by Tami Dee
Amma held open her arms and Leif leaned into her embrace, tears running down his cheeks. Kat yearned to cradle his head to her bosom and comfort him. But she didn't. Instead she sat silently as her mind spun with what her Amma had said to him.
How was this possible? How could Amma know Leif? When had she spoken with him? When had she asked him to promise such outlandish things? And he had not denied her claims. He hadn't denied making those very promises.
Her Amma's voice, stronger than Kat could remember hearing it in a long time, echoed into the silent room. "You must take my granddaughter with you when you return to your time. It is a matter of great importance that she returns with you. Promise me, Leif. Promise me."
Kat could see Leif's struggle, but when he cast a desperate glance at her, she quickly averted her eyes. It was one thing that she herself had no desire to return to his time with him and quite another to see with her own eyes that he had no wish to take her.
"Amma," Leif said gently, grasping both her hands in his. "I promised you that I would protect her from her enemies, and I have. It would be extremely unwise to take her back with me, if I am even able to return myself."
His words overwhelmed Kat with guilt. Of course he could get back. She had the pendant tucked away in her tote. All she had to do was tell him. Give it to him.
"She must return with you. It is a matter of life and death."
Amma's breathing became labored, her hand fluttered to her chest and a blue cast appeared around her lips and nostrils and eyes.
Kat forced back her panic. "I'll get a doctor." Standing on wobbly legs, Kat stooped to give Amma a kiss on the forehead then left the room, leaving the door open behind her in her haste.
*****
"I don't have much time left, Leif," Dagmar rasped out. "You must do as I ask you. I am begging you."
Leif was torn. She was dying. Leif had seen death, both by violence and by time, often enough for him to be heart-wrenchingly certain.
All he had to do to ease her mind was promise to take Kat with him when -- or rather, if -- he returned to his time. But an oath was an oath. He could not utter words that he knew would be the death of her beloved granddaughter in the end.
As he sat helplessly by and watched Amma struggle to take in breaths, questions swirled unendingly through his mind. Why did Amma wish to send her granddaughter with him? What possible reason could she have? Was it simply because she too knew that her time on this earth was nearing an end, that she wished her granddaughter to be loved and protected after she is gone?
Shaking himself into action, Leif scooped the slight woman into his arms, she was so light he felt like he was lifting air. Gently he laid her onto her raised sleeping box and brushed a soft lock of gray hair away from her clammy forehead.
The oath forced its way to his lips, but he fought it back. Amma kept her intense gaze upon him, but he could not allow her to sway him.
Kat could not return with him. For her to do so would be fatal. She was an exact replica of his treacherous wife. The same age, the same name.
And the harsh reality was, if he was able to return to his time, due to the information he learned from Amma's own tome, he now had a mission to accomplish, a mission that would undoubtedly cause Kat to hate him once completed.
He could not bear for that to happen.
When a man in a white coat and two women wearing green uniforms whisked into the room, Leif tensed.
"This is the doctor on call and his assistants," Kat quickly explained, following them into the room. "They are going to help her."
She held out her hand, and instinctively, Leif grasped it as a strange machine was rolled beside the bed. The man she had called a doctor had an object pushed into his ears that snaked down his chest and ended in a small disk which he placed upon Amma's chest and moved it about. Meanwhile his assistant placed a thin object to her ear, after a moment it beeped and she pulled it away, frowning as she looked at it.
Leif watched as the second assistant was doing something with the strange machine, placing round, apparently sticky objects in various places on her chest, ankles and wrists. She pushed a button and some the machine made steady, beeping noises as it spat out a long tape covered with zigzagged line.
Kat held Leif's hand tighter still as the doctor and the women he had called nurses worked, and his heart went out to her.
Leif had never felt as helpless as he did at this moment, he would have given anything to spare her this grief.
Suddenly the steady beeping of the machine altered. Three beeps came in fast succession, followed by silence. Time itself seemed suspended and then a long, solid beep sounded.
Kat turned fully into Leif's arms then and began to weep. Leif was not sure when Singlee and Rosie had entered the room, but when he looked up, they were standing against the opposite wall and Rosie was crying in Singlee's arms. Over her head, Leif saw that Singlee's eyes were suspiciously bright.
The doctor grasped two large flat disks from the machine, holding them out for a nurse to squirt a clear substance upon them before he placed them on Amma's chest.
"Clear!" he called out and Amma's frail frame jerked violently.
The long beep hesitated then beeped twice before going long again.
"Again," the doctor called out. "Clear!"
Amma jerked violently, then the steady beeping began again.
Then, to everyone's shock, Amma pushed the disks away from her and sat up.
She searched out Kat. Her eyes were clear and her voice strong, sure. "Child," she said. "Don't weep. You will be safe now. You know what you must do, and you have the strength to do it. Believe in yourself as I believe in you."
Slipping from beneath the protective circle of Leif's arms Kat went to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling her Amma into her arms.
"I love you, Amma," she muttered. "You've been the best mother and grandmother anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for everything," her voice broke and she abandoned her effort to hide her grief. Sobs racked her slim body as she held on to her Amma.
"Wear the pearls to your wedding, granddaughter," Leif heard Amma whisper. "And remember, your mother and I live on in your heart, now and forever."
While Kat cried and stroke Amma's hair, Leif saw the blue veined hand that had been steadily patting Kat's back drop to the bed box. Unmoving. Lifeless. She was gone.
Leif shared an anguished look with Rosie and Singlee.
"No, no more," Kat said as the doctor picked up the disks again. "She's gone."
"Would you like to be alone, sweetie?" Rosie said, embracing her friend.
Leif's heart ached when he saw the naked anguish in Kat's eyes.
"What am I going to do without her, Rosie?" Kat asked, forlorn. "What am I going to do?"
Rosie gave her a helpless look before dropping a kiss to her cheek. "You know what you must do, sweetie, you just have to make up your mind to do it. Singlee and I will go see what arrangements need to be made. Take as much time here as you need"
Kat held her Amma, willing her own life force to bring her back, back to her, where she belonged. The cheek against Kat's was beginning to cool. Kat knew it would be only a short time before none of her grandmother's life's warmth would remain.
Now she was as lost and alone as she had been five years ago. Only now it was permanent.
The familiar terror of being abandoned griped her, causing her -- for a moment -- to wish that it were she that didn't have to continue on rather than her Amma. But giving up wasn't something she could do. She came from a long line of survivors. After all, she had Viking blood in her veins. And no matter how difficult, how painful, how lonely she became... Kat would survive. Even if only from day to day. Her proud Norse grandmother would expect it of her.
The bed shifted behind her. Leif's warmth seeped into her back. She imagined he would encourage her to loosen her hold on Amma, to let her go. But she wasn't ready. Not yet.
Instead, he didn't say a word. She felt his mass
ive arms wrap around her like bands of protective steel, his solid chest cradled her back. Carefully he covered her arms, arms that held the lifeless body of her dear Amma within them, within his own. She felt his chin rest atop her head.
Her tears fell in earnest now until the soft gray hair that curled at Amma's temples became damp with them.
Kat didn't know how much time had passed with them sitting like that. No words were shared, they were not needed. His selfless embrace strengthened her, gave her hope, although hope for what she could not say.
The bright afternoon sun had been replaced by the night. The pleasant warmth the small room once held now replaced by a slight chill in the air. Her Amma's cheek and body held no more warmth within it.
It was time to let go. Gently Kat lowered her to the pillow, kissing her paper thin cheek for the last time. With a trembling hand, she reached for the throw and placed it over her body, pulling it under her chin and tucking it around her grandmother's arms while Leif gently closed her Amma's eyes.
When he held out his hand, she laced her fingers with his and together they left Amma's room.
Outside the door Rosie and Singlee waited with sympathetic smiles. Rosie held out her arms and Katla poured herself into them.
"Everything's been taken care of," Singlee told Leif somberly. "Dagmar had a living will and the staff has already made the appropriate phone calls. Her rent was paid through the end of the month so Kat doesn't have to worry about moving her things out right away. She can decide if she wants to do it or we can, if it's too hard."
The air was cold and damp as they made their way to the limo parked at the far end of the resident parking lot. Stars winked cheerfully in the blackened sky. Seeing Kat shiver, Leif pulled off his light jacket and draped it around her shoulders.
Singlee opened the door of the limo for them and Rosie climbed inside. But Kat hung back.
"I'm sorry," she told them. "But I need to be alone for awhile. You guys go on without me. And guys, thank you for being here for me."
Then, standing on the tips of her toes, she brushed a kiss on Leif's cheek.
She walked away, his jacket still draped over her shoulders.
Chapter Twenty-One
Leif took a step away from the limo and Rosie reached out from her seat inside to take his hand, her fingers cool against his skin. Despite the darkness, he could see that her golden eyes were full of tears.
"I have to stay with her," Leif ground out.
Rosie shook her head. "She'll be fine Leif. She's been on her own for the past five years and she's made the trip from here to home hundreds of times -- day and night."
He shoved a frustrated hand into the front pocket of his trousers. She needed him, yet she had walked away. Why?
Every part of his being screamed that Kat should not be alone at a time like this, and most certainly not at night so far from her home. He thought about the long, complex journey to this place and could not imagine how she would get back on her own. As if hearing his thoughts Rosie stepped out of the limo and stood beside him, still clasping his hand.
"Leif, Kat will take a train home," she said, her voice husky with emotion. "She takes it all the time. It's very safe."
Miserable, he nodded.
"I know you want to be with her," she said, "But she has some things she needs to figure out, some decisions to make. Leif, she'll need some time to make the right ones."
She paused then gave him a level look.
"Dagmar asked you to take Kat back to your time with you," her voice wavered slightly, but her gaze did not as she asked him, "How do you feel about that?"
Leif continued to stare down the now deserted street.
"It is impossible for her to return with me," he said, turning to face her. "She looks exactly like the woman who became my wife, the woman who betrayed me and plotted the attack upon me and my warriors. It was a relief to learn from the book we found in Dagmar's box that my brothers survived the attack that morning, but that does not change the fact that Katla betrayed us."
Rosie looked as if she was going to say something and Leif held out a hand and continued.
"Many died at her command. Even though Kat's saga tells of her ancestress taking her own life, if any of my brothers or any of my clan should set eyes on Kat, they would conclude that they had once again been victims of her trickery."
He sighed deeply tightening the hand in his pocket into a fist. "She would be killed the moment someone recognized her."
To his own ears his voice came out wooden, flat. Yet how could it be any other way, for what he had spoken was nothing more than the truth.
Rosie tilted her head back meeting his eyes. "Surely you could explain to your people, your brothers, that she is not the one you married?"
He couldn't give her hope when he knew there was none. "None would believe me. If I tried to convince them of such, likely they would conclude had I have succumbed to my father's illness of the mind."
Her eyes widened.
"My father's mind is as Dagmar's was. In my time, he is considered to be of no use. If not for me and my brothers caring for him he would have been left outside the village, exposed to the elements, to die," he realized that now was not the time, perhaps, for all this to be said. But he continued because he believed that Rosie had a right to know something about the harsh realities of his world, and he wanted, nay, needed, her to understand why he had no wish to take Kat into such a world.
"My world is harsh, untamed, governed by clear rules and quick justice. Kat would be put to death for vengeance and I would be hidden away as my father is, spending the rest of my days depending on my brothers to care for me. Surely you can see why she can not return with me."
"Oh, my," Rosie said, looking deflated. Her troubled gaze now followed Leif's past the parking lot and down the empty street.
Singlee joined them, and rested his lean frame against the passenger door.
"The way you two are talking I almost believe that you really are from the past. I've got to tell you, it kind of creeps me out."
Rosie rolled her eyes then gave her cousin a disgusted look. And, for the first time in several hours, Leif smiled.
*****
Kat sat huddled in her stiff seat. The train raced through the tunnel, the overhead lights flickering, giving the graffiti-marred seats and walls a sinister look.
Kat deliberately kept her eyes averted from her reflection in the darkened window. Drawing her knees to her chin she wrapped her arms tightly around them.
Her tote was securely wedged between her hip and the train wall. Sniffing loudly she brushed an arm across her eyes, and snuggled deeper into Leif's coat. At once she felt calmer. Almost peaceful.
She still felt his arms about her as she had held her grandmother's lifeless body. She was amazed that such a fierce warrior could be so gentle.
And he had understood her reluctance to let go. Kat bit her knuckles to keep a sob from escaping.
Kat would have never imagined that a tender Viking warrior, a jarl no less, would become her strength. Her rock. Her champion.
And yet, despite all that he had done for her, she was keeping from him the opportunity to return to his time. With one split-second decision she had sealed her fate. She had set herself up as an enemy to a man who had only shown her kindness.
Amma would be so ashamed.
But Amma was gone.
Dead.
She could no longer talk to her, ask her what to do, how to make things right. And she had completely forgotten to ask Amma about the book hidden away in the safe deposit box, a book written in runes, no less. Where had she gotten it? Could she read it? Why hadn't she told her about it before her mind had started to slip?
So many questions. And no possibility for answers.
After what seemed an eternity, the train pulled to her exit. It was cold outside, the city was blanketed in a light fog. By morning, it would be so thick she wouldn't be able to see her hand in front of her face.
>
Slinging the long strap of her tote over her head, she tucked it under her arm. If anyone wanted to take it from her they would have to take her with it. She started the long walk to her apartment, her steps slow and unhurried. Fighting the chill she zipped the jacket all the way up to her neck and burrowed her hands into the deep pockets.
She wasn't sure how long she had walked when she found herself, not at the broken down slum she called home, but standing on the dilapidated Hyde Street Pier. So much for auto-pilot, she thought wearily. She took a shaky breath as the reality of her situation again weighed in on her.
She was alone in the world, alone with no real purpose or reason to get up each morning and move forward.
Where as a week ago, caring for her Amma and saving teen prostitutes from Benny's clutches filled her thoughts and gave her life purpose, now she had nothing. Thanks to Leif's resourcefulness Benny wouldn't be bothering any more runaways, and her Amma -- well, her Amma wasn't coming back. Despair gripped her.
The tide was high, bringing with it waves that sloshed and foamed as they flooded the small stretch of beach where she and her Amma had spent countless summer days. Kat sat at the edge of the pier just over the place she had found Leif and stared into the dark, inky water.
Fighting its way through the fog was a brilliant beam coming from a nearby lighthouse, its intermittent glow illuminating the white caped-waves below her.
From somewhere in the foggy distance a freighter blew its whistle, searching for its way home, very likely relying on the very same flashes of light to guide it. The lonely sound struck a cord deep within her. If only she, too, had a guiding light.
How easy it would be to simply unhook her arms from the splintery rail and let herself slip into the darkened ocean. Then her worries, anxieties, uncertainties, would be over.
