Growing Up Gronk: A Familys Story of Raising Champions
Page 7
The phrase used by the Gronkowskis, “mental toughness,” is one that is familiar to elite athletes. Cole explained that it is a subset of the mental game.
“Mental toughness revolves around several different things,” he said. “One is the ability to deny yourself, sacrifice and push yourself in special circumstances, particularly when you’re tired or bored or playing through an injury. Suppose conditions are awful; it’s windy or hot or cold or whatever. Maybe you’re playing against someone who is trying to psych you out or a coach who is abusive. All of these things need to be tolerated, ignored, and pushed past. That’s how I would characterize the ability to be mentally tough.”
If a person is in a contest against a weak opponent, there may not be much mental toughness required, Cole explained. Yes, focus and self-discipline are needed, but mental toughness becomes evident in the face of difficulties. Family dynamics are an important factor as well.
“Psychologists talk about the concept of ‘runs in families,’” Cole said. “Usually it’s in the context of mental disorders, but the question is about genetics. Is it passed down from generations as traditions or are they behaviors that get picked up unconsciously? That’s probably more the case with mental toughness.”
Although he is a Williamsville native, he does not know the Gronkowski family. Yet he was able to generalize about the family based on his experience with successful athletes.
“In this case, you have a father who is a highly successful business owner who needs mental toughness to fulfill his job; plus I would imagine he’s a fitness aficionado himself,” Cole suggested. “Then you’ve got all the boys who grew up in that environment. I’m betting the boys had a pretty good dose of that. If their mother reinforced that as well, then the boys were all rough-and-tumble and played sports. Part of their success is probably based on parenting style. When a kid fell down, I’m sure they didn’t rush over and hold them and say, ‘Johnny, it’s going to be okay.’ They probably said, ‘Suck it up, that’s life.’ They learned early on to have mental toughness.”
Shannon Walton, a mental-skills coach based in Rochester, New York, echoed the importance of family upbringing.
“There are many factors that contribute to an athlete’s success,” Walton said. “One is the support of the family. Most of the young athletes I work with have extremely supportive parents. The biggest issue is finding the balance between pushing them with high expectations but also being supportive if they have an off game or even an off month.”
There are several examples where athletic success is part of the family makeup.
“It’s rare, but it’s not as rare as everyone thinks,” noted Tony Massarotti, a Boston talk show host and writer. “In many ways, it speaks to genetics and upbringing.”
Massarotti mentioned examples of three brother-combinations who played Major League Baseball, including J. D., Stephen, and Tim Drew. Also, Vince, Joe, and Dom DiMaggio, and Felipe, Matty, and Jesus Alou. In football, the Manning family is a multigenerational example. Archie was a standout quarterback who raised two Super Bowl winners, Peyton and Eli.
“In every town there is a sports family, and on the grander scale of American sports, there are super sports families,” Massarotti said. “Are the Gronkowskis one of them? I don’t think there’s any question. Talk about proud parenting.”
Walton agreed that to achieve at a high level, an athlete must be driven and goal-oriented, with an end target in mind.
“One personality trait that I often find is perfectionism,” Walton observed. “It drives and pushes and motivates an athlete, but when they don’t hit their mark all the time, which is an unrealistic goal, that can start hurting them. They lose some of their motivation. The most successful athletes are those who find a balance between expecting to work to their ability but understanding they won’t be perfect all the time.”
What, then, is the biggest difference between a casual athlete or “weekend warrior” and the elites who succeed at high levels of sport?
“For the professional, that is his job, so he has the dedication, perseverance, and will to succeed,” Cole noted. “A weekend warrior who played college ball or semipro may look at the long haul and realize it’s a lot of work. Suddenly, that office job looks pretty good. He decides to go the other way. The professional is probably the bigger dreamer who can see himself playing pro. The other guy only wishes he could play. Seeing yourself is one thing; wishing it is another. From the neck up, there’s the difference.”
“I think training mentally gives you an advantage,” Gordie said. “You can study it. There are guys who teach you. After I started training mentally, I would actually dream and see the ball coming in. I could see a pitch coming from the pitcher’s hand. If it was in the wrong position, I knew I wasn’t going to swing.”
Gordie’s first experience with mental training came during his junior year of college. He and his teammates were instructed to lie down in the outfield while a coach walked among them, urging positive thoughts, encouraging them to visualize the ball as it was pitched. It wasn’t until his second year in the minor league, however, that Gordie committed to mental training.
“Baseball is a game of failure,” he observed. “If you’re playing a great game, you’re only going to hit one out of every three pitches, which is crazy. You can be the most talented person but never make it. You have to make yourself ready every single second. When I get up to bat, I clear everything else out of my mind. There is a pitch coming at me at ninety miles per hour. If I lose concentration for a split second, I’m done. The question is, how do you stay mentally focused? That’s what makes a great player versus someone who’s not.
“Some people don’t understand and don’t want to believe in mental training. But to me, it’s the truth. A lot of guys just want to swing. But ask yourself, where was that pitch? Where did it come out of his hands? If it doesn’t come out in the same spot, it could be a ball or a strike. Training mentally gives you an advantage.”
Part of the edge, he admitted, is psychological.
“If I train mentally and a pitcher doesn’t, I have the advantage every time. That kind of attitude brings positive energy to you and your teammates. If you talk positive to yourself and say that nobody is going to beat you, it will work. I’ve seen guys in a slump who don’t care about the team. They’re thinking me, me, and can’t figure out why they aren’t getting to the next level. It’s because they don’t have it upstairs. They come in with heads down and they’re weak because of it.
“You see guys who throw their bats and helmets. The umpire calls a strike and they act like it’s the end of the world. Fans get tired of it. Just get up there and get ready for the next pitch. I always walked up to the plate like I was the best. Whether I had it in me that day or not, I took that approach. Do that every day, and you’ll be a good baseball player.”
The same foundation applies to any sport. Although he does not underestimate its importance in football, Dan Gronkowski believes that mental toughness is only one element that contributes to being a professional athlete. The most important factor is possessing needed skills.
“I’ve heard many theories,” he said. “You’ve got to be mentally tough, but you’ve also got to have it. You can go so far with being mentally tough, but at the end, it comes down to the fact that you have physical skills. Guys can make it through college even if they aren’t exceptional players but succeed because they do everything right and get the job done. When it comes to the next step, that’s a different story. The NFL is the best of the best. To achieve there, a player must have what it takes. That’s where it all comes together.”
Being a high school star is one thing, but succeeding in college athletics is more difficult. Achieving at the professional level is a rare accomplishment. Some, like Gordie, despite all his promise, get derailed by injury. Dan and Chris Gronkowski made it to the NFL, where they have played with and against the best of the best. Few attain the level of stardom that Rob ach
ieved in only his second pro season.
But the common components are physical and mental toughness.
“Football is the roughest game out there,” Gordy reflected. “Every Sunday when my boys take the field, I worry and pray that they’ll be okay. But getting hurt is part of the game, and they know that.”
The family has suffered its share of sports-related injuries. Gordy lost significant time as a college football player thanks to a weight-room injury; Gordie’s back likely cost him a shot playing Major League Baseball. Dan strained a hamstring in 2011 that led to him being cut by the New England Patriots, although he was later re-signed. Chris tore a pectoral muscle that ended his 2011 season in Indianapolis. Rob’s back injury wiped out most of his junior year of college, while a bad ankle limited him in the Super Bowl. When lining up to block a kick in 2012, he broke his arm and missed several games.
Despite the long list, Gordy looks at his own athletic accomplishments and wouldn’t have done anything differently.
“Despite the injuries I had, I would go back and do it all again,” he said. “There is a fulfillment in your life when you play sports at a high level. The game lets you live in the limelight for a little bit of time. I remember playing at Ohio State. I looked around the stadium, and there were ninety-four thousand people watching me. It’s a remarkable feeling to know that I’ve been there and done that.”
His boys have always thrived on competition. No parent wants to see a child get injured. But playing sports defines who the Gronkowskis are.
“I would take the exact same path as a dad. I can’t tell anybody that the game is too crazy or violent. I’d never tell anybody to stop playing. My boys know in their hearts they’ve done something that not many other people have. They love it. It’s in their blood. I have to trust that they’ll know when the light goes out and it’s time to call it a career.”
He points to Gordie, who retired from baseball at twenty-eight. In the ensuing time, his back problems have minimized and he has found comfort in a life after professional sports. The experience, however, is something he will always savor.
“There’s just something about the fulfillment of being on a team,” Gordy said. “I can sell a ten-thousand-dollar treadmill, and that’s a great feeling. But it’s nothing like the thrill of putting a guy on his back.”
Young Dan Gronkowski.
Dan played tight end for the Denver Broncos in 2010.
6
Dan: The Talented Workhorse
“There is a whole other side of football that a lot of people don’t see.”
—DAN GRONKOWSKI
ON A WINDY SPRING AFTERNOON, Dan Gronkowski stood at one end of the oval track, surveying empty terrain. His legs warm and loose from stretching, he inhaled deeply, then began jogging, slowly at first, gaining speed as he rounded the initial turn. Palms clenched into fists, muscled arms pumped, and size-sixteen sneakers pounded against the track as the pace increased.
Dan knew that moments like this were required if he was to succeed at football.
None of his friends accompanied him anymore. Some buddies started training with Dan, but gave up after a few outings. He was too intense, and they did not understand the benefits to extra work. Few shared his commitment, drive, or stamina.
“I need to work harder,” Dan thought, completing his first lap. “I’ll put in extra time to really make sure I know what I’m doing.”
Soon he was drenched in sweat, maintaining concentration on footwork and the mechanics of running, all details he had been taught over the years. “Keep that cardio up,” he thought. “Focus on form.”
Make no mistake: Dan is no Forrest Gump, shaking off the proverbial leg braces. He knew he had talent. He had proven that all through high school. Dan was the best athlete on every team he played for.
But he sometimes wondered about the competition that lay beyond Western New York. There were hints as a fourteen-year-old, when he placed second in the nation in the NFL’s Punt, Pass, & Kick youth competition. Later, he excelled at the Jim Kelly Football Camp, where the former Buffalo Bills great demonstrated methods to be successful. But the quarterback’s teachings came with a warning to student athletes about the long odds of making it to the NFL. Maybe one kid from the camp could end up in the pros, Kelly cautioned. One kid, if he was lucky.
“I’m not going to say it out loud,” Dan thought at the time, “but let it be me.”
Winded by the third lap, Dan kept pushing. His success was never limited to sports. He brought the same intensity to his studies as well, logging long hours poring over textbooks, forcing himself to master various subjects and impress his teachers. There were smarter kids than him, he knew that, but he vowed that no one would work harder. Any success he had would be achieved the old-fashioned way—he would earn it.
“Danny is a fighter,” his father reflected. “When he was younger, he dominated, and as he got older, he kept fighting to get to the next level.”
The lesson began in eighth grade, when his ankle snapped playing football. That was when his father urged him to begin training in earnest, to get serious about fitness. The injury limited him in certain things, but Dan could lift weights. With an encouraging push from Dad, Dan spent most nights in the basement gym, focusing on proper form and technique to develop his upper body. Soon the results were evident.
At Williamsville North High School, Dan played receiver, starting as a sophomore on the varsity team. The following year, he became the team’s quarterback. Gordie, two years older, sometimes practiced catching balls.
“When Danny was the QB, and threw those passes, he just about broke my fingers,” Gordie said with a laugh. “I sprained every single one.”
According to Mike Mammoliti, Dan’s high school coach, Dan was a leader who displayed versatility and football intelligence.
“When I think of Dan Gronkowski, I think about commitment,” Mammoliti reflected. “You saw it early on. He wanted to be as good as he could be. He was a consummate team player, almost like a coach on the field. He knew everything that was going on. When he started with us, he played linebacker, then safety, and then quarterback. That’s where I really thought he was going to end up.”
Mammoliti recalled a funny moment in a high school playoff game against Niagara Falls. The team had just come off the sidelines when Dan trotted toward him.
“What’s the play, Coach?” he asked.
Mammoliti told him, then watched the offense gather at center field.
“Dan runs out, calls it in the huddle, gets his hands underneath the center,” Mammoliti said. “Suddenly he looks up and calls time-out. He starts smiling as he’s walking back toward me.”
“What’s wrong?” Mammoliti yelled.
Dan’s sheepish grin was evident beneath his helmet. “I forgot the play.”
Such moments of levity interrupted the intensity Dan brought to the game. During high school, his summers were filled with back-to-back football camps.
“Being our first time through the football cycle, we had no idea what to do,” Dan said, referring to his younger brothers’ future success. “I went to five football camps every summer just to try to get my name out there. You can only get so much out of each camp, but we didn’t know that then. By the time my younger brothers were doing it, my dad had the system down. Chris and Rob and Glenn didn’t attend all these football camps for no reason.”
While in retrospect his busy summers may have been overkill, the experience did reap dividends.
“It paid off in the end,” Dan said. “I went to Maryland’s camp three years in a row, and they were one of two schools that offered me anything. That’s how I got my scholarship.”
In much the same way his father and older brother worked to get themselves recruited, Dan contacted college programs and sent tapes for review. He believes, however, that playing in New York put him at a disadvantage compared to kids from other regions of the country.
“Coming from this area is tough,” he
reflected. “Football is kind of behind compared to states like Florida and Texas, where they train year round. Those kids are working all winter and spring and doing seven-on-seven drills, like you do in college. They are more advanced than us. We only play eight games, so it was hard to get recruited as a quarterback.”
The training he and his brothers completed with Demeris Johnson was key to his success, Dan believes.
“Demeris was a great motivator,” he said. “We were blessed to find him out of nowhere, really. The guy really knows what he’s doing. He pushed us to perform better in the off-season. If I didn’t work out with him, I would have been so far behind on drills and form running, because all the other kids at college were already doing it.”
Many college programs were interested in Dan but looked at his size and thought he would fit better as a lineman or tight end. Dan’s stubborn streak, however, made him more determined to prove his ability under center.
“I don’t know why he kept quarterback in his head,” his father lamented years later. “He kept saying, ‘Nope, I want to play QB.’ After we visited Purdue, I told him, ‘Dan you’ve got to change your mind here. It’s not going to happen at QB.’ He was a good quarterback in high school, but to do that at the college level, you have to be unbelievable. He just kept fighting it.”
“He was stubborn and rightfully so,” Mammoliti said. “He put so much time into it, I think he wanted to say, ‘At least give me a shot.’ He had a fantastic arm and his mechanics were good. But he got so big and was caught up in a time when the style of offenses was changing. The pocket-type quarterback was getting phased out, and the mobile kid who can run the spread option was coming into vogue.”