Where the hell was all this coming from? “If you’d like me to tell you things like that, even if I handle it and it goes absolutely nowhere…I’ll tell you.”
I could practically smell the fear in the air. She was literally petrified, thinking that this move would undoubtedly lead to Sam and me hooking up again. When I placed my hand on hers, she looked away, tears streaming down her cheeks.
She’s never this emotional.
“Why’re you crying?” I asked softly, going to sit beside her.
She shook her head and wouldn’t answer right away. I pulled her to me and the tears became a full-blown sob. She practically fell apart in my arms.
“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” she whispered.
I frowned, but didn’t let her go. She was wearing my ring. How could she think she’d lose me? Clearly, I was in this for the long haul.
“What’re you talking about? I’m not going anywhere, Kira.”
She swiped a few more tears and backed away a bit, clearly feeling embarrassed by her breakdown. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think it’s just because there’s so much going on all at once. I’m overwhelmed with this move, the news from my job, everything!”
That was another issue that had Kira overly emotional. For her job to go from one that required her to be onsite daily, to being one that she’d be able to work remotely from a home office in New York, wasn’t as easy a transition as we imagined it would be. There were big projects that she’d have to see through first before she could even think about coming to New York with me. Three weeks from now, I’d be back home, though, working at the Fairfax facility for a day. Then after that I’d be leaving her behind again until she moved to the city permanently in six weeks.
It wasn’t lost on me that Sam and I would now be sharing a zip code for the first time in five years, but in my head I wasn’t imagining that things would be much different than they are between us right now. Granted, there was a moment over the past weekend when I questioned whether or not I still felt something for her, but coming back to DC with Kira, returning to the home that we shared, brought things back into perspective. I had a life now that didn’t include Sam. Living in the same city wouldn’t change that.
Kira straightened her expression and pulled away from my shoulder. When I took her hand, she waited for me to speak.
“Do you believe that I love you?” I asked.
Without hesitation, she nodded.
“Then will you trust that moving out there isn’t going to change anything?”
That answer didn’t come as swiftly. Had her faith in me taken that much of a nosedive?
“I trust you,” she finally spoke.
That night, Kira and I both lay in bed, side by side, silent, unable to find peace. There was already so much uncertainty surrounding our move to a new city, but there were also underlying issues that the two of us would have to face. Me? My past in general. Kira? A newfound insecurity now that my past was on display, front and center.
Standing face to face with her at the door the next morning, the expression that she wore was enough to make me want to call this whole move off. Her cheeks were warm in my hands as we shared the last kiss that we’d share for the next couple weeks.
A tear slipped down her face and she brushed it away.
“Say the word and I’ll come back.” There wasn’t an ounce of insincerity in my tone when I made her this promise.
She smiled, knowing that I’d do just that if this got to be too hard for her. She dipped her chin, tearing her eyes away from mine. “I know. I’ll be fine, though. Just make sure you call me whenever you can. You know…when you’re not too busy.”
I kissed her cheek again, feeling another tear against my lip when I did. I managed to pull myself away from her. After loading my last bag in the car, I started having second thoughts as I watched her standing there in the doorway looking lost.
I started the engine and stared at the forced smile on Kira’s face. “You’re making the right decision,” I assured myself as I pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the unknown.
*****
I turned the key to the third floor loft that I’d now be calling home. The exposed brick walls, the freshly waxed wood floors, and the stainless-steel appliances that I could see in the kitchen would have all been far more appealing under different circumstances. Already, I knew that this was going to take some getting used to.
I dropped my suitcases by the door and shut it. My steps echoed because there was nothing to absorb the sound – no rugs, no furniture, nothing. A heavy sigh escaped as I finished exploring. In person, the place was much bigger than I realized. Kira and I had to make a decision on where to live quickly because there was no time for a trip into the city to look at places on our own. I hoped that one day, she’d learn to love it here and it would eventually feel like home. On cue a horn blared outside and a symphony of emergency sirens passed by on the street below.
Yeah…that’d take some getting used to.
I opened the fridge and stared at the vacant shelves staring back at me. I’d have to make my way to the store before the night ended. Too bad I had no idea where that was. Stepping out of the kitchen, I followed the hallway to the bathroom and stood in the doorway. More exposed brick with the lower half of the wall covered in white subway tile. A wide window nearly stretched from one wall all the way to the other. A large, cast-iron, claw-foot bathtub with silver fixtures sat almost in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a pure white shower curtain. Everything was new from the looks of it, which was nice because Kira and I wouldn’t have to do much other than decorate – Kira’s area of expertise. I looked around one last time and then walked off again.
The silence was deafening, leaving me to face my own thoughts – thoughts that I couldn’t run from anymore….thoughts of Sam.
A long sigh escaped as I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans and leaned against the wall. It felt strange being so close to her again and yet feeling like there was still so much distance between us. She was somewhere nearby, probably aware of the fact that I’d moved to her city, thanks to Terrell, but there was no communication between us. It almost felt unnatural.
All those years searching for her, wanting to be close to her – and now I was, and couldn’t do anything about it. Not that I had any desire to.
In Boston, I was reminded of how dangerous it can be for the two of us to be in one another’s company, but that didn’t stop me from mulling over the ‘what if’s”.
What if I did take Terrell’s advice and called her, invited her out for coffee or lunch or something just to talk?
What if that led to us having to face our feelings head-on?
And what if I stopped caring about the consequences and gave in to the temptation that was now right at my fingertips?
When I looked down, my phone was in hand and I wasn’t even sure when I’d taken it from my pocket. My thoughts were on scrolling to Terrell’s name and having him text me Sam’s number. I shook my head at how easily I’d succumbed to my imagination and realized that I’d have to be careful here alone. Clearly it would be easy for me to slip into old habits if the right opportunity presented itself.
I shoved off from the wall and stared down at the hustle and bustle on the streets. My stomach growled and I was again reminded that I had zero food in my fridge. Right below my window, at the corner, was a kiosk advertising that they sold the ‘best smoothies in the city’. That was good enough for me.
Taking the stairs, I exited through the front of the building and was face to face with the an elderly man who looked like, if he didn’t love what he did so much, he would’ve retired a decade ago.
“How can I help you?” he asked when I approached.
“Uh, yeah…let me get a large strawberry banana smoothie, please.”
He smiled again and then turned his back to prepare my drink. While I waited I took in the fast-paced scenery around me.
My heart raced just watching the people around scurry in various directions – all probably headed nowhere special.
The man faced me and handed me the drink, still grinning – yeah, he loves his job.
“You know, I think this is the most popular flavor that I sell,” he said as he reached for a straw and a couple napkins. “I have a young lady who comes by like clockwork every Wednesday at the exact same time just for one of these babies.” There was an air of pride in his tone.
I smiled back. “Oh yeah?”
He nodded. “She’s a cute little thing, too. I could set my watch by her. Whizzes by here in a rush, drops the exact change in my hand, and then disappears down the street that way somewhere.” He met my gaze again. “Hopefully you’ll enjoy it as much as she does.”
His good mood was infectious. “I’m sure I will.”
I’d just turned to walk away when he spoke again. “Name’s Giuseppe. You living in this building now?”
I nodded.
“Must be a new tenant. I think I know all the others by name. What’s yours?” He asked.
“Anthony,” I answered, deciding to be less formal. “Well, AJ.”
He had a look on his face as he committed my name and face to memory.
“Nice meeting you, kid. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”
I nodded and smiled again. “I’m sure you will.”
*****
Sam
I’d been in a daze since hearing the news from Terrell that AJ was now basically my neighbor. The chances of running into him in a city this size were slim to none unless it was planned, but still…we have a way of finding one another like heat-seeking missiles. That realization had me looking over my shoulder since Saturday when Terrell texted me with a very annoying “Knock, knock. Who’s there? AJ!” message while Jason and I were hugged up watching a movie on my couch. Thank God he wasn’t paying attention; he would’ve seen it for sure.
By Sunday night, I’d talked myself out of the crazy notion that I’d run into AJ somewhere random and tried to forget that he was here altogether. Going on a date with Jason seemed like just the thing to help take my mind off of it.
I sat in his car while he filled the gas tank, watching the flow of customers stream in and out of the small convenience store. A woman and her daughter smiled and laughed together as they play-fought over a bag of chips and I found myself smiling right along with them, trying to figure out the young girl’s age. If I had to guess, I’d say that she was around six – just about the same age my child would’ve….
I’m not even going there.
I stopped myself just shy of completing that thought and was determined to think about something else. My attention went to Jason’s phone where it sat on his seat, apparently after slipping out of his pocket. The text alert announced the message that flashed across the screen from an unknown caller:
“Another visit soon would be nice. Not that you don’t know this already, but you’re missed when you stay away too long,” was what it said.
Hmm…
I frowned and honestly did try not to get myself worked up without first making an attempt at being rational. I racked my brain trying to think of who would legitimately send Jason such a message. Not his mother – we hadn’t been to see her in L.A. since Christmas. Of course it hadn’t come from any of his boys or Lamar. That only left me believing that it had to be another woman. Especially when I considered the fact that the name and number were blocked.
The driver’s side door flung open and I tore my eyes away from Jason’s phone before he noticed that I’d been staring at it. Before sitting, he scooped it up from the seat.
I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but who the hell am I kidding? “You missed a text,” tumbled out of my mouth before I could even stop it.
Jason didn’t think anything of it. Before starting the engine, he opened the message I’d already read from ‘unknown’. Without saying a word, he viewed it, and then set the phone aside.
“You feel like Thai?” he asked casually, turning the key in the ignition like it was nothing.
I sat there silently.
We went toward the exit of the small parking lot and then pulled out into traffic. “Did you hear me?” he asked.
“Yup.” A fresh dousing of discomfort washed over me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the message was anything but innocent.
“Did I do something?” he asked.
My foot was shaking anxiously and I knew I wouldn’t be able to bite my tongue for long. When we stopped at a red light, I’d already reached my limit.
“I saw the message, Jason,” was all I had to say.
He sighed beside me and I took note of how long it took him to respond. “It wasn’t anything,” was all he offered up.
“Okay,” I scoffed. “Which is why the name is blocked, right? Is it the waitress from –“
“Wowwwww…..for real? That’s what you think of me? You know as well as I do, I’m not cheating on you.”
Actually, I didn’t know that for sure. Not anymore. I still hadn’t forgotten the convenient run-in with the waitress from the lounge. This situation only added to my mounting suspicions.
“Just take me home please. I don’t have an appetite all of a sudden,” I informed Jason snidely.
He sighed. “Sam….are we really gonna fight about this?”
Still he wasn’t giving me this person’s name, so I didn’t answer.
With a heavy sigh, he pulled off onto the side of the street. When he turned to face me, I wouldn’t make eye contact. The feel of his hand on mine should’ve made me pull away, but I didn’t.
“It’s a client, Sam. We’re in the middle of a big sale and I can’t afford to rock the boat. She’s made a few passes on occasion, but I cut her off at every turn. It wasn’t something I thought would be worth mentioning, so I hadn’t. But I swear, there’s nothing going on that you need to worry about.”
His hand went to my hair and I weighed whether or not to believe him.
My eyes shifted to Jason when he held out his cell. “I haven’t had time to sit here and delete anything, so you know I’m keeping it one hundred. Go through my texts, pics, call log….whatever you need to do to realize I’m not lying to you.”
I looked down at his phone and my hand twitched, feeling tempted to take him up on his offer; however, my pride wouldn’t let me be that petty. I shook my head, not wanting to be ‘that girt’, the one who’s always up in her man’s business. If it ever got to the point that I had so little trust in Jason, I’d end it. When I turned away he sighed again and set the phone on top of the center console.
“Do you really think I’d be pushing this hard for you to move in with me if I was trying to creep behind your back?” From my peripheral, I saw him smile. “Doesn’t make sense, does it?” he asked when he saw my gaze lower to my lap while I thought.
“If that’s all it is, why didn’t you tell me about her before?” I asked.
He shrugged casually. “Because she’s not worth you getting upset over. As soon as our business with one another is done, I’m gonna block her from being able to call me altogether. Until then, I just ignore it.”
I hated that his explanation seemed legit, mostly because I still didn’t feel settled. Again, I looked over at his phone and contemplated going through it just to put my mind at ease.
“Now can I take you to dinner?” He asked.
I didn’t respond right away which made him chuckle.
“Want me to beg? I’ll do it if I have to,” he added. When he leaned in to kiss my cheek a very faint smile tugged at one side of my mouth.
Jason shifted the car into ‘drive’ again and then pulled out.
The conversation during dinner was still a bit strained because I hadn’t shaken that feeling yet. I figured I just needed to sleep it off and I’d be back to normal by morning.
Jason walked me up to my apartment and looked around when I
turned on the lamp.
“Man, it looks different in here with all Angel’s stuff gone.”
I looked around too, setting my purse and keys down on the end table. “I know. As soon as I get time, I’m gonna go shopping to grab a few things.”
Yawning, I took a seat on the couch before kicking off my shoes. Jason removed his and came to join me. Already I was reading his signs. It was nearly eleven; if he was trying to get comfortable, that usually meant he was trying to stay. Unfortunately for him, I had no interest in entertaining him tonight – in the bedroom or otherwise. However if he needed lotion and a hand-towel to get himself together, he knew where to find both. On cue, I yawned again.
“It’s too early to be tired,” he said with a smile. When his hand went to the hem of my dress, I almost pushed it away…but I didn’t. His fingers pushed the material up my thigh a few inches and I felt frustration climbing up my spine. This might just be my thinking, but if I was a guy and my girl and I had just gotten into it about another chick earlier that evening, I’d let her have her space for at least the next twenty-four hours. But not Jason.
He leaned over toward me, hand creeping between my legs, and sucked at the side of my neck. Now that he couldn’t see my face, I rolled my eyes freely.
“I don’t feel like it tonight,” I sighed, unable to make that sound as polite as I meant to. As if his touch would change my mind, Jason continued on until his fingers reached my satin panties. I wasn’t even fazed. There was no twitching, no chills, nothing. When he made his way inside the material and touched me, he found out the hard way that I truly, truly wasn’t interested…not even a little.
Defeated, he pulled back and rested his head against the back of the couch with a sigh. I ignored him and straightened my bracelet on my wrist.
“Is this about that text?” he asked, eyes trained on the ceiling.
“Me not wanting to have sex? No. It’s about me being tired,” I lied. Truthfully, turning him down did have at least a little something to do with the text, but I didn’t feel like arguing again. “I have to work in the morning.”
He exhaled sharply again. About half a minute passed before he stood from the couch and slipped back into his shoes. I watched as took his keys from beside mine and unlocked the door to my apartment. Apparently, if he wasn’t getting any, he wasn’t staying.
Exposed (Free Falling) Page 11
