It wasn’t going well, at all.
And they had to start the week all over again the next day. Sometimes the idea of going to elementary school again made her want to cry.
Lucy met her inside, scurrying through the house with Tyler on her heels. Cody scooped her daughter up, feeling most of the day’s worries slip away for just an instant. This was her world. This was why she’d get up the next day and go down to PAVAD and do her best. To make the world safer for Lucy. “Baby, Mama missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Tucker got a loosed tooth at school.”
“He did? That’s awesome.” And probably right around the corner for Lucy. She’d been almost four when Luc had brought her to Cody. She was almost six now. Where had it gone? Cody couldn’t remember.
Someone pulled at her shirt and she looked down into eyes that were so much Sebastian’s and Seth’s…and Sin’s. “Hey, Ty. I didn’t know you were here today. How are you?”
“Hold me, too?” He looked at her with such vulnerability on his face. How was she to resist him? She didn’t have a clue. But she scooped him up, making room for his sturdy weight on her opposite hip. She looked around the room.
There he was, the boy’s father.
Watching her. Cody deliberately looked away.
Chapter 13
She fit right in. He watched as Merrick was absorbed into the Brockman family as if she’d always been a part of it. He’d known Kenneth and Meredith Brockman were the kind of people to open their home to anyone they thought needed it. Apparently that included Merrick.
They’d made him and Tyler feel welcome just because of their connection to his brother Seth and their daughter Alessandra. It had been that simple.
Merrick’s daughter ran past him, a blur of black curls and pink dress. She was laughing, chasing the Brockman’s granddaughter—and his son.
Tyler was laughing as well, and Sin smiled, hearing it. His son was far too serious; sometimes Sin woke in the middle of the night, worried about that very fact. Worried that perhaps Tyler was too much like him, and not enough like his uncles. But tonight, Tyler was enjoying himself.
Seth hugged Merrick and she laughed, the sound that would draw his attention no matter where he was. It had since he’d realized that she had grown into an extremely beautiful young woman.
She hadn’t dimmed with age, either. If anything, she had grown far more beautiful.
Her little girl hugged her tight, and Merrick bent down to return the embrace. They clung to each other, and he had no trouble seeing the bonds between them.
“She looks tired.”
He turned and looked at his sister-in-law. It wasn’t Al who’d said it, but Sebastian’s wife Carrie. He’d yet to figure out how Carrie and Merrick could be such close friends. “Yes, she does.”
“Sebastian is worried. So am I.” Carrie spoke with little inflection, a pattern that had taken him a while to get accustomed to. His brother’s wife was on the autism spectrum, but was extremely high functioning.
She held his niece Maddie, and the baby babbled dada and waved at him.
He wanted to reach for the child but he didn’t. He wasn’t that comfortable with kids, with the exception of Tyler. And his son had taken a lot of getting used to. Instead, he looked back at Sebastian’s ex-wife. “Has she been ill?”
“Just the headaches. But the doctors said that would be normal. I think it’s something else. I’ll ask her after dinner. We’re staying, too. I think Paige and Mick are coming with Simon.”
Sin wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of a Brockman family dinner, but Meredith had offered to watch Tyler for him a few days after he’d first relocated to St. Louis. And at a time when he wasn’t comfortable putting his son in a daycare with strangers to care for him.
The kid had been left with strangers far too many times. And who else could he trust? Meredith was wonderful with him, and as a retired child psychiatrist she knew how to help traumatized kids. Tyler was in great hands. And he enjoyed playing with the Brockmans’ granddaughter.
And Merrick’s daughter Lucy. He’d known they’d shared the same sitter, but they hadn’t worked the same hours.
Sin looked from his redheaded sister-in-law to his son. Tyler had wrapped his tiny arms around Merrick’s leg and was climbing her like a monkey. He started to cross the large living room to them, but stopped himself.
What would he say? Don’t touch my son? Why would he do that? Merrick had always drawn children in her direction; when she was teenager she’d have younger kids following her everywhere. Tyler was apparently no exception. He settled on her hip like he’d been there a thousand times. Like he was welcomed and comfortable.
She rocked him; the move appearing absent and easy while she spoke with Seth and Al. Like Tyler belonged right there in the middle of all of them.
Why hadn’t it occurred to him that by using the same baby-sitter they were bound to run into each other eventually? That didn’t explain why Sebastian and Carrie were there, though. Unless Meredith was now watching Maddie, as well?
But when he looked at them all, even Carrie when she carried her daughter over to Al, they welcomed Merrick like she’d always been there.
He hated that she was closer to his family than he was.
But how did he change that?
He stood there trying not to stare for a bit too long. Someone came in after him and the guy was large enough to cause an earthquake if he wanted. He was about Sin’s height, but Mick Brockman was more muscled. His wife was tall and beautiful and currently lecturing the teenaged boy between them.
Sin moved out of the way to the armchair nearby. The room was filling up far too fast for him. Despite the fact that most of the room included his family, and he and Mick were ok with each other.
They’d welcomed his brothers, but he didn’t feel particularly close to any of them.
He had never made friends easily. Why should that change simply because his brothers were around?
It wouldn’t. But he wouldn’t let his son face the same difficulties he’d faced.
He must have sat for ten minutes without saying anything to anyone. The kids were everywhere and he counted on them to distract the adults from him for a while. And it worked.
Merrick’s daughter ran by him and climbed onto her mother’s lap next to Tyler. The kids surrounded the infants in the room, and there were several. Kids, babies, a teenager—Sin wasn’t used to the normalcy of it all. His own brothers were right in the middle of all of it.
“You’re quiet tonight.” Seth leaned around Merrick, and Sin knew she was aware of the conversation, despite the children in her lap. He was sitting close enough to smell her shampoo, wasn’t he? Her leg was pressed against his and he could feel the warmth of her next to him. “You’ll get used to this. Meredith does it every so often. She loves entertaining.”
“I had a long day.” And he hated crowds. Of anyone, this brother was who he was the closest to. Even though they often fought. For a while when they were younger it had been just the two of them, with Seb and Sarah hundreds of miles away. God, how he had missed his brother and sister back then. And had probably gone overboard with Seth because of it.
“Al’s taking a few vacation days to help get the baby’s room ready. We could use a hand painting. I’m calling brother-favors.” Seth grinned at him, and Sin knew he’d be there. As much as Seth irritated him at times, he’d be there.
One of the reasons he’d taken the St. Louis position when he’d been offered it was to be closer to his brothers, for Tyler’s sake. And for his own. If only for a few months.
For family. It had been made abundantly clear when Tyler’s maternal grandmother had shown up on his doorstep—literally on his doorstep—with Tyler that night that if the boy was to ever have a decent shot at a family, it would be up to Sin to provide it.
And that meant Sebastian and Seth. And their wives and children.
That meant renting an apartment from his sister-in-law, and
letting his brother’s mother-in-law babysit his son. That meant making connections and going outside his comfort zone.
That meant sitting next to Merrick while she snuggled his son, and while he could smell her perfume, and bump her knee with his own.
Yes, definitely outside his comfort zone.
***
She made it through the dinner without a problem, though she developed a headache midway. She’d suspected she would. She was always so lethargic before one of those injury-induced migraines would hit. It hadn’t helped that they’d sat her next to Sin.
After the initial unease she just ignored him, and focused on Lucy and on the people across the table from her. Carrie and Al, and baby Maddie between them.
They’d both taken time to express concern—which meant she probably looked as bad as she felt. She needed to rest, at least until the worst of the headache passed. One of the lasting results of what Hugh Schild had done to her was the migraines. She’d been told they’d decrease in frequency eventually. And that stress could bring them on.
Lucy demanded her attention but she dealt, and she managed through the rest of the meal. And she thought about the little girl, and how she would get through the night. The rest of the week.
Lucy balked at leaving. She wanted to stay with Ruthie, and she fought Cody’s instructions to gather her things. Cody stared at her and debated what to do—pick her up and carry her out, or force her to walk herself? There were so many decisions, and she often wasn’t sure she was making the right ones.
She sighed, and was just about to order Lucy to the door, when someone tapped her elbow. Someone with sympathetic eyes. She looked over at Meredith’s daughter-in-law.
She didn’t know Jules very well, though they often passed each other in the halls of PAVAD. “She can stay with us this evening. I’m off tomorrow, and I can take them to school.”
“I—” She hadn’t spent a night away from Lucy since Luc had brought her to her. And she didn’t think it was a great idea, either.
“I have experience with a child from a traumatic background. Ruthie still has night terrors, too. And I know what it is like to feel alone when trying to deal with it. Mal and I were not together when I adopted Ruthie. I handled everything alone. You don’t have to. Between us, Mal and I can handle anything she needs for one night. You sleep. I think you need it. And if the headaches continue like this, you need to see your neurologist.”
Cody didn’t say anything for a moment. She was probably right—Jules was one of the most renowned physicians in the region, and her husband was a child psychologist-turned-criminal profiler.
And it was just for one night, wasn’t it?
Lucy would probably have a blast playing with Ruthie, wouldn’t she? Maybe, just maybe, Lucy would have a peaceful night.
“I’m staying with Jules, too. Seth is going out first thing in the morning, and they’ve painted in the house all day. I’m not allowed to sleep there tonight because of paint fumes,” Al said, wrapping her arm around Cody’s shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye on her for you. I promise. My old room is right next to Ruthie’s. She’ll be ok, I promise. If not, Mal will drive her home.”
Al had babysat late for her on several occasions when Cody had to work. She’d been there for a handful of the night terrors. And the two of them had discussed it several times.
Some of Cody’s hesitancy slipped away. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted—but Lucy needed her able to function. This wasn’t anywhere near functioning. And there would have to be a time when she and Lucy could be apart for a while without either of them freaking out, right?
Sometimes not knowing what to do was the very worst part. Would she figure it out someday? By the time Lucy was thirty?
Chapter 14
She’d needed the rest, and Tuesday started off much better than Monday. She had to testify around noon, and returned to the PAVAD building an hour before her shift was to end.
She always hated testimony days—if not for the fact that it meant wearing a skirt and hose, then because she always left the stand feeling like ground beef. And like the hours were wasted. Tuesday was no exception—the prosecution went easy on her and the defense tried to tear her words apart.
But she wasn’t inexperienced; she knew what she spoke about. And the prosecutor was one she had met before.
Which was both a good thing and a bad thing in that she knew his style of interrogation—and he always asked her out.
Cody always turned him down. He was a nice guy, but she’d heard him say before that he never wanted children.
She doubted he even knew about Lucy.
She reentered the PAVAD building feeling dejected and raw. That feeling intensified when she saw who was waiting just outside her office.
She almost stopped walking and turned around. But he had already seen her.
Sin Lorcan, with his suit buttoned so precisely, his hair perfectly cut, and his eyes as cold as green steel.
Exactly who she didn’t need today.
“Sin.” She had always been able to tell the Lorcan brothers apart. While they were mostly identical physically, their personalities were so wildly different.
She’d never understood how one egg could result in three such different men.
In her experience, Sin had gotten the worst of the deal with personality, but probably the best when it came to looks.
His eyes were greener, his body a bit more muscled, and his smile—when he used it, which wasn’t often—was straighter.
If he just wasn’t a jerk all the time.
“Merrick.” He paused a moment, then looked down at the suit she was wearing. She knew the color was flattering, and the cut of the suit meant she didn’t look like a pumpkin. Even though that was the exact shade her blouse was.
She followed his gaze—her top two buttons had come loose, exposing her favorite black silk bra. She buttoned them quickly. “Sin, dear? Eyes up here. I know you’ve seen breasts before. Even seen mine before. They are nothing new.”
He glared, this time right into her eyes. “I need the original Hugh Schild file. Everything your department has.”
Everything in her froze.
The only original file the automotive forensics department had from the Schild case was hers. Her car had been processed when she’d been attacked.
And she’d been beaten into a coma.
Why did he want that particular file?
She wasn’t exactly sure what Sin’s position with PAVAD was. She knew he reported directly to Ed Dennis, and wasn’t assigned to any particular department.
He was often seen in the company of Mick Brockman, while on the clock. She didn’t know if that was because the two men had a lot in common and because of the slight familial connection—which she doubted mattered to Sin, all that much as anti-family as he was—or for professional purposes.
Many had speculated on Sin.
She’d tried to avoid even thinking about him.
He had a team of three people who worked with him occasionally as well, though she had never interacted with any of them.
And they were quiet and secretive, and stuck to themselves.
At least that was what the rumors had said. She hadn’t wanted to push to find out. It was best if she just stayed as far away from Sin as possible.
“Why do you need it?” She didn’t want him looking through that file. Seeing her beaten and vulnerable. It was available for anyone with a specific clearance in PAVAD. Apparently that included Sin. “It’s over. Hugh is dead.”
“And I’ve been asked to audit every file PAVAD has created since its inception. Including that one. Is there a reason you’re so hesitant? It’s just a single file. At this point. I take it you knew him.”
She knew her eyes bogged at him. “You don’t know?”
“An ex-lover?”
She released a choked sound. “Are you insane?” She stared at him, shaking from rage and remembered pain. Deep breaths, Cody. Deep breaths. “If you’ll
give me a moment, I’ll get you the file. Then you can get the fuck out of here.”
A major slip of professionalism, but she just didn’t care.
If he didn’t like it, he could report her to Internal Affairs or to Ed Dennis. Ed Dennis, who had shot the man in question. She didn’t see a single bit of censure coming from him for her using the f-bomb with Sin. Not with this particular case, after all.
She unlocked her office.
He followed her inside.
The tiny closet she affectionately referred to as her office had once been a part of the Biological Forensics department.
Schild had changed all of that when he’d blown the department up in an attempt to kill as many of her friends as he possibly could.
Instead he’d killed a twenty-two-year-old father of one—who he had never met. And destroyed almost an entire floor of the forensics department.
Now her office was eight by eight and painted in a nice blue. It seemed so much larger with Sin in it. She tried to forget, to not see Hugh’s face in her mind. To not imagine what he had looked like when he’d struck her. She had nightmares of that night, and that was worse than being able to remember. If she remembered, then she would know what had happened—instead her mind creates it in her dreams. She tried to forget, to push it away. But she would never be able to, would she?
Ex-lover? Sin could go screw himself.
Chapter 15
He hadn’t meant to make her pale and shake. What had he said that was so wrong? He knew Schild had targeted all of her department, but that was before his time. He didn’t yet know all of the details. What had happened to her? Why was she so shaken? What had Schild done to her? “Merrick, I’m sorry if I upset you.”
The apology felt odd. Had he ever uttered those words to her before?
She looked over her shoulder at him. The deep brown jacket she wore made the red highlights in her hair more prominent. And made her eyes bluer.
Burning (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense Book 11) Page 4
