God, thank You for handcrafting me. Amen.
• Katie and Nanna •
• Thoughts to Ponder •
Have you gone through seasons of your life when you wanted to blend in and not be noticed? Have you considered that God created you to stand out? What unique talents and abilities do you have that you can share with those around you?
22
A DREAM GONE AWRY
Dealing with Fear
The hot, muggy air in Georgia smothered Christi as she stood on the sidewalk. Tears dripped down her face as fear consumed her. Her feet and legs felt like they were filled with lead. She could barely shuffle forward. Sugar, a sorrel mare, whinnied. Christi cringed and her body shook. How am I going to get through this? she wondered. She looked at the barn. It was only 200 feet away, but it might as well have been 200 miles.
I can’t do this, God! Christi prayed. Her husband was out of town on business again, so she had to do the barn chores. Her breath came in gasps. I can’t handle Sugar by myself. Lord, help me get through this. Christi was fine with the other horses, but ever since she’d been badly hurt in the accident, she was scared to death of her saddle horse. It hadn’t always been this way. Only months ago Sugar had been her best friend.
Some of Christi’s most cherished childhood memories are of times spent with her horse, but that was a long time ago. Since then she’d dreamed of owning another. It wasn’t until decades later, after she married, that she and her husband were able to buy a five-year-old gelding. Christi was thrilled to discover that the owner of the barn where they boarded him had several mares in foal. Her lifelong dream was to raise a horse from a baby. This would be perfect. She could share in the joy without having to buy one.
At least that’s what she thought…until a little red filly was born. Christi immediately fell in love. By the time Sugar was three weeks old, she already belonged to Christi. The foal stayed with her mom until weaning time, of course. Many days Christi would go into the stall with them. The mare would nonchalantly munch on her hay while Christi sat on the wood shavings that covered rubber floor mats. Sugar would prance over and smell her face, tickling Christi with her dainty whiskers. The knobby-kneed filly would plop down next to her and lay half her body in Christi’s lap. The foal would roll her big brown eyes and watch Christi as she stroked her very own horse’s velveteen fur. Hours later, when it was time to go home, Christi would have to move the filly aside to get up. Christi had never experienced a relationship with an animal like she had with Sugar.
But all that changed.
Sugar had grown into a beautiful mare when Christi adopted a golden retriever named Giddeon. She’d brought him down to the barn so he could snuffle around while she cleaned stalls. With hay rake in hand, she glanced up to see the neighbors stopping their car alongside the front fence where the horses were grazing. They stepped out with their granddaughter to show her the horses. Christi set the rake aside and waved. She exited the barn and walked through the tall grass toward them completely forgetting about the dog.
When she was halfway to them, she saw Sugar swing up her head. The mare’s neck arched. Her ears pivoted forward as she stared in Christi’s direction and snorted. Before Christi could figure out what was happening, Giddeon flashed past her, running straight toward Sugar.
Panicked, Sugar swung her rear toward the dog and kicked. She threw her weight forward and kicked a few more times before taking off in panic mode. Bucking and kicking as she tried to get away from the dog, Sugar ran straight toward Christi.
Realizing what was happening, Christi turned to run. She glanced back just as Sugar thundered past. Whack! The mare’s hind feet sent Christi flying. She landed in a heap, and pain shot through her body. She lay on the ground groaning. The neighbors rushed over to help. They offered to call the paramedics or take her to the hospital, but she declined. Catching her breath and making sure nothing was broken, Christi finally stood up. The neighbors said they’d walk with her to the house, but she assured them she was fine. As the friends headed back to their car, Christi limped to the house.
She awoke the next morning with a black eye, a hematoma on her hip, and a sore wrist. She slowly got better—even the wrist she found out later she’d cracked when trying to break her fall.
Weeks later, when her body had healed, Christi returned to her routine…except a wave of fear would crash over her when she’d get near her horse. The feeling became so strong that she purposely distanced herself from Sugar. Christi asked her husband to take care of her.
Because she felt foolish about her reaction, Christi never told anyone what was going on. The fear became so overpowering that if she was near Sugar when the horse shook off dust or stomped a foot, Christi would scream and her heart would pound. As the months went by, she withheld her emotions so much that she no longer felt a bond with Sugar. She dreaded the times when her husband was out of town and she was responsible for all the chores.
Days like today.
Christi stood on the sidewalk trembling. Tears rolled down her cheeks. How long is this going to go on, Lord? Please help me get through this. I can’t do this anymore. Twenty minutes later she managed to shuffle into the barn. One by one she haltered the horses and led them out to the pasture until only Sugar was left inside. Christi’s mouth was dry and her body quaked as she stood next to the stall. Her heart pounded. She forced herself to slip into Sugar’s stall and buckle the halter around her head. While leading the horse out of the barn, she held her breath and kept the mare as far away from her as possible. The whole time she was braced against a possible blow.
While cleaning the stalls, Christi’s heart ached. She knew it wasn’t fair to Sugar. The horse hadn’t hurt her on purpose. God, please help me get over this, Christi prayed. When she was done with the work, she brought the horses back into the barn, cringing even as she managed to get Sugar into her stall. It took only minutes to retrace the steps to the house that had taken her 20 minutes to walk before.
Christi took a shower and then felt led to do an unusual thing for her. She went to her computer, sat down, and turned it on. Drawn to a website she’d never been on before, she read the words of an internationally famous horse trainer. The article explained that God chose certain people to be caretakers of His beloved creations. Horses were precious gifts from Him. People, as caretakers, are to have an understanding of the horses’ actions and not be filled with fear. God never intended for His followers to be fearful.
The word “fearful” jumped out at Christi. Instantly tears streamed down her cheeks. Ever since the accident she’d nursed fear—the fear of getting physically hurt again. Fear had become all-consuming and debilitating. It cloaked her entire life. She was viewing Sugar through a dark veil of fear.
Christi wiped the tears from her cheeks with a tissue and reviewed the accident. Sugar wasn’t mean. She was just scared, and her panicked attention had been focused on the dog. She didn’t kick me on purpose. She didn’t intentionally hurt me.
Christi took a deep breath. She knew God had led her to this article and shared His heart. He’d given Sugar to her as a gift. He wanted her to enjoy His precious creations, including the horse. The Holy Spirit poured a soothing balm of peace over her. She’d never experienced anything like that before. The chains of fear that bound her heart broke and fell away. There had been times in the past when she’d received guidance from God and worked through issues, but this was an instant and complete release from bondage!
• Sugar and Christi •
Christi felt so lighthearted that she got up and nearly skipped down the sidewalk. She walked to the barn and into Sugar’s stall without any hesitation. Christi gently stroked her horse’s forehead without fear. “Oh, Sugar, I love you so much.”
With her deep-brown eyes, Sugar looked softly at Christi like nothing negative had happened. Then the mare stuck out her nose, asking for a kiss like she had her whole life. Overwhelming joy rose inside Christi. She kissed her horse, wrapped he
r arms around Sugar’s neck, and laughed joyfully. God had supernaturally delivered her from the grip of fear!
Fear is a difficult emotion. One way to think about it is through an acronym. Have you heard of this concept? Fear is…
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear is usually nothing more than a response based on inaccurate feelings. The false evidence Christi believed was that Sugar was a mean horse who meant to hurt her. It destroyed their relationship.
One of the most amazing stories about fear’s potential for destroying relationships revolves around the birth of Jesus Christ. In Matthew 1:18-24, we discover that a woman named Mary was pledged to marry a man named Joseph. Their families had agreed to the union. Back in those days, pledges were even stronger than getting engaged is today. The only way a pledge could be legally canceled was through sexual sin or death. The upcoming marriage was set in stone.
When Mary shared the news with Joseph that she was pregnant and that the baby was from God, Joseph didn’t believe her. And it wasn’t long before the scandalous news was out on the street. Mary was pregnant! That was a big deal. In fact, it was considered so heinous that according to the Jewish law of the time, Mary could legally be stoned to death.
Joseph knew he wasn’t the father of the baby. Since he didn’t believe Mary, I’m sure he wondered who the other man was. And how his beloved Mary could betray him and their pledge by being with someone else. Joseph and Mary had planned their lives together, and now this! False evidence appearing real consumed his thoughts. Joseph felt like he’d been kicked. In his mind the relationship was over…done…finished. Because Joseph still loved Mary, he decided to “take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced” (Matthew 1:18-21 MSG).
Then one night an angel of God appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 1:20).
Did you catch that? The angel said “Do not be afraid.”
When I read that passage, my mind translates it as “Joseph, this fear you have is ‘false evidence appearing real.’ It’s blocking your good judgment and ripping apart your family. Fear separates and divides. It’s causing you to step away from God’s divine plan for your life. Snap to and get your thoughts back on Him. He’ll take care of this situation for you.”
Joseph received the words from the angel and was delivered from his fear. “He did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife” (Matthew 1:24).
Fear is a powerful force that can disguise itself in insidious ways. It throws up a facade and builds seemingly insurmountable barricades. It erodes our hopes of obtaining our dreams. Oftentimes we don’t recognize fear until it has a firm grip on us just like it did on Christi and Joseph. Fear destroys relationships and makes us afraid to restore them or establish new ones.
The great news is that God is in the business of shining the light of truth on false evidence appearing real. He helps us conquer fear, restore our relationships, and build up our hope.
Lord, when fear first enters my mind, please reveal it to me so that I can instantly turn to You so we can kick it out together. Help me focus on You. Amen.
• Thoughts to Ponder •
Has fear held you captive? Have you thought of it as “False Evidence Appearing Real”? How can that acronym help you handle fear from now on?
23
BOON AND THE BIRDS
Rebuilding
The sun glistened off the snowcapped Rocky Mountains that towered over the lush Bitterroot Valley in western Montana. In the lower elevations clumps of bright-yellow flowers dotted the hillsides. The cool May breeze rolled down the mountains and across the grassy pastures of the ranch. Mares were lying in the sun with their babies romping by their sides. Wendy was leading her two-year-old paint stallion across the ranch yard toward the breeding shed.
Boon arched his neck and pranced, his mostly black body shimmering in the sunlight. Only two patches of white hair were splashed on him—one on his neck and the other over his hip. His gaze darted about as he surveyed his surroundings. He was young, but he’d already filled out and looked like a stout, work-on-the-ranch, roping horse.
• Boon •
Normally Wendy loved planning the babies within her herd of 50 head or so, but today an ominous cloud hung over her that she couldn’t shake. Absorbed in her grief over the tragic events that had occurred lately, she wondered if she was on the right track.
More than 30 years ago, Wendy had scraped together every penny she had to purchase her first broodmare. The mare was older, but she produced some fine offspring. Wendy fought tooth and nail to work hard, save money, and eventually buy a ranch. Many nights she poured over pedigrees and planned strategic purchases of horses to fulfill the dream God had placed in her heart from the time she was a little girl. She wanted to make a significant contribution to the equine breeding world by improving genetics. Her horses had gained quite a bit of fame, and they’d been sold around the world. Some had become jumping horses competing in England, some were professional polo horses in Argentina, and there were breeding ranches in California and Australia that had snatched up several. Some of the working cattle ranches in Montana wanted the bloodlines she’d established.
Wendy had been living her dream—and then she hit a brick wall. This spring one of her fillies developed a rare disease. The baby went from a healthy, bounding filly to one that laid down on the stall floor and refused to get up. Around the clock Wendy had massaged its legs and doctored it. The filly would place her head in Wendy’s lap, looking up at her with innocent, loving eyes. But the little girl deteriorated so much that Wendy had to put her down. Heartbroken, she cried until her eyes felt raw.
Shortly after that a bouncy, month-old colt bloated as if he were bleeding internally. Within hours he too had died. When one of her broodmares didn’t come in for the morning feeding, Wendy went out into the pasture and found the mare’s four-month-old filly pawing at her dead mom’s side. Now Wendy had an orphaned filly to raise too. The mare looked fine last night, Wendy thought. The autopsy revealed that the horse had died of a huge, cancerous tumor that had closed off her intestines.
The three freak deaths so close together spun Wendy into depression. I didn’t get into the business to watch horses die, reverberated through her mind.
The stallion’s hooves clopped on the hard-packed dirt as they approached the breeding shed. Boon’s head swung up and his ears pricked forward as they neared the wide doorway. He’d spotted a mare standing in the stall…or rather he smelled her. He gave a low nicker. The mare responded with a chortle. Wendy walked through the doorway coaching Boon to be quiet.
A pigeon was nesting on the sill above the barn door. The movement of the horse coming in scared the bird. It screeched and dive-bombed Boon’s head. The stallion spooked sideways. Wendy scrambled to stay out from under him and, at the same time, maintain control. After she calmed the stallion down, Wendy wanted to throw her hands in the air and scream. This was Boon’s first breeding, and she wanted it to go smoothly. Horses, like all animals, learn and remember from their first experiences. She knew it was important to do everything right and keep everyone calm. This interruption in her well-laid plans blew the lid off any serenity she had left.
That night at dinner, Wendy growled to Gary, her husband, “Those stupid birds! I’ve got to get that nest down. This happens every spring!” In years past it had been tolerable because the horses were used to the birds. But Boon hadn’t had a clue it was coming.
The next day Wendy grabbed a long rake and swept the pigeon nest off the ledge. Two whitish-tan, speckled eggs fell to the ground and broke. The little yolks sat on top of the straw. Wendy’s eyebrows furrowed with sadness, but she consoled herself. We have too many pigeons anyway. They mess up the hay. But still, breaking the eggs and terminating the pigeons’ babies added to the
dark cloud above her head.
The next time she led Boon toward the barn he jigged when they got close. His gaze darted back and forth. Wendy tried to keep him calm…and then Poof! Two pigeons flew into his face. Wide-eyed, Boon spooked again.
The birds had rebuilt their nest above the doorway! Wendy was at her wit’s end. Will things ever right themselves?
The war was on.
Wendy got the rake and destroyed the nest again.
The pigeons rebuilt.
She destroyed the nest again. This time another egg dropped to the ground and broke. The yolk stood still a moment before it dribbled away.
A couple of days later, Wendy ambled into the breeding shed to do chores. She noticed a pigeon flying into the barn from outside. It had a piece of straw in its beak. The bird looked like it was smiling. Wendy stood still, confounded. This bird is not going to give up! She’s going to keep rebuilding her nest no matter what. And she’s happy about it.
Compassion rose inside Wendy. That bird deserves to have a nest. All she wants is a baby. Even though she lost all those other babies, she’s going to keep trying because a baby is worth it. And I’m going to let her have it. Wendy felt the Lord touch her heart with that message of encouragement. Keep trying because babies are worth it.
Wendy took the lesson to heart and meditated on it. Her new focus broke the bonds of depression that had clung to her. God’s intervention set her free. Wendy had slipped into the depths of despair because it looked like her dream had been destroyed.
Another person who may have felt that was David. Before he became king of ancient Israel, he may have felt the way Wendy did when he led King Saul’s army back to a town named Ziklag. They discovered the town had been destroyed in their absence, and all their families had been kidnapped. The men wanted to stone David because they were bitter in spirit.
Great Horse Stories Page 10
