There’s a spring storm brewing outside though and lots of old trees in the yard just waiting for a big wind to help them destroy my baby. From what I know, he was a car guy, so he wouldn’t blame me for wanting to keep mine safe.
Taking a chance, I try the door on the Tahoe and luck out. It’s unlocked and the keys are laying in the floorboard. I put it in Josh’s spot then park the Vette in Ellie’s.
Hopefully that’s not pushing my luck as much. I’ll probably wake up and find an entire oak tree crushing the whole garage.
When I go back in the house, I find her standing at their bedroom doorway, looking in, her fingers over her mouth. I probably shouldn’t, but I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, laying my head on top of hers. I keep my eyes closed, seeing their bed is… Well, I don’t know what it is, but I know I don’t like it. Knowing we’ll be sleeping in it in a few hours doesn’t help.
I’m sure that makes me a dickhead, but so be it.
She sinks back into me, laying her arms over mine. I glance down at her, seeing the wet lashes of her puffy eyes laying on flushed cheeks. The sight’s another blow to my heart from that hatchet.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel anymore, you know? Should I be a sobbing mess? Should I be over it?” she whispers, her voice hoarse from crying.
I swallow, trying to get my throat to loosen up, and squeeze her gently. “I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to feel. Just feel what you feel.”
“That’s the problem, I don’t know what I feel.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s okay too.”
She turns around in my arms and looks up at me. “How do you feel? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, beautiful. Don’t worry about me, all right? This isn’t about me,” I tell her, reaching up and brushing some damp hair off her face and behind her ear.
“But this has to be uncomfortable for you.”
I shrug. “I can handle being uncomfortable. Being here for you is all that matters to me.”
She buries her face in my chest so I pick her up and carry her to one of the couches in the living room. We just sit there for a long while, so long I thought she fell asleep.
“I don’t think I can stay in there tonight,” she mumbles.
My relief is so palpable it’s a wonder I don’t float us off the couch. I quickly try to divert her attention just in case she noticed.
“You’ve got two great couches here. Why don’t we just push them together and make us a cozy nest?”
“But your legs, they’ll hang off or be up in your face,” she protests.
“Nah, I’ll just keep em wrapped around you all night,” I try to tease her, tickling her ribs.
Her response is silence, then some sniffling. She pulls away enough to look up at me, two tears sliding down her cheeks. “Nik, last night I…”
My stomach lurches. More tears are bad enough, but not this. I may have been unsettled about it before, but seeing the pain and guilt on her beautiful face erases all of that. If she needs rough, mind numbing sex to get her through this, she’ll have it. Whatever it takes. I’ll gladly provide it so I never have to see her look this way again.
“Shh, it’s okay.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not. I used you and I feel like shit about it. I’m sorry. I’ve felt awful about it all day.”
I force down the lump in my throat then slip my hands into her hair and gently pull her face back up. She won’t open her eyes.
“Ellie, please look at me?”
Nothing.
I pull her back into my arms and rub her back. “Please, Bird, don’t be upset about this. How many times were you there for me in the exact same way? You never let me feel guilty. What kind of asshole would I be if I held it against you?” Of course, she doesn’t answer so I do. “I’d be the kind to win an award for the world’s biggest asshole, that’s what kind.”
When she lets out one of those laughing sobs, one of the many knots in my stomach loosens. It’s a step in the right direction. I give her a few more seconds then try to get her to look at me again.
Thankfully this time she does.
“I know I haven’t made this promise out loud and in front of a bunch of people yet, but I’ve made it to myself. I love you for better or worse, good times and bad. No matter what, I’ll always be here. I’m never leaving you and I’m never gonna stop loving you either, not on the good days or the bad ones either. Especially not on the bad ones.”
“I don’t deserve you,” she sputters out, using my shirt to wipe at her eyes.
“Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me now,” I tell her, pulling her against me and kissing over her wet face.
“There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with,” she whispers.
“That’s good to hear.”
“Yeah.”
GHOSTS THAT WE KNEW
~
Ellie
Bright sunlight is beating on my swollen, gritty eyelids trying to wake me up. I groan and turn over to hide in the warm body draped over mine. I bury my face against a soft, slightly furry chest and breathe in. The scents of salty heat, soap, and man wrap themselves around me.
My sweet, wonderful Nik.
His arm tightens, pulling me closer. “Love you,” he mumbles, his fingers massaging my back for just a moment before going still. He snores quietly a second later.
My eyes immediately well up with tears again. He does love me, with such pure and utter devotion it leaves me both gutted and full to the point of bursting all at once. I don’t think I’ll ever feel worthy of it.
But I’m okay with that.
I choke back my tears as quietly as I can, I don’t want to hurt him with more. He hates my tears, but crying seems to have become my default setting since we got within twenty miles of this place.
Between him being so incredibly sweet and the memories bombarding my mind, I can’t find any stable footing. I feel like a dinghy being tossed around in a hurricane. But even though Nik’s part of that storm of emotions, he’s been my anchor too.
He held me for hours yesterday and last night. Except when he was fixing us a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for supper and arranging our nest, he had me in his arms. I’d cry some, he would calm me down and we’d talk a bit, then I’d cry some more. Not once did he lose his patience or demand anything of me. He was my shelter, my comfort, my rock.
I scoot back from him just a bit, slowly so I don’t wake him. I need to see his beautiful face. Just looking at him gives me a reprieve from all these swirling emotions. I love him so much my entire being aches with it.
I also ache with guilt.
I shouldn’t have brought Nik here or even come back at all. I could’ve done everything we came to do over the phone. I don’t know what I expected of myself. Everything I said to him that day in our kitchen back in Georgia I meant. It’s time to put these memories to rest. But when I walked into this house yesterday it was like ripping a scab off.
It hurt. Shocking and sharp and stinging. I couldn’t keep my reaction to it contained. And I haven’t been able to keep it all from spilling over onto him either.
I’m causing him pain and I hate it.
Despite what I’m putting him through, he’s been so good to me. Sometime after midnight he curled us up in our makeshift bed and we fell into a fitful sleep. He couldn’t get comfortable in this tiny space and I fought my exhaustion, fearing the nightmares that were sure to haunt me all night. I lay for a long time staring at the ceiling after Nik fell asleep, his heart beating steady under my ear, doing its best to keep the ghosts at bay. They still came. In the heavy silence of the house I kept hearing a familiar voice call my name and the patter of little feet running across the floors, sweet laughter echoing all around me.
There was no peace, awake or not, and my body finally gave me no choice and pulled me under. I drifted in and out, but almost every time I became the least bit conscious Nik was there, his glassy eyes sta
ring at me, fingers brushing through my hair, whispering that everything was going to be all right, that he wouldn’t leave me.
I don’t know if I was waking him with my fretting or if he was too worried to sleep himself.
He already feels like a thief and I’m just making it worse. I’ve got to pull myself together.
I don’t know why I thought chasing ghosts was a good idea anyway. Not when I know life with this man in front of me holds everything good I could ever want.
The sooner I get things handled here, the sooner we can start that life.
It’s tricky, but I manage to slip out from under him and climb out of our nest. I’m going to fix him breakfast. A big one. I tiptoe down the hall to the bathroom, do my business, then tiptoe to the kitchen.
I check out the haul Anna and Brandon left for us in the fridge and find bacon, eggs, potatoes, and homemade biscuit dough resting in a covered bowl.
Bless you, Brandon!
It only takes a few minutes to get the dough rolled out and the biscuits cut. I start on the potatoes next, then get the coffee going once they’re cooking. I save the bacon and eggs for last.
I haven’t cooked in this kitchen in over two years, unless you count heating up soup or mac-n-cheese in the microwave for the few months I was on my own. It feels familiar, of course, but not quite right either. It just solidifies the fact that I don’t belong here anymore. My place is somewhere else now. I miss our house in Savannah, our home.
A huge part of that home wraps his arms around me from behind and presses his lips to my shoulder. “Hi,” he whispers.
I reach up and cup one of his cheeks and turn my head to kiss the other. “Hi, baby.”
“Something besides you smells really good,” he murmurs, his face in my neck, the rest of him still holding me close. He’s such a cuddler.
“Bacon, eggs, home fries, and biscuits. Brandon hooked us up. It’s almost ready if you wanna hit the bathroom first.”
He straightens up, but instead of going to the bathroom he turns me to face him. Those ocean eyes of his look down at me filled with love and worry as he brushes my hair back off my face. He wants to ask how I am, but he struggles with it.
“I’m all right, sweetie. Better than yesterday, I promise,” I tell him, rubbing over what I’m certain is his aching chest.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Go wash up so we can eat. We’ve got a busy day.”
He stares at me a few more seconds then leans down and kisses my forehead. “Be right back.”
I get everything on the table as I finish it up. He comes back in as I’m pouring his coffee. I get another kiss on the head before he sits down. “Thank you, beautiful. This looks and smells delicious.”
“You’re welcome,” I tell him, sitting down beside him and giving him a little smile. “You deserve it for putting up with me yesterday.”
He shakes his head and rubs his big hand up and down my thigh. “I’ll do whatever you need, Bird, no thanks needed.”
“I know that. That’s why you deserve this,” I whisper and lean over to kiss him.
We eat quietly for a while then I decide to let him know what I need to get done. We really haven’t discussed it.
“So…I need to meet with my lawyer and find a realtor today. I guess I need to get a truck rented too. It won’t have to be big, because I don’t think I’m taking much.”
“Okay, sounds good. You want to just hire the truck to drive to Savannah or do you want to me drive it and you the Vette?”
“Definitely hire them to take it. I don’t want either of us having to drive that much. You seem to keep forgetting you’re still healing, mister.” I scowl at him playfully.
He winks, giving me one of his adorable smirks. “Can’t blame me for tryin’.”
“You can stay here if you want, while I’m in town.”
“Nope, I’m coming with you,” he says, then stuffs a big, jelly-oozing biscuit in his mouth.
~
I had to make a few phone calls first, but we’ve got appointments set up for the day. We head out about eleven.
“Where’s the car?” I was halfway down the steps before I noticed it missing from the driveway.
“I put it in the garage, I hope that’s all right?”
“Oh phew! I almost had a heart attack. I thought someone stole it. And sure, that’s fine.”
“I’ll go get it, you can wait here,” he says, taking off at a jog around the house.
I follow right behind him at a slower pace, the closer I am to him the less the memories invade. He has the door going up by the time I get there and a look of relief on his face as he looks over his baby.
Wonder what that’s about?
I start towards my side, but a flash of sunlight against chrome catches my eye.
The Harley. I forgot all about it.
We took a lot of rides on that thing before Lucas was born. He loved it like Nik loves his Vette. I walk over, scowling at how dusty it is and send up an apology to Josh for not doing better.
“I can clean it up for you when we get back,” Nik says, his voice low and unsure from behind me.
I turn and look up at him, smiling a bit so he knows I’m alright. “It’s a beauty when it’s polished up.”
“I bet.”
“You ever ride before?” I ask, an idea beginning to form in my mind.
He nods. “I had a dirt bike in my teens. Dad had a Honda I would take out every once in awhile.”
“You think you might want to take this one with us?”
His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, then quickly gather when he thinks for second. “You want me to have his bike?”
“I know you’d take care of it.”
“Well yeah, but…”
“I understand if you’d rather not have the reminder. I’m sure I can sell it easy. I won’t be upset if you don’t want it. Just think about it?”
“If you want to keep it, we’ll keep it.”
I shake my head. “No, that’s not it. I want someone to enjoy it like he did. So don’t think about what me or Josh would want, just what you do,” I tell him with a pat to his chest then go get myself folded into the Vette.
I watch him stand there and stare at the bike for a bit before he finally joins me in the car. He leans over and gives me a kiss. “I’ll think about.”
“Thank you, and I meant it. Don’t feel obligated to take it, okay?”
“Okay.”
~
We make it to town and go to Mr. Hiram’s first. He’s standing out on the curb waiting for us when we get there, a gentle smile on his face, his hands resting on his big belly. I’m out of the car the second Nik puts it in park.
I’ve never hugged the man before, but when he holds his arms open for me I go straight into them. He smells like old books and tobacco, and gives me one of the best hugs I’ve ever had. It’s like Aunt Maggie, Mr. Ezra, and Miss Naomi hugging me all at once. Like a hug only a grandparent can give, full of nothing but love. I finally pull back before I start tearing up.
He squeezes my arms and smiles at me knowingly. “My dear, you look just wonderful. Does this old man good to see it, too.”
“Thank you. I am doing wonderful, thanks to this guy over here,” I tell him, nodding my head back at Nik who’s standing quietly behind me. I step to the side, grabbing his arm to pull him forward. “Mr. Hiram, this is my Nik.”
Nik holds his hand out to him. “Nik Jensen. It’s nice to meet you, sir.”
“You too, young man. I’ve heard quite a bit about you.”
“Oh?” Nik asks, his smile nervous. “I hope it was all good.”
Mr. Hiram nods and winks at me. “Every bit. Why don’t we go in? We can catch up in the air conditioning.”
We follow him in and go on through to his office.
“Y’all sit, make yourselves comfortable. Can I get you some water, coffee?” he asks us.
We both politely decline, sitting down in the chair
s across from his desk. Nik reaches over, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together.
Mr. Hiram gets his rotund self in his chair with some grunts and groans, then leans back with a sigh, his fingers laced over stomach. “I have an idea what this visit is for, but I’ll let you start,” he says, smiling gently at me.
I glance at Nik, he’s got an encouraging smile for me too. Guess I’ve got the floor. “There’s a few things I need your help with. First the house. We’re meeting with Patricia in a couple hours to put it on the market. I’m not sure how long it’ll take to sell, but once it does I’d like you to handle the closing for me.”
His smile wilts a little, like a flower gone a day or two without water; it’s still there, but not as bright as before. I wilt inside with guilt and sadness. I’m going to miss him.
“I can do that for you. I must say, we sure will miss seeing you, but I think you’re in good hands now.”
I try to support the truth of his words with my smile. “I am, Mr. Hiram. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”
Nik’s fingers tighten around my hand. I squeeze his back.
Then Mr. Hiram pins him with serious eyes. “You gonna keep her happy? I promised her Aunt Maggie, Miss Naomi, and Mr. Ezra I’d watch over her for ‘em. I had you checked out, you know?”
“Mr. Hiram!” I squeal.
He just holds his hand up and waves it at me. “I’m your lawyer, Ellie, and I made a promise to three of the best folks I’ve ever known to take care of you. I failed you more times than I care to think about. I didn’t mean to do it again.”
“And what about my opinion of him? It doesn’t count?” I snap.
He looks shocked at my angry tone and tries to backpedal. “Of course, it does, dear. It counts the most, but I had to be sure. You weren’t in a good place. I couldn’t let anyone take advantage of you. You’re a very rich woman, Ellie. One with a giving heart who was about as vulnerable as a person can get. I would be a very poor lawyer and friend if I didn’t watch out for you.”
Heal Me (Magnolia Series Book 2) Page 20
