“Answer me, Jade. Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
Tanner’s eyes shone, and Jade wasn’t sure if he was about to cry or to yell at her. “I was coming back for you. Didn’t you believe me?”
Jade had the impulse to lean over and slap him. Didn’t she believe him? If only he knew. She didn’t believe anything he said. “I guess not.”
“By the time I got home you were gone.” Tanner exhaled slowly. “I looked, called around. But no one had any idea who you’d married. Your father wouldn’t tell me a thing.”
Jade’s head was spinning. What was he talking about? Her father had never mentioned Tanner’s phone call. She had always believed he’d never tried to find her, all of which had only verified everything his mother had told her in the first place. They had slept together and so he was through with her. He hadn’t called once since he returned to the United States. At least that’s what she’d always thought. “My dad never told me.…”
Tanner raked his fingers through his hair, his eyes angrier than she’d ever seen them before. “You could have called me, Jade, told me what happened. You knew where to find me.”
“But.” Jade felt her resolve melting, and she steeled herself against him. She would not tell him. There was no point telling him the truth—that she knew about the other women. What would it prove now? They had their own lives, and this meeting was about her son, not the relationship they shared that long ago summer.
“But what?” Tanner took a step closer, and Jade saw how desperately he wanted answers.
“Nothing. You need to go. Matt’ll be waiting.”
Tanner’s eyes were damp, searching hers, and for a moment Jade thought he might break down and cry. Instead he turned and collected his things. Before walking out of the room, he stopped and studied her one last time. “We’ll be spending a lot of time together on this case, and I don’t want our past to get in the way.”
Jade shook her head, again unable to meet his gaze.
“But sometime, when you’re ready … I want to know what happened. You owe me at least that much.”
She hung her head and said nothing.
“Hey.” Tanner’s tone was softer and she finally met his gaze. “I’m sorry about all this. I’m going to do whatever I can to get your little boy back for you.”
“I know.” She whispered the words and stared at Tanner a moment longer. “Thanks.”
“Monday?”
Jade nodded. Tanner reached out and gently squeezed her arm. A show of support, the same one he’d given her the day before he left, just before they started kissing and …
She forced her mind to stop. He was not the person he seemed to be. He never had been. Besides, he was engaged to someone else now. Whoever the woman was, let her deal with his past.
His hand remained on her arm, and she felt herself stiffen under his touch. He seemed to notice and let go, taking one step backward, then heading for the door. “Bye …”
“Bye.”
She stood there long after she heard his car pull away, paralyzed by the nearness of him, furious and flustered all at the same time. Saturday would be her first supervised visit with Ty, and if she found a way to get through that, she would have Monday to deal with. First, a private meeting with Tanner, and then a press conference to show the nation that despite previous reports she really was a fit mother. Even if she was a Christian.
Help me, Lord. Help me.
In that moment she was overwhelmed by the sum of it, and slowly, like a sandcastle giving way to one relentless wave after another, she sank to the floor. When her body was little more than a heap of broken dreams, gasping for direction in a world that had gone utterly dark, she did the only thing she could do. The only thing she had left.
She prayed.
Twenty-seven
THE TORTILLAS WERE WARM AND MOIST, THE CHICKEN TENDER, and the strolling mariachi singers brought a festive atmosphere to the dining room. Clearly the women in Tanner’s life were having a wonderful time, running over details of the coming wedding and predicting the number of guests who would attend.
Invitations were set to go out in two months.
Tanner bit into a rolled up fajita and wondered why—if everything were so wonderful—he was unable to get Jade’s face from his mind. Why he had been unable to pay attention to the conversation?
“Are you listening, Tanner? Your mother wondered if you were going to invite any friends from law school.” Leslie set her fork down and stared at him. She was the only person he knew whose lipstick could withstand Mexican food. Her expression was quizzical. “You’re not listening, are you?”
Tanner wiped his mouth with a linen napkin. “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”
Leslie rolled her eyes. “What else is new?”
Tanner’s mother clucked her tongue. “What could be more important than the concerns of your beautiful fiancée?” She smiled at Leslie, and Tanner was struck again by how quickly they’d become friends. “Men can be so dense sometimes.”
Leslie laughed, but Tanner could see she didn’t think his lack of attention was funny. She directed her gaze at Tanner. “Really, don’t you think you could listen for just a few minutes? Are your cases so important that you can’t give me that?”
Images of Jade crowded his mind, and he blinked them back. “I said I’m sorry.” Tanner reached for Leslie’s hand and squeezed it. “Go easy on me, huh? I’ll try to listen.”
Both women looked at him, and eventually Leslie’s expression softened. “Okay. Maybe it’s my fault. I haven’t asked you about your trip to Portland. Did you meet with the woman?”
Tanner’s mother frowned. “What woman?”
“Jade Rudolph. She’s the woman being sued for complete custody of her child. All because of her faith.”
“Jade Rudolph?” Tanner watched his mother’s color change and noticed her weathered hands begin to tremble. “You mean Jade Conner? From our old neighborhood?”
Tanner was confused. “Wait a minute … how did you know?” Back when he had first returned from Hungary his mother had sworn she did not know who Jade married or her new last name.
Leslie crossed her legs impatiently. “What girl from the old neighborhood?”
Tanner held up a hand to Leslie. “Hold on.” He turned to his mother. “Answer me. How did you know her last name?”
His mother gave a small shrug and took a small bite of salad. When she had finished chewing, she set down her fork and spoke in a calm voice. “You can’t expect me to remember that, Tanner. I have no idea. Someone must have told me.” She paused. The color was returning to her face. “I do keep in touch with people in Virginia, you know.”
Tanner shot his mother a look that said they would discuss the matter later. She had known how desperately he wanted to find Jade. She should have told him the moment she knew. He glanced at his fiancée and saw she was still waiting for an explanation. “Jade was a friend of mine growing up. We … spent time together one summer about ten years ago.”
Leslie raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. “What exactly does that mean.”
“Nothing.” His mother waved her hand as if she was shoeing away a fly. “The girl up and married someone else the minute Tanner left. They were just friends.”
Tanner felt his blood beginning to boil. He did not need his mother answering for him. He leveled his gaze at her, hoping she could read the message in his eyes. “If you don’t mind, mother, I’ll explain the situation.”
“There was no situation—”
“Mother!” The musicians strolled past their table singing a cheery rendition of “La Bamba.”
“Fine. You tell it.” His mother cast a glance at Leslie and returned to her salad.
Tanner looked at Leslie. How could he explain Jade to a woman he wasn’t even sure he loved? How could she possibly understand what had happened that summer between him and Jade when he didn’t understand it himself. “Jade and I were very close that su
mmer.”
Leslie’s other eyebrow lifted in surprise. “Is that right? And she’s the woman you’re representing in this big Portland case?”
“Her husband is suing her for complete custody of their child. It’s a national case, bound to set precedence for years to come. Yes, she’s the woman being sued.”
“That’s nice.” Leslie tried to keep her tone light, but Tanner could see the concern in her eyes. “I’m here making wedding plans while you’ll be running back and forth to some old girlfriend. Does she know you’re engaged?”
Tanner met Leslie’s stare straight on. “I told her about us, and don’t worry. Jade is not interested in me. If she were, she would have called me years ago. She knew where to find me.”
His mother had finished her salad. She pushed her bowl carefully to the side. “How many children does Jade have these days?”
Tanner thought the question strange. “One. Why?”
Again his mother’s color paled considerably. “How old?”
Why was she suddenly interested in Jade? Just moments ago she was busy convincing Leslie that he and Jade had never been more than friends. “She has a boy. He’s going to be ten this year.”
His mother coughed hard and was forced to take a drink of water to settle her throat. “Ten?”
“Yes, Mother. Why do you ask?”
His mother took another sip of water, and her nerves seemed to settle considerably. “Seems a child that old should be able to decide for himself which parent he wants to live with.”
“That’s not the way the courts see it.”
Leslie sighed impatiently. “Can we stop talking about Miss Portland and get back to the planning? Neither of you seems to have any idea how much goes into a wedding. We’re only a few months away here and still we haven’t …”
Jade and her son and whatever importance the case held in his life were forgotten as the two women in his life resumed chattering about florists and videographers and the correct layout of the ballroom where the reception would be held. Tanner watched Leslie, the way she appeared to be including him and his mother in the discussion when in truth she was telling them the plans. Her plans.
But that wasn’t unusual. Leslie usually found a way to get what she wanted.
He remembered the early days of their relationship. Leslie was funny and charming and witty. She understood his place in the public eye and would work to enhance his image at every turn. Tanner was sure she was a believer, even if he wasn’t completely convinced of her commitment to God. His feelings for her weren’t what they had been for Jade, but then nothing would ever feel like that. He was older now, and the timing was right. Leslie had his best interest at heart. That was enough, wasn’t it?
Tanner thought back to the night they’d gotten engaged. Hadn’t that been Leslie’s doing, also? He remembered driving her to dinner at the Charthouse in Malibu and thinking that one day, perhaps, he’d like to marry her. Not that night; not anytime soon. But someday. Somehow, though, through the course of conversation at dinner, they’d wound up engaged. In the hours afterward he hadn’t been sure exactly how it had happened. They had started talking about the future, and before the conversation was finished, they were engaged.
Tanner had been happy enough about the arrangement. It was what he wanted, too. At least that’s what he’d told himself a hundred times since.
But watching Leslie now he realized she had probably come to the Charthouse that night determined to advance their relationship. In many ways Leslie didn’t need him. She would host the reception, welcome the guests. Of all the roles she played, she was most excited about being Mrs. Tanner Eastman. That was good, wasn’t it? A woman should be proud of the man she was about to marry.
Tanner stared at his plate, pushed his fork around in his fajita and drifted back in time. He couldn’t get Jade’s face out of his mind, the distance in her eyes and the way she had avoided making eye contact with him. What had he done to make her hate him so?
As the women continued their discussion, agreeing on elements of the wedding that Tanner wasn’t even aware of, he was lost in a sea of memories. He and Jade finding each other again at the supervisor’s meeting, he and Jade walking along the Cowlitz River, he and Jade sitting on the edge of his bed.
A strange sensation coursed through his veins, and he felt his face grow hot. His heart remembered, but that wasn’t all. Clearly his body remembered, also.
Lord, I need your help here. Make me forget her. What we did was wrong. She’s changed, moved on. Help me love the woman before me, the woman you’ve given me.
Tanner said the prayer silently, but his tone was desperate all the same.
Because no matter what Leslie said, no matter how many plans were decided, regardless of how soon the wedding was, there was one undeniable fact.
He was still in love with Jade.
Doris Eastman had no trouble doing two things at once. And so she continued her conversation with Leslie, agreeing and keeping in step as Tanner’s gorgeous fiancée chattered on about the wedding. But at the same time—without anyone at the table realizing it—she watched her son.
He was with them in body only. His mind, his heart were three-thousand miles away in Portland, Oregon. Just as they’d been for years after Jade got married.
How was it possible? How had the Conner girl found a way back into his life after so many years? And the child …?
Doris had been having chest pains lately, and though she hadn’t told anyone, she had a feeling they were brought on by stress. She wanted Tanner’s wedding to be perfect. Fitting for a man of his public stature. Naturally, the preparations could be stressful, especially when they were already so short of time.
Doris had grown accustomed to dismissing the pains. Stress was curable. A little change of diet would work wonders.
But the news Tanner had just revealed brought new meaning to the word stress. The moment Tanner mentioned Jade Rudolph, Doris’s heart responded by seizing. She’d almost blown it by giving away the fact that she knew Jade’s married name. Her father had known that much, and the second time she called him she caught him sober. Doris knew Jade was married to a man named Jim Rudolph, a school teacher in Portland, Oregon.
But she’d never let the fact slip until tonight.
Nitroglycerin. That was all she needed. A little medicine for the heart pains.
Remember the height from which you have fallen. Repent! Or I will come and remove your lampstand.…
Doris massaged her eyebrows. There it was again. Another strange verse from the Bible resounding in her mind for no apparent reason at all. Verses like that had been assaulting her with almost the same regularity as the chest pains. Verses about getting right with God and repenting and asking God to give her a clean heart.
Doris was sick of such verses. Nothing but hogwash! She had no need of repentance. The lies she’d told Jade and Tanner she’d told for their own good. They didn’t belong together. Certainly God didn’t want her to repent of looking out for her son. And what if God did want that? Doris had always done things her own way. Including the manner in which she exercised her faith.
God would simply have to understand.
She forced herself to listen to Leslie’s ramblings, tried to appear interested. But her chest was so tight she could barely catch her breath. Rays of pain radiated up her neck into the fleshy underneath portion of her jaw. Calm down. Get ahold of yourself.
The mandate did not work. Her heart began racing, and she felt a thin layer of perspiration break out on her forehead. She could pretend all evening, but the truth demanded her attention like a relentless, barking dog.
Jade had one child—a boy, ten years old. Tanner’s son. Apparently she had kept her promise and told Tanner nothing about the boy’s identity. Doris could hardly believe it had come to this. Tanner was representing Jade in a custody battle wherein Jade’s husband wanted full custody because of Jade’s faith. And all along the child wasn’t even related to Jade’
s husband.
The child was Tanner’s.
She studied her son and saw he was distraught. Oh, he put on a good face, and he knew how to respond to Leslie in a way that kept her from noticing. But Doris knew. Tanner was thinking about Jade, wondering why she’d never called. Doris would have done anything to take the pain from her son’s eyes. If only he could get through this dreadful case and forget about her. Didn’t he understand how much better his life was without her, how good Leslie was for him?
Doris held her breath and willed the chest pains away. What if Tanner asked Jade the next time they were together? What if they compared stories?
She could barely tolerate the thought. Again the chest pains increased, and Doris understood why. Despite her son’s deep faith and strong convictions, if Tanner found out the truth about what had happened ten years ago, he might never forgive her.
In fact, he might actually hate her.
Twenty-eight
JADE SPENT SATURDAY MORNING READING THE FIRST CHAPTER OF James from the Bible, verses about considering it joy when facing trials and how the testing of one’s faith develops perseverance. She knew the Scriptures were true. They had pulled her through when she and Jim first married.
For much of the past decade she had tried to forget what had happened when she showed up on Jim Rudolph’s doorstep that day. But now, with her life falling apart and her husband living with another woman, Jade wanted to remember. As though recalling her every move might help her realize where she’d gone wrong.
Every part of her body had been shaking while she waited for Jim to answer the door that day. His shock lasted only a moment before a lazy grin spread across his face. “I always knew you’d come to your senses one day, Jade Conner.… Tell me, have you changed your mind about my offer?”
Jade could still hear his words echoing in the hallways of her mind. Going against everything she knew to be true and right and good, she entered Jim’s house that day. He didn’t ask for an explanation; didn’t seem to want one. He’d been eating a tuna fish sandwich, and his breath was heavy but that didn’t stop him. The moment the door shut behind them, he pulled Jade close and kissed her. It was a kiss that brought tears to Jade’s eyes for want of Tanner and his kisses. But Tanner had lied to her; Jim was all she had left.
A Moment of Weakness: Book 2 in the Forever Faithful trilogy Page 24
