“Thanks, Dr. Freud,” Matty replied, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice.
“Do you want me to come up there?” Charlotte asked. Matty didn’t miss the hopeful sound in her friend’s voice.
“No way. Not right now,” she answered without missing a beat. She knew exactly why Charlotte wanted to come up and it had nothing to do with Brad and everything to do with Dash.
“Then don’t be an asshole and go talk to Ian and Vivi, now.”
“Yes, Mom.”
“And sort this thing out with Dash,” Charlotte added.
“Easier said than done.”
“Don’t I know it, but then again, you’ve done a thing or two that’s harder.”
Matty couldn’t argue with that, so she murmured her assent and they hung up. She sat for a good long while before wiry little Lucy jumped on the bed, spun around a few times, sat down, and stared at her.
“Need to go out, girl?” she asked. Lucy dropped into her pounce stance and wagged her non-existent tail. “I take that as a yes,” Matty said to herself, flinging the sheets back. Lucy bounded off the bed and they made their way downstairs side by side. Absentmindedly, Matty noticed the clock on the kitchen wall telling her it was close to one o’clock.
She let all the dogs out then went back into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. She stared at the fridge knowing she should eat but having no real appetite. A scratch at the door let her know that at least one of the dogs wanted back in; when she opened the door, Bob stood there. He entered the room, sat down and stared at her with his big, brown eyes—heedless of the cone encompassing his head.
Looking at him sitting there made her smile, and when she glanced at the calendar hanging by the phone, she realized today was the day she could take the cone off. He thumped his tail a bit as Matty walked over to him but sat quietly as she dropped to her knees, wrestled the seam apart, and freed him. She’d expected an exuberant display of Lab joy, but all he did was shake his head then return to staring at her.
She let out a deep breath. “I need to call him, don’t I, Bob?”
Bob wagged his tail.
“I don’t think I was very fair to him.”
Bob stood and nudged her hand.
“Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.” So she picked up her cell and dialed the now familiar number.
“Matty,” Dash said when he answered.
“Hi, Dash, how are you?” she asked, knowing how lame it sounded.
“I’ve been better, but I’m working. How about you?”
She took a deep breath. “Do you have some time today, to talk?” She could feel her heart thudding in her chest. The seconds dragged by and it felt like forever before he answered.
“My last client is at three o’clock today. Would three-thirty work?”
Matty nodded then remembered to speak. “Yes, that would be fine. I’ll come down to the clinic and then maybe we can go for a walk or a drink or something?” She thought if they were moving or in public, it might be easier to talk, even though she still had no idea exactly what she was going to say to him.
“That sounds nice,” he answered.
“Good, then I’ll see you in a little bit?”
“See you in a little bit,” he repeated before they ended the call. She placed her phone back on the kitchen counter and told herself she was doing the right thing. But it was a tough sell when she had no idea what she was actually doing.
When she walked into Dash’s office a few hours later, she still didn’t know what she was going to say or do. Beth, his receptionist, had let Matty in on her way out, so now it was just the two of them in the building. She knocked on his office door before poking her head in. He looked up from the paperwork scattered across his desk.
“Is now still okay?” she asked.
He nodded. “I just need to fill out this last form and then I’ll be done.”
She sat opposite him, remembering that just a few days ago she’d been in the same exact spot, but in a very different frame of mind. She had teased and flirted with him then, playing a game she knew well. But sitting here now, in this situation, she knew she was out of her depth and going to have to fly blind in some ways. The thought didn’t sit well on her shoulders, or any other part of her body, and with every second that went by, Dash’s calm focus on his paperwork seemed inversely proportional to the tension building inside her.
And so, when he finally tucked the form into a file, closed it, and looked up, she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.
“Trust doesn’t come easily for me, Dash. For a lot of reasons, the biggest one being how and where I was raised. We might feel some connection to each other, but trust takes time to build, and even more time to believe in.”
For a long, long moment, he just stared at her. Try as she might, she couldn’t read anything in his expression. And then, finally, he spoke.
“Sorry, Matty, that’s bullshit and you know it. I’m not saying that, under normal circumstances, trust doesn’t take time, but I am saying that trust isn’t the issue between us.”
Okay, not exactly what she wanted to hear. “How can you say that when we’ve known each other less than two weeks?”
He placed his forearms on his desk and leaned forward. Very deliberately, he held her gaze, not letting her eyes escape his as he spoke. “Look at me. Do you honestly think trust is the issue? Do you think I’m out to hurt you? Or that I’m going to betray you or lie to you? Look me in the eyes and tell me you think that’s a possibility.”
She searched his dark, dark eyes and knew he was right. She knew, in her heart, that he wouldn’t betray her, not even after so short a time together. He wouldn’t hurt her, not intentionally, and lying wasn’t in his nature with anyone. It was possible that he’d hurt her unintentionally, but that was part of being human and she couldn’t fault him for that. Especially not when she knew, beyond a doubt, that if that ever happened, and it was bound to happen at some point, he would make it right, they would make it right, in whatever way they could.
She felt like she wanted to throw up.
“Dash,” she said, her voice soft. But what she was going to say next was interrupted by his phone. He glanced at the number and she didn’t miss the small frown that touched his lips, but he didn’t answer.
“You should answer that,” she said when it rang again.
“I think this conversation is pretty important. The call can wait.”
Only she knew it couldn’t when, after a brief respite, it rang again. “Answer the call, Dash. We’ll have this conversation, but if someone needs your help, you need to help.” Her voice was sure, and for the first time, she was beginning to feel the same way. Sure about him, about them. It wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, but she knew they would have the conversation.
He seemed to sense her change, her new commitment to the next step, and to understand that her request for him to answer wasn’t an evasive tactic on her part. He nodded and answered the phone.
“Dr. Kent,” he said. “Hmm . . . I see . . . how long?” His eyes flicked to hers as if to ask a question but he said nothing, keeping himself focused on the phone call. “I see . . . yes, I can be right there.” And he hung up.
He took a moment to collect himself and his thoughts—probably struggling to bring his mind back to his work—then his eyes met hers again.
“Have you ever seen a foal being born?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“Any interest in seeing a foal being born?”
“A baby horse?” she asked, making him smile.
“Yes, a baby horse. Trudy White has a mare that’s foaling right now but seems to be in some kind of distress.” He stood as he spoke and Matty followed suit. “I’m, not sure what’s going on, but she’s asked me to come out and take a look.”
“I’d like to come, but not if I’m going to be in the way.”
He rounded the desk, slipped a hand behind her neck, and kissed her. Pulling ba
ck, he kept his hand in her hair. “You’re not going to be in the way. But I also can’t promise you that it will be a happy event. I’m hoping it’s something we can work through, but like all births, there’s a risk—and it may not be pretty.”
She gave him a small smile. “Life isn’t always pretty, Dr. Kent, but we do the best we can, don’t we?” She wasn’t just talking about the horse and he knew it. Taking her hand in his, he raised it to his lips and brushed a kiss across her skin before releasing her. With a nod, he headed into the back office to collect supplies.
The ride out to the farm was a relatively quiet one. Dash explained that Trudy was really a barn manager for a local, well-respected thoroughbred farm. But part of the deal she’d made with the owners when she’d come to run the place included board for a couple of her own horses, jumpers she bred and trained herself. The mare in question was one of her own, the thoroughbreds giving birth mostly in January and February.
When they arrived, a short woman with a long brown ponytail shoved through the back of a baseball hat greeted them in the parking lot. She wore jeans, work boots, a t-shirt, and a no-nonsense expression.
“She’s back here,” was all she said once Dash had gathered a bucketful of supplies from the back of his truck.
“Trudy, this is Matty. Matty, Trudy,” Dash said as they made their way through the barn. A couple of curious equine heads popped out of stall doors, but most of the huge animals seemed completely disinterested in their arrival.
“It’s nice to meet you, Trudy,” Matty said.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Matty,” Trudy responded over her shoulder. “Normally, I’d offer you a tour and all that, but I’m worried about my mare right now. She was my jumper five years ago and I’ve promised Mara, that’s my daughter,” she clarified, “that the baby can be hers. I meant it to be something good, something for her to look forward to. The last year has been a little rough for her. And now I’m just hoping that I haven’t made it worse.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Dash said. “We’re going to do everything we can to make sure Mara gets her foal.”
Matty said nothing more. She could see the tension on the woman’s face and wondered just what had happened to her and her daughter in the last year. She glanced at Dash and guessed that he didn’t know either, but she also knew that, at this moment, he didn’t care. All he cared about was doing what he could to help the horse and, yes, its owner and her little girl. He and Trudy discussed horse things Matty didn’t understand as they made their way to the end of the row of stalls. Trudy unlatched the door and both she and Dash walked in. Matty stayed at the entrance and took in the scene, her heart breaking just a little with every strained breath the mare took.
She didn’t have to know anything about horses to know this poor girl was in pain. The mare was sweating profusely, despite a couple of fans blowing in the stall, and Matty could see the whites of her eyes as she struggled to get up at their arrival. Trudy quickly went to the horse’s head as both she and Dash spoke soothingly to her.
Matty watched as Dash ran his hands over the mare’s big, brown body, well rounded with the foal. He stopped to check for a pulse, listened to her heart with his stethoscope, then put his hand on her belly. Whether he was counting breaths or feeling for the baby, Matty didn’t know.
“I’m going to need to do an examination. Will she be okay?” he asked.
Trudy looked up from where she sat cradling the mare’s head in her lap and nodded. “She’s in a lot of pain, so she may not even feel it. But even so, she’s well behaved.”
Dash nodded and pulled a few things out of his equipment bucket. He rolled up his sleeves, donned a pair of long latex gloves, and proceeded to examine the horse. After a few minutes, he looked up at Trudy.
“The foal is backward, but its position is the best we can hope for in this situation. I’m going to try to maneuver it a bit to make it easier for her.”
Matty didn’t know what that meant, but Trudy nodded and went back to soothing her horse. After he pushed, pulled, and pressed various parts of the mare’s abdomen, Dash looked up. Sweat was dripping from his face, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“I think we’re going to be fine, Trudy. Do you want to go get Mara? I think she’d like to see it.”
Matty could see the conflict in the woman’s eyes. “I don’t want her to see it, Dash, if the foal isn’t going to make it,” Trudy said.
“I can feel the foal just fine, and trust me, Trudy, I think Mara will want to see this.”
The woman’s hesitation filled the stall, but then Trudy nodded and looked at her. “Will you come sit with her?”
Something akin to panic set in on Matty’s body. “I’ve never been around horses before,” she managed to say.
“Then come in here and meet Never. She’s a good girl and all you have to do is stroke her, pet her, and tell her she’s pretty and she’s going to be okay.”
Matty cast a look at Dash, who was clearly going to leave the decision to her, but was just as clearly hoping that she’d make it soon. She looked at Trudy and saw a woman trying to do the best she could for her horse and her daughter. If Matty could help, she needed to step up.
She took a hesitant step into the stall and then another as Trudy beckoned her over. And within minutes, much to her surprise, Matty was seated on the straw with the massive head of a horse lying in her lap. After that, instinct took over and she cooed and stroked the mare, telling her what a beautiful girl she was and how Dash was going to help her with her baby. She didn’t really know what she was saying, but it felt right and it felt good to have the trust of such a large animal.
Within minutes, Trudy returned with a young girl of about four in tow. She had the same straight, brown hair as her mother, but her coloring was darker and her eyes a bright green.
“Mom says Never is going to be okay?” she said.
Dash looked up and smiled. “She’s going to be fine, Mara. I thought you might want to see your first jumper being born. I heard that was the plan for this little baby. To be your first big jumper?”
Mara nodded and Matty watched as Dash charmed and reassured the young girl. His eyes were kind, his voice soothing, and though he used words that were appropriate for a child, his tone wasn’t the least bit condescending. Listening to him, Matty realized that he spoke to Mara much the same way he would if he were explaining the situation to her, an adult.
A few minutes later, Mara was on Dash’s lap waiting to catch the baby horse. Trudy was standing by with towels and Matty, still stroking the mare’s head, was glad that Dash was talking his way through the birth, so she could know what was going on even if she couldn’t see it. When the legs of the little animal made their appearance, Dash gave Matty a quick look, telling her without speaking that on the next contraction, the one that would push the foal out, Never would need all the support she could give. Matty nodded, tuned the others out, and focused on the mare.
Never’s head came up, her eyes rolled back and she let out a long grunt. Matty wrapped her arms around the horse’s head and did her best to keep her calm. As the mare’s nostrils flared, Matty could feel the sweat from the horse’s neck on her arms as it soaked through her long-sleeved linen blouse. After what seemed like an hour but was probably no more than three minutes, Never’s head dropped like a dead weight back into her lap, hot air from the horse’s nostrils pounding into her thigh. In a panic, Matty looked up to find the other three people in the stall smiling.
Dash was backing up with Mara still on his lap and they were pulling on two little legs, Mara’s hands wrapped around Dash’s. Matty’s eyes went back to Never, and as she felt the horse’s breathing become more regular, she let out a deep breath of relief.
“Dash?” she asked.
He glanced up with a huge smile. “She’s going to be okay. Both of them. We’re just going to help Never out with this last bit by pulling on the foal as she has her next contraction. Everything is lookin
g great though, and we should have mom and baby safe and together in just a few more minutes.”
Matty looked down at Never, who looked exhausted, and then back to Dash, who was holding a smiling, laughing Mara.
“It’s a little girl, isn’t it, Dr. Kent? A filly,” Mara said.
“It is. Nice job, Mara. I bet she’s going to be as pretty as her mom,” Dash answered. Though the words didn’t sink in, Matty continued to watch Dash as he and Mara talked and smiled and, eventually, helped Never finish the birth of her first, healthy baby. Matty was aware of the weight in her lap but she couldn’t take her eyes off of Dash as he helped Mara clean off the foal and do something he referred to as imprinting.
“He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?” Trudy said. She’d made her way back to Matty’s side and was now stroking her mare.
“I think you’re all pretty amazing,” Matty responded, making Trudy laugh. “Is she really going to be all right?” she asked, running her hand down Never’s nose.
“Dash will check her as soon as the foal is up, but she’s already breathing better, so I think she’s going to be fine.”
Just then, the foal gave a little shake, startling Mara, who fell back into Dash’s lap. “Now is the really fun part,” Dash said with a glint in his eye as he met Matty’s gaze.
She turned her attention to the impossibly tiny horse and watched as it first stretched out its legs then rocked its body. Slowly, inch-by-inch, the little foal brought her legs underneath her and then, with a final, mini-Herculean effort, rose up on all fours. Matty stared, transfixed. With legs shaky but strong, the little foal stood for the first time then, seeming to know she had an audience, took her first step while giving a little toss of her head as if to say, “What were you all so worried about?”
Dash laughed as he rose to his feet. Never was already making moves to stand, so Dash came over, reached his hand down for Matty, and helped her up. A few seconds later, Never was up on her feet, too, and nuzzling her new baby. Matty leaned into Dash as she watched the sweet scene before her.
These Sorrows We See Page 17
