That last excuse had an air of familiarity to it that wasn’t lost on me – they sounded so much like words AJ had spoken in the past. Tears were already in my eyes as my gaze slipped away from Jason and down toward the phone where he’d apparently been keeping all of his secrets.
I picked up his cell and he had to unlock it for me, which was new. Once upon a time, I knew the code, but clearly at some point he changed it. I wonder why. At that moment, I realized that his offer to let me go through his phone Sunday was a mere bluff; he knew my pride wouldn’t let me stoop that low.
Reaching over my arm, Jason pressed the icon that brought up his pictures. He scrolled past photos we’d taken with his family in L.A. at Christmas time, photos from my last birthday, pics of us together at the beach last summer, but then…right there in the bottom right corner of Jason’s gallery…..was a picture of a little boy…a little boy who bared a striking resemblance to Jason – green eyes and all.
The questioning look that I shot him said it all and he instantly started explaining.
“I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t,” he said in a rush. “I couldn’t figure out how to say it.”
“How about this, ‘Sam, I have a SON’!” I hissed, tossing the phone in his lap when I stood to my feet.
All I kept thinking was ‘how’! We’d been together for two whole years and I had no idea he was a father?
“I mean…” My hands raked through my hair as I paced. “How, Jason? Where is he? How did you hide a WHOLE KID from me for almost two years?”
He lowered his head, but didn’t answer.
“Does he live here? Where is he?” Do you even see him?” I shrieked, sounding every bit as judgmental as I meant to.
“No, he doesn’t live here. And I see him when I can,” he said sheepishly.
I racked my brain to remember a time when Jason left town without me and I couldn’t…because he hadn’t. “Does he come here or something?”
Jason shook his head. “His mom doesn’t like the city, so no. When I wanna see him, I have to go there.”
“There? Where the hell is ‘there’?”
Jason hesitated and I stopped dead in my tracks to stare at him. With his head still hung toward the floor, he almost whispered his response. “Boston.”
“Boston?!? Of course.” I paced away again, reevaluating every second of Jason’s behavior while we were visiting for the wedding. “Did you see him while we were there?” As soon as I asked, I answered my own question, recalling a whole afternoon that Jason spent off on his own…or so I thought.
“I did – when I left to go to the movies and the mall…I took him with me.”
That was what the text was about…The kids mother was acknowledging that it would be nice for Jason to see his son more often.
I continued to pace, shocked and just…shocked. “Why tell me this now?”
Jason shrugged and I couldn’t believe he tried that.
“I’m gonna need you to speak actual words, Jason.”
“Like I said, these past few days have just made me realize that I was tired of holding all this in,” he reasoned.
“What about his mother?”
I couldn’t think of any super-serious relationships in Jason’s past that he’d ever mentioned. Maybe she was a one-night-stand.
“We split around the time Ryan was born six years ago.”
I felt weak. When I had to take a seat on the couch again, Jason watched me like a hawk.
“Were you two together or just sleeping together?” I asked, seeking clarity.
“We were together,” he replied vaguely. Something about the way he said it struck me as strange – maybe the way he repeated my wording exactly, as if to say that there was a variation to that answer if I phrased the question differently.
Folding my arms over my chest, I leveled a glare at him.
“Jason…I swear…whatever it is that you need to say, you sure as hell better say it now….”
He had to look away again. “We were together for about a year, but now we’re…..separated,” he admitted quietly.
It felt like my heart had sunk straight through to the basement. “Excuse me! Separated? As in ‘you used to be married, and technically still are’ separated?!?!?!”
“Sam – I”
“Get the hell out,” I said surprisingly calm, which Jason knew was worse than me yelling. I got to my feet again and yanked him up from my couch by the sleeve of his shirt. He stood there and stared down on me like there was more that he needed to say.
He sighed as he took a step toward the door. “Sam…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear. I just…I didn’t want to mess this up.”
And that worked out so well for you.
To get him gone faster, I shoved against his chest, feeling a tear fall when I did. “LEAVE!” When he was out in the hallway, I nearly hit him with the door.
The only word I could think of to describe the way I felt was “betrayed”. Jason knew things about me that, if I’d known omitting details was an option, I would’ve never shared. How was it that he knew all the ins and outs of me and AJ’s relationship, all about my ordeal with Antonio, and he felt like he had the reserved right not to tell me that he had a wife and kid in another state?
Here, I’d exposed my every secret and every fault to this man and I was finding out that he’d been keeping me in the dark for almost two years? It felt like he’d crushed my heart inside my chest.
I didn’t sleep at all. Couldn’t. All I kept thinking, of all the things for me to be upset about in this situation, was how Jason chose to put this kid on the backburner like he had better things to do than be a father. To be quite honest, I couldn’t figure out if that pissed me off more or finding out that he’d basically made me his side-chick without me having any choice in the matter. And maybe I was a little more sensitive on the subject of children because of my past, but either way, not being in his kids’ life seemed like a douchebag move any way you cut it.
That night, Jason lost too many points to count, thus shifting the tide of whatever was left between us at this point…which I was pretty sure was absolutely nothing. As far as I was concerned, Jason already had a family and there wasn’t room in his life for much more than that…including me.
Chapter Ten
AJ
My weekends for the past three years were typically me and Kira’s time to go to dinner and maybe catch a movie. However, the conclusion of my first weekend in New York was spent surfing the net to find a gym to join, grabbing one pitiful bag of groceries from the store, and watching garbage on TV because I didn’t have cable yet. Needless to say, I was actually looking forward to the work week starting so I’d have something to do.
Tuesday morning, I rushed around getting dressed like always, making sure to remember my laptop this time, and was out the door by seven. The cab ride took about twenty-five minutes, leaving me a solid half hour to get settled and organized before any of my employees – god, it felt weird saying that – showed up for work. Typically, this time was spent going over figures from the day before, tracking changes made to our project management database so I was always up to date, and finishing my coffee to hide the fact that I hadn’t been getting much sleep.
By 7:45, most of the workers had already arrived and were getting organized as well. It was quiet around the office until around nine when everyone was wide awake and productive. By then, my team was all the way live and doing one hell of a job of making it look like I actually knew what I was doing here.
While I went cross-eyed staring at a fax I’d just received from one of our suppliers, my phone buzzed on the desk.
“Yeah,” I answered distractedly.
“Good morning. How are things?” my father asked.
I tried to decipher the document in my hands again before giving up. With a sigh, I replied, “Uh – fine. Can’t complain.”
He sounded pleased. “Good. I received the report you faxed me this morning. The numbers are
right on target. Excellent work.”
I hesitated, still not used to this newfound…humanity my father had discovered awhile back. “Thank you,” was my only reply.
“How’re you getting settled into the loft? I know there wasn’t really time to do much between the move and your first day in your new position, but I’m sure you had time over the weekend to put a few things in order, no?”
I sighed again, picturing the five empty smoothie cups that I left on the kitchen counter. Did that count as decorating?
“Un, no. Not really. I mostly just relaxed.”
“Ah, I see.” There was a pause while I heard my father’s wheels turning. “Have you gotten out at all? Taken in the city?”
“No, the furthest I’ve ventured is the grocery store, and that was…interesting.” I recalled the crowd I had to fight through just to get a gallon of milk, two boxes of Cap’n Crunch, and some beef jerky.
He seemed amused by my tone. “Well….give it time. I’m sure you’ll get your bearings soon.”
“Hope so.”
Another pause.
“Seen any familiar faces yet?” he asked.
The question caught me off guard, and the first and only face that flashed in my head was Sam’s. “Uh…like who?”
“Well, there’s Jim Conrad. We did that deal with him last June and Dean Owens works near the new facility. I told them both that you’re in town now. It’s only a matter of time before they show up to welcome you, I’m sure.”
Oh…well that made sense.
“No, I haven’t seen either of them. I’ll be on the lookout, though.”
My father continued to linger on the phone like he wanted to continue the conversation, but the awkward pauses were a clear sign that’d he’d run out of topics.
“I’ve got a meeting to conduct in a few. So…I’d better get prepped,” I announced.
“Of course. I’ll check in on you in a few days then.”
“Sounds good,” I replied, feeling a bit shocked by how natural the conversation felt despite the lulls in actual dialogue. Dare I say the distance between my father and I might actually do us some good.
*****
By lunch, I was knee-deep in paperwork, my eyes burned from staring at the computer screen, and I had to remind myself that, in time, things would run more smoothly. The plan was to eventually have less on my plate once I sorted out what responsibilities I could trust to delegate to my employees. I figured I’d start to make those decisions within the next month or so.
When six o’clock came, I was more than ready to get out of there. Grabbing my suit jacket, I closed my laptop and hurried down to catch a cab, wondering what I’d eat for dinner. With no other prospects, I settled on a bowl of cereal just like I’d had the night before. The plan was to get home, get out of this suit, and then veg out for a while.
Usually, I took the stairs up to my place on the third floor, but I was so tired today that I propped myself against the wall and waited for the elevator. I stepped in when the doors parted, trying to remember a time I’d been this tired. If there ever was such a time, I couldn’t recall it. Dragging my feet, I dug my key from my pocket and turned the lock.
The loft seemed so much emptier for some reason – a sign that the loneliness and isolation was beginning to wear on me. I closed the door, resenting the echo that ricocheted against the walls a little more than usual. My keys dropped to the countertop and I stepped out of my shoes, heading to the bedroom to change. I stripped down to my boxers and walked back to the kitchen to grab a Styrofoam bowl and plastic spoon to eat with. I was desperate for some home-cooked food as I stared at my ‘dinner’. I wasn’t much good at fending for myself when it came to preparing meals, but this would have to do for now.
As soon as I took the first spoonful to my mouth, I had to rush to my bedroom mid-chew when my phone went off on the dresser.
“Hey, whassup?” I answered when I saw that it was just Terrell.
“Hey. Busy?”
I started back toward the counter to finish eating. “Not really. Everything cool?”
He yawned into the receiver. “Yeah, just calling so you can tell me what it’s like now that you’re running things! Haven’t talked to you since last weekend.”
I chuckled. “It’s just like my last job – frustrating as hell, long hours, endless paperwork.”
He found that funny. “Yeah, but you’re doing it all for a helluva lot more money, so…”
I ran back through the details of the day I’d had and sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” Wanting to talk about anything other than work, I asked, “How’s Maisha?”
“Fine. She’s in there on the phone. Talking to Sam again I think.”
I stopped chewing and lost my train of thought at the mention of Sam’s name. When I cleared my throat to refocus, Terrell started in on me without hesitation.
“Just say the word, man, and I’ll text you the digits. Matter of fact…2-1-2…”
When I laughed he paused. “I told you; I’m not interested,” I replied, secretly acknowledging the fact that Wednesday still hadn’t gotten here and Giuseppe had yet to give Sam my message.
“That’s some bull,” Terrell said under his breath. “And this is the prime time to call her, too. Just sayin’.” He added the next part so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him. “Her and her dude are having issues.” Now I knew why he was whispering; he didn’t want Maisha to hear him running his mouth. My interest was piqued, but I didn’t say anything.
“You know I don’t like to be all in folks’ business,” Terrell lied. “…but she and Maisha have been talkin’ just about every day this week – so it must be serious.”
I wanted to pry, wanted to see what other information he had, but it honestly made me feel strange that I cared so much.
“Well, whatever it is…I’m sure she can handle it. They’ll probably work it out in a day or two,” was all I allowed myself to say.
“Still, I’m saying, though…you’re a businessman, right? You’re supposed to know about strategic planning and stuff! Landing the deal is all about being in the right place at the right time. Flat out.”
I shook my head at the fact that he’d just equated Sam to a business transaction and at the fact that he’d appointed himself as my advisor. “Whatever, man.” I fell silent again.
Sam and the new guy were on the outs, though? How the hell did he mess up that fast? They seemed okay at the wedding, but according to Terrell, something had changed since then.
Another call came through and distracted me from my thoughts. “I’ll call you back, it’s Kira.”
“Alright, but think about what I said,” Terrell rushed to say before I could hang up on him.
I clicked over to the other line and heard Kira’s music in the background first. “Hello?” I answered.
“Hey,” she said sweetly. “I thought I would’ve heard from you when you got in tonight.”
I filled my spoon again and tried not to crunch in her ear while I chewed. “Yeah, Terrell called before I had the chance.”
“Oh, ok. How’re he and Maisha doing?”
“Fine.”
“That’s good. Tell them I said ‘hi’ when you talk to him again. When’re they coming to see the loft?” she asked.
I looked around at the bare…everything and chuckled. “Probably when we have furniture, I imagine.”
She laughed. “As soon as I get there, we’ll furnish the place. It sucks that you have to live there like that, though. I seriously wouldn’t mind if you got a few things without me. I trust your sense of style,” she lied.
I shrugged. “It’s not so bad. The place is nice; it just has more of a frat house feeling to it right now.” I stared down at the half-empty garbage bag hanging on the cabinet instead of in a can and then at the stack of red SOLO cups beside the sink.
Kira sighed. “It’s been lonely at home without you. I miss tripping over your shoes by the back door.” It sounded like she was smiling –
something I missed seeing. “I can’t wait ‘til you get here next week.”
“Me either,” I yawned, turning to pitch my trash and then retracing my steps to the bedroom.
“You’ll be getting in Thursday evening, right?”
I thought for a second. “Yep. Then leaving right back out Friday night.” That part sucked. Judging by Kira’s initial silence, I guessed that she was probably thinking the same thing.
“How’ve you been keeping busy there without me?” was her next question.
“Work and the internet,” pretty much summed it up.
She giggled. “Poor baby.”
I didn’t respond because I started drifting off lying there in the middle of the air mattress.
“I um…Reina and I have been talking quite a bit over the past couple weeks,” Kira announced.
My eyes opened and I didn’t speak, just waited for her to continue.
“Yeah, apparently she’s bored being home on bed-rest with the pregnancy, so she calls me in the evening while Ben’s at work. His job put him on midnights for a while.”
Kira rambled on about Reina and her husband and I couldn’t have cared less about how she was doing. However, what I was interested in knowing was why she and Kira were so chummy all of a sudden. As long as she wasn’t trying to weasel her way into the wedding, I didn’t care. If Kira wanted to deal with her sister, that was her right. But I sure as hell didn’t want any parts of it.
“Kira…” I started cautiously. “…This isn’t your way of bringing up her being invited to the wedding again, is it?”
Kira was silent.
I sighed. “I knew it.”
“In all fairness, she’s my sister, AJ. My twin sister,” she added, as if that meant Reina was entitled to some sort of a pass. “I just think…the three of us would probably be a lot better off if we just had a sit down and sorted things out,” Kira suggested quietly. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately anyway.”
Listening to her suddenly becoming defensive of her sister, I decided to wipe my hands clean of the situation. I wouldn’t have Kira resenting me later for keeping her from Reina; however, I’d do what I could to keep her from attending on the wedding day. In my opinion, that wasn’t a privilege Reina was owed. If Kira wanted to fraternize with the devil at her leisure, that was all on her.
Exposed (Free Falling) Page 13
