by Lilah Grey
“Two.”
My thighs were on fire, but I ignored the pain.
“Three.”
That first shaky rep was out of my head.
“Four.”
“Last one,” I said after a short breath. “Last one.”
Down and up.
“Five,” I said, smiling at myself as I racked the bar.
A slow clap reverberated through the room, cutting through the silence. My breath caught in my chest.
“Nice work, Cori.”
Nerves twisted and tangled in my stomach as I turned around. James leaned against a pillar in the center of the room, arms folded across his chest. Dark jeans, white t-shirt, his skin a darker bronze from the weeks spent in Hawaii. My heart skipped a few beats as I took him in. Dear Lord, it was hard to stay angry at a man that beautiful.
“You—When did you—” I couldn’t formulate a coherent thought, let alone a sentence. The more I mumbled and stuttered, the wider the grin on his face grew, which led to even more mumbling and stuttering. Why was I always such a mess around him?
Finally, after a few moments, I collected myself. “How long have you been standing there?” It came out a little angrier than I intended, as though I were interrogating him.
“It’s good to see you too, Cori,” James said, chuckling as he crossed the room toward me.
The closer he came, the more my stomach knotted. And as he stopped in front of me, I could feel my legs beginning to wobble and shake.
“Yeah. Uh—”
James pulled me into a hug, and all the tension in my body faded. His heady scent dulled my nerves as my hands roamed over the muscles in his back. I missed this feeling of comfort and security.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I just got here. I definitely didn’t see that first granny rep.”
I snorted, pulling away. “Funny.” It was, kinda, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.
“So how was Hawaii?” I asked.
“Warm,” he said with a shrug.
“Gee, I had no idea,” I said, knitting my brow. I bent over to grab my water bottle and then turned back around. “And was it also sunny?”
I took a sip of water as James considered the question for a lot longer than was necessary. “Sometimes.”
Wow.
“Yeah, I think you should’ve stayed in Hawaii,” I said, flatly, dropping my water bottle to the ground.
“Ouch…” James said laughing.
I turned to the squat rack and stretched my hamstrings against the safety bar. I could feel James’s gaze burning against my skin. My pulse quickened, as did my breathing, but I ignored it.
“Did you miss me?” James asked after a few moments.
“Not one bit,” I lied, smiling.
I looked up at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were already locked on mine and they weren’t about to break their gaze.
“You’re quite the comedian today, Cori.”
God I loved the sound of my name on his lips. The way it rolled off his tongue. It was almost sensual.
“What makes you think I’m not being serious?”
“Well, in that case,” he said, moving closer to me. He bent over, his lips less than an inch from my ear. “I guess I can take someone else to the Sirens and Blazers game.”
Goosebumps erupted across my neck from his breath. I’d completely forgotten about it.
“I guess I missed you a little bit,” I said, slowly, watching James out of the corner of my eye. His lips were still inches from my skin.
He pulled back. “It’s a date, then.”
Date? What the what? He didn’t mean a date, date. There’s no way. I had no time to process the thought because he interrupted my inner freakout a moment later.
“Now quit dawdling and get back to work.”
“Dawdling? You’re the one who interrupted my workout.” James had already turned around and started toward the mats by the time I finished the sentence.
“Excuses,” he said without turning around, waving his arm in the air dismissively.
I could feel my neck beginning to warm as I glared at his back. He dropped his bag and finally turned around to face me. There was smile on his lips, and for a brief moment, I completely forgot about how frustrating he was. Only for a moment, because he opened his mouth again a few seconds later.
“Besides, I don’t think what I interrupted could be called a workout.”
I groaned. “I’ll have you know—”
“Use it for the workout,” he interrupted, dropping his bag on the mat.
That man.
Well, he was right. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
I funneled that frustration and finished my squats without any difficulty. I even broke my personal record on my last set. James could be frustrating at times, but he always had a way of drawing out the best of me.
25
James
“I hear you’ll be gracing the team with your presence again.” Jack sipped his coffee, letting out a satisfied sigh as he set it down in front of him.
My eyes drifted from the busy New York street to Jack as I scratched the back of my neck. “In a few weeks, yeah.”
My return. The deal Pete brokered with Harvey over the photoshoot. At the time, I thought it was what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure.
It’s not that I didn’t want to go back. I’ve had this aching feeling gnawing at my insides since my departure. Although I put on an air of indifference, it felt as though something had been ripped out of me that day in Coach Granger’s office. That there was a part of me missing, a piece of my identity.
For a while, I’d felt lost, disconnected from a world I’d been a part of for most of my life. But as I spent more time with the Hawks—with Corinne, really—it felt like I was finding myself again. A better part of me.
“You don’t seem too excited about it,” Jack said, a near imperceptible grin on his lips.
I grunted and then sipped my water.
“I’m not,” I said, shrugging. “Not really, anyway. The Hawks still have half a season to go. I can’t just leave them in a lurch.”
Jack nodded. “Uh-huh. Kind of like how you left your own team in a lurch?”
I missed Jack’s bluntness. “Yeah, I was an idiot then.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “And you’re not one now?”
“Hopefully not.”
Jack laughed. “We’d love to have our idiot back. But I want the full idiot. Not a part of him. It’s not fair to anyone—to yourself or the team—if your mind is straddling two different places.” He leaned back in his chair and sighed at the sky as he cupped his man bun. I wanted to cut that thing off. If we roomed together…
After a brief pause, he looked back at me. “It hasn’t been easy with you gone. Evan has stepped up, but all of us know that with you, we’d be unstoppable. So long as you’re in it one hundred percent.”
I rolled my napkin between my fingers as I considered Jack’s words. If I went back to the Stars, I knew I wouldn’t be giving them all of my attention. It would be impossible unless I cut ties with the Hawks. With Corinne. More than the Hawks, she was the one who was always on my mind. And after Hawaii, I think she’s affected me more than I’d previously thought.
“How’s the team?”
“She’s great,” I said.
“She?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
Shit.
“Yeah, the team. She’s great.”
Jack eyed me curiously. “Uh-huh.”
“We’re playing UVA this weekend. Runner’s up in last year’s championship. Most of their starting lineup has returned, so it’s going to be a tough matchup.” I stroked my chin. “I think we’ll be prepared, though.”
Jack laughed. “Coach Calder. I never thought you’d take to coaching as well as you have.”
I shrugged. “Me either.”
I never thought I’d like coaching, standing on the sideline as other people played. But I’ve found
it almost as enjoyable as playing, albeit in a slightly different way. I may not be the one on the field, but the players on the field were a product of my mentoring. They’re the measure of how well I was doing as a coach. It filled me with pride each time one of them scored, or when they out hustled the other team. It’s a wonderful feeling to watch players improve, Cori especially.
She was always a talented player, but I’d noticed improvements during the short time we’ve spent together. She’s quicker, stronger, and more confident in her abilities. Confidence had always been an issue with her, an insecurity that most likely stemmed from her mother. No matter how well Cori performed, her mother never really supported her. She always had other plans for Cori, a different path that led to what Nina wanted, not what Cori wanted.
Even now, when Cori’s starting at a top-tier Division I team, Nina still tried to inject doubt into Cori’s head. Graduate school shouldn’t even been on her radar. After putting it off, I’d decided that I would talk to her about it after our next workout. She belonged in the WPL, not grad school.
“It’s not without its headaches, though,” I said after a while. “I’ve been having issues with one player. The whole team has, really. She rarely shows up to practice, and when she does, she picks fights with the rest of the team. I don’t know what to do.”
A smile grew on Jack’s face, and then he started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
He continued laughing, his face growing bright red as he struggled to catch his breath. Finally, after taking a few deep breaths, he calmed down.
“Care to let me in on the joke?”
“It’s not so much a joke,” Jack said, “as it is an interesting similarity.”
“Uh-huh…”
“Between this player and you.”
Jack loved drawing things out longer than necessary. Usually, I’d play along, asking questions, trying to get whatever it was out of him, but right now I wasn’t interested.
“Out with it,” I said.
Jack’s smiled deepened. “Think about it.”
Before I had the chance to speak, the waitress swooped in and dropped off our plates.
“Can I get you two anything else?”
“No, thanks,” I said, offering a terse smile.
“A top off,” Jack said, shaking his mug. After the waitress left, Jack sipped deeply from his mug, eyeing me over the rim.
“All those frustrations you’re feeling are the same ones your team and management felt. That girl is a carbon copy of you a few months ago. Entitled. Arrogant. Selfish.”
I sighed, shaking my head as I returned to the mass of people moving by us. They looked more like a run of salmon swimming upstream.
I sipped my water, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling growing inside me. I knew I’d acted like a complete dick a few months ago, but I never really understood how it had affected the rest of my team. Until now, that is.
I looked up at Jack, and he met my gaze. “I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d apologized for anything, and based on the look on Jack’s face, neither could he.
“I guess thing’s really are changing for you, Jamie boy.”
“How’s it feel knowing that your team does better without you?” Corinne said.
I choked and sputtered on my water as she watched me, munching on her granola bar and looking quite pleased with herself. She’d been growing more comfortable around me, showing me side to her I’d only catch glimpses of from time to time. She was unpredictable and spoke her mind, raw and unfiltered. I liked that. Most of the time at least.
I laughed after finally catching my breath. “A little harsh don’t you think, Cori?”
She shrugged and continued walking, chewing as we went.
We’d just finished our last workout before the next game. It went well, and I was excited to see how Cori would fare tomorrow.
“You excited for the game?” I asked, bumping into her with my shoulder.
“Of course,” she said, returning the bump. “I’ve never seen the Blazers play before.”
“I wasn’t talking about the Blazers game. I meant the UVA game. You know, the one you’re playing in.” I’d actually forgotten about the Blazers game. Acid rose in my throat as I considered the possibility of running into Marybeth again. She’d been texting me relentlessly since we’d left Hawaii. I hadn’t responded to a single one, but she still persisted.
“Oh, that.” She seemed to be considering something. “If we play as a team, I think we’ll have a chance. It’s going to be difficult, but I think we could pull off an upset.”
I could guess the subtext, given her comments about Rylee during this workout and every workout since I’d returned. There was a definite rift between the two, and I didn’t think it ended on the field. There was something more to it, but I didn’t want to press Cori. It wasn’t my place.
I smiled at her as I ruffled her hair. “I have no doubts that you will.”
We were nearly at the point where we usually broke off and went our separate ways. I’d been putting off this conversation for too long.
I stopped walking, and once Corinne realized I wasn’t with her, she turned around and looked at me with a confused expression. “What’s up?”
“What’s going on with school?”
Her confusion deepened; ridges formed along her forehead as her lips spread into a thin line. “School? Since when are you interested in my schoolwork?”
“Since I heard you’re considering graduate school over the pro league,” I said as I closed the gap between us.
The confusion on her face dissolved, replaced by an impassive façade.
“How’d you find out?”
“My dad. He actually wanted me to talk you into going,” I said with a laugh. “I waited for you to bring it up, but it seemed like you weren’t going to.”
Corinne laughed. It sounded more exhausted than amused.
“I know you,” I said, placing my hand on her shoulder. “You’ve never dreamed of going to grad school.”
She stood there, unmoving, looking off into the distance.
“You aren’t going through with it, right?”
When Corinne finally spoke, it came out as nothing more than a murmur, nearly lost in the breeze. “You don’t understand.”
It seemed pretty straightforward to me. Cori was allowing her mother to weasel her way back into her head, planting seeds of doubt. It was the same thing that happened to her when she was younger. Her mother guilted her into quitting soccer for a while, and she was trying to do it again.
“I understand that you’re a phenomenal soccer player, Cori,” I said, cupping the nape of her neck. Cori met my gaze, her eyes beginning to well with tears. I stroked her cheek with my thumb, and said, a bit softer this time, “One who has a long career ahead of her if she only believed in herself more. If there’s something I’m missing here, let me know. I can help you. I want to help you.”
Her eyes moved rapidly, surveying my face as though she were searching for something. After a few moments, a tear rolled down her cheek and then another. Her bottom lip trembled, and she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. A few seconds later she closed her mouth and turned away from me, my hand grasping the air where she’d stood moments before.
Before I had a chance to say anything else, Corinne readjusted her bag on her shoulder, told me that she’d see me at the game tomorrow, and then left.
I stood there, stunned, watching Cori as she disappeared around a tall hedge at the end of the street, confused at what just happened.
26
Corinne
I sat in the broken sauna in a secluded corner of the locker room. The sauna had been out of commission for as long as I’d been on the team. Each year we’d been told that it would be fixed, but every year the funding fell through. I’m glad it did because the sauna gave me my own personal space where I could shut a door and concentrate on the game ahead of me without
any distractions.
In here, nothing could reach me; not the hum of locker room conversation or even Chloe’s grating renditions of the pop songs she listened to during her pregame warmup.
But it wasn’t the rest of the team that was distracting me today. It was the thoughts circling in my mind like a maelstrom that I couldn’t escape. James caught me off guard yesterday. I hadn’t thought about the arrangement with my mother in a while, because every time I did, I was reminded of the previous year—of being cheated on and spiraling out of control. If that hadn’t happened, then I could’ve stayed in the team housing and this frustrating arrangement would never have been necessary.
I shouldn’t have reacted as poorly as I did yesterday. James deserved an explanation. Sometimes shame and embarrassment make you act in irrational ways. I was ashamed that I got myself into this arrangement, and I was embarrassed that I had to rely on someone else for money. I wish I were more self-sufficient, but I’m not.
I knew James would help me out if I asked him, but I didn’t want to trade one crutch for another. Besides, I doubted that I’d ever be able to mend my relationship with my mother if I backed out now. The draft was my only hope, but I had no way of knowing whether all these extra training sessions with James would pay off. He thought they would. I wish I had his confidence.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. Every time I thought about James, my heart hammered uncontrollably, and it became nearly impossible to catch my breath. He’s had this effect on me when I was a kid, and it had only gotten stronger. I can’t escape it no matter hard I tried; I can’t escape him.
But to be honest, I wasn’t trying very hard because I didn’t want to escape from him. He’s patient and kind and not the complete asshole he’s often made out to be. Usually.
It was absolute torture when we worked out together, seeing his muscled, athletic body bend and flex. It drove me crazy because I knew he was off limits. But that hadn’t stopped me from imagining the possibility once or twice or constantly throughout the day.
I knew I was falling into the same trap as last year, allowing another person so much control over my emotions. I knew I should disentangle myself sooner rather than later; the rational part of me spouted that same advice constantly, but I refused to listen to it because for the first time in a long time, I was happy. Really happy.
