by Nia Arthurs
“I told her to never show up in front of me again,” Trenton said.
“I know.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, Trenton, that I’m tired. I’m tired of the up and down. I’m tired of struggling to figure out if what you’re doing is real or if it’s for the marriage we entered to fool your parents. I don’t know if I can trust you or if I can trust myself. And… I need a break.”
“What…” he swallowed, “what does that mean?”
Breana bowed her head and in that moment of silence, Trenton could sense that he was about to lose something very precious.
“I’m going with my mother to Guatemala.”
“I know,” he said, almost desperate. “You and Ms. Jen are going to settle her in, but you’ll be back. Right?”
“No.” She shook her head, her gaze to the floor. “I’m leaving for a couple of months.”
His heart stuttered in his chest, crying out in a pain that rivaled the throbbing in his shoulder.
“Breana…” he whispered.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back, but while I’m away I’d appreciate it if you respected my space. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t email me. Don’t visit. Just… stay away.”
He stepped forward, his pain fooling him into thinking he was shattering into pieces. How would he survive without her? How would they move forward if they couldn’t communicate?
“I know I hurt you, Bree. I know that, and I will spend the rest of my life working so that I never hurt you like that again, but what about you, huh? What about loyalty? I’m not asking you to love me back, I’m just asking that you stay. Stay—” His voice cracked.
“I can’t.”
“Breana!”
He saw her wipe away a tear from her eye. Heard her sniffing above the sound of his breaking heart. Smelled the ashes of their relationship burning in flames.
It went against Trenton’s psyche to sit back and accept defeat. His instincts warred for control, insisting that he push for a solution now rather than live without his wife for the foreseeable future.
“Please,” Breana looked up at him, and he saw the same desperation spreading through his chest reflected in her eyes, “Trenton, let me go.”
“Okay,” he said. With that one word, the future of his marriage crumbled around him.
Chapter 5
₪₪₪₪₪₪
Two months later, Breana stood by the window in her tiny apartment overlooking the Guatemalan busy street. Vendors in cool, earthy brown clothes hawked their wares to the tourists that walked by in open-toed sandals and sweat-stained T-shirts.
The humidity outside rose up to her floor and wrapped her in a cloak of heat. Her thin standing fan didn’t stand a chance as the temperatures outside fought to draw as much sweat from her body as it could.
The heat was something she was used to, but it had taken her a while to become accustomed to the activity of the city. Belize was such a small, laidback nation that even its neighbor seemed to move ten times faster than her hometown did on its best day.
“Senorita!” A knock sounded at the door.
She jumped as a smile crossed her face. “Coming, Sabrina!” Breana hopped over the weathered couch and stumbled to the door, flinging it free so that she could admit her friend.
The tiny woman with two dark plaits on either side of her head smiled brightly, revealing a left canine that was plated in gold. Intelligent almond shaped eyes, framed by natural wrinkles that the sun had engraved there, grinned as brightly as her lips.
“Oh, Breana! Como estas? It’s good to see you putting on a little weight.”
Breana tugged at the hem of her shirt. Since leaving Belize, her appetite had disappeared. Living day to day in the tiny apartment with very little to do in between the contract work Cady sent her over the internet, nearly drove her insane.
If it hadn’t been for this cheerful food peddler who sold her wares door-to-door, Breana would have wasted away from loneliness. She never thought she’d be one to long for friendship, but Breana was beyond grateful that she’d found one with Sabrina.
“What did you bring for me today?”
“Your favorite!”
Breana gasped. “Flan!”
“Si! Si!” Sabrina extracted a plastic dish covered in foil and presented it with a flourish. “I saved the best for last. Why don’t we sit down and talk about your day?”
“Why do I always feel like you’re trying to psycho-analyze me?” Breana asked as she accepted the dish.
“It’s definitely not because I’m a psychology major in university,” Sabrina said.
“Of course. Come on. This flan is calling my name.”
The girls settled into their seats. Sabrina allowed her friend to enjoy the flan uninterrupted. When at last Breana came up for air, Sabrina grinned and launched into her usual questions.
“How is your mother?”
“She’s doing okay. I’ve never seen her stick out a treatment this long, although the withdrawal symptoms are getting a little more intense now. It’s hard for me to see her without feeling a bit of her pain.”
“It must be difficult on you.”
“I know that she has to go through this so that she can come out on the other side, but watching her trembling and sweating and begging for another hit is… it’s brutal.”
“What do the directors say about her progress?”
“She’s holding up as best as she can. They say that it’s usually harder for older women who’ve been hooked to a certain drug for most of their life to wean themselves off it, but it’s not hopeless.”
“Do they know more or less when she will be better?”
“It’s not like a treatment that has a set benchmark,” Breana admitted. “And even after all this time and money, Mom may still come out and go straight to her favorite supplier.”
“So in other words… no.”
She chuckled. “Right. Only Mom will know when she’s ready and for the rest of the directors, they’re just playing it by ear.”
“Sounds… reasonable.”
“It’s frustrating, but none of us can force Mom to change. All we can do is encourage her and show her a different way.”
“True.” Sabrina nodded. “What about your other friends in Belize? Have you heard from them?”
“Melissa texts me every day. Apparently things are really quiet at the office. She says it’s because everyone misses me, but I know it has more to do with the incident that happened before I left. That’s actually why I was allowed to take so much time off.”
“I guess it is easier to accommodate a woman who almost lost her life on company property.”
She laughed. “Something like that.”
Sabrina sobered and clasped her dark hands together. Breana knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth to utter the words.
“Is it any easier?” her friend asked quietly. “Being without him?”
“It feels like I’m functioning with a part of me missing.” Breana clutched her chest and trained her gaze on the ground. “I didn’t know it would still be this hard after so much time.”
“You miss him.”
“Our contract is ending soon. We only have a few more weeks left.”
“I still cannot believe that such a beautiful love story came from so unconventional a pairing,” Sabrina said, her hand gesturing wildly. “I tend to believe you exaggerated the facts as you spoke of it.”
“I assure you, every word was true,” she said, recalling that fateful conversation.
When Breana had been in the lowest of lows, Sabrina had appeared like an angel outside her door. Breana had come clean about her contract with Trenton and the deepening feelings that made the contract invalid.
“I assure you. It is all true.”
“Have you considered reaching out?”
Breana scooted deeper into the small sofa. “How could I? I spoke so strongly about cutting off all con
tact.”
“And look how you are suffering because he obeyed so well.”
“How awkward would it be if I just randomly sent him a text after all this time?”
“You almost died from missing him, Breana.”
“I wouldn’t have died—”
“We had to rush you to the hospital because you weren’t eating.”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
“Your blood pressure was through the roof!”
“We were both there. You don’t have to spell it out to me.”
“If you are still feeling that way after all this time, maybe reaching out first would not be such a bad thing.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Of course you will. Now it is my turn.” The girls discussed Sabrina’s day and spent a lengthy period on her plans for the weekend. “It’s been such a difficult week at school so my friends have planned an outing tomorrow. You should come with us.”
“What?” Breana shook her head. “You know I’m not the party girl type.”
“It will be fun,” Sabrina said. “We will go dancing and maybe do a little karaoke.”
“I don’t know any of your friends.”
“They will welcome you with open arms. I promise. I am worried about you being locked up in this apartment day after day. If I did not come to visit, no one would know if you were in trouble.”
“Which is why I appreciate you so much.”
Sabrina arched an eyebrow. “You’re coming.”
“No.”
“I’ll throw in free flan for a week?” she coaxed.
Breana’s eyes widened and she twirled her hair. “When did you say I had to be ready by?”
“That’s my girl.” Sabrina patted Breana’s thigh and stood. “I will see you tomorrow. Wear something bright and flashy.”
“I’m a married woman.”
“It’s not to attract anyone else,” Sabrina said, “but to uplift your soul.”
“I’ll think about it.” Breana walked her friend to the door and gave her a hug. “I’ll see you.”
Sabrina stopped just before leaving and turned around. “Also think about contacting your husband. Love is something we must all endure, but you are suffering alone when you do not have to.”
“I’ll think about that too.”
Sabrina waved good-bye and walked out. After closing the door behind her, Breana returned to her perch by the window and stared at the lively street scene below.
As she usually did, her eyes were drawn to the pale tourists with brown hair and broad shoulders.
One man in particular caught her eye. He wore a large sombrero and walked the streets with confidence. His muscular arms, exposed by his blue vest, were stained pink by the sun and the humidity.
Breana’s heart thudded in response and she almost rose from her seat to push her nose against the glass. The spell was broken when the man turned and exposed his long nose and flat forehead.
It was not him. It was never him. And though she knew better than to expect every random man on the street to transform into her estranged husband, she continued to look without fail.
Breana didn’t need her Guatemalan friend to tell her what she already knew. Her heart longed for just a glimpse of Trenton. Maybe if she had one little glimpse, the hurt would go away.
Maybe…
Breana sighed and closed the curtains. She was the orchestrator of her own pain and, until she summoned the courage to end their separation, missing Trenton was the price she would have to pay.
Chapter 6
₪₪₪₪₪₪
Trenton hefted the dumbbell into the air and threw it back down in rapid succession. His labored breath had reached a level that sounded somewhere between a whine and a keening wail, but he kept on until his arm felt like it would fall off.
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” Michael roared and rushed to grab the dumbbell that Trenton curled up. “Slow down, my friend. You just got shot in that shoulder a few weeks ago.”
“I’m fine,” Trenton said, wheezing slightly. He brushed the brawny man aside and continued with the exercise.
“If you keep that up, you’ll hurt yourself even more,” Michael warned. When he noticed that Trenton wasn’t listening, he stepped forward and swept the dumbbell away.
The adrenaline receding like a wind-torn tide, Trenton’s arm crashed against his torso. Falling back, he breathed deeply and stared at the ceiling of the upscale gym.
“You’re going to kill yourself someday,” Michael warned, handing his friend a water bottle.
Trenton untwisted the cap and took a long swig. All around him, men and women utilized the equipment the pricey gym had set out for their pleasure. He wondered what they were trying so hard for. Was it for their health? To impress someone?
Trenton hoped he wasn’t the only one exercising in order to forget. When his arms burned and his lungs threatened to explode, when the ringing in his ear warned that he could faint at any minute—that was the only time his heart bled a little less.
“She’s coming back, man,” Michael said softly.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Trenton snapped. He returned to his feet and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Moving to the treadmill, he set the timer and started to run.
Michael watched him with worried eyes, but he blocked his friend’s concern and focused on getting his heart rate up. If he ran fast enough, maybe time would send Breana back to him.
He heard the whirr of machinery and the beep of a button before he realized that his machine was slowing down. Trenton glanced up and found Michael holding the unplugged cord in his hand.
“Dude,” Trenton said between breaths, “do you want us to get kicked out?”
“You have to stop.”
“No.”
Trenton stepped off the machine to find another one when his friend appeared in front of him and thumped him on the chest. “I can’t sit back and watch you exercise yourself to death. It’s pathetic.”
“Then I’m pathetic!” he shouted, pushing his friend back. “Leave me alone and let me do me.”
“I can’t take this anymore,” Michael grumbled. “You don’t eat. You work out until you faint. And you spend sixteen hours at the office. Yeah, that’s right. Jamison tattled on you. He never gets to see his wife anymore. Just because you can’t…” Michael stopped, rethinking that statement.
“I’m sorry everyone’s a little uncomfortable, but I have a lot of things on my mind.”
“I can see that,” Michael said. “Dude, I’m not a shrink. I don’t know how to fix this for you, but I can’t sit by and watch you destroy yourself. Call her.”
“She asked me not to.”
“And what? You’re going to get her attention by dying?”
“It’s worth a shot,” Trenton said, moving to the punching bags in the next section of the gym and fitting gloves onto his hands. “If you’re going to stand there yapping, at least hold the bag.”
Michael squeezed the punching bag tight as Trenton put his all into the swing. “Why don’t you go spy on her?”
“She asked me not to visit.”
“Spy being the key word. She won’t know and you won’t be seen. I’m sure she’s just as miserable as you are.”
“I doubt that.” Trenton kicked the bag, and Michael doubled over as the breath left him. “Sorry.”
“No worries,” he wheezed.
“Breana asked for space, and I’m not going to disrespect her by going back on that.”
“Why are you being such a gentleman? Just go and see her for a quick minute and then come back. She’ll be none-the-wiser.”
“That’s what got me into this mess in the first place.” Trenton grunted and pummeled his fists into the bag. “This time, I’ll cool my heels and see what happens.”
“You need to be alive to see what happens.”
Trenton stopped and glared at his friend. Michael shrugged. “At least eat two meals a day.”
“G
eorge Camal is on my tail. I can’t stop to eat.”
“George Camal is a conniving snake, and you’re already aware of that. Eating a few meals won’t do anything but give you strength. Do you think Breana would want to see you like this? Should I call her and—”
“Just drop it!” Trenton held the bag with his hands and leaned his sweaty head against the cool material. “It’s already hard enough.”
“I just want to help, man.”
Using his teeth, Trenton tore the gloves from his hands. “You’re not.”
Michael kept up with him. “What about visiting your mother then? That always cheers you up.”
Trenton shook his head. “She’ll just ask about Breana. It’s hard enough fielding her questions when I can’t even tell her the truth.”
“She’s still weak from the chemo?”
“Having my dad sticking around in Belize isn’t helping either. I have no idea why he won’t go back to the States. I’m completely healed.”
“Maybe he wants to hang out with you.” Trenton glared at him, but Michael shrugged. “Think about it. This may be your dad’s way of showing support. He hasn’t told your mom about Breana, has he?”
“No…”
“He’ll probably leave when she comes back.”
“If that’s keeping him here, then we need to have a long conversation. Mom needs him more than I do.”
“Not from what I’ve seen,” Michael said under his breath.
Trenton walked into the cool-down room and wiped his face with a towel. He knew what he was doing to himself and his friends, but he could no more slow down than the earth could stop revolving around the sun.
Without Breana next to him, he was a shell of himself. Right now, Trenton would settle for having her in the same city, not even in the same house. When would it get easier? Would it ever?
“What if I do it?” Michael mused.
“Do what?”
“What if I check up on her?”
His attention sprung to life, but Trenton tried his best to keep his interest away from his expression. Michael was kidding around. It wasn’t worth getting his hopes up.
“Wouldn’t that still technically be invading her space?”
