Keep My Heart (Top Shelf Romance Book 7)

by Lex Martin

  “What? That’s not fair, you big bully.” I push him, and he yanks me closer and tickles me. Popcorn goes flying.

  I yelp, and instantly, his giant paw covers my mouth, and he laughs in my ear. “Shh. Don’t wake up the kids.”

  Wiggling as hard as I can, I try to tickle him back, but he’s so big, I’m like a rag doll in his arms. I’m cackling and squealing and kicking my legs. And Jesus Christ, I’m turned on. The harder I fight against him, the stronger that throb between my legs pulses.

  He shifts, leans sideways, and the next thing I know, we’re horizontal on the couch. I’m huffing and puffing into his palm and laughing so fucking hard when his amused eyes meet mine.

  “Say, ‘Ethan is the tickle master of the universe,’ and I’ll let you go.”

  I squint but nod slowly. When he removes his hand, I smirk. “Ethan fights like a little girl!”

  Those taunting words are barely out when he covers my mouth with his palm and starts tickling me again.

  “Okay!” I scream into his hand. It comes out muffled. “Okay, okay!” I’m practically hyperventilating.

  He props himself up, straddling my legs, and hauls my arms over my head. “I’m sorry. What were you saying? Something about how I’m the strongest man you know? How my muscles are so big and impressive?”

  I shake my head, smiling, gasping and trying to catch my breath when his gaze travels over my chest. I look down and realize my nipples are rock hard and happily pointing straight at him, my sheer bra and white tank top doing little to mask how turned on I am right now.

  His hand tightens on my wrists, and my pulse beats out of control. I love when a guy takes control. And I want Ethan to control this.

  When those cobalt-blue eyes brimming with need meet mine, I practically melt into the couch.

  Panting, I realize he’s leaning closer, and I let out a small gasp when he lowers himself to me. I’m overwhelmed by his heat. By his weight. By his erection, hard and insistent on my hip. Fuck, yes.

  He licks his lips as one hand slowly moves down my arm where goosebumps erupt. And just when I can feel his breath on my skin, just when I start to close my eyes and arch up and give into the desire detonating inside me, a disgruntled baby voice cries, “Daa-dee!” from the monitor.

  Like teenagers getting busted for making out, we scramble away from each other.

  Ethan rubs his face and takes a deep breath before he turns slowly to me. I can’t read his expression, but now’s not the time to chat.

  “It’s okay. Go.” I motion toward the hall. With as much calm as I can muster, I give him a steady smile. “I’ll pause the game.”

  Then I wait.

  And wait.

  And wait some more.

  An hour later, when he still isn’t back, I poke my head into Cody’s room and see the two of them passed out.

  Disappointment washes over me, but also relief. Maybe that interruption was a blessing in disguise. I don’t want to mess this up, and sex or whatever Ethan and I were about to do on the couch definitely would’ve wreaked havoc on our delicate ecosystem here.

  He and his son look so sweet together. Cody is nestled in the crook of Ethan’s big arm. My sappy heart pitter-patters in my chest at the sight, but I know I can’t grow attached.

  As I watch them, the reality of what almost happened settles in.

  I almost broke my year-long fast with a man who is not available.

  My shoulders slump when I think about it like this. I’ve heard him and his brother talking about a court date later this month, but Ethan hasn’t exactly explained what that means.

  Don’t guys going through a divorce bitch about it? Complain about their exes? Ethan never brings up Allison. Only that one time during my interview almost two weeks ago and then a few days later when he came to my sister’s house for dinner. Allison hasn’t had the kids yet, so I haven’t seen how they act around each other to judge for myself whether he’s still in love with her.

  Turning, I see a photo of him and his wife on the dresser. Ethan doesn’t seem the type of guy who would jerk me around if he wanted to reconcile with Allison, but Jamie didn’t seem like the kind of guy who lived a double life either.

  See, this is why I instituted the diet. Because I can’t fucking figure out men!

  When I’m in my room, I close the door quietly and drop my forehead against it. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I refuse to get my heart detonated by another guy.

  I might be jumping the gun, but I know myself, and I could totally fall for someone like Ethan. It scares me. Right now, this is only a crush, but what happens if I sleep with him? We already see each other every day. We have dinner together every day. We watch TV together—alone—almost every night. How long would it take before I was totally in love with him?

  Rubbing my temples, I think back to that photo of him and Allison. If they’ve been separated for over a year and things were really over, why did they wait so long to file for divorce?

  The questions won’t stop bombarding me. When I slip between my sheets, all I do is toss and turn. Sleep is elusive, and eventually I head to my en-suite shower, crank up the hot water, and hope the sound of the water doesn’t wake everyone up.

  I should take a cold shower. I should stop feeding the hunger I have for this man when I know we can’t happen, but I can’t seem to get a hold of myself.

  Steam billows up, and I close my eyes and give in, blindly reaching for the shower head. I fumble with the settings until it’s the perfect pulsing tempo and then aim it between my legs.

  A gasp escapes me, and I lean against the cold tiles. The tension builds quickly, everything in me begging for relief. I haven’t gotten off once since I’ve been here. I didn’t want to spark something in me that I couldn’t contain, but tonight I can’t seem to care about my good intentions. I just need some relief.

  With my eyes clenched shut, I let my thoughts wander. Let myself think about what it would be like with Ethan. How he’d kiss me if he’d had the chance tonight. How he’d move against me. In me. That gorgeous mouth sucking and biting my skin. His huge hands gripping my breasts. His thick cock stroking me in all the right places.

  With a muffled cry, I come, my orgasm hitting me so hard, my knees almost buckle.

  Exhaustion weighs my limbs down like lead. With as much energy as I can muster, I rinse off and reach for a towel. When I’m back in bed, for some reason my thoughts go to my grandmother, who always believed in signs. She used to tell me if I paid attention to what life told me, I’d always know what to do.

  I’m afraid to think about what tonight’s interruption was trying to tell me.

  It probably means I’m right, and that Ethan and I will never happen.

  Or worse, that we shouldn’t happen.

  Ethan

  The second I wake up in Cody’s room, I know I’ve screwed up. The house is dark and still, the TV is off in the living room, and Tori’s door is closed.

  Goddammit.

  I want to knock on her door, but to say what? That I’m sorry for Cody interrupting? That I’m pissed but also relieved because I have no idea what I’m doing?

  Collapsing on my own bed, I groan. Leave it to me to screw up everything.

  I stayed with Cody after he’d fallen asleep so I could make sense of what had happened on the couch, but I hadn’t meant to knock out.

  Tori and I have been having fun this week. Hanging out after dinner while we watched baseball. When she smarted off about the game tonight, I simply reacted, tickling her. Wrestling her down to the couch. She was laughing, and God, it sounded so good. She felt amazing in my arms, and her bright smile made me crave more. Before I realized it, I found myself hovering over her.

  I didn’t mean for it to turn sexual. Didn’t mean to check her out, but one second we were joking around and the next we weren’t.

  When I pinned her arms above her head and she stretched out below me, my eyes wandered down her beautiful face, down her bare shou
lders with those tiny tank top straps and the lacy bra beneath.

  Those delicate pink bra straps short-circuited my brain, and I found myself studying the way the gauzy pattern led under her thin shirt. Until I realized I was staring at her chest.

  The way her breath caught when she saw me checking out her gorgeous tits, taut and pointing sky-high through the sheer fabric, had me instantly hard. As I tightened my grip on her wrists, she let out that little moan, and I wanted to strip her bare to see if she was as stunning without her clothes as she was with them. But the way her eyes dilated when I pressed myself to her body, the way she nodded, slowly, almost to herself, like she wanted this as much as I did? Coulda made me come right then and there.

  Speaking of coming. I adjust myself with a wince before I get up for a drink of water.

  After I fill the glass, I turn off the faucet, but the sound of water continues. I look down at the sink, confused. But the sound is coming from Tori’s bathroom, which shares a wall with my master bathroom.

  I stare at the tile, wishing I had knocked on her door earlier because Tori is taking a shower. She was awake, and I was in here when I should’ve been in there. At least to talk about what happened tonight.

  I’m about to turn off the lights and go to bed when a soft moan makes me freeze.

  It takes a second for me to get what’s happening. What I’m hearing.

  Another muffled groan from the adjacent bathroom has me unbuttoning my jeans.

  Fuck. That’s hot.

  The idea of Tori getting off in there after we almost messed around has me hoping she’s thinking of me. Thinking about how we felt pressed together. Thinking about doing it again but with fewer clothes.

  With one hand on the vanity, I close my eyes and release my cock, the heavy length springing forward into my waiting palm.

  Images of Tori on the couch flash in my mind as I stroke my eager erection. Her lithe body spread out for me. Her sexy, round ass in those damn sleep shorts. That playful smirk she gives me when she’s teasing.

  But more than anything—I really want to kiss her. To see if she tastes as sweet as I think she does.

  With that thought in mind, I squeeze my base and give myself a long, slow tug before I pick up the pace.

  I’d lick those plump lips first. Devour them. Make her moan before I work my way down her body. Before I spread those tan legs and hike them over my shoulders. Before I taste her slick heat.

  It’s that image, of me leaning over her and delving into the most delicate part of her, that has me going off.

  Gasping, trying to catch my breath, I realize I’m in over my head. Because if I’m misreading this thing with Tori, I’m in for a long summer.

  Tori

  Everyone loves Fridays, but today it reminds me that I’m headed to my sister’s tomorrow morning and won’t be back until Sunday night.

  When I reach into the kitchen pantry, I pause to stare out the back window, to try to sneak a peek at Ethan, but there’s only that picturesque red barn and two whinnying horses trotting along the back field.

  I don’t know how long I stand there, but when the front door opens, I snap back into action, slicing apples for the kids, who are coloring at the table.

  “Morning!”

  Logan strolls in looking awfully perky. He must’ve gotten laid last night. At least someone did.

  “Hey. What’s up?” I try to muster some enthusiasm, but I’m exhausted from worrying about the conversation Ethan and I obviously need to have. I mean, I guess I need to talk to him. That sounds like the kind of thing my sister would do—be an adult and talk through things even though I want to hide under my bed and pretend nothing happened last night. Pretend that I didn’t rub one out the first chance I had while I thought about him.

  Sighing, I rub my forehead. I have no idea when I became such a wallflower. A year ago I would’ve marched into the barn, kissed the hell out of that man, and saved all of my questions for after he shoved his hand down my shorts.

  Maybe that was your problem, Tori. You ran head-first into lust without thinking.

  Logan gives me one of those Carter smiles. “I know you must be tired after cooking all week. I have a surprise for my brother, so you don’t need to make anything this evening. I packed a few sandwiches for lunch, and I’m taking everyone to the Lone Star Station for dinner, you included. My treat.”

  While I love going out to eat, I’m almost disappointed not to have something to cook this afternoon to keep me occupied.

  Hmm. I know. I’ll bake some cookies.

  “Sounds great. Want some coffee before you head to the barn?”

  “No, I’m good, but thanks.”

  “You think Ethan would like a cup?” I ask before I realize I shouldn’t. I’m so out of practice. I used to have nonchalant on lockdown after I hooked up with a guy, but I can’t find that happy place where I don’t care.

  “We have a busy day, so I’m sure he would.”

  Nodding, I grab a to-go mug and fix it the way Ethan likes it. When I hand it to his brother, Logan squishes me into a side hug. “You’re awesome, Tor. We love having you here. Don’t we, kids?”

  Cody responds by trying to eat his crayon, which I replace with an apple slice, but Mila brushes her blonde hair out of her face and nods. “I love-a-dub-dub Tori!”

  I smile and reach over to pull Mila’s hair into a ponytail so it’s out of her way.

  Watching her buoyant reaction, seeing how easily she gives her whole heart to those around her, twists something inside of me.

  It would be so easy to love this family.

  A strange melancholy settles in my chest that makes me want to call my parents. It doesn’t escape me that I’ve been living with total strangers for two weeks, and my parents haven’t called me once. When Kat moved in with Brady to help him with baby Izzy, back when they first met, my dad called her practically every day. I try not to feel hurt. I know my parents care in their own way, but I wish they’d try to show it more.

  By lunchtime, my stomach is knotted like fishing wire. I’m dying to see Ethan and gauge where he’s at. Because if he acts like nothing happened, like he doesn’t care, then I’m more than happy to follow suit.

  Shut up. You know that would hurt your feelings, you little liar.

  Twisting my hands, I debate what to say and hope I don’t flub this.

  I’d hate for things to be awkward when I was starting to think working here this summer might work out. Especially since I’m getting the hang of things. I enjoy taking care of the kids and cooking for the family. This might not be my dream job, but I’m feeling like I’m actually good at this, and it’s been so damn long since I’ve felt useful or good at anything.

  Plus, I can’t exactly slack off. Sure, I want to work hard and keep this job so I don’t have to explain to my sister that I’ve failed at something else, but I really and truly want to help Ethan and his family.

  Today, though, I’m not doing a great job of achieving that goal. In fact, the whole afternoon I’m so distracted that I burn the first batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and have to toss them in the trash.

  Eventually, I give up on following any kind of recipe since I’m feeling like a space cadet and end up playing with the kids. We’re building a fort in the living room when the guys finally come in from the barn. Ethan beelines it for his bedroom to shower, which is his typical routine, while Logan ducks into the kids’ bathroom to clean off.

  With Logan’s surprise dinner tonight, I’m starting to worry I won’t get a chance to talk to Ethan alone before I head for my sister’s in the morning. Not if he and his brother hang out after dinner, like I heard Logan suggest.

  I’m staring off in space when Mila crawls into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

  “Hey, bugaboo.” I stroke her silky hair. Her sigh makes me frown, and I pull back to see worry etched all over her delicate face. “What’s wrong?”

  Those big baby-blue eyes turn up to me. “How do you know
somethin’s wrong?”

  I rub the furrow in her brow. “Because of this. You get all crinkly here.” She doesn’t laugh the way I expect her to. Instead, she sighs again. “Want to tell me about it?”

  She rests her head on my chest. “Momma’s supposed to come tomorrow. She said she’d take us to the zoo.”

  “I bet you’re excited to see her, huh? The zoo sounds so fun!” Two weeks is a long time to go without seeing your mom at that age. Thinking back to the long stretches without seeing mine when I was a kid makes me want to squeeze the stuffing out of Mila.

  But instead of agreeing, she shrugs. “What if she doesn’t come? What if she forgets again?”

  Man, shoot me now. This poor kid. I’ve never met Allison, but how could she not adore Mila and Cody and move heaven and earth to see them?

  “Oh, honey. Did she forget once?”

  A sniffle escapes her as she nods. “A few times.”

  The psycho part of me wants to punch that woman in the ovaries for making her kid feel like shit.

  Nibbling my lip, I rush to think of something to explain Allison’s behavior. “Sometimes, when life gets crazy, people lose track of time. Like how I burned those cookies today when I forgot to set the timer. Or it’s possible she misremembered. Wrote down the wrong dates or got confused.” I hope to hell she didn’t deliberately blow off her kids.

  Mila sniffles and looks up at me. “Yeah?”

  “Totally. But that doesn’t mean your momma doesn’t want to see you and your brother. As I get older, I’m starting to understand that parents aren’t perfect. They try really hard. Like when you were trying to do that cartwheel the other day. Even though you didn’t quite nail it, you gave it your whole heart, right?”

  Nodding, she sniffles again, but her eyes don’t look quite so downcast anymore.

  “So we have to cut our parents some slack. Give them a break sometimes because everyone makes mistakes.”

  “Okay.”

  I run my hand gently across her back, wanting to soothe her. “But if you ever need to talk about this again, you can always talk to me or your daddy. He loves you so much, and I know your momma does too.”