by Rashad Salim
“Babe, did you need something? Just let me know. I want you to know I’m here for you.”
Sajid appeared in my mind and I recalled the vow I had made to him – that I would stay away from her.
“Thom was framed and I need your help to prove it tonight,” she said.
That caught me completely off guard.
“Babe, I know this is hard-”
“You gonna help me or not?” she asked.
“Babe...”
“...is that a yes or a no?”
Sajid appeared in my mind again.
I was flustered for an answer that wouldn’t piss her off but at the same time I didn’t want to get carried away investigating crimes I had no reason to get involved with.
“...Wouldn’t be the first time you abandoned me when I needed you,” she said.
Her words made my blood run cold. I knew exactly what she was referring to and no amount of burying it in the past would keep it there now.
I literally ran away from Chantelle a few months after the race riot at school.
We rarely saw each other outside of school as it was and during the run up to the GCSE exams, I was too busy trying to prepare for them to spend time with her.
During this difficult time our relationship had become strained, just as Mr Hardy and others had predicted. We spent more time communicating over the phone and it helped hide the fear I had of our future together but Chantelle wasn’t blind. She knew I had severe doubts.
I had to face facts – our relationship was doomed and I believed no amount of effort on either of our parts would overcome the riot scandal.
I still loved Chantelle but after the school riot I knew there was no going back to the way things were before. Too much had happened. Too much had changed. Lines had been drawn and we were on opposite sides. Her friends had pressed her to condemn Sajid’s actions and mine. Jermaine made sure everyone knew I was to blame for what happened with Elroy being stabbed despite the fact that he had been stabbed with his own knife.
Whenever Chantelle asked me if I wanted to end our relationship I changed the subject. Once our exams were done with and school was over forever I knew I couldn’t stall making a decision any longer. Either we stayed together through college or broke up.
In the end I agreed to her request that we meet up and talk it over in person.
But there was no meeting.
My parents had decided I was to move away from Binford after the riot but I kept this information to myself. No one else knew.
I changed my phone number, shutdown all my social media accounts and moved out of Binford the day before my meeting with Chantelle – all without telling her.
It wasn’t a sudden decision. I had given it a lot of thought between the riot and my vanishing. I dwelled on it for hours on end and suffered many sleepless nights.
I was too scared to face Chantelle. I didn’t think I could bear to look in her eyes while we told each other we’d never hug or kiss ever again. It would have killed me, I thought.
So I chose to rip myself out of Binford and sever all personal relationships.
I told myself it was the best thing for the both of us and how I would move on and get over it.
But I never did.
In fact, over five years later, I was at a party with Mark and he started asking me about Binford. I had always shrugged it off as a conversation topic and he was aware of how much I hated my hometown but this time he was pushing me to tell him one good thing about it.
I had told him a little about Chantelle before but it wasn’t until that moment I realised my relationship with her wasn’t the serious ‘first love’ you were meant to laugh off as having been silly now that you knew better.
I never stopped wondering about her even when I had been in later relationships.
What had bothered me the most about it was that I never gave her the chance to say goodbye because I didn’t have the balls.
I had abandoned her once before, regretting it ever since and now I had to decide if I was going to abandon her again. Only this time if I did, I knew it would be for the last time.
“What do you need from me?” I asked her.
“Meet me at my place around nine o’ clock. I’ll tell you then.”
I needed to think. I told her I would call her back and that I needed to sort out a few things first.
I hung up and dialled Sajid’s number. While his phone rang, I dreaded his response. He answered on the fourth ring.
“Wassup, bre?”
“I just got off the phone with Chantelle,” I said. “She thinks Thom was framed and needs my help to prove it.”
“Obviously,” he said. “There’s no way her gangster brother would’ve killed them niggers, is there?” The sarcasm in his voice was loud and clear.
“I know, I know. I told her she wasn’t thinking straight but she won’t hear it.”
“So?”
“She wants me to go over and talk about it in person.”
He groaned.
“I know what you said last night and you’re right but I can’t leave her hanging, man. Not like this. Not again.”
“That girl is gonna get you killed and you know it.”
I sighed. “I know.”
43
When I rang Chantelle’s doorbell I still had no idea what exactly she wanted to talk about.
Sajid had been waiting for me outside the local train station and was now waiting outside in his car. All the way to Chantelle’s I was told how much of a fool I was if I kept nosing around town. Sajid wouldn’t let me go anywhere in Binford without him now.
Chantelle opened the door with a blank expression.
She wore her hair tied in a knot and was dressed in a tight skirt. She wore a long black coat that made me wonder if she had just arrived home or if she was heading out soon.
“How are you?” I moved in for a hug.
She gave me a weak hug and broke free quickly before leading me back in to her living room.
Every step I took was one with caution. I didn’t know how to behave at a time like this. What was I meant to say? What was expected of me?
She stood in silence facing a photo on the wall of her and Thom. With her back to me there was no telling what she was thinking.
I hadn’t moved from the threshold of the room. I watched her in fear of what was coming next.
“Thom was gay.”
I held my breath and waited for more.
“I spoke to his boyfriend today.”
I ran over in my mind all the interactions I’d had with Thom.
I had no idea he had been gay and had to re-evaluate everything I knew about him like I had missed something all along.
Tyrone’s words came back to me right then – about how Thom was too delicate to be a tough gangster.
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. I looked at the photo of him on the wall.
He had been seventeen but was in school uniform in the photo.
“Did you know?” I asked.
“What?”
“He was that way?”
“He never told me but I knew. It was obvious for a long time but we never talked about it. No one else knew.”
“Is that why you think he was killed?”
“I know it had something to do with it. Even if he did pull the trigger himself, it was never suicide.” Her voice was calm and steady. No matter how upset she may have been after learning of Thom’s death and alleged cause of death she was composed.
“What do you think happened?” I had been meaning to come closer to her but now I felt rooted to the spot.
“Thom’s boyfriend – one of his childhood friends, by the way – told me a secret...”
My throat was dry and I felt suffocated in there.
“...Stupid boys,” she said with a laugh and recovered.
“What did he say?”
“...Thom was in trouble. He was being blackmailed. He only told his man.”
I wo
ndered who was responsible. I thought of Tyrone. Had he really not known about Thom? Or had he simply lied to me? Carl and Marcus of the Lion Crew came to mind. Is that why he murdered them, because they had found out about his sexuality?
“Someone had film footage of Thom and his man performing a sex act. His man has no idea who it was, only that it was of the two of them in public.”
I was confused. “How is that possible?”
“His man thinks it was CCTV footage but Thom never confirmed that.”
“Where was this?”
“...Thom said he had to do something or the people with the film were gonna show it to everyone he knew, like Tyrone. It would’ve ruined him. He’d never be able to walk these streets again without taking abuse.”
“What did the blackmailers want from him?”
“It wasn’t money. I know that for sure. He’d have got his hands on that easily...”
“What then?”
“They wanted him to kill Carl and Marcus.”
I gasped. “Why didn’t he try to run after he did them?”
“He never got the chance. The way I see it, either his blackmailers did him in or made him do it himself.”
Or, I thought, he felt like he was left no other choice, like the police and press theorised.
I wondered where the CCTV film was captured. “You didn’t answer my question.”
She turned to face me.
“Where was he and his boyfriend filmed? Do you know?”
“Yeah... there’s something about Carl and Marcus you might wanna know.”
I braced myself and cursed her in my mind for leaving me in suspense. I wanted to grab her and shake all the answers out of her. The only reason I didn’t was because I had to be sensitive over Thom’s death.
“Is this about the store arson?” I said a little too stern.
“One of my customers – this girl ...she’s only sixteen, barely seventeen now – she told me a couple of weeks ago what they did to her.”
I swallowed hard and knew I wasn’t going to like the rest of her answer.
“...They raped her, in case you’re wondering.”
I thought it over. The time of rape suddenly jumped out at me. “Wait a second! This was weeks ago?”
“Yeah.”
“Why the fuck didn’t she tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
She took a step closer to me and searched my face. “Because she didn’t want anyone to know! Come on, Ali. Wake up! What do you think happens with rape victims? Everything is sorted if they go to the police?”
I nodded and put my hand up to pacify her.
The girl hadn’t been a priority in my mind. Mark was. I had thought if Carl and Marcus were locked up on time the arson would never have happened and Mark would still be alive.
Besides, I thought, it was hypocritical of me to suggest going to the police. I hadn’t been relying on them myself either when it came to finding Mark’s killers.
“Alright, then,” I said and took a step closer to Chantelle. “And you told this to the cops?”
She shook her head.
“They don’t know any of this?” I asked.
“No, but you do.”
I had no idea what she was playing at and it was making me uncomfortable. I took a deep breath and stepped away from her.
“They raped her in the same place where Thom and his man were filmed.”
I gave that some thought, tried to make connections knowing I could be making false assumptions.
“Alright, Chantelle... thanks for the info. I appreciate you telling me all this. And I’m sorry for your loss. You know how much. But now it’s time you told the cops all this shit.”
“Don’t you wanna know who blackmailed Carl and Marcus?”
“How do you know they were blackmailed in the first place?” I asked.
“Come on, Ali. Use your head. It ain’t that hard to figure out, is it?”
“Carl and Marcus were also caught on camera and used by whoever owned it?”
“I don’t see any other explanation for why they burnt your shop down if that was something their gang didn’t approve.”
“Okay,” I said. “It sounds possible. And now you need to tell the cops.”
“They might not believe me. After all, I have no proof, do I?”
I thought it over. She had a point. “So what are you gonna do?”
“I need your help.”
“For what?”
“I’ll tell you where the CCTV camera is if you go with me.”
I was so stunned I let out a laugh. “What?”
“I’ll show you where it is but I wanna go there to see the place myself. And I’m not going alone.”
“Tell me where it is and I’ll check it out myself,” I said. “You can stay here where it’s safe.”
“No.”
“Fucking hell, Chantelle!”
We stood in silence for a moment. I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to think it all over.
“...I told you not to drag him into your mission, didn’t I?”
I glared at her. “I didn’t drag him into anything.”
“You got him involved. How do we know his blackmailers didn’t find out he was asking around for you?”
“That didn’t happen.”
“We don’t know that, do we?” Her voice was calm.
I shook my head in frustration at the situation.
“...You’ve always let me down. You know that?”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” she laughed. “You’ve never been there for me. You weren’t there for me back in the day and you’re not here for me now.” She looked at me up and down in disgust. “You came here for yourself. That’s all you really care about, you selfish bastard.”
She turned her back on me.
When we were lovers we had never argued like this. She had never insulted me and I couldn’t believe what she had said to me.
“Get out, Ali! ...Do what you always do and leave...”
I knew if I didn’t give in to her now, whatever little chance of us getting back together would die and I was willing to do anything not to lose that.
44
I left Chantelle’s flat and got into Sajid’s car.
“How did it go?”
I told him what she told me. All of it: about Thom being gay, him being blackmailed, Carl and Marcus raping a girl, them possibly being blackmailed too, the CCTV and Chantelle’s request of me.
“You ain’t seriously thinking about it, are you?” he asked.
I looked at him. I wasn’t sure what had motivated me more to do so – the need for answers or the need to prove to Chantelle I wasn’t the coward she accused me of being.
“Look, you don’t have to go with us,” I said. “We’ll go there ourselves.”
“The fuck you will!”
“Thanks for all your help but I’m not asking you to join us. So don’t worry.”
“You fucking moron!” he clipped me across the back of the head. “This girl is bad news. I knew that from the first time you saw her. What’s the matter with you? Is this about pussy?”
I shook my head. “It ain’t like that. I’ve gotta know, Saj. I gotta know who was pulling the strings. Someone got Carl and Marcus to attack the store and then got Thom to kill them to cover it up.”
“And then they killed Thom to cover that up? Just like JFK.” He shook his head in disgust. “...Seriously, bre. I thought you went to university.”
“What if it’s true, eh?”
He looked me but said nothing.
“I’m going over there now. Tonight. And then I’m done.”
He giggled. “That’s what you always say.”
“Yeah, well this time I fucking mean it.”
I couldn’t talk Sajid out of joining Chantelle and me into examining the area where the CCTV was placed. I didn’t want to put him at risk but the moment Chantelle got into the car, taking the backseat, he wa
s more enthusiastic about it than we were.
“So where are we going?” Sajid asked her after they exchanged greetings.
When she told him the part of town we needed to go it took me a moment to figure out where it was. He seemed to know right away though. I had done my best to block out Binford and it was as if there were gaps in my memory of it.
We drove out to the place in silence. There was still an icy tension between Chantelle and me. I was too scared to look over my shoulder at her. I wanted to get a reading on her. We hadn’t had much of a chance to talk in private since she had a go at me.
According to the rape victim’s claims, the CCTV camera was in an industrial part of town. There were a bunch of big warehouses located beside each other surrounded by derelict fields.
It was a real shithole but I could see its appeal as a Lovers Lane – it was totally deserted, especially now at night.
Chantelle pointed in the direction of the spot we were looking for. “That’s the place.”
It was the corner of a warehouse – an alleyway, around ten feet wide, between two of the warehouses.
When we were almost a hundred feet away Sajid parked the car behind some tall bushes.
“Okay, so what’s the plan?” he asked us.
I finally looked over my shoulder at Chantelle. “You gonna stay in the car while I have a look?”
She looked at me but said nothing and opened the car door.
Sajid looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
I shook my head to dismiss his concerns. I got out too and had to dash after her to catch up. I called out for her but she ignored me.
Something dawned on me in that moment and I darted forward and seized her.
“What?”
I glanced at the alleyway and back at her. “They got cameras. Suppose they can see us here right now? It would be a bad idea to get in there up close.”
“So what do you want us to do? Wear masks? It ain’t like we came prepared with masks.”
“I might have something.”
Chantelle and I turned to face Sajid who was now standing between us and his car.
She shook her head. “I don’t care,” she said to Sajid and turned to me. “This is beyond hiding now. If we are on CCTV right now a disguise won’t make a difference. Who else could we be, eh?”
