After listening to him brag for thirty minutes about all his triumphs, which I might add I believe he’s lying about, I decided to speak up and throw a question out there. So, I took a deep breath and asked, “Why do you stay with me if you’re so unhappy? I mean, I can leave at any time if that’s what you’d like me to do. Samantha and I would be all right on our own…we really would be.”
“What the heck are you talking about? Where do you think you’re going to go? And besides, who said that I wanted or would even allow you to go anywhere?” Danny asked calmly. “What makes you think that any guy in his right mind would want you?”
I couldn’t believe Danny’s calmness. By now he was usually shouting or hitting. So, I tried my luck and replied, “I’m sure that there are plenty of nice guys out there that would be interested.”
“Really, you think so?” Danny stated with a smirk. “Is that what you want? Another guy who is interested,” he asked rhetorically.
I quickly said “No” and decided it was in my best interest to say nothing further and to remain silent.
Danny completed his food and sat there grinning at me. After a few moments of silence he said, “You’re not even the prettiest girl I’ve ever had. In fact, you’re the ugliest. The only reason I keep you around is because you can cook and clean. And you’re not even good at that.” I tried not to show how frightened and hurt I was, so I said nothing and tried to keep my expression blank.
“You’re as beautiful as a bulldog,” he said picking up his plate and breaking it over my head. The broken dish fell to the floor and shattered all over the kitchen. “That oughta wipe that grin off your face.”
I was too stunned to react. I knew that it was either blood dripping down from the crown of my head or food. I didn’t move for fear of further retaliation. I tried with all my might to hold back my tears, but couldn’t. They streamed down my face as I held onto my cries. I was not going to cry out and alarm Samantha who was in the living room watching television. My body shook as I held it all in, but I was not going to give him the satisfaction and let him win.
“What?” he smirked as he got up and started for the door. “Have nothing to say now, do you?” he said laughing as he left the apartment.
I laid my head down on the table and cried. I hated him so much. After I calmed myself down, I found that I had in fact been bleeding. The incision was very small, but large enough that I had to put a butterfly bandage in my head. After cleaning up the kitchen, I fed Samantha and put her to bed. For a while, I sat in her bedroom, rocking her to sleep.
Shortly after 9pm the doorbell rang. To my surprise, it was Jenny. At first, she was concerned about my head, but after a while she relaxed and we sat talking for a few hours. It was really nice to sit and talk with an adult who actually listened. I haven’t seen her in a few months and tonight I really enjoyed her company.
“Marilyn, I have a little bit of bad news,” Jenny said later on in the evening.
I was taken back by how seriously Jenny’s statement was. I was a little scared to ask but I did anyway, “What, Jen? What’s going on?”
“The police came by my house today, asking a lot of questions about Tina,” Jenny said as the color in her face left.
“What? Is she okay?” Oh, please, I didn’t mean all those things I wished upon Tina. I was really angry with her, but I really didn’t want anything to happen to her.
“She’s disappeared…the police said that there seems to have been a struggle in her apartment, but none of the leads they had panned out.” Jenny paused and began to cry.
I reached out and hugged her. We sat crying together. “Did they find any blood or anything in her apartment? Do they think she’s dead or something?” I asked hoping for an encouraging answer.
“They didn’t find any blood or anything. Only a mess in her apartment. It was as if she was forced to leave in a hurry. They think that maybe she knew the person and tried fighting them off. That’s all,” Jenny said wiping her eyes.
I got up to retrieve a box of tissues off of the library shelf and asked, “What about the neighbors? Did they hear or see anything?”
“Nothing.”
“When did this happen?”
“The police think that it may have happened about a month or two ago. The last person to hear from Tina was her mother who said that she had spoken with her one day after Tina got home from work about four weeks ago.”
“Oh god, her poor mother. Jenny, this is terrible.” I got up and began pacing back and forth. “I mean, I hate her for what she did, having an affair with my husband and all, but I really didn’t expect anything like this.”
“Marilyn, when was the last time you talked to her?” Jenny asked out of curiosity.
“Why? Do you think the police will suspect me?” I asked. “Oh man. Of course they would. Especially after that big fight that we had. If she told anyone about it, the police could think that I had something to do with her disappearance,” I paused contemplating the ramifications of what I had just said. “Well, you remember, after I caught her and Danny together I hadn’t seen her around in a long while. Every once in a while I’d receive a hang up call. I knew it was Tina looking for Danny, but she’d always hang up once she heard my voice.” I sat back down next to Jenny and continued, “And then the funniest thing is, that out of the blue, she showed up here to talk to me.”
“When? You didn’t tell me,” Jenny inquired. “Do tell.”
“Yeah, I think it was on a Friday about two months ago,” I said thinking, “Yes, it was on a Friday. When I answered the door and noticed who it was, I told her that Danny wasn’t home and slammed the door in her face. Then she knocked again, screaming that she came to talk to me. She begged and pleaded for a few minutes, loudly knocking on the door. It was Samantha’s nap time and I didn’t want Tina to wake her, so I gave in and finally opened the door.” I got up and began pacing back and forth again. “I invited her in and we began to tango. Man, could she dance, she had a response for everything I said. The funny thing was…she wasn’t on the defensive. She was confident the entire time.”
“What do you mean, she was confident the entire time? Confident about what?” Jenny asked.
“I don’t know, she was just confident, it was the way that she spoke.” I couldn’t pinpoint what was behind Tina’s confidence that afternoon. “You know that Tina’s never had any self-confidence. That’s why she bounces from one guy to the other. Low self-esteem.”
“Yeah, she’s never had any faith in herself, none whatsoever,” Jenny contemplated.
“Well, after voicing my opinion and letting her know just how I felt about her, she began to cry. I was a little shocked, but undaunted nevertheless. I was impressed that she had the audacity to cry in my living room,” I stood still a moment, thinking about what I’d just said, and then sat down. “I mean, she was crying over the troubles she was having with her boyfriend, my husband. Could you believe it?” I got up and motioned for Jenny to follow. Once in the kitchen, I started a pot of coffee and we sat down at the table.
“You've got to admit, she was pretty brazen,” Jenny stated.
Shaking my head, I continued, “You could say that…well, anyway, I listened to her boohoo about her troubles and her reasoning as to why she took my husband as a lover. She told me that they had bumped into each other at a bar about two weeks after he and I met and one thing led to another. That’s how long their affair has been going on. Well, she sang her song and dance, you know, the same story cheaters around the world pass on. When I asked her why, she said that he was so charming and handsome. She was lonely, so she took advantage.”
“Okay, so let me get this straight, Tina told you that she slept with Danny, because he was cute and she was lonely,” Jenny asked. “Man, she is a piece of work, isn’t she?”
“Yes, she sure is. Well, she apologized for sleeping with him, but now we both had a problem, she was in love with him and wanted me to give him up.” The coffee was done, so
I poured us each a cup and plated some biscotti’s. We continued talking about the incident. “I told her that she could have him, because I wasn’t in love with him anymore. I think she was a little surprised and a little taken back by my response.”
“Bet you she expected a fight,” Jenny chuckled.
“I think she did expect a fight. I know that she didn’t take my telling her that she could have Danny seriously, because she went on and on about how they loved each other. It made me sick and a little angry too. Danny’s a jerk and all, but he’s my husband and she should have known better. You just don’t sleep with your friends’ partners. It’s not right. I asked her why she didn’t stop seeing him after the first time they slept together and she told me that she kept telling him that she didn’t want to see him anymore, but he kept pursuing her. She told me that Danny showed up, out of the blue, at her house the day of Mike’s party. I knew something was wrong then. I should have run away at that time,” I said half thinking out loud. “She told me that when they left, they headed over to Jones Beach and made passionate love the entire night. That’s when I asked her to leave.”
“So, what happened then?” Jenny asked.
“She left, that’s it,” I replied.
“That’s it? Did you talk to her again after that?” Jenny asked.
“No, I mean, no to both. No, I haven’t seen her. And no that’s not it,” I said thoughtfully. “You see, when Danny came home that evening, I told him that Tina had come by and he immediately put on the brakes to whatever it was he was planning on doing. For the first time in our marriage, he actually wanted to listen to me speak. I was a little taken back by it, because I’ve never been given his ear like that and it kind of scared me. So, I proceeded with caution and told him about her entire visit. Verbatim.”
“Wow, what did he do?” Jenny asked listening intently.
“Well, he didn’t do anything. He just looked really concerned and said that he had to go somewhere. When I asked him if he would be home for dinner, he waved his hands at me and said that he didn’t know when he’d be back.” I got up and poured us both another cup of coffee and continued, “You know, Jenny, I’ve only seen Danny spooked like that once before. And that was when the police questioned him when I was in the hospital.”
“Marilyn, does Tina still call for Danny?” Jenny asked out of nowhere.
“You know, now that you ask, no. And he’s been acting really weird lately.”
“Has he mentioned her at all?” Jenny asked.
“Well, he told me that they had a fight earlier in the month and broke up. You see, a little over a month ago…I think it was a Sunday morning…Danny came home early. He was all bloody, like he’d been in a fight or something. As a matter of fact, I asked him if he had been and he said that he got in a fistfight with some guy friend of Tina’s. Of course, Danny was very vague with the details, but he mentioned that he was through with her and that he wanted to make a go of our marriage. He even talked about going to a marriage counselor,” I said. I didn’t want to mention to Jenny that I had no intention of giving Danny my heart ever again. She doesn’t even know that I’ve devised a plan to leave him. A plan that I hoped would be worked out soon. “The funny thing is that after Danny took a shower, he had no cuts or bruises…none. I thought to myself, where did all that blood come from? Well, you know how Danny is, so I didn’t ask for fear of repercussion.” By now you can imagine that both, Jenny and I, our minds were racing. Jenny and I chitchatted for a while longer and then she left.
The rest of the weekend, I debated whether or not I should seriously consider the thought of leaving Danny, especially, in light of the fact that he may have something to do with Tina’s disappearance. I also thought about the conversation that I had with my mother years ago. I wondered if my mother had any idea that she was to possibly become a major key factor in my leaving Danny. Yes, now more than ever I have to get away from him.
After days of thinking out several plans to leave, I decided that I would have to get help from the Department of Social Services. I wanted to ensure that if Samantha and I moved in with my mother that we’d be safe. They’ll help me get a restraining order and will show me how to use the legal system to my advantage. Now that I have the where, all I have to decide is the when and how. That was going to be the difficult part. Trying to leave Danny in as painless a way as possible. Well, if all goes according to plan, maybe this time next month, I’ll be away from him…forever.
1 Day Left
Several months have passed and Danny continues to come and go as he pleases. He lives the life of a single man. Sometimes he comes home, sometimes he doesn’t. When he does decide to grace us with his presence, he comes in late and is usually in an inebriated state. Most of the time he’s so drunk that he passes out where ever he lands. I don’t fuss with him much when he’s like that, it’s safer. Samantha and I have learned to just go quietly to another room when he’s in one of his moods. Most of the time, it works and he leaves us alone. Other times, when it doesn’t work, I just lock Samantha in her room and try to shield myself from his blows.
Tonight, however, the evening was going quite well. Danny must have hugged me at least five times and with each hug, he gently kissed my neck. He went into the living room and played with Samantha. They wrestled and laughed for at least a half-hour. Then I didn’t hear anything, but silence. I began to panic inside, but I didn’t want Danny to know that I was a little alarmed by the silence, so I walked calmly into the living room to see what was going on. To my surprise, Danny was reading Samantha a story. They were sitting together on the couch, reading.
“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” I said to mask my checking in on them. He looked up and smiled, then resumed reading. I quickly went back into the kitchen and began setting up the table.
After he finished reading Samantha the story, he brought her into the kitchen and we all began to eat. It was nice not having to avoid a fight for a few hours. We talked and joked around. I really enjoyed Samantha’s giggling with her daddy. We rarely heard the sound of laughter in our home and it truly was music to my ears. Usually we sit in silence while we eat dinner, but tonight Danny seemed to be in an extremely good mood. When he came in this evening he was humming and whistling happy tunes. And after he showered, he came into the kitchen commenting on how good dinner smelled. I was taken back by his good mood. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him happy while he was sober.
After dinner, Danny and I sat together drinking coffee, making busy talk while Samantha watched cartoons in the living room. Danny laughed as he told me about his day at work with his father. Apparently, his father won the bid on a very important job. This job was the brass ring of jobs and would put D&D Painting in the top of the business industry.
As we sat talking, I thought about how nice it would be if every evening was like this one. The band was playing tonight, so our evening would be cut short, but I was determined to enjoy every minute of the calm serenity. At least, for now I could live in this dream life for a few hours.
Danny motioned for me to sit on his lap and he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I couldn’t help, but giggle. In my heart, I secretly wished that he was like this all the time. He playfully began tickling me and then we kissed. In my dreams, this was the Danny that I fell head over heels in love with.
“I know that I haven’t been the best husband, but I want to tell you that I plan on changing. I’m going to get help with my anger problem.” He said these words with all seriousness. Or so it seemed like he was. Then he continued speaking, “I’ve contacted a treatment center and made an appointment to meet with them on Monday morning. I couldn’t have done it without the help of your friend Tracy.”
I thought I was going to drop dead of fright. I don’t know how he did it, but he found the business card that I had gotten from the women’s shelter. Oh man, this has to be a set up. No matter what I say, this is going to be a no win situation. Be careful Marilyn. Proceed w
ith caution. Girl, you are damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. I was so petrified with fear that I couldn’t find any words to say in my defense.
“What’s the matter Marilyn, the cat got your tongue?” He said with a smirk on his face, patting my legs. “Seriously, I have an appointment on Monday morning. I thought you’d be happy. We both know I have a problem.”
“Danny, I swear, I didn’t tell Tracy anything. One day I was walking blindly and I felt like I was losing it, so I stopped at the shelter to see how I could get help for the bad things that I do.” That’s good Marilyn maybe if I take the blame or act like I’m the one with the problem, just maybe I can save myself from a beating.
He playfully swatted my behind and kissed me on the neck again. “It’s okay, Marilyn, most of the time you push my buttons by doing stupid things and I overreact. I know that I have an anger management problem.” He motioned for me to get off his lap. He got up, walked over to the fridge and got himself a beer. “I forgive you for all the nonsense that you put me through and I am going to that appointment on Monday. It’s going to be the only way to prove to you that you’re the problem, not me. They will teach me how to have self-control when you’re behaving improperly.”
Counting the Days Page 13
