by Lex Martin
She nods against me, and I kiss the top of her head.
Someone clears his throat, and I look up to see Ethan leaning in the doorway, his solemn expression telling me he heard the conversation I had with his daughter.
I stare at him while I whisper to Mila. “I think your daddy could use a hug. What do you think?”
Her head whips around, and a second later, she’s bounding into his arms. He’s so sweet with her, so tender and reassuring that the sight of him snuggling her close makes my breath catch.
I start to wonder, if he’s that gentle with his daughter, maybe he’s the type of man who could be gentle with my heart too.
The five of us head for Ethan’s enormous four-door truck. Logan yells “shotgun” and grabs the passenger seat, but Ethan smacks him with a baseball cap. “Where are your manners? You should let Tori sit up front.”
Logan nods and starts to get out.
“It’s okay,” I yell from the other side of the cab. “Really. I’ll sit between the kids. It’s easier for me to fit back here anyway.”
Once Cody is all buckled in, I’m debating how the hell I’m getting into this huge vehicle myself when a hand on my hip makes me turn. I’m finally face-to-face with Ethan after this crazy day where I’ve been making myself nuts debating what’s going on between us.
He gently pulls me away from the truck and half-closes the door behind me. “Just wanted to thank you for what you told Mila earlier.”
“No problem.”
There are so many things I want to say, but with his family waiting for us a foot away, now’s not really the time. Instead, I stare at his broad chest, at the tats that extend down both arms, and I shiver when I remember how it felt when he touched me.
I kick the ground between us, feeling too awkward to look him in the eyes. “You know, the Astros lost despite that grand slam.”
He hums in the back of his throat. “I have a feeling they’re not the only ones who lost out last night.” His rough palm slides up my arm. That sexy voice drops to a whisper. “Let’s talk later, okay? I think I need to apologize.”
That makes me pause.
Does he want to apologize for things that almost happened or for letting things get that far?
Does he want to apologize for not coming back out to the living room?
Or worse, am I all wrong about him finalizing his divorce and maybe he’s getting back together with Allison so he feels guilty for flirting?
The younger version of me would blurt out that this whole thing is fucking confusing me. That I know I shouldn’t be so wrapped up in whatever we’re doing, but I can’t help it. That this is the very reason why I shouldn’t do relationships.
But I can’t ask the questions burning my lips because the kids are within earshot, and it would be irresponsible to freak out in front of them.
Biting my tongue, I nod and tuck my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and hope I’m not headed for a repeat of last summer.
Ethan
The whole drive, all I can think is I must’ve said the wrong thing, because I meant to show Tori that I genuinely like her and want to spend time with her outside of whatever family things we do with my kids. Sure, I’m just finalizing my divorce, so I can’t get too serious, but we’re two consenting adults who have to spend a lot of time together. Why not enjoy that time and see what comes of it?
But the second those words were out of my mouth, that we needed to talk and I wanted to apologize, her shoulders got stiff. She gave me a curt nod and jumped in the truck, and once again, I realize I’m sorely out of practice with women.
I glance at my rearview mirror and catch her eyes briefly before they flit away, and she focuses her attention out the window.
Yeah, great job there, Ethan. You weirded her out.
The tires of my truck crunch the gravel in the parking lot when we pull up to the diner. Not sure what has Logan so excited to grab a bite here, since we frequent the Lone Star, but I’m grateful to give Tori a break from preparing dinner. That’s another thing bothering me. She’s working far more than I’m paying her to do. It’s odd that my first impression of her was that she might be a slacker because she’s been nothing but a damn hard worker.
The smell of country food, the kind slathered in gravy and served with a side of biscuits, makes my mouth water when we walk through the front door. It’s a busy night, but after greeting a few neighbors, we crowd around a table.
Tori situates Cody in a high chair at the end and smooths back his wavy tufts of blond hair before she sits next to him. Reaching into the diaper bag, she pulls out a toy truck for my son to play with, which he snatches up gleefully to make zoom-zoom noises. Cody’s sweet nature seems to relax her, as though her happiness somehow hinges on his.
It’s hard to ignore how easygoing she is with my kids. How readily they’ve taken to her. Even when they’re running around like monsters, she seems to take it in stride.
Nothing bothered me more than Allison’s perpetual irritation with our children. She acted like they were going out of their way to personally offend her with their rambunctiousness. Even after a weekend away at that spa in Austin, she never seemed relaxed around our family.
The darkness that always sweeps through me when I think of my wife hovers like a shadow in my peripheral vision, but I don’t want to go down that road tonight. I’ve spent too much time sick over the failure of my marriage. Sitting next to my daughter and watching her vibrant smile, hearing Cody’s wild laughter when Tori tickles him, makes me realize I have a lot to be grateful for.
That’s what the last two weeks have made me realize. Seeing my kids laugh like they mean it, seeing how carefree they’re becoming again—that’s my bullseye and that’s what I want to focus on. Moving forward, not living in the past.
After we get our drinks, Logan slaps a notepad on the table I hadn’t realized he’d brought, and with a flick of a finger, he slides it to me.
“Wanna finish telling you the plan for the weekend.” Logan turns to Tori. “You mind if we chat about the ranch? We need to talk through the logistics for those two new horses we’re boarding.”
Anxiety riddles its way through my shoulders as though Allison can sense we’re talking about work at the dinner table. Old habits die hard.
But Tori gives him a sweet smile. “I don’t mind at all. I’d like to hear what you guys do.”
Logan ticks off item after item, and I jot everything down before I forget. Shit’s easy to forget when you have two kids and a barn full of horses to look after.
“So they’re not all yours?” Tori asks, looking between me and Logan. “The horses, I mean.”
I open my mouth, but my brother is already explaining. “Eight are ours, and six are boarders, and we’re adding two more to the tally.”
Tori draws her finger through the condensation on her glass of iced tea. “This is going to sound crazy, but I like the smell of the barn. I don’t know if it’s the leather from the saddles, the bales of hay, or the horses themselves. It’s this great earthy scent. I can’t explain it.”
My lips pull into a smile as I look away. I love that smell too. It’s one of my earliest memories. Playing in the barn with my dad, racing from one end to the other with my arms spread out wide. Breathing in the warmth that you can only find when you’re surrounded by these incredible animals.
Makes me miss my father so damn much.
Across from me, Logan laughs. “Honey, you are welcome to shovel that smell whenever you’re in the mood. Just let me know.”
A growl revs low in my chest. Leave it to my brother to reduce everything to a pile of manure. “She’s not shoveling shit, Logan.” Mila giggles at my dirty word, but I’m too tired to care that I’ve cursed in front of my kids. “Tori does enough for us already.”
“Take it easy, bro.” He holds his hands up. “I was joking. Mostly.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not.”
Before I can descend into a foul mood, our waitress
slides giant plates of steaming chicken fried steak across the table. Thank you, Jesus.
I turn to prepare a serving for the baby, but Tori’s already cutting up Cody’s meal into toddler-sized bites.
“Want to swap seats with me?” I ask her. “That way I can feed him. Sorry, I hadn’t really thought through the seating arrangement.”
She helps him take a bite. “I don’t mind feeding the little man.”
Watching her take care of my son floods me with warmth. As we fall into easy conversation, I can’t help but sneak glances at her from time to time.
Dinner is delicious, and I’m ready to fall into a food coma when two familiar faces pop up over Tori’s shoulder.
“Hey, guys.” I wave to Brady and Kat.
Tori’s head whips around, and the smile that breaks out on her face when she sees her sister is ridiculously sweet. She hops out of her chair and gives her sister and brother-in-law quick hugs. “What are y’all doing here? I thought you were barbecuing tonight. I’m glad to see you, though, because I forgot my phone at Ethan’s, and you said to call you this evening.”
I smile. Tori remembered to pack a bag of toys and diapers and crayons for the kids but forgot her phone.
Brady drops an arm over his wife’s shoulders. “We did barbecue, but Kat wanted some pie, so we decided to make a pit stop.”
“I shouldn’t be eating pie. Trust me, I know this,” Kat says self-deprecatingly.
Brady kisses the top of her head. “You’re perfect, and if my wife and kid want pie, I’m buying them pie.”
She rubs her round belly and grins at him.
The moment between them seems so intimate as they stare into each other’s eyes, I look away.
That. That’s what I never had with Allison.
“Where’s Izzy?” Tori asks, leaning over Cody to wipe his face.
“At my parents’.” Brady motions over his shoulder. “We’re having a date night.”
Tori chuckles. “I’m coming over tomorrow, so get the ‘date night’ out of your system.”
“Oh, my God. Stop.” Kat blushes and turns her face into her husband.
“What? You’re pregnant. Like it’s a secret how that happened? Watch out! I’m gonna tell Mom and Dad you did the deed!”
It’s funny to see how laid-back Tori is around Kat. How much she teases her sister. Makes me realize she’s still a bit buttoned up around me.
“Daddy?” Mila scrunches her nose. “What’s ‘the deed?’”
Tori grimaces and mouths that she’s sorry.
I chuckle and tug on my daughter’s pigtail. “Nothing you need to worry about for, oh, about forty years.”
Everyone laughs.
After we chat, Brady and Kat meander over to the dessert window by the cash register, and Mila and Tori run to the bathroom in the back because my daughter realizes she “really, really needs to tinkle.”
Logan watches the girls go, glances down at his phone, and then turns to the front of the diner.
Cody squirms in his high chair, so I clean him off and settle him on my lap.
“So what’s the surprise?” I can’t deny that I’m curious. Logan went on and on about it this afternoon.
I expect him to tell me he got us a new client or something work-related, but instead of being excited, he sighs. “I didn’t think this through, having everyone here.” He motions toward the bathrooms. “Just don’t be mad.”
Nothing good ever happens when he says that to me.
“How did this go from ‘hey, I have a surprise for you’ to ‘don’t be mad’?”
He shifts and looks over his shoulder again. I follow his line of vision as two blondes strut through the front door. They see Logan and wave.
“You got a date with, what, sisters? Let me guess. You’re taking off for the weekend and want me to do everything we bulleted here.” I tap on the mile-long to-do list we jotted down during dinner.
The blondes stop at our table, and the younger one leans down to hug Logan, while the other one smiles at me. Now that she’s close, I realize she looks familiar.
“Hi, Ethan.”
And she knows my name.
Logan breaks away from the woman wrapped around him to motion to the other. “Bro, this is Sandra. Remember, she has a son about Mila’s age? And this is her sister Sage.”
Shifting uncomfortably, I realize where this is headed. Logan, don’t do this.
“Ladies.” I’m wondering how quickly I can pack up Cody’s diaper bag and toys, which are strewn across the table. “You know what? We’d better get going.” I look at my brother, hoping he understands why I’m doing this. “If you want to stay, that’s fine, but it’s getting late.”
Sandra puts her hand on my shoulder. “Your son is getting so big!”
“He eats like a horse,” I joke, trying to not be a total asshole. With one hand, I hold Cody, who squirms like he has ants in his pants, while I gather his toys with the other.
Logan leans across the table and murmurs, “Let’s just do this fast, okay? Before the girls get back. It’ll be fine.”
I’m not sure I know exactly what he’s talking about, but I’m one hundred percent I don’t want to find out.
Sandra leans closer. “Logan told me the good news!” She squeezes my shoulder again.
“And what would that be?”
“That your divorce is almost final, and that you wanted to go on a date with me!”
I give her an awkward smile and then shoot Logan a look. What the fuck are you doing? He shrugs and pats the other sister on the ass.
Sage plays with his hair. “We were thinking we could do something tomorrow night, if Sandra can find a babysitter.”
There’s my out. I don’t want to hurt Sandra’s feelings. I remember her situation with her ex, and I don’t want to be an ass, but I’m not interested. “Actually, ladies, I don’t have a babysitter.”
“I got you covered. Joey said she could babysit.” Logan waggles his eyebrows.
Sandra squeals and scares Cody. “Yay! It’s a date.” She turns to me and bats her eyelashes. “I have to confess I’ve been dying to go out with you. I’m so glad we’re doing this. I’m so glad you asked me out!”
Fucking Logan.
“Daddy.” Mila’s voice is a record scratch that cuts through the noise of the diner.
I close my eyes for a second before I turn to the left and see my daughter and Tori standing there. I swallow, afraid of how much they just heard.
Can this get any worse?
“Tori!” Sandra goes around our table to hug her. Jesus, they know each other?
Tori gives Sandra a weak smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Hey.”
“I haven’t seen you since last fall. Thanks again for taking care of my son that one time.”
“No worries,” Tori says quietly as she helps Mila back into her chair. “How are you?”
“Better now that Ethan and I are going on a date this weekend. He asked me out!” Sandra trots back around to my side of the table. No, no, no.
I try to get Tori’s attention, but she’s making a concerted effort to not look at me.
“That’s cool. Ethan’s a good guy.” Tori tugs her purse over her shoulder and turns toward the front of the diner where Brady and Kat are waving bye. “You know what? I think I’m going to head home with my sister. You guys don’t need me, right?”
Yes, I fucking need you.
Logan waves at her like a dipshit. “Nope, go on. Have a good weekend.”
“Tori, wait.” I find my voice. “Can I talk to you a sec?”
Cody starts to wail in my lap, and I look around for one of his toys, but I’ve already packed them at the bottom of his diaper bag. Motherfuck.
“Ethan, we can talk when I get back on Sunday.” She pauses. “Have fun on your date.”
This is not good.
But then Sandra tells her to wait.
Tori turns to her, the expression on her face a mask of indifference.
/>
“Think you might be able to babysit for me again? For the next time Ethan and I go out?”
Oh, fuck no.
Tori looks at me. Finally.
I shake my head, wanting her to understand that I’m not gonna let this happen. That there’s no way I’m going on a date with Sandra.
But Tori doesn’t get my meaning. Because those hazel eyes that are usually warm and inviting glint with aloofness.
“Not a prob.” Under her breath, so soft I almost don’t catch it, she adds, “That’s about all I’m good for. Babysitting.”
“You’re the best!” Sandra hugs her, and Tori laughs. It’s a cold, mirthless sound that breaks my heart a little.
Then she’s gone.
Tori
“Are you sure you don’t want some pie?” my sister asks gently. “It’s your favorite, pecan.”
I shake my head and curl up tighter under the blanket. It’s the middle of summer in Texas, but the hill country can get cold at night, and right now I have a chill I can’t seem to shake. “I’m sorry I’m crashing your date. If you can get Brady’s parents to babysit tomorrow, I can probably stay at Viv’s.”
She nods, places the pie on the coffee table, and slowly lowers herself next to me on the couch. “So you’re really not going to tell me what happened back there? One second you were all smiles, and the next, you were the Roadrunner, kicking up dust with your flip-flops from speeding out the diner so fast.”
The words die on my lips. I’m tired of hearing myself complain about my life. So tired. I’m ready to be more, to expect more and deserve it. And if I’ve only been imagining that Ethan wants me, then it’s time to buck the fuck up and get over it. Even if I am hurt about his date with Sandra.
My sister waits patiently, like always.
“Men confuse me,” I offer lamely. “I never know if I’m coming or going, and I’m so over it.” Her soft hand reaches out and holds mine in quiet solidarity.
“Things aren’t working out with Ethan?”
“No, and I can’t even back out of this job because I’ve already sublet my place in Austin. Not that I want to leave you, but you know I’m not good with conflict.”
