by S. M. Shade
My bladder is screaming at me, and the sound of the shower kicking on doesn’t help. I dress quickly and creep out of the room, hoping to make it across the hall without being seen in my walk of shame clothes from last night. So, of course, not only is Gretchen, the pucker-faced maid of honor standing in the hall, but Kasha’s mother, Monica, is right beside her.
“What do you mean the decorator didn’t show?” Monica shrieks, and Gretchen winces, recoiling.
“I-I called them weeks ago. They were supposed to be here yesterday. I don’t know what happened,” Gretchen cries.
“This was the only thing you had to do! Just plan the Ladies Night. And you couldn’t even do that! Ugh! Fix it!”
Ladies’ night is snooty code for a bachelorette party. Because strippers and booze would be so uncouth, a night of wine and god knows what boring activities are planned for tonight. I can’t say I’m too disappointed something screwed it up.
Gretchen glances at me with a pleading look, and I sigh. There’s no reason she should expect me to intervene with Monica chewing her ass out.
Roman’s door pops open and Kasha steps out. Looks like I’m not the only one who spent the night under a hot guy. The look on her face when she’s confronted with Gretchen and her mother makes me snort with laughter.
“What the hell are you yelling about?” she asks, while her mom’s gaze sweeps over her with disdain.
“Ladies’ night is ruined. The decorator didn’t show and now the entertainment has canceled.” Kasha rolls her eyes at Monica’s dramatic reaction.
It strikes me this may be a perfect opportunity to cause some trouble and have some fun. “Kasha and I can handle it,” I volunteer.
I don’t know who looks more shocked, Kasha or her mother. A weird smile flashes across Gretchen’s face, but she quickly reins it in. Or maybe it’s a Botox side effect, I don’t know.
Monica looks doubtful, but turns to her daughter. “We want to have a classy get together for the women. Nothing inappropriate or raunchy. Do you think you can handle that?”
I nod behind her back, and Kasha sighs. “Where are we holding it?”
“The ballroom. I’ve had a stage erected on the south side. The cases of pink champagne have arrived, and the caterer is set. We need a decorator and an entertainer... today.”
“We can take care of it,” I blurt, and Kasha raises her eyebrows at me before turning to her mother.
“We’ll handle it.”
A bright smile, faker than spray cheese in a can, blooms on her mother’s face. “Thank you, dear. The guests should arrive around eight.” She hands Kasha a credit card, and her face crumples into a scowl as she regards Gretchen. “You need to come with me. Jane needs us to help her find a new dress.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Gretchen gives me and Kasha a grateful smile. “Thank you.”
Not exactly what I expected from a well-known harpy, but I dismiss my instant suspicion and turn my attention to Kasha, giving her an exaggerated head-to-toe inspection. “Have fun last night?”
“Three orgasms’ worth,” she replies, leading the way back into our room. “Why the hell did you volunteer us for that lame party?”
“So we can jack it up. Get with the program, girl. Did he fuck your brains out? We can have a real bachelorette party. Strippers, dirty games, penises everywhere.”
Kasha grins. “If we’re going to get it together in time, we’d better get going.”
Lydia comes out of the bathroom, smiling and shaking her head at us. “You sluts,” she teases. “You both look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”
“I’m not a slut. I just have a friendly vagina,” I toss back, and head off to shower, leaving Kasha to tell our plans to Lydia.
***
Kasha solves the entertainment problem with a few phone calls. “You seriously hired strippers?” Lydia asks, giggling.
“I’m sure there will be no shortage of half-naked dancers at the bachelor party tomorrow night,” I point out. “Fair is fair.”
Kasha snorts. “No way. My mother had her hand in that, too. It’ll be as dull as Anderson’s personality.” She smiles and adds, “Maybe I should call the entertainment company back.”
“One sabotage at a time,” I laugh, leading the way into a shop called Scarlet Toys. We’ve come to the right place for penises. It’s cocks galore. Dick city. Weiner haven. You get the picture.
Kasha grabs a huge inflatable strap-on penis and fastens it around her. Complete with two furry balls, it hangs down, nearly touching the floor. Lydia isn’t paying attention, she’s too busy perusing a shelf of edible underwear until Kasha runs up behind her, thrusting her hips and shoving the giant balloon cock against her ass.
Lydia squeals, and the salesperson on duty approaches, laughing with us. “Hi, I’m Sandy. Can I help you find something?”
“We need to perv up a prissy bachelorette party,” I reply, trying not to laugh as Kasha chases Lydia down the aisle, still thrusting.
“Well, we have plenty to choose from.” The young woman gestures toward Kasha, who is now sneaking up behind an unsuspecting man looking at the porno movies. No… she wouldn’t.
She does. Just starts dancing behind the guy and humping him from behind with her big blue penis. Why is she singing Danger Zone?
“Those inflatables are made to joust. You each wear or hold one and try to knock down your opponent. They’re heavier than they look.”
I can imagine the look on Monica’s face at that competition. “Perfect. Do they come in pink?”
“Absolutely.”
“We’ll take two.”
Lydia and Kasha return while Sandy is showing me a massive penis fountain. I don’t mean it’s a fountain that sprays penises, although that’d be something to see. It’s a large punch bowl with a thick, peach-colored cock rising up from the middle, and I have to admire the attention to detail, tracing the veins with a fingertip.
It’s set up in a corner of the store, already filled with water, and when Sandy turns it on, water spurts out the tip and runs down the shaft into the bowl.
“We could use this for the champagne, surround it with those wine glasses,” I suggest, pointing out a set of glasses with a man posing in a thong.
“The thong disappears when you pour in a cold drink,” Sandy informs me.
“Sold!” Kasha cries, moving on to the next aisle.
We spend the next hour sorting through all types of dirty toys and party favors, finally emerging loaded down with bags.
“Your mom is going to shit a brick, Kasha. Are we taking this too far?” I ask, sliding into the driver’s seat.
“She needs to pull the stick out of her ass. Besides, she’ll be dress shopping all day. By the time she sees the ballroom, it’ll be too late.”
“What time are the strippers supposed to show?” Lydia asks.
“Ten. Everyone should be nice and drunk by then.” She turns to look at Lydia in the backseat. “You’re coming, aren’t you? I’m sure Anderson won’t be there.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
As soon as we return, we carry all of our purchases into the ballroom, then lock the massive doors behind us. I know Kasha’s mom expected us to hire a decorator, but we’ve got this covered.
Half the room is filled with round tables, covered by pale pink tablecloths, and Kasha wastes no time trimming the edges of them with a string of tiny, glow-in-the-dark ball sacks. I set up the long tables meant for the food and place the penis fountain in the center, surrounding it with the vanishing thong wine glasses.
I can’t resist filling one with cold water to see if the thong will really disappear. “What the hell?” Lydia comes up from behind me as the guy’s limited clothing dissolves, leaving an oddly shaped dick. “It’s bent. It looks like he’s been fucking around a corner.”
“What are we going to do about music?” I ask. “I’m sure whatever your mom planned to pipe in would put a speed freak to sleep.”
“I’ll
take care of it,” Lydia volunteers. “Simon Carr is an A/V tech. He owes me a favor.”
Kasha grins. “And what did you do to earn a favor from Simon?”
Simon Carr was a year behind us in high school. I don’t remember much about him, other than he was a geek who hung out with the other geeks. I noticed him at the obstacle course yesterday and… whew, he’s grown up. If I wasn’t busy being nailed to the bed by Davis, I’d have given him a go.
“I blew him under the table.”
Kasha’s jaw drops and Lydia bursts out laughing. “I pretended to be his girlfriend for a few minutes to get rid of some chick who was flirting with him. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Her mind lives in the gutter,” I laugh.
The catering company shows up just after Lydia rushes off to find Simon. The man in charge approaches us, glancing around at the myriad of cocks with a barely restrained smile. “Should we go ahead and set up?”
“The kitchen is right through that door and down the hall,” Kasha informs him, pointing to an ornate door now covered with a “Pin the Penis on the Hunk” game.
Deep, rumbling laughter draws my eyes to the other doorway where I’m greeted by Davis’s brilliant smile. He’s dressed in only shorts and running shoes, a towel slung over his shoulder, sweat drying on his chest. He picks up one of the inflatable dicks and holds it up as I close the distance between us. “If you wanted a big cock, you could’ve just come to my room.”
God, he fucked me half to death last night and I already want him again. His dark hair flops over his forehead and he shoves it back absently, his oil-drop eyes seizing mine. “Later, marathon man. I have every intention of getting wasted tonight and taking advantage of you.”
The room rotates as he spins me, pinning me against the wall. “You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” His hand clutches the back of my neck, tilting my head up until our gazes lock. I’m imprisoned by six feet of hot, sweaty male. His hips roll against mine, showing me he’s hard as a stone.
“I have a general idea,” I reply, slipping my hand between us to skim over his bulge.
His eyes fall shut and open again, full of fire. “No, you don’t. You don’t have a fucking clue, but you will. I’m going to spend hours kissing every part of your body so I can hear you whimper and moan and beg while I watch you writhe under me.”
Damn, that’s the hottest thing a man has ever said to me, and it takes a second for my brain to re-engage. He smirks and murmurs, “Speechless, I like it.” His lips land on mine for a brief second and then he’s gone, striding out of the room with a wave at Kasha.
Shit. I’m in trouble.
***
Kasha and I make our way down to the ballroom a few minutes before the first of the guests are due to arrive. Kasha’s mother informed her by text that she’ll be late, and Kasha assured her that Ladies’ Night was well under control.
We meet Gretchen in the hall and she gives us a reluctant smile. “I barely made it back in time. Did you manage to find a decorator? And the entertainment?”
“It’s all taken care of,” Kasha says with a fake smile. “See for yourself.”
Kasha throws open the doors and saunters in, Gretchen right on her tail. The room is dimly lit, allowing the glow in the dark balls trimming the tables to stand out, along with the penis shaped candles that burn in the centerpieces.
The elaborate spread of fancy finger foods and hors d'oeuvres are a wonderful backdrop to the penis now spurting pink champagne out of the tip. Gretchen turns and shoots daggers at Kasha, who just smiles.
“You bitch! Monica is going to lose her shit!” She looks around as if she’s still trying to convince herself she just walked into dong central. Her gaze returns to Kasha, her eyes narrowing. “It’s been you. Anderson and the porta-potty, the rotten eggs, destroying the wedding dress, all of it. You’re trying to sabotage the wedding.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” I intervene, grabbing a wine glass and holding it under the fountain. “Here, have a drink. It’ll loosen you up.” Her lips snarl at the offered glass. “Look, the guests are arriving,” I add as women begin to flow in, dressed for a black tie event that obviously… isn’t.
“You’re both going to pay for this,” she threatens and stalks away.
Club music suddenly fills the air with a pulsing beat, and I grin at Kasha. “Guess Simon came through.”
“Guess so,” she agrees. “Lydia better show up. She promised to get here before the strippers.”
“Well, guess we better play hostess since Gretchen split.” I grab two glasses and fill them from the fountain. “Welcome to the party, ladies! Jane will be here soon. In the meantime, have a drink!”
A group of women head my way, a few trying to hide their smiles. “Drinks are also available at the bar,” I add, gesturing to the tiny bar set up in the corner.
Jane has obviously invited women outside the wedding party because there are more than fifty women now milling around with drinks in their hands. A few have even opted to use the dick-shaped test tube necklaces, which proves my suspicion that these ladies aren’t all stuck up prudes, no matter how they behave in polite society.
We saw it that first night when Kasha spiked the refreshments and I hijacked the music. They just need a little alcohol to strip away those inhibitions, not to mention years of conditioning.
By the time Lydia shows up over an hour later, the ballroom is filled with laughing, chatting women, a few showing off their moves on the dance floor, despite their fancy attire. Gretchen is seething over by the dick fountain, watching the fun with a hateful glare.
“Wow,” Lydia exclaims as more women make their way inside. “I can’t believe Jane invited so many people.”
“She didn’t,” Kasha admits with a devious grin. “I may have tweeted about a big party tonight.”
That explains why most of the new guests aren’t dressed to the nines like the others. It doesn’t explain why some of them are holding vibrators, and even comparing them.
“And why did they bring their sex toys?”
Kasha shrugs. “Vibrator race. First place wins the dick fountain at the end of the night.”
Lydia giggles. “How the hell do you race vibrators?”
“Easy. Put them on the floor and see which rattles across the finish line first. Mom and Jane will love it.”
I sling my arm around Kasha’s shoulders. “We have to be friends until death. I’d be completely terrified of you otherwise.”
“Best bitches until the end,” she agrees, pulling Lydia in for a three-way hug. “Now, let’s have a dick fight.”
Laughing, I down another shot and poke her. “You’re on.”
A few minutes later, the ballroom sounds more like a frat party. A circle of drunk women cheer us on as Kasha and I don the huge inflatable dicks and do our best to knock the other over. I finally get the best of her, and she falls on her stomach. After what she did to the guy at the toy shop, I can’t resist jumping on her back and humping her to the excited cheers of the crowd.
Raising my hands in the air as if I’ve just won a boxing match, I dance around, the big dick flopping against the floor. After helping Kasha to her feet, I turn and come face to face with Monica.
You know all those cartoons where smoke sprays from the character’s ears and the top of their head shoots off? Yeah, that’s exactly what she looks like.
Jane stands beside her, her mouth open in horror as I remove the dick, and a woman dressed in an evening gown straps it on. Kasha hands hers to a skinny chick with blue hair, and jogs over to us. “Mother! About time you showed up. You can go next,” she says, gesturing to the women now beating each other senseless while the guests egg them on.
For a few seconds, I don’t think Monica is going to answer, but finally she speaks through gritted teeth. “I can’t believe you. I expected more from you, but I guess I should’ve known better. This is it, Kasha. Don’t you dare show your face at the rehearsal dinner. I’m
not giving you another chance to embarrass our family.”
She stalks off without giving Kasha time to reply, and Jane sneers at us before making her way over to Gretchen. Gretchen lays a sympathetic hand on her shoulder and gives her a glass of champagne.
“Are you all right?” I ask Kasha, and she grins, pointing to the door. “I’m great. About to be better. The strippers are here.”
Lydia snorts. “Oh hell, your mom might have us thrown out of here.”
“Monica make a scene? Never. Come on, let’s show the men where to go.”
“I know where I want that one to go,” Lydia says, tilting her head toward a big, beefy blond.
“How long did you hire them for?” I ask.
“Three hours. They’ll put on a show, then stay to do lap dances.”
“Dibs on the Jesse Williams lookalike,” I tell them, as we make our way to the doorway full of muscle men.
“Holy shit, he does look like him!” Kasha exclaims.
***
Kasha places two glasses of pink champagne on the table in front of Lydia and me. “Drink up, girls. The show is about to start.”
Kasha drains her glass, but Lydia scoots hers across the table. “I’ve already had a few shots and I want to remember this tomorrow.”
A young, lean man walks onto the stage and taps the mic, causing a flood of liquored up women to stampede, trying to be in the front row. “Well, hello, beautiful ladies! Is everyone excited?”
The response is deafening and Kasha beams at me. Yeah, maybe her mother and the bride don’t consider this a proper Ladies’ Night, but it’s a kick-ass bachelorette party.
“Now, before I introduce the men, we have a couple of rules. First, since this is a private event, you are allowed to touch.”
Again, an ear-splitting cheer rolls across the room. “But, please, let the guys decide what clothing to remove. No stripping them.”
“Not even with my teeth?” a woman yells.
“Sorry, pretty lady. No teeth. Now, are you ready to meet the men of Ravage?”
