by HELEN HARDT
She moved to the pool’s edge and looked to the blue sky. “I can’t tell you how good this feels. It’s been ages since I’ve been swimming.”
“Yeah, there’s something about the water. It just seems to erase the stress away.”
“What kind of swimming do you do? You said you swim every day.”
“I do some laps. I know most of the strokes. It’s pretty much what I do for exercise, although I also get a lot of exercise around the ranch. Most days I’m out on the pastures, walking around and checking things out.”
“Well, you look great. Obviously you’re getting your exercise,” she said.
I stared at her soft body. “I could say the same for you. What do you do for exercise?”
“Not a lot. Although I walk almost everywhere I go in the city. My office, my loft, the places where I shop—they’re all within mere blocks of each other.”
“Urban living at its finest,” I said. “Not that I know anything about that.”
“No, you’re rural all the way. What was it like growing up here?”
“That’s a loaded question.”
“I didn’t mean to bring up anything bad.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I tend to forget how great it really was. I was only thirteen when Talon got taken, and life after that was…different. It was a cloud that always hovered over us. I never understood why my parents wouldn’t allow us to talk about it. They truly swept it under the rug.”
“Yeah, Talon and I have talked about that.”
“Do you have any insight?”
“No, we really haven’t gone into any detail about why your parents did what they did. There are still a lot of unanswered questions.”
“You know,” I said, “when I look back, I wonder why they didn’t try to find those guys then. Especially since Larry Wade was my mother’s half-brother. I get that he was family, and that the other guys were after him for letting Talon go. But why would my parents not pursue it? Especially after what he did to their son—my brother? And those other children. Including Luke Walker—” I shook my head. “I forgot. They didn’t know what happened to Luke Walker. Talon never told anyone. He only recently told Ryan and me.”
“Talon has his own reasons for keeping quiet.”
“Yeah, and they’re not too hard to figure out, I don’t think. What happened to him was probably very humiliating. He tried to block it from his mind. I’m sure I would’ve done the same.”
“People deal with things in different ways.” Melanie sighed. “The way Talon was feeling afterward contributed to that, and add to that the fact that your parents were complicit in keeping the whole thing under wraps. It’s amazing that he got the help he needed. But I’m so glad he did.”
“I’m so glad too.”
“You know, Jonah, what happened to Talon didn’t just happen to Talon. It happened to you, too. And your brother. And your mother and father. I don’t particularly condone how your parents handled it, but I do feel confident in saying that they thought it was best at the time, and they felt they had their reasons.”
“I just wish I knew what those reasons were.”
“You may never know, and you will have to eventually find peace with that.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever find true peace, at least not on land. In water, I got close. I still hadn’t told Melanie about what I used to do in those dark alleys on skid row. Or rather, what I used to have done to me. “I do want to find peace with that. But since my parents aren’t here to give us any answers, I don’t particularly have a choice in the matter.”
“That’s not true. You have a choice whether to make peace with the fact that you’ll never know their reasons.”
Melanie raised a good point, but I wasn’t quite ready to give up the fight. I was pretty sure Wendy Madigan, a former news correspondent, had more information than she had told Jade. I intended to converse with her at some point. I just wasn’t sure when. I was trying to work through my own guilt and Bryce’s father’s potential involvement, and when I had a spare moment to think, a certain blond therapist popped into my mind—the same blond therapist who stood next to me now in the shallower end of my pool, her peachy breasts bobbing on the surface of the water.
“I’m not sure that’s true,” I said.
“Jonah,” she said, “there are so many things in this life that we have no control over. Take the control where you have it. The one thing you can control is the way you feel about something. Accepting that you may never know the truth of why your parents did what they did is a choice you can make.”
I gave a small smile. “You know, I think you’re the most intelligent, insightful, beautiful woman I’ve ever had the privilege to meet.”
Her beautiful cheeks turned raspberry.
“Oh, come on, don’t be embarrassed.”
“It’s just… No one has ever said anything like that to me before.”
“Are you kidding me? Not even loverboy Oliver Nichols?”
She shook her head. “I wasn’t lying to you. I didn’t ask for that kiss. As far as I’m concerned, he’s just a friend.”
It hadn’t looked like friendship to me, but fine. I’d let it go. After all, she had gone to dinner with me, not him.
“If no one has ever said anything like that to you before, everyone who’s met you is either blind or stupid. Or both.”
She laughed softly. “Of course they’re not, but thank you for saying it to me, Jonah. It means more than you know. On today of all days.”
Right, she had come to me because she had been distraught. Something had happened to Melanie earlier today, and like a completely selfish bastard, I had forgotten to ask her about it. Then, instead of making the day about fun as I’d originally hoped to, we’d begun talking about my own issues.
“Tell me what’s bothering you today. What brought you to me?” Anything that brought her to me worked in my favor, but I did not want her suffering.
“Oh, nothing really.”
I cupped her cheek. “It’s not nothing. You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who goes running to a man’s house unless something is truly wrong.”
She visibly swallowed. Then she hoisted herself up so she was sitting on the concrete ledge of the pool, her legs dangling in the water.
I spread her legs and stood between them, rubbing up and down her arms. “You can tell me. I will help if I can.”
“I wish you could help. The truth of the matter is, no one can.”
“That doesn’t sound like the insightful therapist I know.”
She let out a sarcastic chuckle and sniffled. “I don’t have any insight for myself, I’m afraid.”
“Maybe I’ll have some,” I said. “We Steels have brains, you know.”
She smiled. “Oh, I know. A lot of brainpower had to go into making your ranch the empire it has become.”
“That was a few generations before me, I’m afraid,” I said. “But we do need a substantial amount of brainpower to keep it going. That’s for sure.”
She nodded, saying nothing.
“Come on, Melanie. Let me help you.”
She sniffled again. “I’m going to be taking a little…vacation.”
My heart raced. I hoped she wouldn’t be gone long. “A vacation? That’s nothing to be so sad about. Where are you going?”
“I don’t know yet, and I don’t really want to take a vacation.”
“Then why take one?”
“I don’t have a choice. I have to leave my practice for a few weeks. Your brother has probably already gotten a call from Randi canceling all of his appointments for the next three weeks.”
I opened my mouth into a circle and then shut it quickly. “I’m so sorry. Why?”
She looked to the sky and then looked back at me. “Someone filed a complaint about me with the medical board.”
I shot my eyes open. “Whatever for? You’re amazing. Look at what you’ve done for Talon.”
She smiled—sort of. “
Talon was one of my success stories.”
“I’m sure he’s one of many.”
She let out a breath of air, the look in her eyes forlorn. “I can’t save them all, Jonah. I only wish I could.”
“Melanie, no one can save them all.”
“I keep looking back, thinking back. What could I have done? How could I have done things differently so the outcome would’ve been good instead of bad?”
My God. I asked myself the same questions all the time. If only I had gone with Talon that day. If only…
“You have me at a little disadvantage here. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about one of my patients.”
“What happened?”
She inhaled deeply. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Of course you can.”
“No, I really can’t. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
Right. I had forgotten about that. “I understand.”
“I wish you did understand, Jonah. I’m just carrying around so much guilt.” And then she chuckled. “I can’t believe I just said that. You do understand guilt, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I’ve had a little experience in that area.”
“No wonder I was drawn here. To you. Because you’re the one person who might just understand.”
I had been hoping she had been drawn to me for reasons other than guilt, but I’d take what I could get. I knew she had been looking for comfort, and I hoped I’d helped give her that.
I tugged on her arms and pulled her down to meet my mouth. I brushed my lips over hers, giving her a few soft kisses. “I will try to help you in any way I can.”
“All right.” She sighed. “I was kind of fudging about doctor-patient confidentiality. I can talk about it, especially under these particular circumstances. I just can’t name names. It’s just that…I don’t really want to talk about it. But I know I have to.” She laughed a bit. “God, I tell my patients all the time that they need to talk if they want to heal.” She shook her head, her wet hair sending a few droplets of water onto me. “I had a patient, Jonah. A patient who…didn’t make it.”
My heart fell. “I’m so sorry.”
“She killed herself. And I’ve racked my brain, trying to figure out what I missed. I’ve gone through my notes myriad times. I’ve gone through the sessions in my head, trying, and failing, to figure out where I went wrong.”
“Do you think that maybe you didn’t go wrong?”
“But I did. If I had done my job, if I had seen some indication that she was suicidal, I could’ve saved her. She would be alive today.”
“You’re putting a pretty heavy burden on yourself.”
“Don’t you put that same burden on yourself?”
I couldn’t fault her perception. She was right. I did. And I’d been lucky. I got my brother back. He hadn’t died, though God knew he had spent many years wishing he had.
“Let’s not talk about me right now, Melanie. I’m doing fine.” A half-truth, but what the hell? “Let’s talk about you. You’re a professional, and you know how any practice of medicine is. There are some people you can’t help. I’m very sorry for your loss. I truly am. But what else is going on here? I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”
She wiped away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “I’m telling you all I can.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you?”
She laughed shakily. “You can maybe…give me something to do for the next three weeks.”
Was she asking me to take her away? To stay with her in the city or for her to stay here? I had no idea.
“I wish I could take you on an extravagant vacation, Melanie, and believe me when I say I would if I could. But this is autumn. It’s a busy time for us with the harvest and all and then getting the orchards and vineyards winterized.”
She shook her head vehemently. “No, you misunderstood me. In fact, I don’t know why I said that. I just wish—”
We both turned our heads simultaneously toward the door to the house, and Lucy bolted to two figures rushing toward us.
Jade and Talon.
Melanie gasped, crossing her arms over her chest and sliding back into the pool.
“Doc?” Talon said.
The poor woman turned beet red.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked.
“I think I could ask you the same thing,” Talon said.
“I’m going for a swim,” I said, clenching my teeth. “At my house. That’s it.”
“Sure,” he said. “Have it your way.”
Melanie was looking down, her arms still crossed over her chest, even though the water was covering her. I got out, naked as a jaybird, and tossed my boxers on. Jade had the decency to look away as she rubbed Lucy behind her ears. I grabbed the robe for Melanie, used it to cover her as she got out of the pool, and then wrapped it around her.
“Do you want to go inside?” I asked Jade and Talon.
“Sure,” Talon said. “We have some news.”
Chapter Twenty–Eight
Melanie
If I’d had one wish at that moment, it would have been for a giant hole to open up right next to Jonah’s pool and swallow me. I was completely embarrassed. How unprofessional! I was Talon’s therapist, for God’s sake. And here I was, naked, and in his brother’s pool.
I needed to excuse myself fast. Of course, I wasn’t sure what to say, so I walked briskly through the kitchen and back to Jonah’s bedroom to put on my clothes…and found that only my bra was on the floor. The rest of my clothes were in the kitchen, strewn on the floor, no doubt being seen by Talon and Jade at that moment.
“What the hell have I done?” I said aloud.
“You haven’t done anything wrong.” Jonah stood in the doorway, holding my clothes. “Here you go. Get dressed. There’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about. Then come out and join us. We’re going to have a drink at the kitchen table and look at the new evidence Talon and Jade have.”
“This is really none of my business.”
“Of course it’s your business. You know the whole story. You probably know it better than either Jade or I do. I talked to Talon. He doesn’t mind you being here.”
I imagined the two of them guffawing and patting each other on the back, congratulating each other on their conquests. My God, this was so unprofessional.
Joe grabbed a pair of jeans, pulled them on, and then walked out of the room. He turned back to me. “Take your time, but please, don’t worry about anything.”
What the hell? Right now, I wasn’t allowed to practice in my chosen field. Talon probably already knew, had gotten a call from Randi earlier. I took off Jonah’s robe and hung it up in his closet to dry out, and then I went to the bathroom and dried myself off with one of his soft cotton towels. My hair was a mess from the earlier shower and now from the pool. I combed through it as best I could and then put my work clothes back on.
“Now or never,” I said aloud. I walked out of the room, down the hallway, toward the kitchen.
And then made a beeline to the front door, where I escaped.
I didn’t particularly want to go back to my loft, so I decided to go into the little town of Snow Creek and do some exploring. The Western slope was home to many little towns, but I usually stayed in the city. I couldn’t help but be a little curious about the hometown of one of my most successful patients…and his brother.
Thinking about Talon’s healing made me feel a little better, but unfortunately, it wouldn’t get me back into practice. I would have to call each of my patients individually, referring them to another therapist while I was taking my “leave of absence.” And of course Talon would be on that list. I’d have to find a good fit for each of them. However, there were some—and Talon was in this category—who would be fine going without a session for three weeks. Talon no longer needed weekly sessions. He had come so far. I was proud of him.
A sign decorate
d with Colorado peaches said “Welcome to Snow Creek, Colorado” as I entered the town. It didn’t take long to find the downtown area. There wasn’t much parking, so I drove through the little town, which was no more than a few blocks long and housed a mom-and-pop grocery store, several restaurants, a hardware store, a bar called Murphy’s, a café called Rita’s, a beauty salon—all the small-town essentials.
On the outskirts of town, several roadside stands were set up selling peaches and apples.
I decided to drive back through. Luckily, someone was just leaving, so I found a parking spot on the street. I got out and walked around.
I ambled into Rita’s Café and ordered an iced tea. I took it to go and sipped it as I walked down the street, looking in windows. A cute little antique store caught my eye, and I strolled in, perusing their selection.
The woman behind the counter smiled and asked if she could help me with anything, but other than that didn’t bother me, which was just as I preferred it. A phoenix figurine caught my eye. Talon had talked a lot about the symbolism of the phoenix during our sessions and how it had become a contradictory image in his mind. For some reason, the little figurine drew me. I wasn’t sure why, but I picked it up. It looked fairly new. Why was it in an antique shop?
If only I could be a phoenix. If only I could escape from everything that was torturing me now and rise again.
But there was no escape for me. Gina Cates was dead, and now it looked as though I was going to pay for it—probably all because I’d made one ill-advised phone call out of guilt, when I knew better.
And the phoenix—it was also a symbol of the man who had stolen Talon Steel’s innocence. I swallowed back a lump clogging my throat, put the figurine back on the shelf, and left the shop, taking a business card on my way out.
I kept walking, past a bakery—the yeasty aroma of fresh bread nearly drew me in—a clothing shop, the grocery store, Murphy’s Bar. I sipped on my iced tea and crossed the street. The hardware store stood with its door opened, an unassuming little shop nearly hidden. I walked closer and found it was actually a combination hardware and office supply store. I smiled at its small-town charm. I wasn’t sure what possessed me to walk in, but I did. I almost felt like the little store needed me.
