“That is, unless you had a different idea,” Luke said, hoping to bring their conversation back to a more comfortable place.
Nellie finally looked over at him. “No, I think you’re correct.” She smiled over at Ruby. “You haven’t even tried it.”
“Fine. I’ll starve.” Ruby pushed back from the table. “Amos and I have to get to school now.”
A glance at the clock told Luke that they would all be late if they didn’t hurry. “And I must get to work. Children, get your coats. I’ll walk you.”
“Really, Papa?” Amos jumped up from the table and ran to where his school things were kept.
“Really.” He smiled in the direction of his son, then turned his gaze toward Ruby. Had he thought to walk his children to school sooner, he’d have known that Ruby hadn’t been going at all.
“I should come, too,” Nellie said, standing. “Since I’m not familiar with the area, it will be good for me to know where the children’s school is, and perhaps along the way, you can point out other items of interest.”
Her words were not meant as a rebuke, at least not as far as Luke could tell. As she bundled up both herself and Maeve, Luke couldn’t see a hint of annoyance or displeasure on Nellie’s face. And yet, he couldn’t help but feel disappointment that he hadn’t thought of such a simple way to make his new wife feel welcome or help her get to know her new community.
Luke started to clear his plate, but Nellie waved her hand at him. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll deal with the clearing up once we get everyone off to school. I know you must be anxious to get back to work.”
He’d told her that, back when they were in Denver and the conversation flowed freely between them. They’d talked about a lot of things in those few days, which seemed like a lifetime ago. How he liked his job, even with the challenges, and how Seamus counted on him to keep the equipment running smoothly.
Perhaps that was the key to finding an easier way to converse with his wife—going back to topics that had already been comfortable between them.
“I am, thank you. Seamus was telling me last night that the new equipment he ordered wasn’t working properly. I’m eager to take a look and see what can be done.”
He was rewarded with a smile. “You enjoy the tinkering, don’t you?”
“I do. So many men come here, looking for the riches in silver, but I’m content to make a living doing something I enjoy.”
Diana used to harbor dreams that he’d someday decide to stake a claim and find a big vein of silver. But he’d never had interest in such things. He liked, as Nellie said, the tinkering, and finding out how machines worked, then making them work better.
Once again, Luke felt disloyal in making the comparison to Diana, especially since it didn’t paint his late wife in such a good light. But Diana had many other fine qualities, and she’d believed in him enough to take a risk and move to Leadville to allow him to work with the machines he loved so much.
What, then, was a man to do? As he pulled on his coat, he could feel the air lighten around him and Nellie, a more comfortable place than where they’d been since arriving in Leadville. Was there a way to get along with Nellie and not be disloyal to Diana? Did he owe any loyalty to a dead woman?
As they walked down the street toward the school, Luke’s wife carrying his youngest daughter and holding his son’s hand, the picture was almost perfect. A week ago, Luke would have said it was exactly what he wanted. Someone caring for his children and helping to ease his burdens.
But as he felt the weight of the glare of his eldest daughter, Luke wondered if he’d made the wrong bargain.
* * *
Once Nellie got the children off to school and Luke to work, she found herself enjoying the peace of her new home. She’d set Maeve to playing with a doll she’d found, and begun the seemingly impossible task of setting the tiny dwelling to rights. She couldn’t rightly say the last time anything had been given a good scrubbing. But with the fire crackling, and the little girl singing a little tune as she played, Nellie found she didn’t mind the work.
When Luke returned home, he’d find that his dearest wish—a clean house—had come true. At least the main part of it. She couldn’t bring herself to make the trek to the loft to clean up there, and with a storm moving in, she couldn’t drag the blankets outside for a good cleaning and airing. So that task would remain for another day.
She’d just finished putting the last gleaming dish on the newly cleaned shelf when a knock sounded at her door.
Myrna was there, carrying a large pot of what smelled like stew.
“That smells incredible.”
“Old family recipe,” Myrna said. “I know we haven’t worked out our arrangement yet, but with the storm coming...”
Then Myrna stopped. And stared. “I’ve never seen this place looking so fine.”
“Just takes a little soap, water and some elbow grease.” Nellie smiled and gestured to the table. “Why don’t you sit and I’ll make us some tea? Then I can put the stew on the stove and hope I’m not tempted to eat it all before supper.”
“Ah, there’s more where that came from,” Myrna said. “And I would be delighted to have some tea. It’ll go nicely with these muffins I’ve baked.”
The older woman held up a basket, and Nellie couldn’t help the warm feeling that overcame her. It had been so long since she’d enjoyed such female companionship. Ernest had kept her so isolated, and she hadn’t had nearly enough time with Mabel before the men came looking for her.
How could all of her dreams suddenly be coming true so easily?
True, the house wasn’t much, and she slept on the floor, but she hadn’t felt so safe in such a long time. Even Ruby’s hostility was a far sight better than the abuse she’d suffered at the hands of Ernest’s cronies.
Nellie made the tea, and as she and Myrna chatted, she couldn’t help but feel complete and utter joy. There was only one thing missing.
“I understand that Luke has a...difficult...relationship with the church,” Nellie said, smiling at Myrna. “But he has given me permission to attend and see to the children’s religious education. Do you think you could introduce me to the pastor sometime? Is there a ladies’ group, perhaps?” Her voice shook as she made the request, but Myrna didn’t appear to notice.
“Praise God!” Myrna said, jumping out of her chair. “We have been praying for someone to come into the children’s lives who can show them Christ’s love. Luke is just so stubborn, and you...”
The older woman’s smile filled her face. “Diana would have hated to see how he’s turned against the Lord. And here you are, bringing them back.”
Nellie shook her head. “Just the children. I’ve promised to let Luke resolve things with God in his own way.”
“And so he should. But those children...” Myrna looked over at Maeve, who’d been given a muffin and was happily eating it. “They need someone to take them to church and teach them about God’s ways. I try, but Luke is afraid he’s imposing or taking advantage of me if I do too much.”
All things Nellie already knew. “A man has his pride.”
“Too much, if you ask me,” Myrna agreed.
“I can’t say. I hardly know him,” Nellie said. “But I can’t imagine he’d be happy that we’re discussing it so freely.”
Myrna leaned forward and put her hands over Nellie’s. “You’re good for him. I have nothing bad to say about Diana, but he needs a woman like you. People will call you fools for marrying like this. But I know He’s brought you to this family for His good purpose.”
Nellie would have liked to have said the same thing. “I hope so. But things have been awkward between us since we’ve arrived in Leadville. I thought we were building a good friendship, but it seems different now.”
“I’ll pray for you,” Myrna said.
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said they’d be praying for her. That they would take her cares to the Lord.
“There now.” Myrna came around the table and put her arms around Nellie. “It’s not as bad as all that. You and Luke are going to have a good life together, I just know it.”
Nellie nodded as the tears fell. “I know. I just wasn’t expecting to find a friend as wonderful as you as part of this new life.”
“Just you wait, Nellie Jeffries. You’re about to find a whole lot more.”
Somehow, that was something too grand to imagine. But as she recalled Luke’s description of Leadville as being a dark, cold place, she had to think that he’d gotten it all wrong. Because here, in this tiny kitchen he’d disparaged, Nellie had to think it was something a little like paradise.
Chapter Five
A few days after Nellie’s arrival, Luke found himself by the woodpile once again. Only this time, instead of preparing for a storm, he was building that extra room he’d promised Diana. The snow had cleared enough to make the work possible, and it was a far more inviting environment out here than staying cooped up in the house with a sullen daughter and an overly cheerful wife.
Luke’s world had never been better. At least not since before it had come crashing down with Diana’s death. The house was cleaner than he’d ever seen it, his family was eating three delicious meals a day, and his children seemed almost happy. Except for Ruby, of course, but he knew that would take time. After all, since Ruby was the eldest, she and her mother had been close. But Nellie...well, that was an entirely different story. Things were not tense between them, at least not precisely, but she was so polite to him all the time and he felt like he was walking on eggshells with her.
With a thud, he pounded in the last nail needed to hold the structure steady. The least he could do for this woman, who’d turned his household into a well-oiled machine, was give her a place of her own. It hardly seemed right that she slept on a pallet in the middle of the floor in the main room. Not when she did so much for them. He could give her a proper room, with a proper bed, and maybe a place to put her things.
He’d wanted to build the room for Diana, before Maeve was born, so she could have a comfortable place for her lie-in. But he’d been offered the chance to work extra shifts, and Diana had told him she’d rather have the money, since they were short again.
The back door opened and Nellie stepped out, a smile on her face and a steaming mug in her hand.
“I thought you could use some refreshment.” She held the cup out to him.
“Thank you.” He drank deeply, appreciating the burn of the hot liquid as it slid down his throat.
Nellie looked around nervously, and Luke tried not to sigh. She always seemed to be nervous about something, worried that she’d anger him in some way. And he, for his part, was always careful to try to make her feel safe. But it didn’t seem to do any good.
“I was hoping I could ask a favor,” she said.
“Of course.”
She shifted her weight, looking at the work he’d been doing. “I know you have your project and all, but I noticed that you don’t have a clothesline. I’d like to do some washing, but there isn’t a good place to hang anything to dry.”
Luke let out a long breath. She never asked for anything for herself, but she did for the household, and it was always done in such an apologetic manner, like she was afraid of angering him.
“That’s not a favor,” he said, looking around the yard for a suitable spot. “That’s necessary for the family. I don’t know why you keep acting like you’re asking for the moon.”
Nellie took a step back. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing!” Luke set the mug she’d given him on a nearby stump. “When are you going to figure out that you don’t have to be afraid of upsetting me? You want to know what upsets me? This. You acting like every little thing is going to create a major problem. You need a clothesline? That’s fine. We’ll make a clothesline.”
Luke stomped over to the lean-to, where he kept some rope. After digging through some boxes, he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the rope and tossed it on the ground.
“Where do you want it?”
Wide-eyed, Nellie stared at him. “I didn’t mean to make you angry,” she said quietly, not moving from the doorway.
He couldn’t win. It wasn’t that he even wanted to win. He just wanted his wife to not be afraid of him. To come to him without fear or hesitancy.
“I’m not angry,” Luke said, taking a step toward her, then realized she had retreated farther into the doorway. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Luke held out his hands. “All right. I’m frustrated. But you act like I’m going to hurt you or something. I would never—”
The expression on her face told him everything he needed to know. She’d been hurt before. Based on the things she’d told him prior to their marriage, he’d gotten the impression that she hadn’t been married to the most upstanding of men. But this level of fear...
What had happened to Nellie?
Luke sat on a log he’d arranged that summer as a seating area. “You don’t know me well enough to know that, I suppose. I’ve never hit a woman, or anyone, for that matter. And even though I know my tone sometimes might sound harsh, I hate raising my voice.”
He looked up at her and noticed she’d relaxed slightly, though she hadn’t moved from her station at the door.
“I know you’re afraid of disappointing me, or not making this what we’d hoped it would be, but you have exceeded my expectations in every way.” Luke took a deep breath. No, not every way. And maybe, if he could be honest with her and share his frustrations with her, then they could make progress in their developing relationship.
“My only complaint,” he continued, “is that you seem to always be afraid of me. Or of letting me down. We’re partners, and I thought we’d agreed to talk about things. You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to me or ask me for anything.”
Nellie didn’t react to his words. Had he done something to hurt her without knowing?
“Unless I did something to make you afraid? In which case, I’d like you to tell me so I won’t do it again.”
Finally, Nellie took a step in his direction. “No, you haven’t done anything to make me fearful. I just...” She glanced over her shoulder at the house, then at the room he was building.
“Based on what I’ve seen in the house, and how everyone reacts to what I do, it seems like I do things quite differently from your late wife. I’m constantly upsetting old routines and traditions, and I don’t want to make it seem like I’m erasing her memory. Everything I do is wrong, according to Ruby, and I’ve seen the dark shadows in your eyes when I’ve crossed some imaginary line of Diana’s domain.” Nellie’s shoulders rose and fell, then she straightened. “I’m not trying to diminish what Diana did. Or make her seem like she wasn’t a good wife and mother. But I feel like I’m constantly walking a tightrope because of the fear that I might be.”
She gestured to the rope on the ground. “Is my asking for a clothesline a negative commentary on her housekeeping? I don’t know. But half the time, I feel as though my asking for something different from how Diana did it is taken as a criticism of her.”
Luke took a deep breath. She was right; they’d had several discussions about things Nellie did differently from Diana. Ruby complained especially loudly about those changes.
Bringing in a new wife to take over where his late wife had left off wasn’t as simple as he’d thought it would be. He’d done Nellie a grave disservice, thinking her transition would be easy. You couldn’t just drop a person into shoes she’d never been meant to fill.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I guess things are more complicated than I’d thought they
would be.”
He looked down at his hands, realizing that he had probably not done as much as he should have to make Nellie’s transition any easier for her. After all, she had asked to discuss several topics, like the family finances, church and family traditions, with him, but he’d put it off. And instead of being cooped up in the tiny house with her today to help with the children and see what things were like for her, he’d chosen to be out here, building an extra room that he thought would make her life easier, when he hadn’t even asked her if that was what she wanted.
“I know you do things differently from Diana,” he said slowly. “Truth be told, I don’t know how she did things. I didn’t care as long as everyone was happy and healthy. I left a lot of things for you to figure out, because I...” Luke took a deep breath as he finally turned his attention back on Nellie. “I was struggling so much, trying to do all the things my family needed, and I don’t know what I was doing. It’s been a relief, having you here to do those things for me. I suppose it’s been so nice having some order to my house that I tuned out the children complaining.”
Nellie seemed so small, leaning against the back of the house. Luke patted the spot next to him. “So come, sit by me, and let’s talk about the things you need to talk about. I haven’t done a good job of listening or trying to see things from your point of view.”
As he spoke, Luke could see how Nellie would feel so isolated in her new home. He treated the men he supervised with more respect, and had Nellie been an employee, he would have been clearer in his expectations of her and her duties. She wasn’t an employee, but a wife, so she deserved more respect from him, not less.
“Thank you,” Nellie said as she took the spot he indicated. “I do feel as though you haven’t been willing to discuss important matters with me. When we met, you said we would talk about things, but it seems like we’ve spoken very little since I arrived.”
“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I’ll do better in the future, starting now.”
Nellie rewarded him with a smile. Until now, he’d forgotten how pretty she was. Luke shook his head. He wasn’t supposed to be noticing her beauty. Theirs was not a love match, but one of practicality and necessity. Had he had any other options, he wouldn’t have married her at all.
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