by Jess Petosa
Ted nods and I think that my mom is going to slap him.
Everyone in the room is looking at her, waiting for her reaction, as though it’s the most important one. Whatever she says, it won't change my decision.
"Will you at least visit?" she asks.
"Yes," I say, and then I think of something. "If you promise to start visiting your parents."
Her eyes widen. "I'll consider it."
"I guess that's all I can ask," I say with a nod. "Let's eat."
Five days later, my car is packed with the necessities and I'm leaning against the passenger side, caught in a long hug with Beth.
"You better call me at least three times a week," she says through tears. "And text every day."
She whispers in my ear. "And when you get back to Maine, I want you to send me a picture of your hunk."
I nod against her, even though I'm not sure whether or not I'm even going to Maine. Will basically asked me to give up on him, and made it sound like he has already decided to give up on me.
I say goodbye to my mom next. The hug is awkward and the words few.
“You really will visit, right?” she asks me.
I nod. I felt nervous about agreeing to this at dinner the other night, but I know that it’s something I need to do. If I don’t, I will be doing to her what she did to Charles and Marie all these years. I can’t put her through what they went through.
Last, I say goodbye to Jason.
"Thanks," I say to him when I pull away from a hug.
"For what?" he cocks his head at me.
"For all the good times, and the bad," I say so only he can hear. "For helping me grow, and knowing when to let me go."
He smiles and pulls me in for another hug. "Then thanks to you, too."
He kisses my cheek gently and I bite back tears, feeling the smallest urge to fall into his arms and forget about my move to Chicago.
Robbie called me just this morning. He cleared out the guest bedroom for me, which had been converted into a game room for him and his friends. I'm going to stay with him until I figure out what I want to do, but he assured me that I can take as long as I need. I’m not sure how I feel about living with my baby brother, but I know we’ll make it work.
I slip into the car before I make any rash decisions, and honk the horn as I pull out of the driveway. Beth, my mom, and Jason all wave from the driveway, and fresh tears drip onto my cotton dress. I press a tissue to my cheeks. Earlier I placed a box on the passenger seat, knowing it would be an emotional drive out of town and west.
I drive slowly through my neighborhood, and then through town. I wave at Mr. Yoder, the hardware store owner. I pass the Clinton Corner Cafe. I drive past the cornfields and over the bridge I sat under not too long ago. Soon I find the highway and head west, already seeing signs for Chicago.
It feels nice to have my memories back, and to know who Melissa is again. I also feel parts of Jane seeping through me, and instead of fighting against the two, trying to find a middle ground, I have found comfort in knowing that they can both coexist. Finally, I'm following my heart.
OCTOBER
I've been living with Robbie for over two months now. I found a job as a waitress in a restaurant downtown, so I've been able to help him pay the rent. I've been to see Ethan twice since moving here, and once Jason drove out to visit him with me. I've been back to Clinton Hills twice to visit, and it feels good to have the tension gone.
"Hey sis, what's taking so long?" Robbie yells from the living room.
I grab the bowls of popcorn and leave the kitchen.
"You know I like my popcorn seasoned just right," I respond.
I plop onto the couch and Robbie browses through his collection of DVDs. We try to watch a movie together once a week, just to stay connected.
"I think it's time for a classic movie. I say we either go with comedy and watch Tommy Boy. Or go with just plain awesome and watch Good Will Hunting."
Tommy Boy.
I think of the first date I had with Will, when he mentioned it was his favorite movie. Now that my memories are back, I know that it’s one of my favorite movies too.
"Good Will Hunting for sure. I can't have you quoting Tommy Boy for the next month."
“Oh my God! We’re burning alive!” Robbie yells suddenly.
I throw a piece of popcorn at him.
Robbie puts in the movie and settles back on the couch.
"I love this movie," he says through a mouth full of popcorn. "Young Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. And the end, the end is my favorite."
"Do you always have to critique the end of a movie before we watch it?" I ask him. "I mean, at least I've seen this one, but you've ruined at least five movies since I've moved here."
"The ending makes the whole rest of the movie." He throws his hands in front of him. "I gotta go see about a girl."
He puts on his best Boston accent, which sounds more like he just has a burnt tongue.
"I mean, he moves across country to find a girl, you should find that romantic and all."
"I might if I had a chance to watch the movie." I glare at him.
"Okay, okay." He shoves more popcorn into his mouth.
Fifteen minutes later he is at it again.
"I mean, wouldn't you want a guy to do that for you? Could imagine Minnie Driver's face when he shows up?"
"Maybe she is already dating someone else," I point out. "Maybe she doesn't want to be with him anymore."
"But at least he took a chance," Robbie responds.
He’s quiet again, and I know I have maybe another fifteen minutes before he starts yapping again. His words settle into my brain and stir up thoughts I've tried to avoid since moving to Chicago.
At least he took a chance.
I didn't take a chance. I could have jumped on a plane the second I left Clinton Hills and could have been in Hampton Harbor by dinner. But I didn't. Will didn't exactly come after me, I've said to Beth and myself several times since summer.
"But he doesn't think there is anything to come to," Beth reminds me over and over. "He isn't going to show up on your doorstep, knowing you’re married, and try to sweep you off your feet. Does he even know you are practically divorced?"
Actually divorced now. I’ve officially been single for twenty-five days.
I haven't spoken to Will since our phone conversation in July, on the same day I learned about my divorce. I've spoken to Marie a few times for short conversations, but every time she asks about Jason or mom or what I’m doing, I avoid it. I just tell her that I am taking time to heal.
"See, look at this." Robbie's exclamations pull me out of my thoughts. The movie is on the scene in the bar, where Matt Damon shows up a Harvard student with his smart talk and goes home with the girl's number.
"Now that you know the end, doesn't it make this all better," Robbie says.
"We don't even know if he gets the girl," I repeat.
Robbie rolls his eyes. "I bet he does.” He checks his phone. “Oh, by the way, mom wants to come in for your birthday this weekend."
I sigh. I'm turning twenty five tomorrow and the last thing I need is for anyone to make a big deal out of my birthday. I've already received a card from Jason and Beth, just simple Happy Birthday statements.
"I would tell her not to come but she'll drive out here anyway," I say.
Robbie just nods his head.
My phone chirps in my pocket, the signal for a text message. I pull it out of my pocket, watching Matt Damon ask the cocky bar guy if he likes apples. My eyes flick to the screen of my phone and my heart stops. Will's name flashes above a short text.
Have a Happy Birthday tomorrow. I still miss you.
It's the first I've heard from him in months. How did he know my birthday, and why is he texting me now? After all this time.
Unless... and he still. He couldn't possibly...
"Mel?" Robbie sits up straighter. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
I stand up and shove my p
hone into my back pocket and set my bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.
"Melissa, what is it?" Robbie sounds worried now.
"I have to go," I tell him.
"Where? It's almost nine o’clock." He is looking at me like I'm crazy.
"No, I have to go go," I respond. Then I shoot him a half smile, knowing just how to explain in a way he’ll understand. "I have to go see about a boy.
The cold sea breeze nips at my face and blows my shoulder length hair across my face. I've only seen Hampton Harbor in the summer, so seeing the sky such a cold gray and the boardwalk devoid of tourists is depressing. The trees that cover the island are pretty shades of orange, yellows, and reds. My drive into town was beautiful, with leaves falling on my car and blowing all over the road. I packed a bag quickly that evening and caught a morning flight out of Chicago. I rented a car in Portland and drove into Hampton Harbor in the early afternoon.
I stopped to see Charles and Marie first, to ask if I could stay for the weekend and to tell them my plans. Now I’m standing at the marina, watching the boats sway in the rocky water. Most of them are covered with large tarps, ready to be boarded for a long winter. A few spots are empty, for those boats that are moved onto land and into large storage warehouses. I know why I came to the docks, but now that I’m here I’m feeling lost.
I felt so certain flying across the country and coming here, but my confidence was stripped from me somewhere between here and Portland.
I’m trying to do this the right way, at least the way I believe to be right. I gave myself time, and waited until my divorce was finalized. I don’t even know if Will will receive me well, but I have to hold on to the hope that his text message meant something more than just a simple ‘happy birthday’ message, and that maybe he just missed our friendship.
I turn and head back up the dock, wondering if I’ll find Will in his office. It will be odd, walking into the building and being recognized as that girl. The one who had no memories, the one who sucked Will in and then left him behind while she ran home to her husband. At least, that is how I assume they see me.
I’m almost to the boardwalk when I hear it.
My name.
“Jane?”
It’s strange to hear my name uttered in Hampton Harbor, my real name. I’ve grown so used to being Melissa these past two months that I immediately turn around. Part of Jane lives in me when I’m in this town, but I have come to accept that I am Melissa.
Will is leaning over the edge of a boat. The Anna.
His dark hair is shorter than I remember, not even touching the tops of his ears. I can’t make out his expression in the shadows, and I see him squint, as if he is really trying to decide whether he sees me or not.
I raise my hand slightly and wave, and then he is gone. My stomach rolls over itself, disturbing the butterflies that have been mostly dormant since July. They had awoken slowly from their slumber on the drive over, and now they are ready to fly.
Will skids around the corner of the dock, as if he’s mid-run. He’s just ten yards away from me, and we are both standing our ground. We stare. His eyes flick to my hand, which is devoid of my rings. Marie told him about my divorce. I asked her to.
One second. Two. Three. Four.
Will moves first, covering the distance in long, quick strides. He doesn’t speak; he just grabs my head and pulls my mouth to his. I grip his back and my feet leave the ground for a moment and he pulls me close.
The kiss is deep and meaningful and everything I’ve been wanting since I left in July. It’s everything I’ve thought of and dreamt of since leaving Hampton Harbor.
Will loosens his grip and my feet are back on the ground. He takes a step back.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I respond.
I do something silly then, but for some reason I feel led to. I hold my hand out and after careful speculation; he reaches his forward and shakes it.
“I’m Melissa,” I say.
He grins, one corner of his mouth pulling up higher than the other.
“Will,” he responds.
“Do you always kiss girls you’ve just met?” I tease.
He shrugs. “I like to make a great first impression.”
We both shift anxiously.
“Did you hear? It’s my birthday.”
“Is that so?” He runs a hand through his hair and I realize how much I’ve missed that gesture.
I nod. “And I’ve heard that there’s a restaurant here that serves the best cheese ravioli in the state of Maine.”
Will smiles, but this time it isn’t out of humor. There is affection in his expression now, a softness. He reaches his hand out and laces his fingers through mine.
“Well, I wouldn’t want you to spend your birthday alone.”
We fall into step beside each other, walking toward the boardwalk.
Will leans to the side and places a kiss my head.
“Welcome back,” he whispers into my hair.
I’m not just back, I think. I’m home.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you to all of my readers. Thank you to those who have reached out to me via Facebook or email, and have shared your thoughts, critiques, and encouragement. Thank you for making my dream a reality, and inspiring me to continue to write, no matter the genre.
Thank you to Randi, who sat in Applebees for three hours and went over my book piece by piece.
Thank you to Kaylen, who let me share my original brainstorms for this story and helped me decide what direction I would take it.
Thank you to Kellen, who helped push me toward the idea that Hampton Harbor needs it’s own series.
Thank you to Jaime and Amber, who read several drafts and took the time to point out glaring errors, and talk me through inconsistencies.
Thank you to Alexis, who read over my book and said “WRITE MORE”.
Thank you to our gorgeous cover model, Angelica.
Thank you to my husband and children, who once again put up with weeks of soup for dinner, lack of clean clothes, and dirty dishes in the sink.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jess Petosa is a Philly girl transplanted to the middle of Amish Indiana. Somewhere in between chasing two toddlers and meeting her one hundred books a year reading goal, she writes young adult fiction. She is a wife and mother, a reading teacher, and a photographer as well. You could say she likes to keep busy.
Look for Jess Petosa’s YA dystopian series, Exceptional.
Find Jess Petosa on Facebook!
Look for updates at…
http://jesspetosa.blogspot.com
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
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