Keep My Heart (Top Shelf Romance Book 7)

by Lex Martin

  I’d felt unhinged when I finally gathered myself and stormed out of that closet ready to tear into him, his marriage be damned. But one look at their naked bodies before me, closer this time, with his wife in his lap, taking him down her throat, and I was rendered speechless.

  I’d thought, That could be me. Completely clueless.

  The dirtbag had moaned loudly, shoving her down hard to distract her from my presence. In the moment, my rage deflated, and all I felt was resignation. He was an asshole. Her asshole. And she was welcome to have him.

  In the two seconds I stood there, all of the crazy I’d planned to unleash fell by the wayside. I didn’t need anymore problems.

  But that didn’t stop me from slashing his tires.

  I clear my throat. “If he did that with me, how many other times has he cheated?”

  “Motherfucker,” Ethan growls behind me, and my skin prickles.

  “You little psycho,” Felicia wails. “You’re the one who vandalized his car!”

  “Guilty as charged.” I hold up my hands and return my focus to Ethan. “I’m a lot of messed-up things, but I always cop to what I’ve done. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my driving record. At first, I thought you hadn’t done my background check because I was only supposed to be here temporarily while you found a real nanny through an agency. Then I hoped my sister had warned you. Because she does that. She cleans up my messes and gets me jobs.”

  I swallow, knowing how badly I’ve screwed up. “But when you kept offering me your truck, when you told me to drive the kids, I got too afraid to ask what you knew. Too much time had gone by. Too many opportunities to tell you about my past.” Too many intimate moments. Tears burn in my eyes, and I swipe at them with the back of my hand. “I can’t explain how you looked at me, but for the first time, I wasn’t a screw-up. You didn’t see me the way my family does. A mess. A flunky. A basketcase. And I didn’t want to mess this up too. You and Mila and Cody were too important to me.”

  Ethan’s expression is blank. “So tell me now. Tell me what happened.”

  “Are you serious?” Allison blows out a breath. “She’s endangered the lives of our children.”

  “No, I didn’t endanger your kids. I drove them once. Once. Under the speed limit for all of two miles, and Logan drove them home.” Angrily, I wipe at another tear. “Here’s the truth. I got a DUI my freshman year of college for driving my friends with open containers in the car. We drag-raced through some back roads we thought were empty, and they were empty, except for that state trooper who pulled me over. No one was injured, though.” Even though Jamie made it seem like I had run over a busload of kids.

  Awkwardly, I shift on my feet. “I had a few beers that night, but the breathalyzer showed that I was point zero five over the drinking limit. Plus, I was underage and drag-racing. All stupid shit on my part. I spent a night in jail. Lost my license for a while. Let my life fall apart. Wasn’t the last time, either.” I glare at Jamie.

  I wish freshman year had taught me a lesson. While I never drove under the influence again, I partied away most of college like an idiot. Partied and worked to pay off my attorney bills. You’d think one night in county would teach me, but it took getting screwed over by Jamie for me to take a long, hard look at my life and try to make some lasting changes.

  Allison moves close to Ethan before she narrows her eyes at me. “You need to leave. Now.”

  Ethan looks shell-shocked. Like the news of me having an affair with his friend and my arrest have shattered his impression of me.

  With a trembling hand, I touch his chest. I keep my eyes pinned to the collar of his t-shirt. “I never meant to keep any of this from you, and I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve lied. That was never my intention.” Finally, I brave a glance in his raging blue eyes. They’re the color of the sky during a storm. “But I would suffer through all of that humiliation again if it brought me back to you.”

  Tell me you love me.

  Tell me we’re okay.

  That we’ll get through this.

  That you forgive me.

  He clears his throat and reaches for me, his touch gentle on my shoulder. “Tori, I—”

  “Daaaaaddy!” Mila’s wailing, frantic, as she skids into the kitchen. “Daddy! Cody fell. He’s hurt re-re-real bad. Logan says it’s an emer-emer-gency.”

  One minute Ethan’s staring at me with so much emotion in his eyes, I want to weep. The next, he’s gone, picking up his daughter and racing out the back door.

  I watch it slam shut.

  When I make sense of what just happened, that the baby is injured, I start to follow, but Allison grips my arm, digging her nails into my skin.

  Her voice, toxic and bloodthirsty, is in my ear. “Get the fuck out of my house before I call the police. Unless you’d like another arrest on your record.” She rattles off things she could lie about. That I stole jewelry or hurt the children or did drugs.

  I’m standing there in stunned silence when two large hands grab me from behind and drag me down the hallway where I’m shoved out the front door.

  I land on my ass and gasp for breath because the wind gets knocked out of me.

  White spots dot my vision as I stare up at Jamie’s furious face, but I’m scrambling back toward my car. Ignoring the voices. Ignoring the yelling.

  Although everything in me is screaming to check on Cody, he’s with his dad, and Ethan will know what to do. There’s no one better to take care of the baby.

  Jamie reaches again for me, his hulking figure something straight from my nightmares, and I stumble for my car.

  I have to get away before he does something worse than push me.

  I need the one person who’s always had my back.

  My sister.

  Tori

  “Does it hurt?” Kat’s sweet voice washes over me.

  I’m too weary to sugarcoat it tonight. “Yeah.” My sister looks weepy as she stares at the angry purple bruises painting both of my biceps. I don’t tell her about the one on my ass. “But I’m okay.” Physically, at least.

  I’m sprawled out on the couch in her living room, and Brady is pacing back and forth in front of us. “That goddamn asshole. I’m gonna rip his arms off his fucking body.”

  Brady didn’t take any of this well, especially not the part where Jamie picked me up and physically threw me out of the house.

  “I appreciate the sentiment, but you will do no such thing.” I motion to Kat’s enormous belly. “Stork alert. We got a baby about to land over here. You ending up in jail is not the way to kick things off. And we both know you’re the one who bails me out. Not the other way around.”

  Neither of us laugh at my lame joke. I have to keep Brady out of trouble, though. He’s been there for me too many times over the years to let him get tangled up in my mess.

  The mention of babies has me thinking about Cody, and I blink back the heat in my eyes. I hope he’s okay. That whatever happened tonight wasn’t too serious.

  “Have you called Ethan?” my sister asks.

  I shake my head, hot tears stinging my cheeks. The truth is I’ve been too scared to call. I know I should be brave, but I’m tired. So fucking tired. I don’t have the heart to chase after Ethan. I’ve laid it on the line, and if he wants me, he knows where to find me.

  But he doesn’t call.

  My phone sits still on the coffee table, its black screen taunting me.

  Eventually, I stop checking it.

  Kat lets me cry on her shoulder, and tonight I don’t hold back.

  Tonight, it’s a dark torrent, this love. Full and unyielding. Crashing through me and carving out the last tender parts of my heart.

  I let it cut.

  Because when it’s done, I won’t wallow.

  I won’t let myself fall apart over another man.

  Not again.

  Not ever.

  With a final click of the mouse, I force myself to smile. This is good, I remind myself. It doesn’t matter that
I feel like death because I’m moving forward. I’ve registered for my classes this fall, and that’s positive.

  Yes, I’m utterly heartbroken that Ethan and I are probably over, and while I’d love to curl up in a ball for the next week and eat my weight in ice cream, I won’t let myself go that route.

  Ignoring my swollen, itchy eyes, I set Kat’s laptop on the kitchen table and reach for her hand. “Thanks,” I whisper. “For everything.”

  “Anytime. I mean that.”

  She looks exhausted, and I feel guilty for bawling all over her last night, but that’s what sisters are for, right? “I know you do. That’s why you’re my favorite sister.”

  We smile at each other like fools.

  “Morning.” Brady comes stomping in and pauses when he sees us.

  I wave him in. “I’m done crying. You can do whatever you have to do.”

  He tells Kat he needs to pick up his check at the tattoo parlor in Austin, and then he’ll get Izzy from his parents’ house. “It shouldn’t take longer than two hours.” Worry knits his brows. “But maybe I should ask one of the guys to drop off the check.”

  I squeeze my sister’s hand. “I’ve got Kat. If anything happens, I’m right here.” He frowns, and I mock being offended. “What? I watch all those medical shows. Grey’s Anatomy, reruns of ER, House. I got you, bro.” Plus, my parents are driving up later today. They want to be here the moment this baby arrives.

  Still frowning, he kisses his wife’s forehead. “You’re sure you’re okay? You moaned all night.”

  “Oh my God, you guys.” I cover my ears. “Too much information!”

  Brady snickers and shakes his head. “She was moaning because she’s so pregnant, doofus. Not because I was giving her the midnight express.”

  “LOL.” Thank God.

  My sister laughs. “I don’t think you’re supposed to say LOL in person.”

  “Says who? I do things my way. You do it yours.” I’m difficult, but she knows this.

  Brady eventually leaves after we assure him—again—that Kat’s fine.

  The first half hour alone goes well. We drink this weird ginger pregnancy tea, and I make my sister some scrambled eggs.

  But then my luck goes south.

  Really south.

  Because her water breaks.

  Kat looks at me like I’m crazy. “Let’s just wait for Brady.”

  “He’s probably in Austin right now, and your contractions are five minutes apart. Five. Why didn’t you tell me your back hurt all night?”

  “I didn’t think they were contractions!” Her voice is wheezy since she’s trying to breathe through the pain.

  “Look, I’m driving you to the hospital. It’ll be fine. If we hurry, we’ll beat the noon rush. Bet you can pop out this baby before dinner. I’m a speed demon when I want to be, remember? We can drag-race on the way there.”

  Her death grip on my hand makes me pause. “Stop trying to be funny.”

  “I’m not trying. I’m naturally funny. Now get your ass in the truck. Come on, I’ll help you waddle.” In the meanwhile, hopefully Brady will get my messages and haul himself back here.

  Except, shit. Now we’re headed to the hospital. Whatever. One crisis at a time.

  We only make it to the Lone Star diner when I have to pull over because Kat says she has to push.

  All I know is that’s bad.

  I run into the packed restaurant screaming like a crazy person. “I need a doctor! A nurse! A paramedic! Someone who knows more than McDreamy references.” Everyone stares at me.

  Fuck my life, nothing ever works like it does in the movies.

  Rounding the truck, I open the passenger door. “How you doing?”

  Sweat beads her forehead, and she reaches for me with a clammy hand. “Baby’s coming. Like, now.”

  Can’t freak out.

  Can’t.

  Cannot.

  “Everything’s gonna be okay.” I don’t recognize my voice because inside I’m losing my shit. “Ambulance is on its way.”

  The Texas heat sears into me as I bounce on my toes with nervous energy and yank my hair into a massive bun on top of my head.

  Why did I tell Brady to go? Why?

  A small audience gathers behind me. Patrons from the restaurant and some neighbors. Scanning the faces, I spot one of the waitresses. “Get me some clean towels and some hot water. Maybe a glass of ice water too. Oh, and a clean turkey baster!”

  She nods like this makes perfect sense, and I ignore the strange look on my sister’s face. No need to tell her what that last item is for.

  “Let’s get you more comfortable.” I release the lever for Kat’s seat and shift the whole contraption back as slowly as possible before I recline her. “Better?”

  “Yeah.” Her pasty, pale complexion freaks me out. She might be the one in labor, but I have to remind myself to breathe too.

  I feel bad that she’s sitting here with a towel under her ass like a diaper and half of our town is watching this go down. Ugh, the indignity of childbirth.

  Please, don’t poop, Kat. I know you’ll never forgive me for dropping a deuce in front of so many people.

  The waitress runs up to me with the supplies I asked her for, and I lean over my sister and set everything on the driver’s seat except for the ice water, which I offer to Kat to drink.

  “Tori!”

  Goosebumps race up and down my arms. That voice.

  When I see Ethan stalking toward me, weaving through the crowd, my knees almost buckle.

  It takes two seconds to shake myself out of it.

  Fuck that.

  I don’t have time to deal with him right now even though my heart can’t decide if I’m elated to see him or so fucking mad, I wanna sock him in the nuts.

  “What’s going on?” he asks over my shoulder.

  I snort. “What does it look like? Kat’s having her baby.” Duh. I roll my eyes.

  As discreetly as possible, I reach for the container of hand sanitizer and squirt it all over myself.

  When Kat sees what I’m doing, her eyes widen. “Why do you need that?”

  “In the event you pop out a living, breathing human before the paramedics arrive, I thought I should have clean hands. So I can catch him. Or her.” Damn it, why didn’t I bring any blankets? “I used to play basketball in high school. I got you, babe.”

  I don’t remind her that I sucked at basketball and all that dribbling. I’m not good with big balls.

  I’m too freaked out to mentally snicker at my dirty joke.

  When her next contraction overwhelms her, a war-like shriek breaks from her lips, making me jump, but Ethan places a warm hand on my shoulder.

  I clench my eyes shut and say a prayer for Kat and this baby. That they’re okay. That I can get them through this.

  We can do this.

  Behind me, I tell everyone behind me to back off, because I need to protect the sanctity of my sister’s vag, and Ethan helps me, making sure no one can see into the cab of the truck.

  I hoist up Kat’s butt so I can push down her soggy underwear, which is tough to do standing outside the passenger side, leaning in, but it’s not like there’s an easier way. She lifts her swollen legs, balancing her feet on the edge of her seat, and grunts.

  “Where’s Brady?” She’s crying and trembling.

  Ethan leans over my shoulder. “He’s coming. I just talked to him.”

  Holding her hand, I start spouting nonsense to distract her. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you lost your mucus plug. I thought sisters were supposed to tell each other everything.”

  She sniffles in between contractions. “How do you know about mucus plugs?”

  “Google. I told you I was studying up on pregnancy. You’re my big sister. My only sister. You think I’m going to let you pass a beach ball through your hoo-ha and not research it? Hello. I’m true blue.”

  Ethan mumbles something behind me that sounds like, “You are,” but I don’t hav
e time to figure it out because my sister is pushing and bawling and sweating. So much sweating.

  “Do you want to squat? I hear squatting is a thing. It’s all natural and helps get more oxygen to the baby. And, like, women drop trou in the Amazon, squat, and squirt out their babies, but you know, without the actual squirting. Hopefully.” Please, Jesus, no squirting.

  “Stop making me laugh.” She smacks me, and I flinch because she nailed that bruise on my arm, but she probably doesn’t know it because my t-shirt has three-quarter sleeves. “Yes, I want to squat. Help me.”

  It’s a tough squeeze because she’s carrying a Goliath-sized child, but I help her plant her feet on the floor and wedge her body between the seat and the dash.

  Pausing, she pulls me close until we’re eye to eye. Damn, she’s strong for a pregnant lady. “Catch. The. Baby. Or. Else.”

  “On my life, I’ll catch this baby.” Truer words were never spoken.

  Reaching underneath her, I ignore the weird gush of fluid and hope I don’t catch a turd instead of a child.

  Holy shit. I’m really doing this.

  Another contraction makes Kat wobble, but Ethan reaches over my shoulder and steadies her. She eyes me warily. “Sorry this is so gross.”

  “It is gross, but it’s okay. I love you. Just don’t forget to name the baby after me.”

  “No more jokes.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  Her face goes red with another contraction. More screaming and crying.

  And then… a wet, squelching plop.

  I fumble, but only a smidge.

  Because I promised my sister.

  Checking between the baby’s legs, I smile through my tears—I have a niece!

  And I caught her with a prayer and my bare hands like a freaking wide receiver.

  I am officially a badass.

  “And then Tori sucked the fluid out of the baby’s mouth with a turkey baster!” my sister exclaims while she snuggles baby Annabelle Victoria Shepherd to her chest. “She was amazing!”