by S Williams
“Okay. Let me look for her first available appointment.” I hear her clicking keys on the computer and her mumbling to herself. “You are in luck. She has had a cancellation tomorrow at 2:30.”
“That will work. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. I have you down for tomorrow. Please get here thirty minutes early because you will have paper work to fill out.”
“I will. Thank you again.”
Then the phone goes dead. Well, I didn’t think it would be so fast, but I need to do this. Getting up, I leave money on the table for my lunch and a tip.
I go back to work, trying to keep my normal routine. I pick Lucy up from school, go by the grocery store, and head home to cook spaghetti for supper.
We all eat then later have family time in front of the TV. I give Lucy a bath, get her in the bed then decide it’s time for me to relax. The only thing about relaxing is I can’t seem to stop thinking about my appointment tomorrow.
As we lay in bed, Chris kisses my shoulder. “Jules, are you okay tonight?”
“I’m okay. Sorry. Work has been really busy lately. I have my head stuck in projects needing to get done.”
“Are you sure that’s it?”
I turn to face him, kissing him lightly on his lips. “Yeah, I’m sure. Before I forget, is there any way you can pick Lucy up tomorrow? I need to work late. I have got to finish up a project along with get the trip finalized.”
He kisses me. “I think I can manage getting her. Now, do you think I can get in you tonight?” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.
I feel bad because during our love making, I can’t keep the fact that I am going to see a therapist from Chris. Maybe I should tell him, but I don’t feel it’s necessary right now.
I fall asleep late, waking up early to another nightmare. This time, I was running to someone. I couldn’t run fast enough. They kept fading in and out as soon as I would get close enough to see who it was.
Then my parents appeared in front of me, stopping me from running. They begin yelling at me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life chasing after something that wasn’t worth the pain, and we could do this by ourselves. I couldn’t understand what they meant by it not being worth it. What could we do by ourselves?
I started running away from them with tears streaming down my face, not knowing where I was going. All of a sudden, I was somewhere I think I have seen before, but I’m not sure. I was in a big garden with a black iron fence all the way around it.
I heard someone telling me I wasn’t wanted there. I kept asking why when a hand slipped around my neck, and I jerked myself awake.
The dream had stuck with me all day long. What the hell was I chasing, or whom was I chasing? It’s a good thing Chris didn’t hear me because I know he would be concerned, and I have this nagging feeling this is something I need to do on my own.
I make breakfast once I am ready for work and do everything as normally as I always would. Chris doesn’t seem to suspect anything is wrong. I just hope it stays that way for a little while.
Chapter Fourteen
I arrive at the Dr. Green’s office thirty minutes before my actual appointment time. I am sitting in my car, telling myself it’s all going to be okay. I’m feeling sick to my stomach, but I know that I need to do this. Taking a deep breath, I open the car door and climb out.
I walk in the door to the receptionist’s desk, which happens to be enclosed with glass. I see a clipboard sitting in front of me that says to sign in. I write down my name when I hear the glass come open.
“Your name?”
“It’s Julia Falls,” I say in a whisper.
She looks around on her desks to find what she needs. “I need you to fill out this paperwork and bring it back to me when you are done.”
Smiling, I take the papers and pen. “Thank you.”
I sit down and begin the task of filling out the stack of papers she has given me. Starting with the first paper, which asks for my name, address, emergency contact, and other personal information. The second is for insurance purposes.
The third paper is a list of all kinds of questions about dealing with the sole purpose of my visit. It asks many different questions and some are the same questions, just worded differently.
Finally through that, the rest is privacy act gibberish. I sign everything and go back over everything to make sure I did indeed fill everything out that needed filling out. I walk back to the counter to hand the papers back to the receptionist.
She takes the big stack and asks for my insurance cards. I give those to her and stand there waiting for her to make copies of them. She hands them back and tells me to have a seat and that the doctor will see me soon.
I look around to see one other person in the waiting room. The room is stale white with chairs lining the wall. It looks sterile. I’m not really not liking this.
I hear a door open. I turn my head towards the door to hear a woman talking.
“Miss Falls.”
I stand up and walk towards her. “Hi.”
“Hi. Just follow me back to my office.”
We walk down a hallway that is just as sterile as the waiting room. She stops in front of a door, extending her arm out. “Go on in and take a seat.”
I walk in, observing the room. It is a lot warmer looking than the rest of the place. She has a brown leather couch sitting up against a window with a desk turned towards the wall. She takes a seat at the desk and turns her chair to me.
“Miss Falls. Let’s start with why you are here today.”
“Please call me Julia.”
She nods her head.
“I was in a terrible accident that left me in a coma for a year and a half. I don’t remember anything from it or what happened before. I don’t even remember any of my teenage years before the accident. Anyways, I have started having nightmares about the accident.”
“When did these nightmares start?”
“A couple of weeks ago.”
“Do you know anything about the accident that people may have told you?”
“Not really. My parents said very little of it. They basically said that I was in a wreck due to the fact I had gotten upset with them and acted out like a normal teenager. Other than that, we never spoke of it.”
“Do you try now to pull up the subject with your parents?”
“My parents passed away not too long ago in a car accident. They were on their way home from my college graduation and got hit from behind causing them to spin out of control. The car was wrapped around a pole. My dad died in surgery, and my mom not too long after surgery. The only good thing to come out of all it was my little sister, who is five now, survived with a few scratches.”
“I am so sorry to hear about that. I know this transition in your life has to be tough. You basically became a parent overnight.”
“It has been crazy, but I wouldn’t have my sister with anybody else but me,” I say smiling, seeing Lucy’s face in my head.
“So what do you hope to get out of therapy?”
“I’m hoping to maybe jog some memories. I feel trapped, like I am hiding behind a mask. I don’t feel I am truly myself. I just want to know what all happened and to feel like myself again.”
“Okay. Well, I can’t make any promises about being able to figure out everything that happened. Your dreams could be telling you some of the story. It’s normal for that to happen. So I say the first thing we need to do is get into these dreams you are having.”
I go into detail of each dream I have had that has been plaguing my mind. She nods when she needs to, even interrupts to ask questions here and there. She writes things down but never once makes me feel uncomfortable like I thought she would.
“Julia, have you been to your parents’ house since their death?”
“I stayed there during the time of the funeral and maybe three or four months after that. I eventually moved into a townhouse. I couldn’t stay in the house. I gave the house to my aunt, so
she could stay in town with us. She is the only family we have left.”
“Before you come back, I would like you to go over there. I think you need to look for something. You keep dreaming of your house, and I am speculating there could be something there that might help with putting some of the pieces together.”
I nod my head. “I know I need to. My aunt called me about three weeks ago telling me she had found some stuff in the office and attic that she thought I needed to go through. I am just too stubborn to go over there and face it.”
“I think you need to go then. I want you to come back next Wednesday. We are going to get further into these dreams, but you need to go over and see what you can find out too. I feel these dreams are telling you more than what you think. If you have any more, please write them down. It will help you remember all of it.”
Getting up, I shake her hand, promising that I will do it. I leave the office feeling a little lighter but a little heavier. Can that even happen? I don’t like the fact that I am going to have to go over to my parents’ house. It’s hard to be in the house knowing they are gone.
I go home, still having my mind at the therapist’s office. I have to figure out a way to go over to my parents’ without Lucy or Chris. I hate lying to him, but right now, I need to.
I got home that evening to a routine in which we all have become accustomed. I had talked to Chris about me spending some time with my aunt on Saturday, so I could go through some belongings she found of my parents. He said that he would love to be able to spend the day with Lucy.
I had called Aunt Karen Friday morning letting her know I would be coming over there to sort through the boxes. She told me she wouldn’t be there but to go on in. She had the boxes moved into the dining room, so it would be easier on me.
I didn’t sleep much the night before going. I tossed and turned to the point my body was sore from moving so much. I finally got out of the bed at six that morning and waited until about eight before I went over.
I walked into the house, and it still had their smell. It was a smell I hadn’t realized how badly I had missed until I walked in. I made my way to the dining room to see just a few boxes in there on the table.
I set a box down on the floor beside me to get started. I pull several papers from when I was in grade school. I pull out many Mother’s Day cards and crafts made throughout my grade school years. It takes me back to a happy time.
I continue through the other boxes, still finding memories that they saved. I found pictures of us on vacation. I even found pictures of me in my gown and mask when we were in Venice. It made me feel that they were right there with me. It is the first time in a while I have felt at peace.
I look at the clock to see I have been going through boxes for three hours. I stand up to stretch. I decide that I will stand for this next box. I start pulling little keepsakes from where Lucy was born.
I found the first outfit she wore home from the hospital. It was so tiny. I found booties and pictures of her birth. I wish I was there to have seen it first-hand. There are several pictures with my dad crooning over her while they cleaned her. He looks so happy.
I keep pulling things out until I find a baby book. The last entry was the day of my graduation. They had written how they were coming to see me and pictures would follow, but unfortunately, they didn’t make it.
In the very bottom of the box is another box that almost looks like a treasure box with a lock. I dig to see if I can find a key. There isn’t one. I go out to the garage and find some channel locks to cut the bitch off. “Ha. I did it.”
I take it back in the house to pull all the contents that are stuffed in the box. I pull out a bracelet that was Lucy’s when she was born. Then I find pictures of me as a teenager. I am smiling in all of them with my arm around somebody I don’t recognize.
It is a girl, but I couldn’t tell you who she was. I see another one with the girl we saw at the grocery store right after I got out the hospital. Then further on down were pictures with just me and a cutout of whoever was in it to begin with.
I laugh. “Was I a drama queen and cut an ex out? Ha ha. And now I am talking to myself.”
I also find a necklace with two charms on them. One is a feminine looking mask, and the other is clearly a man’s mask. They are really beautiful and very intricate. I study them, trying to figure out if anything will come from it, but it never does. I put the necklace on around my neck and finger the charms before I move onto the next treasure.
I put them to the side then see a piece of paper folded up in the corner. I pull it out to look at it. The top has a name typed in at the top with Lucy Skye Falls scribbled beside it. I keep reading to find her birth weight, which I can’t make out due to the creases from it being folded.
I keep reading to see the color of her hair, sex, and time of birth. Dammit. The further I go down, the worse it is getting to read. I get to the part where the mother and father are listed. I expect to expect to see my parents’ names, but from what I can read, it says Julia Falls.
That’s not right. I will need to call and get that changed. I mean, I am her legal guardian now, but I’m not her mother by any means. It also said she was born in Atlanta. What the hell?
My phone starts ringing and Chris’ name is flashing across the screen. I swipe it to answer. “Hello.”
“Hey, baby. I was wondering if you were coming home tonight.”
“Yeah, I am. What time is it?”
“It’s seven.”
“Oh, shit. I am so sorry. I guess I lost track of time. I am leaving now.”
“Be careful. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I start scrambling to get my stuff together, making my way towards the door. I put the pictures and birth certificate in my purse so that I can get it straightened out.
Chapter Fifteen
It’s time for my therapist appointment. I have Aunt Karen picking Lucy up today. She was thrilled to do it, she said. I’m glad to have her in my life.
I walk in the office to sign in and take a seat. As soon as I sit, Dr. Green comes to get me, and we walk back to her office. We both sit before she turns to talk to me.
“How has everything been?”
“I’m here. It’s not been great actually. I had another bad dream the other night,” I sigh.
“Did you write it down?”
“I did.” I pull a sheet of paper out of my purse and begin to read it to her.
I was dating a boy that had lived next door to me. I can’t remember what he looked like because I never saw his face. I was head over heels in love with him. I walked up to his house one day to go and see him, and he was gone. Nobody was in the house. It was eerie. It was like nobody had ever lived in that house before. I walked back home in tears. I couldn’t understand what was going on because when I got back to my house, nobody was there either. It was like everyone had disappeared. I got into my car and started driving.
Next thing I know, I am in the same garden I have dreamed about before. This time, the guy doesn’t get me though. He chases me but never can catch me. I hide in the bushes and hear him yelling for me. He walks past where I am hidden. Then that is when I hear another male voice. This voice sounds like one I have heard before. I stay hidden then, and the familiar voice yells at the other man to leave me alone.
Then I am transported to the site of the wreck. I am standing over my lifeless body, crying. I scream for her to wake up, but she won’t budge. Then I see a baby off in the distance wailing. I go to pick up the baby to only have her disappear when I pick her up. I keep seeing pictures and a birth certificate floating around me.
“That’s when I woke up.”
“Let me ask you this, Julia. Did you go through the boxes?”
“I did. I figured that is where the pictures and birth certificate came from because I found Lucy’s. I also found some pictures of her being born, along with pictures of me when I was a teenager.”
“Could be. I think
your dream is made up of what happened with you yesterday, meaning your being nostalgic with finding things that are trying to trigger your memory. The biggest thing from the dream I want to really get into is the man chasing you and the other male voice. I want to try something with you today. I want you to lie back and relax.”
I nod my head and lay back to get comfortable on the couch.
She begins talking softly. “Close your eyes, and I want you to steady your breathing. Breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth.”
I start the breathing techniques and feel myself falling almost into a slumber-like state, but I am still conscience of everything going on around me.
“Julia, let’s talk about this dream. Can you tell me anything about the boy next door?”
“He loves me. I gave him my virginity along with my heart.”
“Do you remember his name?”
“I think it started with a ‘J,’ but I’m not sure.”
“That’s a good start. You are doing great. Just keep relaxed. What about this man that was chasing you. Do you think you may have heard him before?”
“I think. I see it but can’t completely make it out.”
“Who was he then?”
That is when my eyes fly open, and I jump off the couch. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit.”
Dr. Green is on her feet, coaxing me down. “It’s okay, Julia. Sit down and take some breaths.”
I sit down, breathing slowly. “I think I remember everything.”
“Tell me what you remember.”
“There was a boy next door. I have the feeling of love for him. I still can’t see his face though. One day I went back to his house to find him gone. I remember I got in my car and drove to his parents’ house in Atlanta.” I start shaking because I can see it all so clearly now.
“Deep breathes. Take your time, Julia.”
“The first male’s voice in my dream was the boy’s dad. I remember he yelled at me, telling me how I ruined his son’s life, and he wanted me gone. He also said I would never see the boy again. That is when I left. I was on the phone with my mom while I was driving. She was yelling at me, telling me how stupid I was to chase him. She was scared this would happen.”
