Thank you for all your hard work.
Thank you for never giving up and teaching me to be a warrior, just like you.
Thank you for making me a strong and independent woman.
Thank you for being so hard on me sometimes.
Thank you for your strong and meaningful life lessons.
Thank you for singing that last song to me.
Thank you for being the BEST, the greatest mom a girl could have.
Momma:
Forgive me for not appreciating your lessons.
Forgive me for being, at times, critical and hard on you too.
Forgive me for not saying I love you often enough.
It sucks that we don’t appreciate what we have in the palm of our hands until it’s gone. Until it’s no longer in our reach.
I miss you so damn much.
I confess there have been days when I have asked God to take me with you. I yearn for your protective hugs that always made me feel as if I belonged somewhere. But I quickly recall your words, “Don’t bitch out, Chiquis.” Those words will always remind me to be the strong woman you raised. I promise you, Momma, that I will remain standing. Not only for the kids and myself, but for the world, because I remember our plan. I won’t give up until, through hard work, I get us there.
Momma, I also need you to know that I truly forgive you. I know you didn’t mean to leave me with a mess or to hurt me in any way. I know that in your heart you never believed I was capable of betraying you. I am sure we would have talked and figured it all out. But a bad twist of fate got ahead of us and didn’t give us the time. I know you know the truth, and that gives me peace.
Mommy, the plane is now descending and I gotta get off and check on our babies. But before I do, I want you to know that you are and will always be the love of my life. The sole owner of my heart. Eres mi todo. And I can’t wait until the day God lets me see you again.
I love you from here to Heaven, momma bear!
Your big princess, Quismin!
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
—HARUKI MURAKAMI, KAFKA ON THE SHORE
With the love of my life.
Me, as a baby, about seven months old.
Grandma, Momma, Dad and me at my mommy’s high school graduation.
My third birthday party. The famous green van is in the background. I loved that thing!
Tía Rosie, Tío Lupe, Tío Juan and me, for my tío Juan’s ninth birthday. He always had me next to him.
Me, Momma and Tía Rosie. I love this picture. This is my mommy!
My family, a long time ago.
This is when my Momma cut my hair and put me on the Zone Diet. That’s the thinnest I’ve ever been. LOL. We were at a Halloween costume party.
A hug I’ll never forget.
With my four siblings, my strength.
My mom having fun in Hawaii.
Getting my makeup done by Jacob Yebale. ¡Mi baby!
My mom and Johnny.
Me and sweet Luna.
My mom in her favorite spot in the house. This was the last meal she cooked for Johnny.
My mom with little Jaylah, all of her kids, and my sister-in-law, Drea, who is pregnant with Luna. Our last Mother’s Day dinner.
Me and my Momma.
My mom feeling proud at Jenicka’s graduation.
My mom being goofy with Jenicka and Johnny.
With my wonderful fans.
At Jacqie’s baby shower for Jenavieve.
With my beautiful sister, receiving awards on my mom’s behalf at the Lo Nuestro Awards.
A twenty-sixth birthday card from my mom. Words I hold close to my heart.
This is proof that I’ve always had big cheeks, big lips and a lot of style, even at two years old!
Me looking good .
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to thank my momma, for being my rock, my mentor and my daily inspiration. Without you, this book wouldn’t exist. I love you to infinity and beyond!
Thank you to my brothers and sisters—Jacqie, Mikey, Jenicka and Johnny—for being my strength on a daily basis, especially after December 9. Thanks for giving me your unconditional love and teaching me to be a stronger woman. You are the owner of my heart.
To mis abuelitos, Doña Rosa and Don Pedro Rivera, the pillars of our family. Thank you for your efforts, sacrifice and dedication to our family. Gracias por su amor y su ejemplo a seguir. Los amo abuelitos.
Thank you, Tío Juan, the only real father figure I’ve had, for your advice, love, and protection. For defending me when no one else did, but, mainly, thank you for loving me, flaws and all. I love you.
To my wonderful cousin Karina, thank you for having my back no matter what, since we were little girls who swam in your pool for hours at a time! Thank you for making me laugh and supporting my every move. Thank you for simply being YOU.
To my great friends Gerald Gamble, Julie Anguiano, Ellen Mariona, Briana Hauser and Yadira Quinonez, thank you for being by my side before the storm and staying by my side during it and now that the storm has passed. Thank you for loving, accepting, and caring about my well-being no matter what my circumstances have been. I love and appreciate each one of you VERY much.
To my best friend, Dayanna Soto (Quintero), my soul sister, thank you for being there with me through the hardest moments of my life and believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Thanks for your loyalty and friendship, but I am even more grateful for our endless conversations of substance and silliness. I love you, sister.
A huge thank you to my AMAZING team: my manager, Guillermo Rosas, at Sixth House; my publicist, Iris Corral; Jose Manuel Martinez (El Torito); Julio Reyes, my vocal coach; and Neomi Valdivia and everybody at Sixth House for working hard for my musical career. Thank you for your unconditional support, advice and honesty. But mostly thank you for believing in me and in my vision.
To my #bossbeenation, my fans and the people who support my career no matter what BS has been said or written about me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally with no expectations or limits, but mainly, thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you all who I really am. For opening your hearts and allowing yourselves to get to know me a little better. I heart you all. I’m so blessed to have your support.
Thanks to María García, who listened to me like a sister. We walked together through the journey of writing a book. Thank you for your hard work. Are you ready for book number two?
Thanks to the other angel in my life who has guided me, protected me and helped me become a wiser and stronger woman. No matter what the future holds, I will always #beegrateful. I love you, my #BBN27.
Thank you to all my family and friends who may not have been mentioned here, but who are equally as important and have in some way played a HUGE part in my personal and professional growth. I love you ALL.
This journey would not have been possible without the help of some wonderful people at Atria Books: my publisher, Judith Curr, and my dear editor, Johanna Castillo, along with the entire team at Atria Books in New York. Thank you for believing in my story.
DO YOU NEED HELP?
You’re not alone. You are not alone.
Visit: www.bossbeenation.net
Join our online beehive and get involved with other readers of FORGIVENESS.
Ask questions.
Offer advice.
Find information.
Share your opinions.
And everything is completely anonymous.
Experts and other survivors of abuse, bullying and domestic violence will be there at bossbeenation to help.
Here are some other places where survivors of abuse can find the support they need, and they speak Spanish too:
National Sexual Assault Hotlin
e
1-800-656-HOPE
Rape Abuse & Incest National Network
https://www.rainn.org
Stop Bullying
http://www.stopbullying.gov
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
http://www.thehotline.org
CHIQUIS RIVERA is a singer and the daughter of the late music superstar Jenni Rivera. In Forgiveness, her memoir, Chiquis bravely reveals the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father during her childhood and the difficulties she’s faced in her personal life as a result. Despite growing up marked by the wounds of abuse, she eventually conquered her fear of love and intimacy.
The story within these pages also recounts what caused the distance between her and her mother toward the end of Jenni’s life. In Forgiveness, Chiquis brings to light truths that she wishes she had been able to reveal to Jenni.
Two years after her mother’s death, Chiquis courageously answers the most difficult questions: Was she able to make peace with Jenni? And in this story of triumph and tragedy, who is most in need of forgiveness?
JANNEY MARIN RIVERA, better known as “Chiquis,” is an artist, an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, and a well-known figure in the Hispanic community. She captivated her audience while starring on the reality shows Jenni Rivera Presents: Chiquis & Raq-C, I Love Jenni, and Chiquis ’n Control. Thanks to her charismatic personality, she is followed by more than three million fans on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram combined. She recently launched her music career with the singles “Paloma Blanca” and “I’m Not That Girl.” She is currently at work on the next season of her television series Chiquis Confidential. Chiquis and her siblings live in Encino, California.
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An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
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Copyright © 2015 by SweetCheex Entertainment Inc.
Translated from the Spanish by Ezra E. Fitz
Permission to reprint lyrics:
“Paloma Blanca” by Janney Marín Rivera and Claudia Brant—Songs of Saraswati/Universal Music, INC.; “Dónde Estás Presumida” by ARPA Music LLC.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Atria Paperback edition April 2015
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Interior design by Esther Paradelo
Cover Design by James Perales
Cover Photograph © Karin Catt
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Rivera, Chiquis, author.
Forgiveness : a memoir / Chiquis Rivera.—First Atria paperback edition.
pages cm
1. Rivera, Chiquis. 2. Rivera, Jenni. 3. Singers—United States—Biography.
I. Fitz, Ezra E., translator. II. Title.
ML420.R64A3 2015b
782.42164092—dc23
[B]
2014049246
ISBN 978-1-5011-0481-7
ISBN 978-1-5011-0483-1 (ebook)
Forgiveness Page 23
