A Moment of Weakness: Book 2 in the Forever Faithful trilogy

by Kingsbury, Karen

  “Yes?” The woman returned to her chair and smiled sympathetically.

  “Did Tanner love any of those other women? Did he talk about marrying them?”

  “Tanner has a double standard that way. He considers marrying a girl until she gives in to his advances. Once a girl has slept with him, he has no further interest. Wouldn’t look good on his political resume.”

  Jade thought about Hungary. Was it true what Tanner’s mother said? Was Tanner not at all interested in fighting for religious freedom? Had he lied about that, too? Her body was seized with cramps, and she shook from the overload of shock. “But he told me politics were your idea.”

  For a moment the woman’s eyes hardened, but then almost instantly they were kind again. “No, no, dear. Tanner’s wanted to be a politician as far back as I can remember. Oh, his father and I would have loved him to be a lawyer, helping the religious among us. But Tanner is very single-minded. When he wants something, he gets it … when he doesn’t, well …”

  Jade thought of little Amy and Justin. He hadn’t wanted them or their mothers, and now he lived his life completely separate from them. It was the same thing he’d do to her.

  Mrs. Eastman was watching her, and Jade was overcome with a sense of loss. How could she have been so wrong about Tanner? After being his best friend so many years earlier.…

  “Jade, dear, I’m afraid Tanner can be very irresponsible. But he’s my son and I love him. One day the whole world will love him.”

  Jade’s eyes filled with tears. Shock and anger were giving way to repulsion. She had been used and made to feel like a whore at the hands of a man who had lied about everything. Certainly he had lied about his love for her. No wonder he sounded so short-tempered during their last telephone conversation.

  “Here, dear—” Mrs. Eastman handed Jade a tissue—“I see you’re upset. Should we see if we can find an emergency number for Tanner?”

  Jade clenched her jaw and gritted her teeth. “No, thank you. I have no interest in calling him now.”

  “Oh, dear, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  Jade felt the steady stream of tears on her cheeks, but she was not filled with grief. No, what filled her to overflowing was much more direct, more simple. Hatred. That’s what she felt. If she hadn’t seen the pictures of the children, she wouldn’t have believed a word of it. She had thought she knew Tanner better than she even knew herself. But now. “No, Mrs. Eastman. I’m glad you told me. You spared me from making a fool out of myself.”

  “Now, now, child. How could you have known?” The woman reached for her purse, opened it, and pulled something out. “You’re planning to keep the baby, is that right?”

  Jade nodded fiercely. “Definitely.”

  “Well, I’ll treat your child the same way I treat Amy and Justin. But there are a few stipulations I’d like to discuss.”

  Stipulations? What in the world was she talking about? This wasn’t a business transaction. Jade stared at Tanner’s mother and noticed something she hadn’t before: The kindness was gone.

  Mrs. Eastman cleared her throat and continued. “You will not put Tanner’s name on the birth certificate. He’ll not want anything to do with the child anyway, and it will only complicate things. Also, you will not mention the identity of the baby’s father to anyone.” The woman crossed her legs again and smiled through hard eyes. “Tanner will be a household name one day, and he and I will deny to the death that he ever had anything to do with you. Is that understood?”

  “I thought … you seemed like you wanted to help. Like you wanted to be a part of my baby’s life. You’ve been so …”

  “Friendly? Do I have a choice?” Mrs. Eastman cast her a look of disdain. “As long as Tanner keeps getting girls like you pregnant, it’ll be up to me to cover his tracks. There will be no room for scandal in the White House. Tanner will be remembered for his high standards, his moral character. I’ve told the same thing to the other women.”

  “So you’re in charge of cleaning up after him, is that it?” Jade forced herself to breathe, to remain seated even though everything in her wanted to walk over and choke this woman. How dare she place demands on Jade and her unborn child? “What if I don’t agree? What if I choose to put his name on the birth certificate anyway?”

  The woman made an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders while her eyes shot daggers at Jade. “That will be your choice. But the moment you do, you will be cut off from any financial assistance I might otherwise give. Also, I will hire a batch of attorneys to sue you for child endangerment and complete custody of that brat you’re carrying. And then you’ll lose the child for good.” Mrs. Eastman uttered a short, mocking laugh. “Girls like you would never win a court battle against the Eastman estate. If you know what’s good for you, and you want to be a mother to that baby, you’ll take the money I’m about to offer and any other money I send you, and once in a while you’ll send me a photograph.” Mrs. Eastman smiled wickedly. “I like to be kept apprised of my grandchildren.”

  Jade was on her feet, grabbing her purse and keys. “I don’t want your money.” She glared at the woman, sickened at how hateful and evil she was. Just like her son. “You and Tanner don’t have to worry. My baby won’t have anybody’s name but mine.” She paused. “And I’ll never tell a soul as long as I live who the baby’s father is.”

  Tanner’s mother settled back in her chair. “I thought you’d see it my way.” She held out what looked like a check. “It’s a cashier’s check. I never send Tanner’s children money any other way. Wouldn’t want it to be traced, you know.”

  Jade stared at the woman in shock. She was every bit as good a liar as Tanner. To think she had spent nearly an hour believing the woman cared about her! A sickening shudder coursed through her veins. She needed air. “Keep your money. I said I don’t want it.”

  Mrs. Eastman raised an eyebrow and continued to hold the check in Jade’s direction. “Are you sure? It’s ten thousand dollars.”

  Jade’s eyes widened and she hesitated. She was about to set out on the world pregnant, single, and penniless. She could live with her father for a while, but once he found out about the baby.

  Anxiety wrapped its arms around her, and even her teeth chattered from the shock. How could this be happening? Her body trembled with rage, furious at the way Tanner had tricked her, betrayed her. Maybe he did owe her something after all. It wasn’t much. It wouldn’t replace the fact that her child would be without a father, but it would help. It would mean that her baby wouldn’t starve while she figured out how to find a job.

  “I’m not sending you pictures.” Jade held her ground, too angry and proud to approach the woman.

  Mrs. Eastman nodded. “Very well, then I won’t be sending you monthly support.”

  Jade hesitated. She desperately wanted to take the check and rip it in half. But the truth was, she had no other means of existence. She had to think of the baby. “So you give me ten thousand dollars and that’s it? Neither of us ever looks back?”

  “I told you, Jade, I like you.” The woman’s eyes were hateful as she came near, the check clutched in her outstretched hand. “Consider the money a gift.”

  Everything in Jade was repulsed at the thought of taking this woman’s check. Think of the baby. Tanner should be responsible for something. Jade snapped the check from the woman’s hand. “One thing …”

  Mrs. Eastman waited.

  “Don’t tell Tanner.” She had made up her mind in the last few minutes. If he hadn’t been a father to the other children, he’d never be one to this baby either.

  The woman’s mouth curled into a smile that looked practically evil. “Very well, dear. You have my promise. I’ll not mention a word of your … this situation … to anyone. Not even Tanner.”

  Jade’s heart fell at what she’d just done. Tanner would never know about the baby now, never know what had become of Jade and the child she bore. She wanted to spit at Tanner’s mother for being so obviousl
y glad about the fact. “I’m leaving now, Mrs. Eastman. You’ll never hear from me again.”

  “Very well.” Tanner’s mother ushered her to the front door and glanced anxiously at her watch. “You’d best get going.”

  Jade’s head was spinning, and she thought she might need a bathroom again. None of it mattered. She had to get away from this woman, had to find a place to get her bearings. Feeling unsteady on her feet, Jade moved as quickly as she could down the sidewalk toward her car. Mrs. Eastman raised her voice so Jade could hear her. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out like you thought they would. You know, I think Tanner really liked you, Jade.”

  She spun around. He loved me! Even if he lied, he loved me! She wanted to tell Tanner’s mother how great her son’s feelings had been, but it was too late. Mrs. Eastman saw Jade’s hesitation and cast one final dagger her way.

  “But you weren’t the marrying type, were you? Just a tramp like all the rest.”

  With that, Tanner’s mother disappeared behind her door.

  Inside the house, Doris Eastman peered through the window and watched until Jade’s car disappeared from sight. It worked! That stupid girl believed everything I said.

  It had been the pictures, of course. Jade was having trouble believing the lies about Tanner until she saw the pictures of Amy and Justin. Doris felt utterly satisfied with herself as she moved into the living room and found the framed photographs of the children on the coffee table where she’d left them.

  Her oldest son had never been much of a business man, never gifted with the social graces and heady future that awaited Tanner. But Doris would say this for him: He always remembered to send pictures of his children.

  Jade felt like she’d been trampled by a herd of wild horses.

  As she pulled away from Doris Eastman’s home, she tucked the cashier’s check into her glove box and started the engine. Three blocks down the road, she pulled over, and for the next hour she wept until she thought she would die from the pain.

  Tanner had loved her, hadn’t he? She sobbed and struck the steering wheel with her fists. He had told her the Lord had plans for her, that she was a precious child of God, and that next summer he would marry her. Jade shook from the weight of it all. So many lies. No wonder he hadn’t written to her since he left. He was finished with her.

  She thought about all the ways Tanner had fooled her. Pictures of little Amy and Justin came to mind again, and she felt another wave of nausea. What kind of man would call himself a Christian and turn his back on his own children? If she’d had any doubts about the awful things Mrs. Eastman had told her, the pictures of Amy and Justin dissolved them. Those were Tanner’s children. She had no doubt whatsoever.

  After an hour, she pulled back onto the road. She needed to get home and face her father. Help me, God. I can’t do this alone. The prayer seemed to bring a sense of peace in her heart. She would survive. She had her baby to think about now. As she headed north on I-5, she was struck by the fact that only two things had been true about that summer.

  First, she had become a Christian. She might be the very worst one of all, but the fact remained that God had called her his own. No litany of lies from Tanner could mean her salvation wasn’t true. She had a long way to go before things were right with the Lord, but one day they would be good again. He was her everlasting father, and nothing could change that.

  Second, as long as she lived she would never, ever love any man the way she had allowed herself to love Tanner Eastman. All the earthly love she had to give from now on would be showered on one alone.

  Her unborn child.

  Sixteen

  AFTER DECADES OF OPPRESSION AND GOVERNMENT BANS ON BIBLES, the Hungarians were hungry for God’s Word. Knowledge of that fact kept Tanner going even on days when he missed Jade so badly he felt physically ill.

  The trip had been a whirlwind such that had there been the opportunity for phone calls back home there certainly would not have been the time. Since the trip was equally devoted to research and outreach, Tanner and seventeen college seniors from the East Coast spent their mornings going from school to school with a local translator.

  The truths they were allowed to share to public school children would have sent the ACLU into a tailspin of lawsuits and outrage.

  They kept their message simple. God was creator of all, sovereign and eternal, compassionate and full of love. His son, Jesus Christ, had come to the world, laid down his life for the sins of all so that any who believed in him might live forever. His word was truth. Period. And faith in him was the only hope for the world.

  When Tanner wasn’t speaking, he watched in amazement as the wide-eyed Hungarian children eagerly—almost desperately—soaked in the gospel message. Even more stunning were the public school administrators who welcomed Tanner’s group and their message with open arms.

  Back home students were not allowed to mention Jesus’ name, even during the week before Christmas. Easter break had become spring break, and prayer was often forbidden at graduation ceremonies. Schools permitted rock lyrics with a message of hatred, but a student dare not sing a song of praise to God. Children with the freedom to purchase guns opened fire in schools, killing their classmates, particularly Christian classmates. And the ACLU defended those same students’ right to brandish symbols of death, swastikas, and hate slogans on their notebooks and T-shirts.

  Tanner wondered how long it would be before the United States government banned Bibles? Before Christians were hunted down and thrown into jail for being ‘conspirators against the government’? Tanner feared the answer, and it motivated him to learn all he could during his time in Hungary.

  From before sunup to late in the night, Tanner was absorbed in the process. He and his peers studied archives, interviewed former government officials, taught children, and made home visits to the families of school children who had requested additional information. Everyone wanted a Bible, and by the ninth day the Youth with a Mission leader had run out and wired back to the states for additional supplies.

  They heard horrendous stories from the recent past, stories of people being jailed, tormented, and beheaded for their faith. Early in the trip, Tanner met a teenage boy named Peter. He was a ward of the state, and when Tanner brought the gospel message to the boy’s classroom, he began filling in details for his classmates, quoting Scripture in the process.

  Tanner asked the boy how he knew the Bible so well.

  “My parents were Christians,” Peter said through the translator. The boy’s faith shone through strong eyes. “They taught us the Scriptures late at night, when police could not hear. We all committed to memory books of the Bible. Letters from St. Paul about suffering for the faith.”

  Peter hesitated. “Before the change in government, police found out what my parents were doing. They came one night, broke into the house, and shot my parents in the head. My parents were holding their Bibles when they died.”

  Tanner learned from Peter that he and his two sisters were forced to watch their parents’ execution. Afterward, they were separated and sent to different parts of the nation to be raised as wards of the state. Peter had not heard from his sisters since.

  After more than a week of hearing similar stories, Tanner was motivated like never before. The United States would not go the way of Hungary if he had anything to do with it. And God had showed Tanner that he would, indeed, have much to do with it.

  In the quiet moments—moments scheduled for devotion, reflection, and Bible study—Tanner was more certain than ever that this was his calling. He would be a warrior for religious freedom in a country desperate for someone to take on the cause.

  He memorized Romans 10:14–15, repeating it to himself when he became discouraged. How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?

  He would carry the message back ho
me where God would use him to expose the ways religious freedom was fading in America. He prayed God might use him in an amazing way so that no American child would ever be ripped away from his parents because of his or her faith.

  No, he would never forget Peter or the people of Hungary.

  His determination drove him to continue even when he missed Jade so much he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. With her half a world away, he realized for the first time how long a week could be—or a day. Or, for that matter, even an hour.

  Tanner’s bed was a worn-out, government-issued cot, and he shared a room in a decaying school dormitory with three students from East Coast universities. On the first day of the fourth week, Tanner lay awake, wishing he could toss and turn, but knowing he would fall on the floor if he did.

  I miss her, Lord. Let her know how much.

  He shifted slightly and winced. The foam rubber mattress was supported by bars that dug into his ribs whenever he moved.

  Sleep did not come easily in Hungary, but the quiet hours allowed him to reflect on his summer with Jade, especially the days before his trip. He had been impatient with her, and he wished desperately for the chance to call and apologize. If only Jade weren’t so deeply depressed about the way they’d fallen that night.

  Tanner flipped onto his back and gazed out the dusty, double-paned window. What he and Jade had done was wrong. He would give anything to go back in time and heed the Lord’s warning that night. But there was no going back. The way they’d gone against God was something they could never undo, and Tanner realized they would suffer consequences as a result.

  One of which was the way Jade had felt worthless about herself since that night.

  Before leaving, Tanner had assured her several times that God still loved her, still had her name in the Book of Life. He promised her they would set more stringent boundaries next time they were together. He would not make the same mistake twice.