My mind drifted to the next task before me – breaking things off with AJ. The sliver of certainty that I’d grasped onto hours ago in Dr. Gill’s office had now slipped away, though. There was no way that conversation was going to be as easy as this one with Jason. No way.
Realizing that it’d be better to handle things sooner rather than later, I made up my mind that, sometime before AJ left for Fairfax tomorrow, he’d know how I felt and where we stood.
This had to be done.
At least that’s what I kept telling myself…
*****
“What time are you heading out?” I asked through the phone.
On the other end, AJ seemed reserved. “Um…probably in about an hour if I’m gonna make my plane on time.”
I’d dreaded having this conversation – didn’t sleep all night because of it.
“Okay, well…is it cool if I stop by your office in about thirty minutes? I won’t be long,” I explained. “I just wanted to talk to you about something before you go.”
Again, he hesitated. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
I took a deep breath and nodded like he could see me. “I’ll call when I make it there.”
As soon as I hung up, a flash of heat made my face sweat. I didn’t want to do this. In my heart, I knew I’d never experienced love like this before AJ and never would after him for a reason – there was no one else out there for me but him.
The sky is blue.
The earth orbits the sun.
AJ is the love of my life.
I was equally sure of the truth behind each of these facts.
When I walked into the lobby of his office building I was still fanning myself, avoiding the questions and second guessing going on inside my head. I sent him a text to let him know that I was on my way up before pressing the button on the elevator that would take me to the seventh floor.
I found him waiting there for me as the doors parted again, expressionless at first, but managing a weak smile when he greeted me.
I cleared my throat and smiled back a little. “I’m not gonna get you in trouble or anything by coming here, am I?” I whispered as we walked down a narrow hallway toward a set of frosted, glass double-doors with the name of his father’s company etched on both.
“Of course not; it’s fine,” he replied while pulling the silver handle to let me pass through the doors first.
He addressed one of his employees briefly, talking a bunch of industry mumbo-jumbo that I didn’t understand, while I stood by silently. More and more, I was beginning to think that I should’ve just gone to his loft and taken care of this the night before instead of his place of business, but it was too late for that now.
We walked to an office just around the corner from the cubicles where the others worked. Once I followed him inside, he closed the door behind us. I looked over his surroundings and was surprised at how together this place was. He had me thinking things were in disarray and I naturally assumed that his father had situated him in an old, dated building in need of major updates, but this place was anything but that. The large window behind AJ’s desk, heavy wooden bookcases lining the walls, and the separate sitting area in the corner gave me the feeling of being in an upscale office with a very important businessman – which I clearly was.
“This is nice,” I said nervously, still looking around.
AJ folded his arms over his chest and shrugged, responding with a very modest, “It’s ok, I guess.”
I took a few steps toward the chair beside where he rested against the edge of his desk, and I sat. I clasped my hands together in front of me to keep them from shaking, but it didn’t work. With him standing there in front of me, I have to admit that I faltered a little. Sure, once this was over I’d miss him, but I was doing the right thing.
I’d allowed myself to pretend that Kira wasn’t part of the equation because she wasn’t an immediate issue. However, the fact of the matter was, before I came back into the picture, AJ was ready to fully commit to her. I’m woman enough to admit that I envied Kira in many ways – because she’d had the sense to snatch him up when she did, and because she’d essentially be living the life with him that I was supposed to have. Did I have a right to be jealous? Technically, no….but try explaining that to my heart.
“Work went okay?” AJ asked, when I failed to speak.
I nodded. “It did.”
He stared at me and I could feel it despite the fact that I couldn’t meet his gaze.
When he sighed and repositioned himself, I felt the atmosphere in the room getting ready to shift. “I know why you’re here,” he stated flatly, stealing my breath away as panic stepped in. I had plans to lead into this conversation gradually, but it sounded like he was getting ready to jump right in.
I lowered my head as my heart sank to the floor. He knew. A whirlwind of emotion almost swept me up, but I held it together, reminding myself that this had to be done. His stare burned a hole through me, but I tried to fight it.
“AJ I –“
“I should’ve called,” he interrupted. “If you’re mad, you have every right to be.”
I sat there with my mouth half open, realizing that his assumption was wrong. He didn’t know. Now I was even more nervous than before.
When he took my hands and pulled me up from the seat, I knew I should just tell him then, before we hugged, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be in his arms again. Four days without seeing him had been pure hell. On top of that, there was the fact that, soon enough, we wouldn’t be seeing each other at all anymore. The finality of this thought made me embrace him tighter.
“I’m so sorry,” he breathed against my ear after placing a kiss there. “I know it was on me to reach out because of how our conversation ended…and I swear I was gonna call as soon as I got back in town from Fairfax. I just thought we both needed time to think. I’m so sorry,” he repeated, holding me tighter.
My throat constricted as I held back from crying. Slowly, his hand trailed up to the nape of my neck where his fingers came to rest beneath my hair. His touch wasn’t something I’d planned ahead for either. In my head, I’d come in, say what I needed to say, and leave before he could see me cry. However, I currently found myself relishing in his grasp, letting my eyes drift shut as my will began to falter. It was in that instant that I considered the possibility of abandoning my original purpose for coming here altogether.
AJ pulled away a few inches and there was a look of vulnerability in his eyes that I hadn’t seen him display many times before. It made me feel like, whatever he said he wanted this to be, needed this to be, I’d go along with it.
“Do you forgive me?” he asked unassumingly.
All I could do was nod, unable to explain that I’d never been mad at him in the first place. A faint smile graced his lips just before he briefly touched them to mine. When he pulled away, his eyes roamed over the details of my face.
“I missed you,” he added warmly.
What I meant to say was, I missed you too; however, I was still in a daze so nothing came out. This wasn’t at all what I had in mind when I set out to come here.
AJ traced his thumb over my lips, staring at them like he longed for another kiss, but refrained. It was in the moment that our eyes locked that the words “I love you,” slipped out of my mouth without permission and my heart sank at the realization that I could never take them back. That one, seemingly simple phrase – the one I hadn’t spoken to him in several years – crushed the last ounce of resolve that remained in my bones. Followed by the final nail in the coffin – that smile he gave in response to my admission. Our lips collided and I gave up trying to fight this.
At first, there was a slight concern that someone might walk in; however, when this kiss began to deepen, I found myself not caring a whole lot about who caught us. AJ’s hands moved down my back and I leaned into him as he gripped me tight like this was the last time he’d get to touch me. I became entranced by the sound of our kiss and the
heavy breathing that came along with it. Through his dress slacks, I felt his erection swell. I found myself wanting to take him right then and there, but there wasn’t much time before he had to leave for his flight.
I took his tongue into my mouth and placed my hands on both sides of his neck, feeling his racing pulse race against my palm. His scorching hot lips made it impossible to back off and so did whatever that fragrance was he was wearing. Just like that, I was his and there was no turning away.
“We only have fifteen minutes,” he whispered, feverishly dragging his lips across mine. “But I need you,” he added. Both of his hands ran up my torso, gripping my breasts firmly as his touch set my nipples on hard.
“Then take me,” I answered recklessly, drunk off of him after only a few seconds. Deep down I knew I should turn him away – we had every reason in the world to stay away from each other – but instead, I found myself helping him hike up my pencil-skirt and remove my stockings. As soon as they were halfway down my thighs, he eased his hand inside the front of my panties, separating the lips of my sex to slowly run his finger between them. I sucked in a breath and held it while he repeated the motion again and again.
I didn’t want him to stop…ever. Everything he did, every time he touched me, it felt like the first time. He pulled away abruptly and crossed his office to the door, engaging the lock before he returned to me. Impatience ruled him as he undid his belt and zipper. When he freed himself from his boxers, I was already raining wet. I took my stockings down the rest of the way and kicked my panties from around my ankle to the chair, holding AJ around his neck as he hoisted me onto his desk with ease. My hands landed on a mess of papers and folders behind me when I braced myself. AJ aligned his erection with my parted thighs and hastily plunged inside. We both released a sigh of relief at the feel of being connected again after so many days. I could hardly breathe as he hijacked each and every one of my senses.
The insane addiction I had to him left me feeling like I could never get enough, no matter how often we did it, no matter how satisfied he left me. He made me feel greedy, desperate, and maybe even a little possessive. Okay…a lot possessive.
There was no way in hell I’d try to walk away from him again…
AJ pressed his lips to mine as he backed his hips up and dove in again. His motions were quick, but not frantic, reminding me of the few times we’d done it in a rush in less than private places as teenagers, trying to sneak a piece whenever we could. The risk factor, then and now, was adrenaline-charged. Knowing that, at any moment, one of his employees could try the knob or overhear us, was constantly at the forefront of my mind just like I’m sure it was on his. Still, even considering the risk, this felt necessary. I had to have him; he had to have me.
The moisture between my legs increased as he repeatedly stroked my g-spot, allowing him to slip in and out even faster. I moved one of my hands from his desk and gripped the back of his head as he craned his neck toward me for another kiss.
What is it about him that makes me lose myself?
I clamped his lip between my teeth, provoking a deep, throaty laugh that rumbled from his chest, driving me crazy as he delved even deeper. His fingers dug into my hips and the mounting pressure signaled me that I was on the cusp of climaxing despite the fact that we’d only been at it for a couple minutes.
My eyes clenched shut and I held him tighter as he slammed in again and again. The telephone and a stack of papers crashed to the floor when his violent thrusts shifted the entire desk a few inches. Neither of us really cared if anyone heard at this point. When his breathing became labored, I knew he was about to cum too.
I moaned through my orgasm as quietly as I could, attempting to breathe through my nose in hopes of preventing the oncoming scream, but it was physically painful to hold it in. He made my entire body feel so good that yelling out was the only way I stood a chance of surviving these intense climaxes. He buried his face in my shoulder, tightening his grip on my hips as he silently released inside me.
The buckle of his belt clanked against the desk when he pushed in one last time. My blouse had come untucked and somehow my necklace was now hanging down my back instead of against my chest. Knowing that we’d have to hustle, I accepted a few of AJ’s sensual kisses and then hopped down from his desk. He let me use his private restroom first to clean up, and then went in to do what little washing he could before having to hightail it to his plane.
“You should ride to the airport with me if you’re not doing anything else,” he suggested, slipping back into the suit jacket that hung on the coat tree near the door.
I put my shoes back on and nodded while still buried deep in thought, agreeing to accompany him. I watched while he readjusted his tie and then retrieved the overnight bag that sat at the back of his closet. After straightening my clothes one last time, I followed AJ out into the main part of the office, acknowledging the fact that I’d achieved nothing by coming here other than making it clear to us both that I wasn’t going anywhere.
We rode the elevator to the first floor and hopped in a cab. The entire ride, AJ and I sat in silence, our fingers interlocked as we gazed out opposite windows. I have no clue what was going through his head, but I felt stuck – stuck to him, stuck in this. Under different circumstances, that wouldn’t have been a bad thing.
In front of the airport the driver sat quietly, waiting for AJ and me to make a move, or at least pay him. Before parting ways, AJ leaned in and kissed me twice and then stared.
“Stay up, okay? I’m gonna call you later so we can talk,” he promised, but I’d already decided not to hold it against him if he wasn’t able to find the time or the privacy to follow through.
I nodded and let his fingers slip from mine as he climbed out of the cab after paying the driver for the ride and also to take me to my apartment. AJ looked back before disappearing inside. I waved, letting him know that it was okay for him to go, but when he was gone, I fought to put my emotions into perspective.
There I sat, alone in a cab, watching the man I loved getting ready to board a plane, knowing that another woman would be there to greet him when he landed. The driver glanced at me from the rearview mirror as I brushed away the few tears I shed, realizing that this was what I chose. By not telling AJ that I couldn’t do this, that it was over between us, I’d sealed my own fate. Whatever happened from this point, I’d have to live with knowing that it could’ve all been avoided if I’d just had the strength to live without him.
Unfortunately for me…that just wasn’t an option.
Chapter Nineteen
AJ
A sense of dread accompanied the sound of the landing-gear coming into contact with the runway. The amount of lies that I’d have to tell tonight and tomorrow alone would be staggering. I could feel it. No longer able to put it off, I exited and made my way outside to meet Kira.
Her face lit up the second she saw me and it was harder than I thought to look her in the eyes, but I did it – faked a smile and everything. She kissed my cheek, but I managed to turn away before she caught my lips. I returned her embrace, surprised at how foreign it felt holding her. I’d become accustomed to feelings Sam’s feminine curves pressed against me when we hugged. The full breasts, hips, thighs – all of that was absent now with Kira in my arms. It almost felt like I’d break her if I squeezed too hard.
“I missed you so much,” she said, still holding on.
“I missed you too,” I replied, wondering if Sam’s perfume was still embedded in my shirt.
Kira stepped back, smiled up at me again, and then took my hand. We walked to her car and I already felt my palms sweating, wondering what we’d talk about while we drove to the house.
“Three more weeks and we won’t have to do this anymore!” she beamed.
I whipped my head in her direction when she reminded me how quickly her time in Fairfax was coming to an end. Soon, she’d be there with me in New York on a permanent basis. When the polite expression slipped from my f
ace, I turned to stare out the window instead.
“No more fast food for dinner. No more sleeping on that awful mattress,” she added, assuming that her presence in the loft would be a welcomed change, which was technically the way I should’ve felt, but…
“Oh! And Reina and I worked on some of the wedding plans while she was here. I’ll show you the book I made when we get to the house. I have color swatches, a tentative guest list, and I’ve marked a few venues I need to check out before the move. I figured we’d come back here to get married since our families and most of our friends are all here,” she rambled, not realizing that I hadn’t heard a thing she said. I was still stuck on the fact that, in three short weeks, my life was about to get a hell of a lot more complicated.
“Are you listening?” she asked when I failed to answer. “Reina was really a big help.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything, mostly because I didn’t want to talk about her sister…and maybe not the wedding either.
“She’s freaking huge now!” Kira added. “The doctors say the twins are doing well, though.”
“Cool,” was about the most enthusiastic response I could give. It sounded extremely sarcastic leaving my mouth, but Kira knew how I felt about Reina before she even brought her up.
“Are you mad just because she came out here to visit?” Kira asked.
I didn’t answer right away. “No, but I don’t necessarily wanna talk about her either. I know she’s your sister and all, but…I just don’t wanna talk about her,” I repeated.
Kira looked straight ahead and didn’t speak again. The tension in the car was terrible. Still bathed in silence, we pulled into the driveway and Kira undid her seatbelt while the garage door closed. I slung my bag over my shoulder and followed her inside. The familiar scent and atmosphere of the home we’d shared made me feel even more uncomfortable, which I hadn’t expected. It served as a reminder of the fact that the life I’d been living lately was far removed from this one.
Exposed (Free Falling) Page 24
