by John Varley
There were the classic Looney Tunes cartoon words. A little too light-hearted.
There was "Rosebud." Too arty, too obscure.
In the end, she reverted to the "B" movies she loved so well.
"Mother of mercy," Snitch coughed. "Is this the end of Gaea?"
And she died.
Long before the vibrations of the final cataclysm had died, a ray of light angled down from the Hyperion roof. It centered on Cirocco Jones.
Cirocco stood up, facing into the light. Her feet left the ground. She was lifted, bodily, into Heaven.
FADE OUT
Include me out.
-Sam Goldwyn
Cirocco found herself on the Stairway to Paradise without remembering how she had come there.
She and Gaby had first seen it almost a century earlier, when they had reached the hub after their long climb up the cable and through the inside of the Rhea Spoke. Then, it had been riddled with special effects right out of The Wizard of Oz-the film, not the books, which Cirocco doubted Gaea had ever read. At the top had been a massive, pantheistic thing that had tried to convince them it was Gaea.
The stairs were not in very good shape. But looking closely, Cirocco saw that someone had been at work on them. Some dust had been swept to the side. There was the smell of disinfectant-the strong sort that is used in subway restrooms.
She climbed to the top and saw the door to Gaea's old room was ajar.
Inside was Gaby. Just Gaby. No supernatural rigamarole, no hocus-pocus.
She was down on her hands and knees, dressed in faded jeans and a blue work shirt, with a tool belt around her waist. Several of the translucent floor panels in the 2001 lounge had been removed and stacked against one wall. They were filthy, but sitting beside them were stacks of rags and bottles of blue cleanser. The furniture had been stacked against another wall.
Gaby was reaching down through the floor, working on a plain, ordinary fluorescent light fixture which was nailed to a wooden beam. The two light tubes were flickering.
She looked up at Cirocco, then sat back on her heels and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. The hand held a wrench, and was dirty.
"Lot of work to do up here," Gaby said.
"Sure looks like it."
Gaby got up, fitted the wrench into a loop on her belt, and stood with her hands on her hips, smiling up at Cirocco.
"Can I get you anything? I've got beer, and wine."
"Just a glass of water would be fine."
"Pull up a chair."
Gaby went through a doorway. Cirocco heard water running. She found two chairs that seemed steady, and put them a few feet apart. She sat down on one. Gaby returned, pulled up a low table and set two frosted glasses of ice water on them. Cirocco took a sip of hers, then a long drink. It tasted good.
The silence was not so good. It threatened to get awkward.
"So," Gaby said. "You pulled it off. I was proud of you."
Cirocco shrugged.
"I didn't have as much to do with it as all those people down there think I did. But you know that better than anyone."
"You're the one who had to stand there and face Gaea. Not many people could have done that."
"I guess not." She looked around the room once more. There wasn't anything new to see. She gestured with her glass. "Fixing this place up, are you?"
Gaby looked embarrassed.
"Well, I have to live somewhere. This isn't just what I had in mind, but it'll do temporarily."
"Gaby ... what are you?"
Gaby nodded rapidly, and swallowed hard, not looking at Cirocco. She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. She looked at the ceiling.
"I was watching, you know. When you came up here and demanded some answers from Gaea. She didn't lie to you. She didn't feel like she needed to. She was pretty sure you were going to kill her, but that didn't matter. She was tired of that lousy little body, anyway. But she still wanted your loyalty. I'll tell you why in a minute. But you remember... she offered to bring me back to life, just as I was-but without that compulsion I had to make war against her. You said no. So she made another offer. She'd bring me back unchanged. She'd resurrect me. You remember what you said?"
"Pretty well."
Gaby's eyes got a faraway look.
"You said it was tempting." She focused on Cirocco again. "Thanks for that, by the way. Then you said, 'But then I wondered what Gaby would have thought of it, and knew just what a stinking, corrupt, foul deviltry it would be. She would have been horrified to think she would be survived by a little Gaby doll made by you out of your own festering flesh. She would have wanted me to kill it immediately.' "
"Maybe I overstated the case a little."
Gaby laughed, and shook her head.
"No. You were completely right. You had no way of knowing that some part of me still was alive, and listening in ... but you were right. If Gaea had put me back together then, I don't think I'd have been my own person. And you were certainly right not to trust her about anything.
"She thought she got rid of me." She gestured at the ceiling. "That red line up there ... this is going to be difficult. You want all the answers, and I'm more than ready to tell them, but I'll warn you that some of it will be hard to understand ... and you'll just have to take my word for it. Because I can't explain to you what that red line is like. There aren't any human concepts for so much of it.
"She threw me in there, and thought she'd made an end.
"I fooled her. I stayed sane. I survived ... and I had to be careful. She'd been in there a lot longer than I had and she knew her way around. I had to learn to crawl, then walk, then run, and I had to do it all without her noticing me. That's why I was so mysterious so much of the time. When I was learning to materialize my body ... when I did anything at all, the chances of her discovering me were much greater. When I told you things she didn't want you to know... it was like a security leak. She started becoming aware there was a leak, but didn't know where it was. She might have found me in spite of my best efforts, but she wasn't really looking that hard. It's all that saved me. Her other obsessions took up too much of her time. Too much of her life-force, for want of a better word.
"But you asked me what I am. I'm not a creation of Gaea. I created myself. I'm real, and I'm alive... I'm me."
Cirocco kept looking at her, and Gaby had to look away again. Then she reached out and took Cirocco's hand. She squeezed it.
"See? Feel me, Rocky. I'm real. I have a body. This body is completely human. I live in it, just like you live in yours."
Again Cirocco said nothing. Then she rubbed her forehead with her hand.
"But Gaby ... you still haven't told me what you are."
Gaby released her hand and sat back in her chair.
"I'm what you were supposed to be. Gaea's successor. But you knew that, didn't you."
Cirocco nodded slowly.
"Gaea ... " Gaby looked around the room, and laughed bitterly.
"Gaea! What a joke. By the time we met her, she was so crazy ... she took that name out of Greek mythology. She took all her best ideas out of crappy motion pictures. I don't know what her real name might have been.
"She came up here one day, a very long time ago. She wasn't a human being. I don't think her race even exists in the wheel anymore. The being who occupied the seat I'm in right now talked to Gaea. Told her he needed a Wizard. It sounded fine to Gaea, and she was a good Wizard for a thousand years. Then, when her predecessor was all washed up, she overthrew him, and came to live up here.
"We're not talking now about the being that is the Wheel. That thing is up there in the red line. It takes care of most of the day-to-day functioning of all the complex systems that keep the wheel running. It is fairly god-like in a lot of ways, but it's more like a computer in others. The present system for ... governing the wheel is almost a million years old. There have been a lot of Wizards. When they die, they get to be ... Gaea. Gaby. Me. You may be the only Wizard that did
n't graduate."
Cirocco looked at Gaby for a long time. She was very tired.
"Gaby ... I'm so sorry."
Gaby hurled her glass of water across the room.
"Dammit, Rocky ... damn you! Don't be sorry. It's not too late. When you had Snitch taken out of your head Gaea gave up on you. She had to have a complete and continuous set of memories from you before you could move up to take her place. That set is broken now ... but it can be fixed. I can record you. I can move you up here with me. It isn't death. It isn't anything like death. I thought I was dead when I first got here, but I learned what life is really all about up there in the red line. We can... we can rule together, you and I. We can make this into a good place."
Cirocco sighed, and wondered how she could say it. Perhaps it was best to move in on it sideways.
"Gaby ... you kept telling me, over and over, how hard Gaea would be to kill. And she was. All that we went through... all to distract her enough so you could overwhelm her up here in the hub in a way that I'll never understand. Is there... is there any other way she could have died?"
Gaby looked away, and wiped at a tear. She shook her head violently.
"See, Gaby ... it's not death I'm most afraid of."
Gaby nodded just as violently, then buried her face in her hands. Cirocco was quiet. She was afraid to touch her old friend. Not afraid for herself, but afraid for Gaby.
"Do you know anything more about what Gaea was like when she first came to this place?" she finally asked.
"Oh, Jesus, Rocky. I suspect she was a sweet and loving thing. I don't doubt there was a golden age when she came to power. Some of the blimps might know, if they'd talk. And you don't have to say it. God help me, I've thought about it enough. What will I be like in twenty thousand years? Huh? How can I even begin to imagine how tired I might become of ... everything? I can't see it now. I can't see that I've changed. I remember, when I turned a hundred years old, I was so damn smug. I didn't feel any different than I did when I was thirty. But a hundred is nothing."
"I can see that."
"I hope you don't think I did this because I wanted to."
"I don't."
"There was no other choice. It was watch you and everyone I loved be killed by that maniac, or do what I did. I couldn't even opt out; I couldn't die." Once more, she leaned forward earnestly. "But Rocky, now that I've told you all those things I couldn't tell you ... I'll tell you one more thing. All along I hoped you'd join me. I suspect it's a horrible fate in the end ... but so is death, any way you look at it. I watched you in Bellinzona. You were so good. You'd be a lot better than I'd be alone. We could work together."
"I was horrible, Gaby. So many people died. At my orders."
"People are always going to die, Rocky."
"I know. I just don't want to be responsible for it."
"That's a cop-out. They're going to die because of the things you don't do. Stuart or Trini, or one of your Generals ... they won't be as enlightened as you were. They'll make a mess of things."
"Anybody would. It's the nature of the human being. The Titanides speak of evil people. And there are evil people, people that must die. But I won't be the one who decides. I've done that, and I hate it. I won't live my life for them anymore. I won't save the world anymore. I'm through with that."
Gaby got up and went to the other room. Cirocco heard sounds that might have been sobs. She didn't want to think about it. Gaby returned with a fresh glass of water.
"Gaby, I think I'm your friend. At least I am if you'll have me."
"You're my friend," Gaby confirmed, in a husky voice.
"I hope you'll be my friend till the day I die. But this is asking too much of a friendship. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm sorry it fell to you instead of me, like Gaea wanted it. I hope you don't resent that."
"I don't. It was an accident."
"Then don't ask this of me. I can see that your life is going to be very interesting and very long. If somebody has to do it, I can't think of anyone better than you. I think that-if it had happened to me-I'd do what I think you're going to do. Make the best of it. Have as much fun as you can. Be as wise as you know how."
"It's a dirty job, being God," Gaby said. "But somebody's got to do it. Right?" There was the hint of a smile. Cirocco smiled back, tentatively.
"Right."
So they sat there beside each other, each thinking her own thoughts. It was a companionable silence. At last Cirocco shifted in her chair.
"So... " she said, and made a vague gesture. "What are you going to do?"
They looked at each other, and laughed.
"This and that," Gaby said.
"What about the Titanides?"
Gaby sobered.
"Don't worry about them. They won't be at your mercy, or Adam's either. There's a little thing I can do. They'll never notice it. It won't change them, except now they'll be able to have babies whenever they want to."
Cirocco was immediately wary. Gaby saw it, and shook her head.
"I'm way ahead of you. If they breed without control, the whole wheel will fill up. It's the same with humans, you know."
"Yes. I do."
Gaby shrugged.
"So something will have to be done if it starts getting out of hand. I don't know what yet. But the Earth will be habitable again in another century or two. We can repopulate it. I have all the things I need. And don't worry too much. I plan to use your principle of doing as little as possible at all times. I'm not going to be an activist god. But I will be the conservator for the human and Titanide races, and a lot of others, besides. There will be some hard choices."
"Exactly the ones I don't want to make."
"Let's don't get into that again. Listen..." Once more Gaby leaned forward. "You gave me your answer, and I accept it ... for now. But think about this. We both know this job drove Gaea crazy as a loon. But I'm sure it took a long time. Thousands of years. I think I'm good for at least eight or nine centuries before I need a straitjacket. Is that reasonable?"
"I suppose so. Probably more. Gaby, you may not go crazy at all. I didn't mean to imply that I thought it was-"
"Hush. We have no data on that except Gaea's example, and you can't plot a curve from one point. Okay. I accept your decision not to go into partnership with me in the god business... for now. But in ... two centuries, can I ask you again?"
Cirocco didn't answer for a long time. When she spoke, she did so very carefully.
"Answer a couple of questions first."
"Anything."
"How long can I expect to live?"
"With regular trips to the fountain ... you're good for five or six centuries, easily. Probably more."
"But I'm not immortal?"
"There's no disease that can kill you. You're tougher than a normal human, also quicker. But to stay alive, you'll have to stay on your toes, just like you always have."
"I won't have any special protection? No guardian angel looking over my shoulder, ready to help out?"
Gaby shook her head.
"I will stay out of your affairs. I won't watch you. If you get in over your head, you will be on your own. And if you die, you will stay dead."
Cirocco saw the longing in Gaby's eyes. She knew, beyond doubt, that Gaby needed this.
And what could it cost her, after all?
"Please, Cirocco. I don't want to beg ... but I just have this feeling that maybe the way to beat this thing that got Gaea ... this terminal boredom, I guess it was, is for two people to be up here to keep each other honest."
Cirocco stuck out her hand.
"It's a deal. I'll see you in two centuries... if I should live that long."
Gaby looked narrowly at her. She cleared her throat.
"You're not planning to... kill yourself or anything, are you?"
"I swear, I'm not." She smiled. "But I'm not going to be quite as careful as I used to be, either. I'm going to take some chances. And who the hell knows? If I'm living just
for myself now, I ... " But she had to stop there. It wouldn't do to finish the thought for Gaby.
If I'm living just for myself ...
Maybe I can find someone else to live for. There are all kinds of ways to take chances. Robin took a chance on Conal.
Taking chances ...
Cirocco stood on the sloping upper rim of the Dione spoke. Below her it flared out and down ... and down almost eternally, six hundred kilometers to the ground. In the gently increasing "gravity" of Gaea, it was about an hour to the bottom. One spin of the wheel, as the air in the spoke gradually accelerated the falling body into a curved trajectory.
Cirocco started to run.
It was awkward here in the hub. Her feet didn't have much traction. But she knew how to do it, and after a certain number of huge bounds she was moving at a good clip down the sloping side of the spoke. When she was going fast enough, she jumped.
She arced out over the long dark well.
Taking chances.
It was not the first time she had fallen through a spoke. It was not even the first time she had done it without a parachute. After killing the first incarnation of Gaea she had fallen through a Rhea Spoke so full of lightning bolts that it seemed impossible she would ever reach the ground safely.
But she had.
Robin had been dropped through the spoke, back in the days when Gaea was pulling that practical joke on all her visitors. She had been rescued by an angel. Cirocco would be going by the nests of the Dione Supras. Maybe some of them would come out and save her.
Chris had fallen through a spoke, too. He had landed on the back of a blimp. Maybe Cirocco would have the great good luck to land on a blimp.
Maybe she would fall into Moros. She could probably survive that.
And then again, maybe she would fly.
Stranger things had happened.
She smiled, and spread her wings.
FB2 document info
Document ID: bffe2bf7-be01-4bcd-b9e9-048d3fa6a0e2
Document version: 1
Document creation date: 03.06.2008
Created using: ConvertLIT, Lit2FB2 software
