I’m already going to the party to meet Travis to exchange drugs for information, but Nathan doesn’t need to know that.
“I guess I can try to get there at some point.”
“Good,” Nathan sounds relieved, “That would be good.”
“Okay, text me what number Paul’s house is on Soloman. I’ll text you when I get there tomorrow night.” My phone vibrates, and I hold it away from my ear to check the screen. There’s a Facebook message from Ayden. My heart flutters and then sinks, and for a moment, I’m unsure why. Then, I realise that I feel bad because I’m kind of talking to two boys at the same time. The thing is, I don’t really want to talk to Nathan, so I know I need to make sure I let him know that we are over for good when I see him tomorrow night. As for Ayden, well, I’m pretty happy talking to him.
“Yep, okay, sounds good,” Nathan says.
“Okay, gotta go.” I’m eager to read Ayden's message than continue with this awkward conversation with my ex-boyfriend.
“Yep, okay, bye.”
I hang up as soon as Nathan says the words. I know it’s rude of me, but I’m finding it harder to control the bitch in me these days. The dejection spreading through my soul is turning me into a heartless empty shell, and I’m not sure how to stop it. Or if I even want to. Being a bitch isn’t so bad. Maybe people will leave me the hell alone if I show them that part of me. My bitch version would much rather deal with daily life instead of the fake prim and proper version who smiles like a bimbo.
Pushing the dark thoughts aside, I fall back on my bed, getting tangled in the charger cord before opening Ayden's message.
Ayden Mitchell
What are you doing?
Lexi West
Nosey much?
Ayden Mitchell
Yep! Now spill!
Lexi West
Oh, you know, just avoiding a house full of druggo’s doing lines on my kitchen table. You?
Ayden Mitchell
It’s like that, is it? Okay then, I’ll play along!
I’m at the strippers getting a lap dance. ☺
I laugh! Of course he doesn’t think I’m being honest, which is why I said it. No one knows about the crude acts that happen under this roof. Not even Abbey. Thinking of Abbey is just a brutal reminder of how I haven’t heard from her much today. It feels like she doesn’t care, and it hurts. I miss her, and I need her.
Desperate for the distraction, I focus on Ayden because he is the one happy to take time out of his day to chat with me.
Lexi West
I’d like photo evidence of this so-called lap dance, please?
Ayden Mitchell
Okay! BRB
I shake my head, my smile genuine. I can’t wait to see what he comes back with. Waiting patiently, I fill the time by scrolling through Instagram and see that Abbey is with Daniel, or so her post shows. Pictures of the two of them hugging and kissing fill my screen before Ayden’s message pops up.
Ayden Mitchell
Here you go!
There’s a video attached, so I hit play, and hysterics immediately take over. He went to the trouble of cutting out a picture of a half-naked woman, probably from a dirty magazine he hides under his bed. He’s holding the picture over his lap and moving it around to make it look like it’s dancing, and then he says, “See, lap dance,” and then he winks.
His voice! That wink! I turn to mush, and I’m so thankful he can’t see the heat in my cheeks right now. I save the video because I know I will want to watch it over and over like an obsessive moron.
My happiness dies a quick death when a loud bang rattles my bedroom door.
“Alexis, you little whore, open the door!” Mike slurs. Shit, he is wasted.
I’m frozen, watching my door handle jiggle violently before more banging shakes the door. With my phone clutched in my hand, I stand from my bed, ready to make a run for my window.
“Mike, baby. Leave her alone and come worship my body.” The soft voice of the red-headed girl from earlier filters through the door. Then, the rustle of movement tells me that Mike is doing what the girl asked before his bedroom door slams shut. I feel both relief and dread. I’m relieved that he is away from me, but that poor girl doesn’t know what she’s in for, and part of me feels like I should warn her. I take a few moments to calm down, trying to slow my racing heart when my phone vibrates in my hand.
Looking down, I see that I have a few new messages from Ayden.
Ayden Mitchell
Realistic, hey!
Ayden Mitchell
Okay, so I’m a liar. I’m at home in my bedroom, bored.
Ayden Mitchell
Have I lost you already? Are you not a fan of my humour?
His messages squeeze a small smile from me, but the reality of my situation has me on edge, and I just wish I could escape it.
Lexi West
Sorry. My brother interrupted me.
Your video evidence was interesting. I hope you enjoyed the lap dance!!
As to your humour, as much as I would like to tell you that it sucks, honestly, I am in hysterics. ☺
Well, I was in hysterics until Mike fucked with my happy vibe.
Ayden Mitchell
You have no idea how happy that makes me. ☺
His words, although simple, do all sorts of strange butterfly flip things to my insides. There’s something about this guy. Something that has me almost hooked. Not only is he blissfully easy on the eyes, but he really seems like a decent person. I’m incredibly drawn to him, which scares me a little. I know I long to have what Abbey and Daniel have, but I just don’t know if I’m made of the right stuff to make something like that work. My dad is an absent arsehole. My mum is a self-absorbed addict. And my brother is bordering on being a predator. I carry secrets that, if revealed, would repulse people. I don’t think I’m cut from the relationship cloth. But man, I want to be. I want to be so damn much.
As much as I know without a doubt that I’m attracted to Ayden, I can’t be sure if he feels the same towards me. I have no idea if he is flirting with me or just needs a friend because he’s new. I’m not sure what this is between us, but I do know that when I go to the party tomorrow night, I will only go to do the exchange with Travis and then come right back home. My time with Nathan is over for good. I’m more certain of this than anything else. Well, I’m also confident that Ayden Mitchell is hot as hell, and he is spending his time chatting with me right now, so I’m not going to ignore that.
Lexi West
I'm kind of jealous. Your stripper visit looks much more fun than my crack house.
Ayden Mitchell
You could always have your own male stripper cut out. I’d love to see that video!!
Lexi West
Unlike you, Ayden, I don’t have any porn magazines hidden in my room.
Ayden Mitchell
I can see how that would be a problem. But I’m not convinced about your crack house. Evidence, please!!!
I contemplate his demand for evidence. I could get some talc powder and make lines on my dresser, or I could just send him proof of the real thing. He would probably still think it’s a setup. But what if he doesn’t? Do I want to be that honest with him? Even Abbey doesn’t know what happens in this house, and although this is just one of the many bad things that occur, do I want to let him get a glimpse? Unsure if this is too risky, but wanting to win the convincing game we are playing, I decide to send him the real thing.
Lexi West
brb
Jumping up from my bed, I put my ear to the door, listening for sound beyond. There’s still music playing faintly somewhere, but I can’t hear any voices, so I take a deep breath and leave the safety of my room.
Grunts and moans immediately meet my ears, coming from the direction of Mike’s bedroom. An uncontrollable shudder sweeps over my body, and I try to push away any thoughts those noises bring. Moving quickly down the stairs, I stop at the bottom to listen again. The radio is still playing in the
kitchen, and I can also hear the faint murmur of my mum's TV’in her bedroom, but no other voices.
Darting down the hall to the kitchen, I find that Mike is just as predictable as I thought. He and his so-called mates left all the evidence out, spread across the kitchen table and part of the kitchen bench. I would laugh at his audacity if the situation weren’t so serious. Shaking my head, I hold up my phone to record myself.
“Welcome to the West Crack House” I give the screen a wink, just the way Ayden did, and then turn the screen around to film the table. I zoom in on the specs of white powder, which are left behind from the snorted lines, and the two lines that remain untouched, ready for the taking. I include the ugly green bong with remnants of burnt weed sitting in the bowl for good measure.
Before I second guess my actions, I send the video to Ayden, and a few moments later, my phone starts beeping with a messenger call from Ayden.
Oh shit! What have I done? I’m such an idiot! Regret slams into me, knowing I should never have sent the video. Of course, it doesn’t look like a setup. He can tell it’s real.
Panic fills me as the call stops, and a message comes through.
Ayden Mitchell
Lex. Pick up my call.
My phone beeps again with his incoming call, and I flick the silence button on and message him back quickly.
Lexi West
What’s wrong? Not realistic enough? Lol
Shit! Shit! Shit! I’m screwed!
Ayden Mitchell
That was 100% realistic, Lexi. Please pick up my call!
Fuck!
Lexi West
I can’t talk right now, Ayden. My mum needs me.
I hope he believes my lie.
Ayden Mitchell
When can you talk?
Lexi West
Umm... Never?
Ayden Mitchell
Lexi!
Lexi West
Ayden!
Ayden Mitchell
Are you safe?
I want to tell him the truth, but what can he do with that information? Tell the teachers at school? Then Child Services will get involved, and I will end up in a foster home somewhere on the other side of the state. Not to mention that everyone will know my secrets. Everyone will know I come from nothing but trash. I don’t want that. I just need to hold out a bit longer until I finish school. Shame tugs at me like a heavy anchor trying to drag me under.
Lexi West
Yes.
Ayden Mitchell
I need to hear your voice.
Well, if that’s not a loaded statement, then I don’t know what is! I met him today, for fuck’s sake. This is ridiculous. He is acting like we have known each other for ages, but it has only been a few damn hours. Even as I think this, there is a part of me that feels like I can trust him, and I’m torn because I kind of want to give him what he wants. But I can’t.
Lexi West
Tomorrow. gtg
Ayden Mitchell
So stubborn! Call me anytime if you need to. PLEASE!
I don’t care if it’s 3 in the morning.
And just like that, I’ve ruined a good thing. A really good thing. Tears pool in my eyes and my shoulders drop in defeat. Fed up with my reality and the heavyweight I carry, the overwhelming impulse to walk out my front door and never look back plagues me. I don’t know where I’d go, but I just want to be gone.
Knowing another emotional breakdown isn’t far away, I shove my phone in my pocket and pop my head in to check on mum while I’m downstairs. She’s in her usual position, sitting up asleep, mouth open, with faint snores escaping.
I wish I had a different mum. I’m sure just thinking that makes me a bad person, but there you have it. Lexi West is not worth the air she breathes. These destructive thoughts hurt, but so does the wish to have a mum who wants me. A mum who fights for me, who has time for me. One who can see what her step-son is doing to me.
Tears fall, and I don’t fight them. I don’t make any noise as I cry silently, standing just inside the door of my mum’s room. The same room that should have my dad in it, but as usual, he’s nowhere to be seen. Absent as always.
I retreat quietly, pulling the door closed and turning back to the kitchen area, only to scream. Mike lurks a few feet from me, wearing only a pair of jocks, barely covering his prominent swell still lingering from his session with the red-haired girl. At least that’s the reason I insist on telling myself for his current state. His cold dark eyes roam over my body, and even though I’m covered with my baggy trackies and hoodie, he still licks his lips. Sick fucker!
Cheeks still wet from tears, my crying is replaced with crippling fear. Mike remains in front of me, not saying a word, his penetrating glare looking sinister. I try to step to the right, but he follows, stepping in my path. I try for the left, and he moves with me.
“What do you want?” I spit.
He grins, “Oh little sis, I think you know what I want.”
I shake my head, refusing to play his games.
“I have homework to do. Go play with your little redhead.” I try to step around him again, but he matches my move.
“I have already played with her. Now it’s your turn.” He lunges for me, and I hurry in the other direction, running. I’m not fast enough, though. Mike fists my hair, pulling me back inflicting burning pain that momentarily paralyses me. I scream again as I’m hurled across the room to land forcefully on the edge of one of the dining chairs. The corner of my eye slams into the kitchen table, and pain slices through me before my vision wavers.
“Mike!” I hear a female scream.
I scramble to get up, my feet slipping on the tile floor.
“Fuck off. This is family business!” Mike hisses at the red-haired girl.
I take that moment while he is distracted, to push myself up, the room swaying slightly. I don’t think twice as I bolt for the back patio door. Reefing it open, I run out into the lonely cold night.
CHAPTER SEVEN
It’s 2 am before I sneak back into my house, climbing through my bedroom window after hearing Mike’s car speed off. I’d taken refuge in Valarie's backyard after running from Mike. Laying on the cushioned grass in Valarie’s orchid, I passed the time by reading back over Ayden's messages and replaying the video he sent me over and over until my phone battery finally died. After that, I watched the angry clouds sweep across the dark sky, catching brief glimpses of the stars, reminding me that there is still beauty in the world, despite the ugliness it shows me more often than not.
Once I’m back in my bed, sleep evades me for most of the night. I fight off tears, not wanting to cry anymore and wishing I was someone else, living a different life. There has to be some reason why I am forced to keep suffering at the hands of my brother. What have I done to deserve such menace? I doubt I’ll ever know the answer to that. Perhaps just being born was the mistake I made.
A small reprieve is gifted to me when Mike doesn’t return before I leave for school in the morning. My attempt to reduce my puffy eyes and the bruising just above my cheekbone with a bag of frozen peas doesn’t help. Today, concealer is my friend.
I stew over the idea of staying home. It’s risky going to school and having someone possibly seeing what Mike did to my face. The need to hide away also niggles at me, knowing there’s a possibility of someone seeing the giant cracks forming in my composure. The problem with staying home is that it will most certainly guarantee another run-in with Mike.
No fucking thanks!
Exhaustion gnaws at me, a reminder of my lack of sleep, while sadness twists my heart in defeat. I’m so over this life I live. I just want out of it. I don’t know how to achieve that or what it means exactly. Do I want to run away? Do I just desperately wish I was living a different life, like I think about so often? Or am I over my whole existence? Jesus, do I want to die? Is that what my brain is trying to tell me? No. No! I want to live… I think.
Digging deep, I drag my sorry arse to school. I message Abb
ey, telling her that I’m running late and I’ll meet up with her later. I can’t deal with her happy love bubble right now, and I hate myself for being so selfish. Abbey deserves to be happy, so being around me today will only bring her down.
I stroll when I should be walking briskly, taking the back streets and laneways, paranoia controlling me. Every car I hear approaching has me nearly fleeing with worry that it's Mike. I’m so jumpy, and I hate Mike even more for having this effect on me.
I deliberately arrive late to school after homeroom has already started, wanting to avoid the typical morning ritual of throwing on a fake smile and pretending my life is just as good as everyone else’s. Not today, I just can’t.
I walk carelessly through the school corridors, done pretending to be okay. My usual fake smile is gone, and by the looks on the faces of the few students left still roaming the halls, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
Abbey finally replies to my text message. An apology of sorts. Apparently, Daniel picked her up for school, and she forgot to tell me. Wow! Just wow! I have officially been replaced with a person who has a dick between their legs! This pisses me off, probably more than it should, but I can’t help it. Abbey forgetting to let me know her change of plans is just another kick to my gut while I’m down. Fuck this shit!
Shoving my phone in my blazer pocket, I ignore the messages Ayden sent. He’s better off forgetting about me and making friends with... Well, anyone but me. He seems like a sweet guy, and all I will do is taint his happy existence.
Skipping homeroom, I go straight to science, taking my usual seat. The empty room allows me to have a quiet moment to myself and try and pull my shit together. I use the opportunity to rest my head on my hands and close my eyes, briefly giving in to the exhaustion. I’m jolted out of my brief slumber when the period one bell shrieks loud through the classroom speaker.
My quiet place turns to chaos as students file in, taking their seats. Tasha, who is the last person I’ll be able to tolerate today, tries to sit next to me. I glare at her and tell her, in a not so polite way, that the seat is taken. I hear the word “Bitch” fall from her lips when she sneers back at me and moves to another table towards the front of the room. Unfortunately, I have to do the same with Allison and Ayden, although I avoid looking them in the eye when I speak. They get the message and take a seat somewhere else.
Heavy (Heavy Hearts Book 1) Page 7
