by Anna Edwards
"Come on Miranda. Let's go. I don't want you to be late for your meeting." She smiled cheerfully.
Mrs North senior went pale and swallowed. Miranda looked behind Sonia and took a step backwards.
"James, I think you better take me."
"Matthew?" James enquired.
"She's lied and isn’t telling me something."
"I'll take mum and stay with her till you show up. Take as long as you need."
"Will do. I’ll text you when we leave."
James and his mother left her and Matthew alone. Silence. Nothing except Sonia's heart trying to beat out of its chest and the aura surrounding Matthew threatening to explode. He prowled around her so that he stood in front of her, not behind her. She quickly looked down to the floor. He grabbed her chin and tilted it up so that she had no choice but to look at him.
"What is this?" He waved the paper at her.
This was nothing to do with him.
"I asked you a question."
"You have eyes, read it for yourself."
"Don't make your punishment worse. You're already at twenty for walking away from me."
"You can't spank me for this."
"Who's talking about spanking? I'm talking the whip."
She inhaled sharply.
"Last chance. What is this?"
Punishment with the whip meant that he wouldn’t allow her to drift into subspace. He would make her count. She didn't like it when he did that.
"It's a visiting order."
"This was for last week. Did you go?"
"No." She looked back down to the floor.
"Lift your head and look at me." She was defeated and in the space where her brain had no choice but to tell her body to obey his commanding tone. Her head wouldn’t move to look away but she managed to shut her eyes.
"Open them." The darkness in his voice gave no leeway. The frustration she was feeling bubbled over. Her voice raised, and she spun round, storming back to the bedroom. "This is none of your business. I don't want to visit him even if he sends me a hundred orders." She paused at the entrance to their bedroom. Her bag fell off her shoulder and slipped to the floor.
Her legs started to burn, the cuts calling her to open them. Matthew brought his muscular arms tightly around her. Sheltering her from the pain she was feeling. She struggled against him. Needing to get away. Needing pain, not comfort.
"I'm here." He whispered into her ear. "I'm here."
"He killed her."
"I know."
"I saw it all. The glass the way it cut her. The screams of agony mixing with his angry yells. His eyes, they were dead the entire time. Glossed over with the drink. He didn't even realise what he was doing."
"It's okay. I'm here."
"I can't visit him. I can't. How can he be my father? I can't even go back to the house but I can't bring myself to sell it."
"Sorry?" His voice was confused.
"The house was signed over to me when I turned eighteen. He said he wanted me to have money should I need it. I was going to go there and clean it out before selling it but I couldn’t. As far as I know nobody has been there since the day my mother died."
"Twenty years ago."
"Yes."
"You're running away from your past. Trying to bury what happened in the sand. You'll never get over it until you face it. Sonia you need to see your father and go back to the house."
She knew that she shouldn't feel this way but that comment angered her.
"I'm running away from my past." She pulled out of his arms. It was a bit of a struggle as he was reluctant to let her go but he seemed to sense the change in her mood. "Can you get any more hypocritical. At least I faced up to what happened in my past. You can't even admit you love me to my face because you hide behind yours. You want to talk about burying the past then look no further than yourself." She stomped over the bed. She wasn't going to let him touch her. The bastard, one rule for her and another for him.
"There's a difference."
"How." She screamed at him.
He came forward and knelt at her feet. "I admit I hide behind my past. I know I can’t say I love you yet because of it. But I don't want to bury my head in the sand any longer. Sonia, allow me to help you with this and then together we will work through what happened to me."
"Let's sort you first?"
"You know how stubborn I am. It has to be you first. I have to know that you’ll be able to handle everything that I throw at you when I tell you what happened."
"That's just your male ego speaking. Fix the women first."
"I wish it were the case. But it isn't."
"I don't think I can see my father."
"You don't have to make that decision yet. How about we go to the house first. See how you feel when you’re there and see it again."
"I should sell it. Mum would hate her precious kitchen not being used for cooking. It's probably a wreck by now. I'll have to get someone in to decorate and check it all out structurally. It has been severely neglected for twenty years."
"I think we might know someone that can help us with that."
"Hand it over to James? Great idea. He can go and sort everything out instead of me."
"No, you need to go. You need to find closure."
"Damn you." She slid off the end of the bed and into his lap. "When do you want to go?"
"I’ll arrange with James for us to go tomorrow."
"So soon."
"We have a lot to face. We need to do it before we change our minds."
"Ok, but no more talk of my father. I'm not ready to face him."
"Okay."
"We should get to James and Miranda."
"Not yet."
"Matthew."
"You lied, that requires punishment."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. Beside. I think Miranda will absolutely love showing James off to all the lady friends. I can just picture all the cheek pinching He’ll get. It will do him good."
Sonia couldn’t keep in a little chuckle at that thought.
"I'm sorry for not telling you about the visiting order. I've always just ignored them and put them in a drawer till I threw them away."
"We've both lived separate existences, insular in our needs for far too long. It's going to take getting used to. We will fight. I will stomp and shout. You’ll throw tantrums and slam drawers, but ultimately we will come back to this." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss. "Now remove your clothes. I think I made it a count of thirty for disobedience."
"Really." She pushed back from him, her bottom smarting at the thought but her core clenched with the knowledge of the pleasure it will bring. Matthew's voice turned dark.
"Now Sonia."
This time she obeyed.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Matthew
"I think I'm going to be sick." Matthew slammed on the brakes of the Harley-Davidson Lowrider. Sonia jumped off and whipped her helmet over her head. She flung it on the floor and bent over, the vile vomit projecting from her mouth onto the floor. He secured the bike, took a bottle of water along with some tissues from in the storage compartment and helped settled his poorly girlfriend. She was white as a sheet.
"I'm sorry." He could see that she was fighting back the tears.
"You've nothing to be sorry about."
"I'm so nervous."
"It's a big step you're taking. I'll be with you the entire time, though."
"I don't think I can do it."
"Do I need to give you a reminder of how strong you are?"
"No."
"Drink this." He passed her the water and wiped her forehead.
"Let's go." Before he could help Sonia to her feet, a Land Rover pulled up next to the bike. A tiny lady jumped out. Her mouth dropped, eyes wide she stumbled over to them.
"Aye, it be a ghost." The woman started to drop down to the ground, but he jumped up and caught her. "Sonia?"
"Yes."
"The
e be the spitting image of tha ma. God rest 'er soul."
"I know you?"
"Yer did. Mary Scott, I live on the farm next to yours. Thee going tha?"
Sonia nodded.
"I knew tha'd come back one day. Me husband and I've been looking after it. Tha Ma would have hated to see it fall into disrepair. I can't believe how much yer look like 'er."
Sonia looked down. Matthew helped Mrs Scott to stand.
"I'm sorry. I don't know yer."
"I'm Matthew Carter, Sonia's partner."
"Pleasure to meet tha, Mr Carter."
"Matthew, please Mrs Scott."
"Then tha call me Mary."
"I will do."
"I'm just going to clean up a bit more. I won't be a minute. You head back to the car and bike. I'll follow."
"She okay, love?" Mary lowered her voice and leant into him to whisper her question as they returned to the vehicles.
"Nervous."
"Tha knows everything."
"I do."
"Poor child. I remember when they brought 'er out. So much blood. She just thought 'er Ma was sleeping."
"You've been looking after the house?"
"Her father sent me a letter from prison. He's such a wazzock. I 'ad a key to the house already. Told me 'e would sign it over to Sonia as soon as 'e could. Asked if we could look after it. Sell what we needed to cover the costs. We ran it as the farm it was. My son was sixteen. He's taken on most of the running of the place. We wondered about 'im moving in there, but it didn't feel right. I tried to find where she was but I just couldn’t. Is she 'ere to sell it?"
"I don't know yet."
"I'll go ahead and unlock for thee. Then get out of the way. Come over to our place afterwards, love. "I'll give thee tha tea an' tha's welcome t'stay"
"Thank you. I really appreciate that. But we can easily find a B&B. I don't want to trouble you."
"I'll get a bed med up for thee. It's no trouble."
"Thank you." Mary drove away. Sonia reappeared.
"I don't really have any photos of my mum. I have my memories of her, but I never thought I looked like her. I hope there are some at the house."
"I'm sure there will be. It sounds as though Mrs Scott and her family have really looked after the place."
"I'm glad of that."
"You ready to go?"
"As I'll ever be."
It didn't take them long to reach the house.
"It seems so much smaller than I remember."
"You were only five when you were last here. Everything always seems smaller as an adult than to a child. You ready to go in?"
"If I said no would we get back on the bike and go home?"
He gave her a look which told her the answer to that question.
"I didn't think so."
Matthew opened the door for her. The décor on the walls could do with a bit of a re-vamp, but the place was clean. He'd not been expecting that. Sonia stepped over the threshold and let out a long breath.
"Where do you want to do?" He cooed, not wanting to scare her or make her run.
"I need to go straight in don't I. Face the demons?"
He nodded.
"This way." She led him down the corridor towards a closed door and opened it. He watched her carefully as her eyes fell to a particular spot on the floor. She let out a deep breath before chewing on the edge of her lip.
“I thought there would still be blood."
"I believe Mrs Scott has cleared it all up." The room looked spotless. He suspected that the generous lady came and cleaned at least once a week.
"I sat here for ages. I thought she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful. Why did this happen?"
"It isn’t an excuse, but your father had an illness. It wasn't understood then as it is now."
"She was barely older than I am now. It wasn't fair. I can't even accurately remember her." A tear left Sonia's eye and tumbled down her cheek. She wiped it away. This time he brought her into his arms. He didn't speak. She needed to do that. "I can smell her in here. She always wore jasmine perfume. It was funny because at the end of the day it was mixed with the smell of baking. That was my mum's smell." She turned to nestle further into his arms. "I remember the day before she died, well I think I do. I don't know if it is true or not. Dad was out on the farm. He was having a good day. We'd had a massive Sunday roast together, and he'd gone out to tend the animals. Mum and I made fresh soup from vegetables from the garden, onions, carrots, leeks, a bit of garlic, stock and herbs. I was five, soup seemed like the devil's food to me then, but I still helped. We made fresh bread to go with it. I remember her showing me how to knead the dough. We both ended up throwing it around the table." She paused and sniffed. He ran a hand down her hair. "I remember we sat down that evening as a family. We laughed. Dad even read me a story. I guess it was the calm before the storm. I'm glad I have that memory, though. Shows I did have a normal family sometimes. Why does it hurt so much, Matthew?”
"I wish I could take your pain away from you. Make it easier at least. Only you can do that, and that’s why it hurts so much. You love both your mother and father."
"I don't love my dad."
"Did you not love him when he ate the bread and soup you helped make. When he read you the story?"
"I haven't loved him since he killed my mother. He doesn't deserve it anymore."
"Sonia."
"I'll never forgive him. Please don't ask me to." She stood, shoulders slumped by the door. "I'll never get the image of her laying on the floor out of my head. It haunts my dreams. I have no father. “She pushed him away and got up. "I'm going to get a few bits, and I want to see my room."
He sighed as she left the kitchen. She was stubborn but understandably so. He just knew from experience until you forgave you couldn’t move on.
"Matthew?"
Sonia called out, she was distressed. He quickly got up and ran to where the sound of her voice was coming from.
"It hasn't changed."
"What hasn't?"
"My room." He peered in the door that she held open. "My toys are still here. My bedcovers." She opened a wardrobe. "My clothes. It's like time stood still."
"I never figured you as being a pink girl." It was a very girly room. "I thought you'd have action men."
She laughed at this one before breaking down in floods of tears. He just held her. He didn't know for how long, but it was what she needed. His warmth, his love, his reassurance.
"John, get yer feckless arse in 'ere. Supper's up." Mary called out as Matthew and Sonia took their seats at the table a few hours later.
"I'm coming." Mary's husband replied and ambled into the kitchen. "Parkin, me favourite. Good lass."
"Don't yer good lass me. Sit down so I can serve yer. Where's Jack?"
"On 'is way. Was just finishing up the feeding."
"Well, 'e better hurry or tha be nout left with yer appetite."
"Ere." Mary slapped her husband's hand when he reached out for the cake." Guests first. Matthew, Sonia?"
"Thank you, Mary." He took a piece of the gingerbread tea loaf for himself and served Sonia. After the afternoon she was weak and drained. He just wanted to get some food into her and then get her to bed. They'd made the right decision to stay here the night rather than travel back.
"Ma? Dad?"
A deep masculine voice came from the hallway.
"In 'ere?"
Matthew knew that he was big, but the man that entered the room barely fitted through the doorway. He was a ball of pure muscle.
"Well feck me, little seesaw came home." Everyone looked towards him. Sonia who was mid-bite of cake dropped it to her plate.
"Jack, manners." His mum chastised.
"Sorry, ma." He replied and took his seat.
"Little seesaw?" Matthew asked.
"It was what I used to call Sonia."
"I remember," Sonia spoke up. "Jack called me it because whenever I came around here, he had to spend hours playing wit
h Harry and me on the one in their back garden."
"It's still out there yer know. Ma's hoping one of us eventually give her grandbabies."
"You're not married?"
"Disgrace ain't it. Thirty-six and still living at home."
Matthew wrapped an arm around Sonia's shoulder. He'd never felt jealousy before, but these two remembered each other and Jack was a big man. He wasn't a part of this conversation.
"I almost forget. Jack, this is my partner Matthew. Matthew this is Jack. He's the one that has been looking after the farm."
Jack wiped his hands on his trousers and reached over the table to shake Matthews. He returned the greeting
"Pleasure to meet yer."
"Your accent isn't as broad as your parents."
"I took a year out in London with my brother Charlie, he lived down that way. Lost a bit of the tongue then. Lots of southerners up 'ere now that I deal with so easier for 'em to understand."
"Yes, we are a simple bunch that prefer our language just as we are used to it."
"I 'ad a great laugh watching Charlie trying to chat this lass up once in a club in London. She didn't have a clue what he was saying. Needless to say 'e didn't get owt that night."
"Poor Charlie. Is he still in London?"
"He moved back last year. Works in York."
"What about Harry, George, Sam and Ellie?"
"How many siblings do you have?" Matthew spluttered into his coffee.
"There be five of 'em." John smacked his lips together as he spoke, "My lass did 'er duty."
"More like you couldn’t keep yer 'ands off me."
"Ma. We don't need to know that." Jack put his head in his hands. "They’re all still around the area. We went separate ways for a while but all came back."
"The place has that pull. Even if you want to get away, you can't." Sonia put her head down, her eyes watered again.
"I'm sorry about what happened. If I could've done anything to 'elp."
"You have done so much. Your mum said you've been looking after the farm."
