“Oh, yes!” Amos pointed to a spot on the paper. “And that’s mistletoe. I love mistletoe.”
Mistletoe? As in the plant everyone kissed under?
“Why mistletoe?”
Amos smiled. “Because it makes everyone happy, and people hug and kiss, and all the bad feelings go away. If we had mistletoe, then maybe everyone in our house wouldn’t be so sad.”
A sound behind her made Nellie turn. Luke had come in, and by the stricken look on his face, she could tell he’d heard Amos’s pronouncement about mistletoe.
“I don’t know if it’s that simple,” Nellie said, turning her attention back to Amos. “But it is a nice idea.”
“Oh, Nellie...” A serious look, almost too mature for the little boy, crossed his face. “Don’t you know that Christmas is the time when wonderful things happen? Mama used to say that Christmas is a time of hope because God gave us a very special present. You just have to believe.”
Tears filled Nellie’s eyes as she realized that she’d forgotten the true beauty of the Christmas message. She’d been so caught up in how she was going to get Luke to go along with her plans for the family that she’d forgotten the true spirit of the season.
“You’re right, Amos,” Nellie said, smiling at the boy and blinking back her tears. “God gave us a wonderful gift and we should be celebrating that. Why don’t you help me plan the family Christmas celebration?”
Though she’d already made up her mind in this matter, Nellie turned to Luke. “Unless you have any objections?”
He shook his head, but Nellie could see the pain in his eyes. Was he thinking of his loss? Or had he, like Nellie, realized just how far he’d fallen short in his assessment of what Christmas meant? Could Luke find healing in the Christmas story and reconcile his relationship with God?
While they were things Nellie had promised Luke she wouldn’t interfere with, she couldn’t help but send a quick prayer heavenward that God would use this season to touch Luke’s heart and bring this lost man back into God’s fold. Nellie couldn’t do anything for Luke’s heart, but God could.
Chapter Seven
Luke hated the disapproving way Amos looked at him because he wasn’t joining in their excitement, especially with Nellie seeming to agree with the boy. He knew Nellie wanted to discuss Christmas. But wasn’t it enough for him to tell her that this holiday, with its memories of Diana, was almost too much for him to bear?
And mistletoe?
Why did Amos have to bring that up, of all things? If there was mistletoe in the house, then Luke would be obligated to kiss Nellie at some point. And if there was kissing...
Luke shook his head. Absolutely not. He would not kiss Nellie, no matter what Amos thought. The family’s problems were not going to be solved by hugs and kisses. Amos was just a child; he didn’t understand the deeper meaning of hugs and kisses.
Diana had taken the mistletoe tradition and expanded it, making it a rule that everyone in the family would hug and kiss under the mistletoe, no matter how many berries remained. Because that was who Diana was. Hugs, kisses and affection flowed from every cell in her body. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, do that with Nellie.
Seamus’s words about being able to love another came back to Luke, but he shook them off. Some forms of love might work that way, but the deep love between a man and a wife was different. Seamus had never lost a wife, so how would he know? Even Pastor Lassiter, whose beloved wife had died, had not remarried. Not that Luke wanted to hear anything the pastor had to say. After all, it was the pastor’s fault Diana had died.
Luke climbed up the stairs to the loft and saw that Ruby was sitting on her pallet, staring at a picture of Diana.
“Are you missing your mother?” he asked.
A tear-streaked face looked up at him. Of course she missed her mother. They all did.
Luke went and sat beside his daughter, then put his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I miss her, too.”
“Then why did you marry Nellie?”
Luke let out a long sigh. “I’ve told you. Several times. I can’t raise this family alone. Nellie’s been good to all of us. Our house is cleaner than it’s ever been, she makes delicious meals, she’s helping you with new dresses, and she takes care of your brother and sister. She’s not your mother, but she’s a good woman, and we have to...”
Luke’s throat clogged as he started to say that they had to give her a chance. He felt like a hypocrite giving that advice, when deep down, he knew he wasn’t giving Nellie a chance, not really. He refused to open up to her, refused to see the possibility of a future with her. Though he’d promised friendship, he hadn’t even tried at that.
“I know.” Ruby made a grumpy sound. “But why doesn’t she go where she’s wanted? Like to her sister’s. If she and her sister love each other so much, why isn’t Nellie there?”
“I want her,” Luke said quietly. “And for whatever reason, Nellie is choosing to be with us instead of with her sister. We should be honored that such a fine woman would choose our family.”
As he spoke, Luke let Ruby’s questions roll around in the back of his head. Why did Nellie choose to marry him rather than find refuge with her sister? Yes, it was difficult to be a widow with no protection, but surely with her sister, Nellie wouldn’t be in such a difficult situation.
Was it possible that there was more to Nellie’s story than she’d told him? Nellie had been so afraid when they’d first met, and even now, at times, she shied away from him. Luke hadn’t questioned it because he didn’t want to make her share her heart with him when he was unwilling to do the same.
He took a deep breath. If there was more to Nellie’s story, it was none of his business. As he’d told Ruby, Nellie was a fine woman, and his family was fortunate to have her.
Nellie poked her head up into the loft. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I promised Myrna I’d go with her to the church to plan their Christmas celebration. Amos and Maeve are coming, so I thought I’d see if Ruby would like to join us.”
Ruby stilled beside him. She knew what Christmas meant to the family. And her mother.
“I’ll give you a few minutes to decide. I need to get Amos and Maeve bundled up. It’s chilly out there.”
Luke couldn’t help but smile as Nellie went back down to get the children ready. The temperature had been below freezing for days, and though it was slightly warmer today, it still wasn’t anything approaching chilly, which would feel like a heat wave right now.
“Do you want to go?” Ruby looked at him, an eager expression on her face. Though he’d gotten Nellie to agree not to try to get him to come to church, he hadn’t made the children make the same promise. And Ruby always asked.
“I have some things I need to do around here,” he said, giving her the excuse he always did.
“Everyone misses you at church.” Her innocent words hurt more than he could have imagined.
Maybe they missed him. Or maybe they felt guilty about what had happened to Diana. It seemed like every time he ran into one of his old church friends, they all tried convincing him to go back to church. And had no helpful things to say about dealing with his loss.
“Some other time,” Luke said, starting for the ladder. “But you should go. I know your friends there will be happy to see you.”
“So would your friends.” Ruby followed, a deeper sadness seeming to surround her now than when she’d first come up to the loft. It pained him to know that his actions were hurting his daughter, but she didn’t understand how much it hurt to face all those people again.
Luke didn’t answer as they made their way down the stairs. Nellie already had the other children bundled up, and she was slipping on her coat.
“Are you coming, Ruby?”
Ruby shrugged. “Papa says there’s a lot to be done around here. It isn’t ri
ght to leave him to do all the work.”
“I’ll be fine,” Luke said. “I just need to finish a few things for Nellie’s room. Nothing you can help with.”
At the mention of Nellie’s room, Ruby’s resolve to stay seemed to diminish. She gave him a resigned look. “I suppose I could go, but it won’t be as much fun without you.”
He bent and kissed her on top of her head. “Well, try. Your friends will all be there, and I’m sure they have some fun things planned. After all, it’s Christmas.”
Just because he wasn’t excited about Christmas didn’t mean he had to spoil it for his children. Luke glanced down at Ruby, whose face held an expression of both hope and uncertainty. Because she was just a child, she probably had the same eager anticipation as her brother. But she was old enough to remember how special Diana had made the holiday.
“All right, let’s go,” Amos said, a wide grin filling his face, making the dimples in his cheeks pop. “I’m going to ask Mrs. Fitzgerald about finding mistletoe.”
“Mistletoe?” Ruby’s voice was strained as she looked over at Luke. “We can’t have mistletoe. That’s...”
“Tradition!” Amos crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not Christmas without mistletoe.”
Clearly Ruby remembered how they all kissed and hugged underneath the mistletoe. How could they continue that tradition?
“I’ll ask Mrs. Fitzgerald,” Nellie said. “But I won’t get any until we’ve all agreed.”
Nellie gave Amos a smile, then turned her gaze to Ruby. “I know it’s going to be hard for you, since it will remind you of your mother. We’ll make it as comfortable as we can for everyone.”
Compromise. Luke felt ashamed at how he’d been treating her. She was working so hard to find solutions that worked for all of them, and he’d been hiding in his grief. Only thinking about his own comfort. Deep inside, he knew he owed her more.
“I like that idea,” Luke said. “And maybe Nellie can share some of her Christmas traditions with us.”
The smile that lit up Nellie’s eyes encouraged Luke. Hopefully it meant that she understood his desire to start working together more. And maybe, this would be the beginning of their friendship.
* * *
The women were gathered in the church, talking among themselves, and Nellie couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Though she’d been to a few gatherings since coming to Leadville, it still felt almost unreal that she was part of such an incredible community.
“Nellie!” Myrna waved her over with a smile. “I want you to meet some of the ladies.”
Every time Nellie walked through the doors, Myrna had someone else for her to meet. So far, it seemed almost impossible to get to know anyone besides Myrna because there were so many people. She didn’t know where to start.
“Can we go play?” Amos tugged at Nellie’s skirt.
The other children were on one side of the room, gathered around a table where a brave woman had set up a table with crafts for the children.
“Of course. Have fun.”
She set Maeve down to follow her brother and sister as they ran off to join their friends. The children’s laughter was invigorating, and Nellie’s joy grew as she turned back to Myrna.
“This is such a wonderful idea. What are the children working on?”
Myrna gestured at one of the women standing nearby. “Patricia Steele has spent all year organizing a knitting project. All the women have been knitting blankets, hats, gloves, socks and scarves for the people we minister to. The children are decorating some papers to wrap them in. We’ll take them to the houses of ill repute on State Street and give them to the women residing there.”
Nellie had heard that the church had a ministry to those women, but she’d mostly tuned it out, not wanting to give away her own sordid past. Still, it was a lovely thing for the church to do. Would her circumstances have been different had she had some contact with a group like that?
“I’m sure they’ll enjoy that,” Nellie said, looking over at her children as they helped the others with the project. Even Maeve seemed to be participating.
Wait. Her children? Nellie shook her head. As much as she loved them and thought of them as her own, they would never be anything other than Diana’s. Luke might say one thing, but the way he treated her made it clear that she would always be in Diana’s shadow.
Fortunately, Myrna didn’t know the direction of her thoughts as she led Nellie over to the woman she’d pointed out. Patricia Steele stood with a woman who looked to be around Nellie’s age, perhaps a bit older, and another, more garishly dressed woman.
“Ladies, I want to introduce you to my dear friend Nellie. She married my neighbor Luke Jeffries, and I’m sure you will all come to love her as I have.”
The women all exchanged glances as if they knew exactly who Nellie was. Luke’s new wife. The one meant to replace Diana—and the one who never could.
“I’m Patricia Steele.” The woman Myrna indicated earlier stepped forward. “And this is my good friend Laura Booth, and, um...”
Patricia hesitated for a moment, and the garish woman shook her head. “I’m sure she knows who I am. Miss Betty, at your service. I suppose the likes of you ain’t never met a woman like me, but I promise, I ain’t got nothing you can catch.”
Nellie grinned. Though Miss Betty had covered her revealing dress with a shawl that had been pinned for modesty’s sake, her clothing alone would indicate that she was not your average churchgoing woman. And the brightly painted face and bold stance made it clear that Miss Betty was not part of their society.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Betty. I’m delighted you could join us. I imagine you don’t get out much.”
At least she could make this woman feel welcome. Nellie had learned that the best way to ease her own nervousness in a new situation was to find someone equally nervous. Miss Betty seemed to be confident, but Nellie could see the fear in her eyes.
“Do you see?” Myrna said. “I told you she’d fit right in.”
The other woman, Laura Booth, smiled at her. “Indeed you did. Nellie, I hope you know how welcome you are. Myrna and Ellen have told us so many wonderful things about you.”
Laura’s gentle manner of speech immediately made Nellie feel at ease. “Thank you. I’m very pleased to meet you all. What will we be doing today?”
Patricia frowned. “I’d hoped to put together some gift baskets for the ladies at Miss Betty’s, but Miss Betty says that won’t do.”
Nellie couldn’t imagine anything not being acceptable to the ladies. When she’d been held by the men Ernest sold her to, the ladies lacked so many basic comforts that she would have been grateful for the gifts the children were wrapping.
“What do the ladies in your place need?” Nellie asked, turning her attention to Miss Betty.
Miss Betty frowned. “It’s not that.” She looked over at the children, then at the other women who appeared to be putting together baskets of various food items they’d brought.
“I can’t imagine why you all keep bothering with the likes of us. I suppose some of the girls have left my employ and gone to live respectable lives, but most people know what they were, and they aren’t going to welcome them into their parlors. So why all this work?”
Exactly the reason Nellie hadn’t told Luke everything about her past. Even though her stay in a house of ill repute had been against her will, unlike Miss Betty and her girls, she couldn’t imagine him, or any of the women in church, welcoming her. Even though Miss Betty was here as a guest, Patricia had stumbled over her name, as though it was difficult to associate with her.
Laura smiled at Miss Betty. “I’ve welcomed you into my parlor many times. Your girls come to my home for Bible study, whether they’ve left your employ or not. If anyone has ever felt unwelcome, I apologize most
sincerely.”
“Not you, Laura.” Miss Betty made a noise. “But so many of these other women. If I pass them on the street, they cross over to the other side so as to not be forced to associate with me. What’s the point of all their charity at Christmas when they treat us with contempt the rest of the year?”
Another good point that solidified Nellie’s decision not to tell Luke everything about her past.
Myrna nodded. “I wish I could give you a good answer. Maybe not all the women here would welcome you, but I know those of us standing here would. Isn’t that right, Nellie and Patricia?”
The faith the older woman had in her was something remarkable. Not because Myrna was wrong, but because she clearly understood Nellie in a way that she’d thought only her sister could.
“Absolutely,” Nellie said as Patricia echoed her agreement.
Their answers appeared to satisfy Miss Betty, who said, “All right, then. I suppose I should take a look at this year’s baskets.”
As Patricia and Myrna led Miss Betty away, Laura turned to Nellie. “Thank you for your kindness toward Miss Betty. It’s so difficult for a woman in our world, especially without a husband or a father to care for her. She’s done the best she can with what she has, and I just pray that God will continue to show her His love, to know that...” She shook her head. “Listen to me, giving a sermon. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to go on.”
“It’s all right.” Nellie gave her a smile. “You seem to be passionate about helping others.”
At Laura’s nod, Nellie had to wonder if they had more in common than she thought.
“I hope you don’t mind, but did you...” Nellie glanced in Miss Betty’s direction, not sure how to ask if Laura had ever been in her employ.
“Oh!” Laura shook her head, but the mirth in her eyes told Nellie that it was all right. “No. I was not in that situation.” Her shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath. “But since you are at a disadvantage because we know so much about you, I’ll tell you about me. Because to some people, my past is scandalous.”
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