (in part, as I've reproduced just the highlights from several of her many e-mail messages to me below):

  "I hope all is well with you. I have [shamanically] looked in on you and I can see how difficult it is to be in your human body. However, it came through very strongly that now is not the time to leave us. You are to write a book about your life and being a horse, this is how the message is to get out. The book does not have to be a long book, a simple book of your life, messages from the horse people [the Horse Ancestors] and horses. Don't worry, LOTs of people will read it, even if it doesn't go mainstream. There are "people" out there who need to hear what you have to say. You can do this, I know. I will help you in whatever way I can." "There are a lot of horses in human form who are dying to hear from someone like you, to know they aren't alone. Your book won't go mainstream but [will] find its way to the right people. Just trust in that. It will be a very important book. Don't spend money on it. Just write it and the right people will come along to help you get it published. Trust the process. I am with you."

  "I also wanted to let you know that this is bigger than just about the Horse Ancestors, it is about all of creation. There are Great Beings involved in this that are beyond Animals or Humans. It was not just the Horse Ancestors that sent that message to you through me, there were the Great Ones, the Angels or Archangels, and Great Beings of Light who actually spoke to me about you as your Horse People stood by them and nodded their agreement. Your task is important for all creation, there is a much bigger picture going on, more than I know or understand, but we all have a part to play. I know it is difficult for you to be here but stay with us for now."

  "You need to open your heart and allow the Beings of Light to embrace you. You need to go into the "thy will be done, Lord, not mine," attitude. Not that you give up your free-will, but that you accept your destiny. If you co-operate with creation much can be done and will be done for you. If you agree to your task, arrangements will be made to make that happen. However, there is not the big hurry you may be feeling. DONT start the book or worry about it getting written yet until you feel safe and secure in your life. Time on the other side of the veil is not the same as time is on this side. In your heart accept the task, then get on with getting your finances and living situation together, the Light Beings can read your intent in your heart and they will put their energy to helping you get to a place where you can write it."

  "I am glad you have decided to write your autobiography. This is your destiny, this is why your Horse people sent you here. It is what will give meaning to your life. One of the reasons why you are having difficulty with your physical body is that you didn't quite know how to build one. Before we incarnate we hover as a spirit over the developing fetus and give assistance and instructions to the building of the body. But, not knowing really what a human body was all about, you didn't quite know how to do that. It was a start and a learning experience for you. It just reflects your Horseness. I am sorry it is giving you so much pain. I have been asking your horse spirits to help you but they don't quite know what to do about it either. Consequently, I have been sending my own to give you comfort as best they can. Don't forget that you are not alone or abandoned. I have complete faith in you."

  I promised the Beings of Light and the Horse Ancestors that I would write the book if they would help me. When Debra told me that I have a task that is important for all creation, that knowledge did not make me feel “special” or “exalted” in any way—to the contrary, it was (and still is) a burden.

  Horse Blessings

  During this time I was under a tremendous amount of stress. In addition to my health and money problems, I ran out of heating oil more than once that winter. In March 2006, Debra graciously gave me a $1000 grant from her shamanic organization, the Four Winds Foundation. It did not last long, but it was a great help.

  I was still on vicodin (and baclofen, a muscle relaxant) at this time, and due to the pain I was unable to sleep more than five or six hours a night, but this was preferable to unmitigated pain. I was still working, but only 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. By this time, my ebbing physical and mental stamina wouldn’t permit more. This wasn't enough to make the mortgage payments on my house, and I was in danger of being evicted with no place else to go. (I had gotten onto the waiting list for disabled public housing, but was warned that it could take 3 months to a year to get an apartment.) Also, my town government wanted to condemn
my 1917-vintage house and demolish it because it didn't comply with even a single requirement of the local building code, so I couldn't even sell it to recover my equity in it. Bringing the house up to code would have cost a fortune, so I could only sell the property after having the house demolished myself (also a prohibitively expensive proposition), which would have left me without a place to live.

  On top of all of this, I had had to simultaneously fight with Social Security and the Vocational Rehabilitation Center to establish my disability and secure benefits. My credit card companies had been pestering me too, because they weren’t satisfied with the size of my payments, but I couldn't write checks for money I didn't have. My emotional state had been at a hair trigger for some time, where small things could easily set me off.

  With that as the background, here is what happened in the summer of 2006:

  On Sunday, August 27, I was actually in a pretty good mood as I left work at 8:30 PM. I had planned to buy fuel and shop at the Fred Meyer grocery store, and I had pre-written two blank checks, one for gasoline and one for groceries. I had accidentally bounced a check to them the previous month, but I had later sent in a payment to cover it.

  I walked up to the gasoline sales clerk to make the fuel purchase, but after running the check through the scanner he told me that the check was rejected. I snapped internally at that point. I took back the check, angrily slammed the door of my truck, and drove home determined to end my miserable situation once and for all.