I wanted to be enjoying the moment, to just appreciate the sheer Christmas-ness of it all. But I couldn’t stop myself from watching Aiden, folding a napkin into more and more intricate designs at the other end of the table.
‘What do you get if you swallow a box of Christmas decorations?’ Max asked, in a bad Welsh accent.
My head shot up, my eyes locked with Aiden’s in an instant. One stupid joke, so many memories. Of him reading cracker jokes as we lay naked in bed, snacking on a box of Roses chocolates. For some reason, that one joke had sent him into fits of the giggles, which had set me off, until laughter turned to kisses and kisses turned to more and…
My face burned red as I looked away again.
‘Tinsellitus!’ Caro proclaimed triumphantly, earning the obligatory laugh.
But I couldn’t. This was ridiculous. Every moment just reminded me of that other, lost Christmas. I couldn’t leave Rosewood without resolving things – and that meant acting. Now.
I looked down the table, searching for Mum, but her seat was empty. Frowning, I scanned the doorways, and saw her disappearing down a corridor that I thought led to the kitchen. Was she clearing up? Well, that was something I could help her with. Even if it meant risking her throwing crockery at my head.
Decision made, I got to my feet, smiling my excuses to Isabelle, and ignoring the weight of Aiden’s gaze as it followed me.
I heard Mum before I saw her, which puzzled me. Who was she talking to?
‘I know, I know. And I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Like I told you, reception is awful here. Keeps cutting out.’ There was a pause, presumably as she listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone. Was this who had been calling on the drive up? Her so-called sales calls? ‘I know. I’ll tell them. I promise. Maybe in the New Year. I just… I just need to get Freya settled again. If only she and Darren could have worked out their differences…’
Wait. What now?
I stepped out of the shadows of the corridor into the kitchen, my arms folded over my chest as Mum turned and spotted me.
‘I have to go,’ she said, lowering the phone and ending the call without another word.
‘Who was that?’ I asked, keeping my voice even. ‘And what can’t you tell me?’
Mum swallowed visibly. ‘That… that was my friend. Richard.’
Friend. Like Aiden was a guy I’d known once. ‘Friend as in… boyfriend?’ As in a replacement for Dad?
‘Maybe.’ Her voice was shaking – like she was terrified and excited all at once. Exactly how I felt, talking to Aiden.
Huh. In all my worries about telling Mum the truth about Darren and me, this had never occurred to me – that perhaps Mum had her own secrets, too. I tried to find some anger, some pain at the thought of her moving on, but it wasn’t there. The idea was weird, I had to admit. But Dad had been gone so long now. And Mum… she shouldn’t be lonely. Just like Therese shouldn’t. She should be allowed to move on – just like I should.
‘And you didn’t want to tell us about him because…?’
Mum sank down to sit in one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh. ‘Oh, so many different reasons. Because I didn’t want you to think I was betraying your dad’s memory. Because you were going through so much already, with Darren, and I just wanted you to be happy…’
‘I am,’ I blurted out. ‘I mean, it was awful, and I hate how it’s affecting Max, but… I’m happier without Darren than I ever was with him.’
‘Really?’ Astonishment rang out in my mother’s voice. ‘And is that… has it got something to do with Aiden? Because I always thought he was Edward’s friend. I didn’t realise…’
I shook my head. ‘No. It’s not… I hadn’t seen Aiden in fourteen years until yesterday.’
‘But you two used to have something, once?’ Mum asked.
‘Yeah,’ I admitted softly. ‘We did.’
‘And you might again?’
I gave a helpless shrug. ‘Maybe? I hope so. But that’s not the most important thing right now.’
‘You want to know about Richard,’ Mum said, sounding glum.
‘I do,’ I replied. ‘But first I need to tell you something.’
‘What?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Darren came to me, two weeks after he left, and begged me to take him back. I said no.’
I’d expected Mum to demand that I justify myself, explain how I could give up on my marriage so easily. But instead, she said, ‘Does Max know?’
‘Not yet. But I’m going to tell him. I just hope he’ll understand.’
‘I’m glad.’ Max’s voice came loud and clear from the doorway and I spun around, my eyes wide.
‘Max! I –’ But I had no words. This was not how this conversation was meant to go. I’d meant to build up to this, to talk around the subject first. To try and make him understand.
‘It’s okay, Mum. I… I just want you to be happy.’ Max looked miserable, I realised suddenly. Truly, desperately unhappy. And I had a horrible feeling he’d been feeling that way for far longer, and masking it with sarcasm and a sudden interest in spontaneous human combustion.
‘You know none of this is your fault, don’t you?’ I said urgently. We’d told him that regularly, whenever the topic of the divorce came up, but perhaps it hadn’t been enough. There was so much we hadn’t told him – like the real reason his dad left, or what happened when he tried to come back. And suddenly that felt like a mistake. Max might only be twelve but he wasn’t stupid. He knew when he was being shut out – and that would only make him more scared.
But Max rolled his eyes at me. ‘I know that Mum. And I know you both still love me and you’re still my parents, blah blah blah. You’ve banged on about it often enough.’
‘Oh. Well, good.’
‘It’s just… there’s something I should have told you months ago, and I didn’t.’
I blinked in surprise. Maybe Mum and I weren’t the only ones keeping secrets. ‘Okay. Well, do you want to tell me now?’
‘Yeah. I think so. I just…’ He took a deep breath. ‘Mum. Dad was having an affair with my mate Joe’s mum for months before he left. Joe and I caught them one day but Joe told me I couldn’t say anything because his mum was all alone and, well, stuff. But I should have told you.’
‘Oh.’ I stared at him, blindsided. ‘I mean, I know. Or I found out, back in July. But your dad promised it was over, and then in September he changed his mind and left –’
‘Wait!’ Mum cried. ‘You didn’t tell me he cheated before he left.’
I frowned at her. ‘Well of course he did. That’s why he left.’
‘But you didn’t tell me you knew.’
Was that what would have made a difference? I had no idea.
‘So, wait, your dad didn’t know that you knew?’ I asked Max, because that was what really mattered. If Darren had asked him to lie, the gloves were off in divorce court.
But Max shook his head. ‘I never told him. And then when he left, he made a big deal about me being the man of the house and having to look after you. So even though I wanted to tell you, I didn’t want to upset you. But… you already knew? Really?’
‘Really,’ I assured him. ‘But you should have told me anyway. I’m the one who has to look after you. Not the other way around. You shouldn’t have had to carry that alone.’
‘I know,’ Max said, miserable again.
‘And… now you know your dad’s moved on…’ I started, unsure if this was the time or place.
‘I just want you to be happy, Mum,’ Max said, forestalling the conversation.
‘I will be,’ I promised. ‘Just make sure you keep talking to me. Telling me things.’
‘Like you should have told me what was really going on,’ Mum scolded me.
‘And you should have told me about Richard,’ I countered.
‘And if you were all planning some sort of important family meeting, someone should have told me,’ Edward put in, from behind Max.
We all looked even guiltier, and he laughed, hooking an arm around Max’s chest to tug him backwards.
‘Come on, all of you. We’re playing games in the drawing room.’
Max and I exchanged a look. ‘Christmas games. My favourite.’
‘Charades!’ Edward called back as we all traipsed after him down the corridor.
‘God, it really is like living in an Agatha Christie novel, here,’ I murmured, and Mum nodded, before hurrying to catch up. But Max hung back.
‘Mum…’
Oh God, what else? Surely we were out of secrets by now? I tried to keep my voice calm as I said, ‘Yes?’
‘I just…’ Max bit his lip, looking down at his feet. ‘I meant it, when I said I wanted you to be happy.’
‘Oh. Well, thank you?’ I said. ‘And you know I only want the same for you. I know it’s been difficult lately, but we’re going to be okay, me and you, yeah? And sure, things will change, but not us. You’re always going to be the most important person in the world to me, okay?’
‘I know. But Mum…’ Max paused again, and finally looked up to meet my eye. ‘Caro said… she said that you and Aiden used to, well, have a thing.’
Of course she did. ‘Look, Max, really there’s nothing to worry about. Whatever happens, you’re my main concern. I’m not going to do anything until I know you’re okay with it.’
‘Okay, then.’ Max sounded relieved, and I tried not to let my spirits fall. As long as Max was okay, everything else could wait. ‘Because… I think I might be okay. If you wanted to… I dunno… go out with people. Like Aiden.’
I blinked at him. ‘Is this because he’s a world famous author?’
‘Mostly it’s because he makes really good snow creatures,’ Max admitted. ‘And because you smiled a lot when he was with us this morning. I liked that.’
My heart caught in my chest. Rosewood really did have magic powers if it could make my usually taciturn boy admit to that.
‘Well, okay then,’ I said, blinking away tears. ‘Maybe something might happen. But whatever it is, I’m not rushing into anything. So you make sure you tell me if you’re ever unhappy with any of it. Okay?’
‘I promise,’ Max said, giving me a fast grin. ‘Come on. We’d better go play, or Caro will kill me for leaving her alone with all the adults.’
‘Right,’ I agreed. ‘Now, is there anything you want to tell me about you and Caro…?’
‘Mum!’
***
Everyone else was crammed into the drawing room and, when we arrived, Tony was halfway through a magnificent charade of The Eagle Has Landed.
‘Do Upstairs Downstairs next!’ Caro called out from her perch on the arm of a chair.
‘No, everyone’s here now,’ Isabelle said. ‘We can play properly. In teams.’
‘Teams?’ I asked. ‘Like a competition?’
‘Exactly!’ Saskia said. ‘It’s no fun if there isn’t a winner. Now, Freya, you’re with Aiden and Max.’
‘How convenient,’ Aiden murmured, but he beckoned me over to his side of the room anyway as Saskia matched everyone else up. Well, I’d wanted my chance to put things right. I guessed this was it.
‘Right then.’ Saskia pulled a hat down from the top of the mantlepiece, and held it out towards me. ‘You guys go first. Freya, choose your charade at random from the hat, then Aiden and Max have to guess what it is while you act it out. Usual rules apply – no sound effects, no clues from the audience.’
I started to reach into the hat without looking, but Saskia yanked it just out of reach so I had to look inside. Once I did, I understood her reasoning. Inside the hat were numerous folded scraps of paper – and on the top, one unfolded one, with the charade clearly readable.
I smiled, and took it.
‘Okay then.’ Aiden settled back into his chair, Max perched on the arm, as I moved into the empty space in front of the fire. ‘Give it your best shot.’
I quickly gave him the basics in mime. ‘Song, seven words,’ Max guessed, and I nodded.
Then it got trickier.
‘First word… “You”? No, “I”?’ I nodded furiously and continued, ignoring the unhelpful shouts from the rest of the room. Words two and three were tricky, so I skipped ahead. ‘Fourth word… no, second word? Oh! No, I get it. Fourth word is “to”.’
More nodding. I considered my options, and jumped to the end, Max and Aiden both guessing at once. ‘Seventh word… “me”? No. “Man”? No. Wait, “You”? Yes.’ Aiden grinned. ‘Okay, so it’s “I something something to something something you”. Um…’
Saskia leant over and whispered something in Max’s ear. His eyes widened, then he nodded. Meanwhile, Aiden’s smile faded into confusion.
Clearly, it was time for something more dramatic.
I caught Max’s eye, and he grinned, giving me a small nod as he rolled his eyes. Of course he knew the song already. It was one of Mum’s favourites, and she’d sung it to him since he was tiny. But he was playing along, all the same.
Which meant he really was on my side.
I made the ‘whole thing’ gesture with my hands, then reached out and grabbed Aiden’s wrists, pulling him up to a standing position.
‘Whole thing,’ Aiden said, softly, and I nodded again.
Linking my hands behind Aiden’s neck, I eased his head down so his mouth met mine. I’d meant for it to be just a quick, soft kiss, but the moment our lips touched I knew that wouldn’t be enough.
I needed everything from this man. Just… not in front of my whole family. And Saskia’s, for that matter.
Still, the kiss went on long enough to garner whoops and cheers from the peanut gallery, and deep enough to leave my whole body tingling, and wondering how Aiden felt about sleeping in a room with bright yellow walls…
Eventually, though, I dropped back down off my tiptoes and broke the kiss, running my hands down his sides to hold his, and smiling up into Aiden’s stunned face. Then he swallowed, licked his lips, and said, ‘I only want to be with you.’
‘Exactly,’ I replied, grinning. I might have no idea where this would go, or how it would all work out. But I was willing to take the chance that it would. And I realised now that taking that first step was all I really needed to do. I had faith that everything else would follow.
Because I wasn’t running away from what I really wanted, any more.
‘Wait, was that the song title or…’ Caro trailed off, and I turned to face her, Aiden’s fingers still entwined in mine.
‘Both,’ I told her, and the rest of the room, not to mention the man I finally realised I’d been halfway in love with for fourteen years. ‘It was both.’
Chapter Nine
Boxing Day dawned bright, crisp and full of possibility.
Rosewood seemed a brighter, fresher place, ready for anything – like the New Year had come early, this year.
Placing my suitcase in the boot of the car, I looked back up at the house as I waited for Max.
‘Are you all ready?’ Saskia asked, as she descended the front steps with Therese. ‘It seems like you only just got here.’
‘It does, doesn’t it?’ I had to admit, as much as I hadn’t been looking forward to spending Christmas at Rosewood, now I didn’t want to leave.
‘Couldn’t you stay a few more days?’ Therese reached out to wrap my scarf more tightly around my throat. ‘I had so many more stories to tell you… and the perfect outfit for you to wear for New Year.’
‘Maybe next time.’ As much as I admired Therese’s style, I wasn’t sure vintage was really for me. I was all about the future, now.
Saskia reached out to give me a warm hug, the winter sun sparkling off her engagement ring. ‘Come back soon.’
‘I will,’ I promised.
‘Ah, here we go,’ Therese said, as Saskia and I parted. I followed her look to see Edward and Max approaching. ‘Men do always take so much longer to get ready, don’t you find?’
Edward pulled a face, as Max hand
ed me his small suitcase, and a carrier bag full of presents. I loaded them into the boot of the car, trying to keep the more breakable stuff – like the wine Isabelle had insisted we take with us – on the top.
‘I’m in London for a couple of nights next month,’ Edward said, handing me the last bag. ‘Maybe we can meet up for dinner?’
‘Definitely,’ I replied. ‘I’ll see if I can persuade Mum to bring the mysterious Richard, too…’
Edward laughed. ‘Poor guy. Is he really driving all the way up here to fetch Mum?’
‘Yep. Apparently he’s booked them into some nice hotel for a couple of nights.’
‘Sounds like a good guy,’ Edward said. ‘Although obviously I’m reserving judgement until I’ve met him.’
‘Obviously.’ I slammed the boot closed. It only just shut. How had we got so much more stuff going home than we came with?
‘And what about you?’ Edward asked. ‘Might you be bringing a certain someone…?’
‘Perhaps.’ I smiled.
‘She means yes.’ Aiden hopped down the stairs, bag in his hand, Caro trailing after him looking sadder than I’d ever seen her. ‘Room for one more?’ he asked, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Max. ‘I could do with a lift back to town. I need to go home, check no one has broken in and stolen my Lovecraft first editions.’
Max shrugged, trying to look casual, but there was a smile on his lips. ‘Sure, I guess so.’
‘You’re coming with us?’ I asked softly, eyebrows raised, as Max said goodbye to Saskia and Therese.
‘What did you think last night meant?’ Aiden murmured back, as he leant across me to open the boot again. ‘Besides, bad things happen when you leave without me.’
‘True.’ A warm feeling rose up in me, despite the chill, as I watched him find a space for his bag in a boot I could have sworn was completely full just moments earlier. ‘I just wasn’t sure –’ About anything, really. But suddenly, I wasn’t sure any of it mattered, anyway. We could take our time, figure things out together. There wasn’t any rush, now. Not if we were both going to be back in London.
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