She took one look at the breakfast tray and closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the unfamiliar choices, not hungry in the least. Her stomach felt like a lump of lead.
A gentle knock at the door startled her, and she sat bolt upright, hand to her pounding heart.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Clutching a posy of wildflowers in one hand, Jadrian peeked around the edge of the portal.
Smiling at huge warrior’s effort to be nonintrusive, she waved him closer. Now her heart beat fast for a different reason. He was so attractive, and she’d wondered when she might see him again. After all, he was her only friend in this place so far. “I wasn’t asleep, just resting. Please, come in. Are those for me?” When was the last time a man brought me flowers? It was frustrating and frightening not to be able to remember, but she was touched and flattered by Jadrian’s gesture.
Blushing, he came to the bedside and handed her the flowers, while looking for a container to put them in. “The valley is in full bloom right now. I thought you might like a splash of spring color in this plain room.”
She raised the flowers to her nose and sniffed, relishing the sugary sweet scent. “Lovely perfume too. Thank you.”
“Are you feeling better today?” He took a pitcher and filled it with water from the sink in the tiny bathroom. “I was here when you were feverish—did the staff tell you?”
“Yes, the nurse mentioned it. I was sorry to have missed you.” She set the stems in the pitcher on the bedside table and tried to make an arrangement, but the flowers fell into their own haphazardly elegant placement.
He looked at the bedside chair, evidently thought better of trusting his large frame to the flimsy furniture, and sat on the end of the bed. “The day when I looked in on you, you were talking about messages you wanted me to help you send.” He grinned, and her heart sped up again. “Not that you were making much sense, kind of on the delirious side. Were you a com tech maybe? On a ship perhaps?”
Unsettled, Taura massaged her temples. Her memories were a jumbled mess and it made her nauseous to think too much about any of it. The Khagrish torture she’d endured was a blurred montage. She’d no memory of how or where she was captured, much less any facts about her previous existence, other than her name. She retained the underlying facts of life in the Sectors but try as she might, nothing specific about herself rose to the surface. The sensation when she tried to recall was like running into a cold, rough stone wall. “I—I don’t know. I don’t remember saying anything about messages. I do feel better today, though. The doctor said I shouldn’t try to move too fast, but I want to get out of here.” She glanced at him. “The concept of my being free hasn’t sunk in for me yet, you know? I realize I am, but all I’ve seen so far is this hospital room, except for the one time you carried me outside to see the stars.”
“I can take you outside again now for a little while, if you want,” he offered immediately. “There’s a place to sit next to the building, with a view of the lake.”
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” She struggled to free her legs from the blankets, which were wrapped awkwardly around her lower body, and he jumped to assist her. “Can you hand me the robe?”
He helped her into the garment, which she wrapped firmly over her gown, sliding a pair of too big slippers over her feet, then he escorted her through the clinic and outside. Taura was determined to walk, but it was nice to lean on his strong arm. She took a deep breath of the fresh air once they passed the portal. “It’s breathtakingly beautiful here.” The sky above the valley was a brilliant blue, and a vee of colorful birds winged past, heading to whatever lay beyond.
“We’re fortunate to have this sanctuary.” He guided her to the left, toward a small grouping of chairs in the shade of three gaudy, multicolored trees. “The valley is guarded by MARL, an artificial intelligence unit from an ancient – and wrecked - alien ship. The Khagrish can’t scan or fly over this valley because of MARL’s safeguards. It’s apparently been this way since long before the Khagrish arrived to create their research installations so they take the anomaly for granted as far as we can tell and haven’t made the leap to realize we could be connected. The enemy doesn’t seem to suspect we might be hiding out here. The Khagrish aren’t on the planet to colonize, only to conduct their perverted version of ‘science’ on a location where their home world won’t be polluted. So they’ve no reason to explore, fortunately. We patrol the surrounding terrain as thoroughly as we can on foot with our small forces.”
“I can see I’ll have a ton of questions once I feel better.” She sank into her chair gratefully. Her legs trembled, and her vertigo was beginning to worsen. The implications of various things he’d said whirled through her mind, as if she was trying to catalog the information according to some taxonomy from her previous, unremembered life. Anxiety mounted inside her as her pulse raced in time with her thoughts. “We’d better keep it simple for now, soldier. Are all of the people here escapees from the Khagrish labs?”
“Yes, a hundred or more humans, and the members of the two Badari packs. We find more people to rescue all the time.” He smiled at her.
“And I’m grateful, believe me. Has anything been heard from the Sectors?”
He shook his head. “We don’t know where we are in relation to your Sectors, and we have no spaceship. For now the resistance amounts to us, here on our own. Have you gotten any memories back? Are you from the Amarcae colony, like Dr. Garrison was?”
She kept her gaze on the lake in the distance, wishing he wouldn’t ask questions. Not knowing the answers unsettled her and fear of learning things she wouldn’t like worried her even more. Tapping her forehead with her index finger, she said, “A clean slate. I remember the basics of life, reading, writing, how to use a fork, but nothing about myself or my past. Just a big blank wall.”
“And the situation scares you?”
His gentle question was more perceptive than she’d expected from this big buff warrior, and Taura looked at him more closely.
Jadrian put his hand over hers on the arm of the chair. “Whatever’s there, locked in your mind, has no power to hurt you,” he said. “I expect you’ll remember eventually; especially if you let it happen naturally, don’t push yourself. In the meantime, start a new life here with us.”
Reclining in the chair and tilting her head to catch more of the sun’s gentle rays, she said, “You make it sound so simple.” A dark cloud of depression hovered at the edge of her consciousness and Taura did her best to shove the mood away. Concentrate on the beautiful setting and the warmth of your companion, girl.
“I’m not trying to minimize your situation—I apologize if I sounded callous.” He shrugged. “I’m in favor of continually moving forward, not thinking too much about the past. You survived what was done to you. If you’re from the colony, someone will recognize you.”
“No one has yet, according to Dr. Garrison. She thinks I might have been a passenger on a hijacked ship brought to this world.”
“We do have a few people who fall into that category. We don’t know how many humans the Khagrish have enslaved, actually. At first we believed there were about two hundred, from the colony only, but in recent raids we’ve found indications there might be more.”
“And more of you?”
He shook his head. “As far as we know, the Khagrish only created Badari warriors in the one lab. Which is a blessing from the Great Mother— no others were forced to endure the living hell and tortures imposed on us. The Chimmer commissioned the experiment in the first place and were prone to demanding terrible tests and capricious changes. The Khagrish were always only too happy to implement new protocols, the more grueling for us, the better in their eyes.”
He kept talking, his voice a low purr in her ears, but the words blurred in her hearing. Her body shook as her pulse rate rose and she sat up in the chair, hand to her chest as her throat constricted. Taura had a mental flash of two gray-skinned aliens, holding her captive, thrusting her
“Hey, it’s all right, calm down. Whatever you’re seeing isn’t here, I give you my word.”
Jadrian’s soothing voice in her ear helped pull her out of the vision, as did the way he held her in a warm embrace, not to imprison her but to comfort.
Teeth chattering, shaking all over, streaks of lightning running through her vision, she tried to focus on him. She was sitting on his lap, folded in his strong arms. She had no conscious memory of how she got there. Had he picked her up or had she sought the shelter of his embrace? Either way, his closeness was comforting. “Jadrian?”
“Right here. You gave me quite a scare for a minute there. You went someplace else in your head, somewhere bad. Screaming, trying to fight someone or something off.” He ran his hand through her hair and massaged the back of her neck. “Try to relax, breathe. The doc is coming.”
“What happened, what set me off, could you tell?” She clung to him as if he was her only port in a storm.
“I don’t know. We were talking, you asked me about my people, the Badari, then all of a sudden you transitioned into full flashback mode on me. I’m sorry if I said a triggering word or phrase.”
She couldn’t remember exactly what he’d said in any case, not now. Embarrassed to have him see her like this, she slid from his lap, pulling the robe tight. She stood shakily beside the chairs.
“Let’s get her inside,” Dr. Garrison said, hastening to join them. The doctor pressed an inject to Taura’s arm before she could object. Rubbing her arm as if to offer reassurance and work the drug into her patient’s system more quickly, Dr. Garrison said, “We’ve seen a pattern of your having the night terrors after suffering an incident during the preceding day, so I’m trying to short circuit the cause and effect. You need your rest to finish the job of healing.”
Warm lassitude spreading through her veins as the med took effect, Taura grabbed at the chair to steady herself. The explanation was reasonable and she loathed the horrible nightmares, but the idea of being medicated around the clock to varying degrees was almost as repulsive to her. “I’d rather stay out here.”
“Too many curious onlookers. No one else needs to see your pain.” Once again, Jadrian scooped her up effortlessly.
“At least let me walk on my own two feet then.” Unable to argue with his solicitous remark, since she didn’t want a bunch of strangers seeing her out of control, she pushed at his chest, but the man was all hard muscle and didn’t react in the slightest. He could certainly be high handed—she was going to have to ponder how to address the issue with him when she had more energy.
“Not a good idea to try walking. You couldn’t even stand, much less walk a straight line right now.” Shaking his head, he followed the doctor inside the clinic.
“Badari tend to be take charge like this,” Dr. Garrison told her with a chuckle and a wink. “When you regain your strength, stake out your boundaries—I had to establish limits proactively with my mate Mateer.”
Taura enjoyed Jadrian holding her close. He was so careful not to crush her slight frame in his strong arms, apparently glad he could help. How else would he have gotten her to safety and privacy in her assigned room?
Too late, she remembered the clinic did have an antigrav litter for extremely ill or weak patients. Which would have taken too long since passersby were already staring at me. Besides, this is better.
He placed her in the center of the bed as if she was a statue made of the finest Terran china.
“You should probably go,” Dr. Garrison told him. “She’ll be asleep soon.”
“Please, stay.” The idea of her rescuer leaving her raised waves of panic in Taura’s gut. She reached out to him past the hovering medical personnel, who she was sure were perfectly nice, well intentioned people, but Jadrian was the one who’d come for her in the Khagrish lab.
Ridiculous as it might sound, since she really knew nothing of him either, she felt a special bond with him. Just having him in the room was reassuring and calmed her. She caught the edge of his uniform sleeve, but her fingers had no strength left, thanks to the tranquilizing drugs.
In response to her mute plea, he turned and clasped her hand, returning to the bedside as the humans stepped aside for him.
“Of course I’ll stay, if you want me to.” Bending over the bed, his golden eyes glowing, he held her attention. “There’s nothing to harm you here, I swear. And if there was, I’d stand in defense.”
Taura fell against the pillows, wanting to believe him. She allowed her eyes to close, her racing thoughts to slow and she slipped into drug-induced sleep.
“I hate giving her so many drugs,” Dr. Garrison said as she and Jadrian watched Taura lose her fight to remain awake. “Not only is it bad medical practice, but it’s depleting my stocks, and impeding her recovery.” Walking ahead of Jadrian into the corridor, she sighed. “But she’s a danger to herself and others when these flashbacks happen.”
“How could such a tiny human be a danger to anyone?” True she’d screamed and struck out at whatever confronted her in her vision, but he’d been able to contain her easily. His fear had been more about harming her accidentally as she fought for her freedom from the imaginary tormenters.
“She was taught advanced self-defense techniques in the past. She nearly broke Rik’s arm yesterday before we got her to understand where she was. If she wasn’t so debilitated, he might have been in real trouble—she’s got the professional moves, or so he says. We’re not set up to cope with a survivor having major post-traumatic stress disorder the way she is. I guess we’ve been incredibly fortunate up till now. I wish the Khagrishi who mistreated her was here—I’d shoot him myself. Repeatedly.”
“Do we know any more about what happened to her?”
“Apparently, one of the scientists singled her out, made her his pet project, tried to break her mentally and physically.”
Jadrian’s anger rose, like a snake coiled in his gut. “The upper echelon at the lab where she was kept torched the place and fled as we advanced, so her tormenter might still be alive. We might get the chance at revenge someday. In the meantime, how will you help her?”
“If we were in the Sectors there are sophisticated techniques, even a few alien races with highly advanced mental powers who might be prevailed upon to help.” Dr. Garrison gestured at the bare walls of the tiny clinic surrounding them. “Here? Medication obviously, try to get her to talk about her experiences and help her process the pain and whatever else she’s experiencing emotionally, instead of bottling it all inside. Help her find ways to cope with the flashbacks and other symptoms.” Dr. Garrison shrugged. “Nothing’s a surefire cure and I’m hardly the best individual to treat her, based on my specialties, but I’m the only person on this planet with a medical degree, as far as I know. Right now the barrier is she doesn’t respond to us when she’s having an episode. My staff is afraid of triggering her, and my overly solicitous mate doesn’t want me working too closely with her.”
Since Megan Garrison was pregnant with the first ever Badari-human child, Jadrian had no trouble understanding his superior’s caution in the matter. “She responds to me.” His voice had soothed Taura and cut through the mental chaos. Eventually.
“Yes, your having rescued her from the cell imprinted on her quite strongly. She trusts you.”
Jadrian heard himself making an impulsive offer. “You can call me next time she’s having an episode—I’ll come help.”
The doctor eyed him. “Are you sure?”
He’d never been surer of anything other than his duty to his pack. The idea of Taura alone among strangers, caught in the grip of a flashback, upset and distressed him. Jadrian wanted to be involved. “I’m happy to do anything I can.” Since the doctor was watching him with raised eyebrows and head tilted, as if unconvinced, he sought for an explanation to satisfy the woman and himself. Attending humans suffering traumatic stress episodes was far from his set of duties as a pack soldier. Far from any Badari’s duty, even Timtur the healer. Humans ordinarily took care of humans, and the Badari watched over their own. He and Taura had experiences in common, however, not that he was going to explain his own history to the doctor. He decided on a watered down version of the realization he’d just had. “Each of us who survived the Khagrish has a duty to help the others.”
A wide smile of approval on her face, Dr. Garrison patted his arm. “I agree completely. I wish I could say every human sees it the same way as the Badari do, but there are always a few selfish ones.”
“Like Harker for instance?” Jadrian loathed the human who’d been rescued at the same lab where Dr. Garrison had been held. “He’s nothing but a troublemaker. Is he still talking about trying to leave the valley and set up his own colony?”
Megan rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah. He doesn’t talk to me any more since Mateer and I became mates, but I hear the gossip. I don’t think he believed Aydarr when the Alpha said he’d kill anyone who tried while we’re at war with the Khagrish.”
Jadrian’s claws and fangs were threatening to deploy at the idea of anyone disbelieving the Alpha when he made a decree for the safety of all. Jadrian growled a sound of disgust deep in his throat. “Harker better steer clear of me as well. I’m sorry if I offend you, doctor, but we should have left him to the tender mercies of the Khagrish.”
“In all honesty, I can’t disagree. I never thought I’d hear myself say I regret rescuing a human from the enemy but Harker is a piece of work.” She stopped at the doorway. “I’ll leave you here, I have to go to my office and add notes about today to Taura’s file. If you were serious about helping her, I’ll ping you if she has another episode.” She raised one finger in warning. “If I think your presence might be beneficial to her recovery.”
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