"That's fair enough. If we get along…maybe things will change...And just so you know, I've never hit a woman before. Actually, I'm not what you call an alcoholic. I don't have to drink. Once I take you as a wife, I'll put the bottle away and live up to my responsibilities."
"I'll be a good wife to you." She swallowed hard.
"I can't make any promises, but I'll try to be a good husband and father. Although, I've never imagined myself a father either. I like Jimmy. I think I'd like to try. Is that alright?"
She smiled just a little then and stared at him. A gentle tingle went through her. "Yes…it is."
"Good. And about the boy…I can teach him a few things…"
She twisted her head to study him intently, her expression said everything. "You'd do that?"
She didn't try to hide the shock.
"Sure, why not. He seems anxious to learn. I see he likes animals. That's certainly a start in the right direction."
She began to relax a little, and a light came into her eyes because she was talking about her son. "Yes, he loves animals."
"Can he ride?"
"Only with someone else in the saddle with him." She remarked.
"Then he'll learn. There's a lot I could teach him. A lot a young fella has to learn about living on a ranch." Ben acknowledged.
"You don't have to, unless…"
"I want to. Kids can get hurt on a ranch, if they don't know what they are doing. Given time, he'll be a top notch cowboy." Ben declared almost proudly. "Would you trust me to teach him a few things?"
"I can't imagine why you'd want to…" She blurted, and then caught herself. "I mean, his own father didn't bother. Isn't he part of the reason you didn't want to marry me in the first place?"
Ben firmed his lips. "No ma'am. I guess we better get that clear right now. He isn't any of the reason. Nor are you. I can see where you'd think that though. I guess if you really want to know, I'd never thought about getting married before." Ben admitted. "And since it was my father's idea, and he was rather insistent on it, I rebelled like I always do. I'm sure you've noticed we don't get along very well."
"Yes…I have noticed that…" She smiled at him. "But I also see the love you have for each other, buried deep."
"You have a pretty smile." He whispered softly, changing the subject, suddenly. "Your whole face lights up when you smile."
He saw color on her cheeks and smiled slowly.
"There is one thing I'd like to know."
"Ask?"
"Do you have a lady friend?" She asked. "I mean, I saw the lipstick, and I thought maybe…that was the reason you were against this."
His studied her, his gaze capturing hers. "N-no. I know some ladies, but no one special. Mrs. Hodges attacks me every time I go over there. It's not something I ask for; it's something I endure every time I have to go. And since we do a lot of business with her husband, it is something I try to avoid as much as I can. The woman is married, and I'd never want that advantage. Despite the fact that I don't seek marriage, I do have a profound respect for it." Ben moved away and she breathed a sigh of relief. "How about you? Is there someone you had been thinking about…maybe before you came here?"
"No…no one." She exclaimed flatly. His head flew up and he stared directly at her. The emphatic way she said that surprised him. "My life has been so wrapped up in feeding and clothing my son, and putting a roof over his head. A man never entered my mind until your father wrote me and made the suggestion. Even then, I fought the idea in my head, but…it was the only idea that haunted me. Arranged marriages have worked well for centuries. I want you to know, I intend to try to make ours work…"
He came toward her and lifted her chin, surprised at how soft her skin was to the touch. He stared into her beautiful sad eyes. "You're a beautiful woman. I can't imagine there being no other men in your life."
She swallowed her pride. "I can…My husband was a drunk, a mean drunk. For that reason, there were never any other men in my life. I wasn't sure I ever wanted another husband. But…when your father wrote me, I realized my son needs a man in his life." She looked away. "Needs have always outweighed wants."
"I'm sorry. I guess you've had some really tough times." His eyes seemed to penetrate. "I'll do what I can to make your life pleasant."
"You don’t have to go to any trouble for me, Mr. Wyler. I have no expectations."
"You've already written me off, as no good, then?" He asked eyeing her.
"No, of course not. I don't want to insult you Mr. Wyler. I didn't want another man. I wanted out of my marriage. And I'm afraid that doesn't speak very highly of me, does it?" she repeated and then looked up at him with those sad eyes. "Goodnight, Mr. Wyler."
She started to leave when he called to her, "Call me Ben. We're gonna be married soon. Mind if I call you Gabby?"
She turned and looked at him and a slight smile playing at her lips "That would be… fine."
She turned and walked up the stairs.
Ben sat in front of the fire a little longer, thinking about Gabby and Jimmy. He suddenly realized that his world was about to change, and he only hoped he was up to it.
Chapter Six
The night before the wedding, Gabby paced her bedroom, trying to control her rioting emotions. Was she doing the right thing? She'd wrestled with her decision to stay at the Crooked W ranch for days.
The last couple of days, she'd spent mainly with Helena, and doing light chores around the place to help, while trying to familiarize herself with the place and people. She met many of the hands, and everyone treated her with the utmost respect. Still, it was hard to imagine fitting in here, on this beautiful ranch that had obviously taken a lot of work to accomplish.
"Something wrong, Mama?" Jimmy asked as he watched her stare out the window pensively.
"No darling, everything is fine." She didn't want Jimmy upset about anything. "Tell me Jimmy, how do you like it here?" She stopped long enough to kneel in front of her son for an answer.
"I like it fine, Mama. I like Pedro and Helena. Helena makes cookies for me, and Papa Wyler tells me stories about when he came here to ranch…There's a lot of animals here. Don't you like it here, Mama?"
"Yes, of course I do, honey. I just want to make sure you are happy, that's all."
"You smile more now, Mama?"
"Do I?" She felt a wealth of warmth from his answer. "I don't have to worry about how I will feed you, or take care of you, …and I think in time I will love it here, just like you. What matters most to me, is how you feel."
"I like it, Mama"
Gabby continued to pace though. She'd seen a transformation in Jimmy since they'd been here. He'd come out of his shell and made friends and enjoyed life. He played with friends, and went with Ben almost every day. It was good for Jimmy. Still…her agreement to marry Ben had her on pins and needles.
"Ben said after you get married I can call him Pa, or Dad. And Mr. Wyler, Grandpa. I never had a Grandpa before Mama." Jimmy was smiling ear to ear. "I mean not a real grandpa that I could play with or talk to."
Gabby sighed heavily. She wished it were that easy for her. Still, she wondered how much would change when she married Ben. Would he be happy? Would he settle down to married life? Or would he find it hard to cope with her and Jimmy both? It could actually cause him to drink more. She didn't want to be the source of his bad behavior. She wanted to help him too, if he'd let her.
Her idea of marrying was to give Jimmy a stable home, but she was going to have to live in that home. Still she could grow comfortable knowing she was giving Jimmy a good home at last.
Marriage would force Ben into a situation he might not like and she contemplated it daily. Was she being selfish, by thinking only of her son, and not the Wyler's?
So far, Ben had been a gentleman in every way and he seemed to accept Jimmy very easily. However, she felt a strain between herself and Ben and she couldn't help but wonder if that strain would lesson as time went by.
There was th
at deep seeded fear that Ben merely pitied her and Jimmy. And in time that pity would break her down. She knew that the trick to being really happy was thinking happy thoughts, so she determined she would try it.
"Are you scared Mama?" Jimmy asked pulling on her hand.
"No, of course not…" She glanced at her son and saw his disbelief. "Well maybe a little."
"I love you." Jimmy beamed smiling up at her.
She reached down to pick him up in her arms. She adjusted him to her hip and looked into his face. "I love you too darling. And I'm glad you are happy."
"Grandpa Wyler says we'll have a big party tomorrow and there will be lots of food, and other kids I can meet, and dancing, and you and Ben will make us a family."
Gabby nodded woodenly. "That's right…"
"Good…I hope we stay here forever." He hugged her neck.
Helena came in and Gabby set Jimmy down. "I have your dress all ready for you. Would you like to try it on?"
"Oh, it's beautiful, Helena." She couldn't tear her eyes from the beautiful blue silk dress, with rows of pearls and lace, and big sleeves. "You've done so much work on it." Gabby gasped.
Jimmy looked bored, Gabby realized quickly it was too much girl talk.
"Can I go down and talk to Grandpa?"
Gabby quickly realized that her son was growing up and girl talk no longer interested him. "I guess so, unless he's busy or has company. If so, you must come back here." She instructed.
Jimmy nodded and ran off.
Helena smiled. "Jimmy is having an easy time adjusting to everyone here. He's so interested in the animals and eager to help where he can. He helped me feed the chickens the other day. And gather eggs. I was a little surprised at how easy he handled it. He's very natural around animals. He seems eager to learn new things. Most children baulk at doing chores, but he seems to embrace them."
"He really likes it here. I just hope…"
Helena saw her hesitation. "Don't you worry. Everything is going to work out fine, you'll see. All things in good time."
"Of course, you are right. It's just that, the first night, Ben was drunk, and had lipstick on his collar. I knew instantly that he merely pretended to be drunk. Like some sort of test. I knew he was trying to discourage our union. I felt like running then. I wish I knew if I was doing the right thing." Gabby glanced at Helena. "You see, I felt like a prisoner of my first marriage, and I don’t want to force that same feeling on Ben. Because I know how it feels."
"That is sweet of you to worry over how he feels. I think you are going to make a big difference in Ben's life, you and Jimmy both. Just the fact that he's quit his drinking is a good thing."
"I know I shouldn't worry so much."
Helena grabbed her hands together. "You must relax; you are part of this family now. A big part of it. This is your home. And I have a feeling Ben is going to come around better than you even hoped for."
Gabby stared into her beautiful dark eyes. "We haven't talked much…"
"Talking will come. You must be patient. It is new to him too. Give him time to adjust. He is a good man. He'll come around."
"You are always so positive about things, Helena. I wish I could be. But can a union without love be good?"
Helena didn't answer right away. She contemplated the question and stared at her with understanding. "In my country, Mexico, arranged marriages are very common. Most of the time, the marriages work out well. Not of course without a little work, but if you think of it, you realize that all marriages need work to survive. And this marriage is no different, but you must go into it with honesty, and an open heart. Don't let your pride hold back what might be the most wonderful part of your life. The Wyler men are tough, hard working, and softhearted men. Good men, most of the time. All you have to do is open your heart and let him in. The rest comes naturally."
Gabby smiled. "I'll do my best. I want to be of help around here. I will help with meals, and cleaning and anything else. I'm not afraid of hard work. We'll share all the work here…you and I. I hope we can be the best of friends."
"We are already." Helena stared into her face, "But you are going to be a Wyler. There is no need for you to work."
"There is every need. I need to keep busy, and do my fair share. I'll work just as hard as any other Wyler…"
Helena nodded and a slow smile broke over her beautiful face. "You sure have what it takes to be a Wyler."
"I hope so…"
"Alright then, let's try the dress on." She encouraged.
~*~
"I don't believe it. You're really gonna marry that lady?" one of Ben's long time friends asked as they bellied up to the bar. All his drinking buddies were around him and Myra, the dance hall girl that had latched onto him some time ago.
"Yeah, tomorrow. And I'm afraid my drinking days are about over."
"She's already got her claws into you does she?" Myra laughed closing in on him. She leaned the distance to kiss his cheek.
"No, but she's got a kid, and I want to do right by him. Besides, if I'm staying on the ranch, I'm gonna have to pull my weight. I can't spend all my days in the saloons any more. I've had my head in the ground, so to speak for a while, but I'm beginning to see daylight now."
"She's already tamed you and you aren't even married yet?" His friend laughed.
"Maybe we need to go upstairs and talk about it Ben," Myra encouraged. "If you'd let me, I could show you what a woman should be."
""Fraid that isn't gonna happen Myra. I like you; I always have, but…not like that. I've tamed me, Josh. It's time I straightened up. My partying days are over." Ben announced. "For once, my father was right."
"She must be some looker!" Another friend laughed.
"Yeah, I guess she is…" Ben sighed. "She's something, alright."
He didn't see the look of anguish on Myra's face though.
"No reason you can't enjoy tonight though, is there Ben?" Myra Hagen asked as she curled herself against Ben once more, not giving up on him yet.
"Just a couple more drinks and I’m going home." Ben promised. He liked Myra, but he'd never let it go any further than that. It was Myra that wanted more from him. He'd never been upstairs with her and he wasn't planning on going tonight.
Cheers went up and after a half a dozen more drinks Ben kept his promise and went home.
He hadn't expected Gabby to be sitting alone in the dark in front of the fire though when he got home. The look on her face was pensive.
She still wore the ragged old robe, he noticed. Oddly enough, he paid little attention to the robe, he was busy looking at her hair, and her eyes, and the slimness of her body tonight.
He was just a little drunk and he had to focus in on her for a moment. Her beautiful hair hung in ringlets down her back and on her shoulders. His fingers itched to run through those ringlets.
"What are you sitting in the dark for?" He asked as he laid his jacket on the back of the couch.
Gabby didn't even look at him; she just stared into the flames.
"I waited up for you…" She admitted freely finally giving him a quick glance.
He flopped down beside her. "That's nice…"
She saw the lipstick on his collar once more and ignored it. She wasn't married yet. He could have other women until tomorrow at least. Perhaps it was one last fling. Or perhaps he'd met someone new. She didn't know him well enough to gauge his thoughts and actions.
"I wanted to give you one more chance to back out of this, if you want it…" She began. "I'm well aware that marriage was not something you anticipated. I'm very aware of that."
He was staring at the flames in the fire his expression unreadable. "Why would I want to back out?"
"I can think of a few reasons. Mainly you don't want marriage." She suggested. "Not that I blame you. If I was a man, I might feel the same way."
He leaned back, his arm going to the back of the couch, behind her.
"Maybe you're just afraid you are going to be married to another drunk.
" He suggested.
"I'm not afraid of you." She looked at him boldly. "And you being a drunk is up to you. I'll leave that totally up to you. I don't have expectations just yet."
He leaned toward her, very close, close enough to smell the fresh rose water on her skin. Close enough to melt into those oh so blue eyes of hers.
"Yes, you are afraid." He argued.
"Of what?" Her temper flared at his accusation.
She was beautiful when her emotions got the best of her. Ben couldn't help but notice.
He shot her a quizzical glance.
"Me!" He came closer; his lips hovered just above hers.
"You're drunk!" She shrieked.
"Yes ma'am, I am. Every man gets drunk the night before he marries. Don't you know that?" Ben's gaze fell to her lips. "But there is one thing you need to know. I'm not what you would call a real drunk, but, I do get drunk from time to time, I'm not a mean drunk. Never have been. I wallowed in the spirits after my folks died. I couldn't face what had happened. It happened too quickly. So I took an easy way out, I drank to forget about it. But I can control my drinking, when I want to. It doesn't have me in it's web."
"And did you manage to forget about your folks by drinking?"
"No…no, of course I didn't. Drinking forded me a barrier from the truth, and from my father. That's all. But I'll make you a promise. After tonight, I won't drink, unless I have your permission to do so."
"Permission?" She looked at him. "You'd ask my permission?"
"For celebrations and parties perhaps, nothing more." Ben promised.
"You don't need my permission…This is your home, I'm the intruder."
"No, but I'd want your permission." Ben answered softly. "And you aren't an intruder, Gabby, you are soon to join my family, you and Jimmy. This is your home too now."
"Alright…I suppose tonight is an occasion when many men feel the need to drink. I promise I'll try not to nag."
"Good. Now that is settled. I want to kiss you…"
She gasped. "No…"
"Yes…you've been avoiding me ever since I agreed to marry you. Jimmy isn't afraid of me. Why are you?" He asked, his voice softening.
Love As Big As Texas Page 6
