Tanner’s face twisted and he set his jaw. Jade wondered if he was going to cry out again. “I’m his father.” Every word pulsed with emotion, and Jade knew much of the blame was hers. He’ll hate me for the rest of his life for this. “Didn’t you think I had the right to know?”
“Your mother said you wouldn’t care. She … she showed me the pictures and …”
“And gave you the check?” Jade could see he wasn’t making an accusation, just desperate to understand what had happened that day ten years ago.
“I never touched the money. It’s in a trust fund for Ty.… I was planning to use it to send him to college.”
Tanner looked away, the muscles in his jaw tightening again. She watched as the emotions played across his anguished face: anger, regret, immeasurable sorrow. All the emotions she’d struggled with for so long. He turned toward her once more. “The other night … when we talked. Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“Your mother told me if I ever told anyone, she’d take me to court. She told me with her money she’d win.…” Jade sighed. “I was afraid of her, Tanner.” She glanced at her hands, still wrapped protectively in his. “Besides, it didn’t seem like the right thing for anyone. You have your life; you’ll be married this summer, and soon you’ll have a family of your own.”
Tanner leaned his shoulder into the sofa, and Jade watched him, worried. His jaw was clenched tightly, and he passed a hand over his eyes before looking at her again. “I broke it off with Leslie.”
“What?” Why had he—
“I didn’t love her, Jade. It would have been wrong to marry her.”
Her head was swimming.… So much had happened in so short a time. “When was this?”
Tanner thought a moment. “What day is it?”
His question broke the tension, and Jade smiled. “Friday night.”
“Then it was yesterday after dinner.”
“When did you find out about your mother?” No wonder Tanner looked beat up. First Leslie, then his mother, and finally the truth about Ty. It was enough to push anyone over the edge.
“Leslie was still at my house. She left and I went to the hospital. I was up all night with my mother, and this morning she came to. That’s when she told me about Ty.”
Jade slipped her arms around Tanner’s neck. She didn’t blame him if he never forgave her, but she owed him an apology. After all they’d been through, all the poor choices and lies and missed opportunities, she needed to speak her mind before another moment passed. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I should have told you first. I.I was afraid of your mother.”
His eyes were still racked with pain, but his expression softened.
“I didn’t want you to think I was trying to ruin your wedding plans.… I was trying to do the right thing for everyone.”
Tanner pulled away and stood up, pacing her living room floor and raking his fingers through his hair. When he stopped, he leaned against the wall and stared at her. As he did, the anger in his eyes was slowly replaced with a love for her that knew no limits. He reached out his arms. “Come here, Jade. Please.…”
She went to him, fitting her body against him, her face inches from his. His voice was a whisper that spoke directly to her soul. “So much has happened between us that I didn’t know what I was feeling for you.…”
Jade felt tears sting at her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head and placed a single finger over her lips. “It’s over.” He tightened his grip on her waist. “It’s behind us, Jade. Now.” He seemed to be reading her eyes, searching her soul. “I want to meet my son. I want to—”
Jade closed her eyes, and for a moment she couldn’t hear what he was saying. I can’t believe this is happening. Tanner was here, he was not marrying someone else, and he wanted to meet Ty. A rush of holy gratitude came over Jade, and she felt the arms of God’s presence as if he were standing in the room beside them. How was it that God had taken everything that was so awful and turned it into this?
For I know the plans I have for you … plans to give you hope and a future.…
Jade opened her eyes and saw that Tanner was staring at her, his eyes filled with compassion and forgiveness. “So … you’re not marrying Leslie?”
Tanner leaned forward and gently kissed Jade’s forehead. “Did you really think I could be with you the other night … kissing you, wanting you … and then go back home and marry someone else?”
“I guess I—”
Again Tanner held his finger to her lips. “Shh. I’m here, Jade. I never stopped loving you, and now—” he paused and his expression grew deeply serious—“say the word and I’ll never, ever leave you again.”
The tears that had been building spilled down Jade’s face, and she allowed herself to get lost in Tanner’s eyes. “Please, Tanner. Don’t ever go away again.”
“Are you sure?”
He had suffered much because of her lack of trust, their weakness that summer. Jade felt the corners of her mouth lift slightly, and she buried her head in his chest. “I’ve been sure since I was a little girl.”
Jade lifted her face to him, and their kiss was long and slow.
“I love you, Jade.…”
She pulled back slightly, and he kissed her chin, her throat. “I love you, Tanner. I never stopped loving you.”
He found her mouth again, and his hands moved along her back, holding her closer still. “Let me go with you tomorrow … so I can meet him?”
Their words were breathless, spoken between kisses that were every bit as spellbinding as they’d been a decade earlier. “Okay.” Jade sat up, looking at Tanner, studying his face … the face so like her son’s.…
“Hey, wait a minute!” Jade’s mind suddenly raced with the possibilities.
Tanner pulled back, his fingers tracing her cheekbones. “What?”
“Let’s call off the whole thing. Get a DNA test and prove Jim isn’t Ty’s father! Then we can be done with it once and for all.”
Tanner’s eyes clouded with concern. “The whole way from Los Angeles to Portland I thought about that, but it’s more complicated than it seems.”
“How come?” The solution seemed simple to Jade.
“First of all, custody is a tricky thing. Jim’s fighting for full custody based on the idea that living with you—a person of strong faith—would be damaging for Ty. If we walk in and present a DNA test, you can be sure everyone involved will be highly suspicious. Second, in many states fatherhood is less a matter of biological factors than it is familiarity. The courts have actually awarded custody to boyfriends on that basis. The question here will be who raised Ty? Who does Ty think of as his father? The answer, obviously, is Jim.”
Jade listened intently. She still didn’t understand why Tanner couldn’t call off the trial now that he knew the truth.
Tanner leaned back into the sofa and stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning his gaze on Jade once more. “It’s pretty clear here that Jim’s not trying to win custody because of some deep love he has for Ty. My guess is that his reason is simple: He wants to make a point. That your faith is dangerous to your child. And if a judge is willing to give Jim complete custody because of your faith, then why wouldn’t my faith be equally problematic? I mean, if you’re a religious fanatic, what does that make me?”
“Worse?” Jade was beginning to understand.
“Much worse. And since I don’t have a relationship with Ty, it would still be very possible for a judge to grant complete custody to Jim. And we can’t have that.”
The hope Jade had felt moments earlier was gone. “No, that would be awful.”
“So I’ve decided to go on with the hearing. I think our best shot is to win custody back based on your religious freedom, your constitutional rights. If that happens, my guess is Jim will bow out fairly easily. Like I said, I don’t think he’s really interested in Ty.”
“I get it. But it seems like we’re playing games. And what if we lose? It could take mon
ths or years, and then—”
“Shh.” Tanner cradled her close and stroked her hair, and after a minute he pulled back and kissed her again. “Let me take care of it.”
“Even if we win, you can’t tell anyone the truth, Tanner. Your career would be ruined.”
“I don’t care about my career. Jade, I’ve missed you so much. I can’t believe I’m here. I feel like … like I’m dreaming.”
His being near her made her body feel like it was on fire. She could feel the length of him and knew neither of them would be willing to let go if they didn’t stop soon.
She pulled away first. They’d made this mistake once; she wasn’t going to let it happen again. “You need to sleep, have you thought about that?”
“I need you.…” He reached for her and she took his hand. “Jade, marry me. When this mess is over and everything’s straightened out. Please.”
Her heart soared, and tears burned in her eyes. Lord, is this what you planned? Is this the future you have for me?
Yes, my daughter. For I know the plans I have for you.…
The Scripture sounded clearly in her mind, and she was overcome by God’s mercy, his faithfulness. She and Tanner had gone against God’s will, and in the wake of that she had chosen to go her own way. But still, through every nightmare in the past ten years, God had been drawing them together.
He was waiting for an answer, and with tears streaming down her face, Jade leaned her head back and laughed. “Yes, Tanner. Yes!”
He caught her by the back of the neck and drew her close once more, kissing her. “Jade, I can’t believe you’re here. Everything that’s happened.…”
Flee, my daughter.
The warning was painfully familiar, and Jade knew better than not to heed it. She pulled away and made her arms stiff. “Stay back.” Despite her purposefully light tone, clearly Tanner understood.
“You’re right.” He rattled his car keys. “What would you think about giving me directions to the nearest hotel?” He winked at her. “I’ve got an important date tomorrow with a very special little boy, and a little sleep wouldn’t hurt.”
“Motel Six, you mean?” Jade grinned and gave him directions. Suddenly everything in life looked so much brighter. They would get Ty back no matter what. After all, Jim wasn’t his real father, and Tanner had promised. Whatever it took.
Tanner moved closer to the door and leaned back, his head resting against the frame. “What if he doesn’t like me?” She joined him, and he slipped his arms around her waist.
“He’ll like you.” She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and leaned her head against his chest. “He already told me so.”
He pulled back a few inches so that their eyes met once more. “He told you that?”
“He said he saw you with me on TV, told me you seemed like a nice guy.”
“Really?” Jade’s heart melted at the concern in Tanner’s eyes. How had she thought she could keep him from his son?
“Really. He told me he wants to meet you.”
Tanner closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them slowly. “You’re still here.”
“What do you mean?”
He nuzzled her neck. “I mean I can’t believe you’re here.”
Jade leaned into him and savored the feel of his face against hers. “When Jim divorced me, I felt God allowed it to punish me for going against him. It only served me right for deceiving Jim. I knew how much God hates divorce, and I prayed he would heal the break between Jim and me. But Jim wasn’t open at all. He’d had enough. Then, when I lost Ty—” Her voice broke and she swallowed hard. “Well, I thought God had forgotten about me. But he didn’t.” She met his eyes and smiled through the tears. “Despite my weaknesses, he had plans for me, remember our verse?”
“I remember. Jeremiah 29:11.”
“Right.…” Jade ran her finger along the edge of Tanner’s neck. It was hard to believe they were finally together, where their hearts belonged. “God had plans for us, but we went against his will and … I thought he was going to punish me forever.”
“Ah, Jade.” Tanner kissed her forehead tenderly. “God isn’t like that. There’s another verse you need to memorize. Romans 8:28: God works all things to the good for those who love him.”
“Even this?” She snuggled close to him.
“Even this.” Tanner found her face again, and they kissed once more. This time he pulled away. “I better get some sleep.” He leaned close once more and kissed her again.
“It’s hard to let go.…”
He drew in a deep breath and exhaled dramatically. “Tell me about it.”
“Good night.”
“Wait.” The door was open, and the cool night air made her shiver. “There’s something we need to do before I go.”
“What?” Jade saw the serious look in his eyes, and she moved closer to him, appreciating the way he warmed her. He reached for her hands and folded his fingers over hers.
“Pray with me, Jade. Please. It’s been so long.”
They came together in prayer like they hadn’t since that long ago summer. Only this time they whispered words of thanks and requests for strength in the weeks to come. After several minutes, Tanner ended the prayer.
“Lord, I want to pray for the first time ever … for my son.” He squeezed Jade’s hands. “Thank you that you have always been with him and thank you for letting me find him now. Please help me build a relationship with him. And with Jade.”
He kissed her one last time before leaving. And as Jade fell asleep, she heard Tanner’s prayer over and over again. I want to pray for my son … for my son … for my son. The nightmare was almost over, and when it was, they would finally be a family—the three of them.
The thought of it made Jade’s heart swell to nearly bursting.
Thirty-five
JADE MET TANNER OUTSIDE THE MOTEL THE NEXT MORNING, AND while she drove the five miles to Jim’s apartment, Tanner fired one question after another. “What’s his favorite sport?”
“Basketball.” Jade’s tone was light, teasing, but inside she was relieved that Tanner cared so deeply. Her son had craved fatherly love and attention, and Tanner wanted desperately to meet those needs.
“What about baseball?”
“Baseball’s okay. Basketball’s better.”
“Did he play Little League?”
“Little League, flag football, and most of all—”
“Basketball.” Tanner’s grin lit up the car. “That’s my boy.”
“Anything else?” Jade glanced at him. He didn’t look a day over twenty-seven. He’d matured into a very striking man, and again Jade ached at all the years they’d lost.
“Does he like to talk?”
“Yes.” Jade laughed. “He comes by it honestly.” Tanner mouthed, “Me?” and pointed to himself in mock astonishment.
“Yes, you. You haven’t stopped asking questions since I picked you up.”
He smiled. “My way of reminding myself I’m not dreaming. Every time you answer I’m forced to believe it’s true.” He stared at her, the smile gone, his eyes glistening with emotion. “You’re really here beside me.”
Jade reached across the car and wove her fingers through his. “I can’t believe it, either.”
They pulled up in front of Jim’s apartment and parked. The officers were already sitting in their patrol car, and Jade waved casually at them.
“Your monitoring crew?”
Jade uttered a brief laugh. “You guessed it. Just in case I do something really harmful—you know, like wield a Bible at Ty.”
“I’m still amazed any judge in his right mind would—”
She put her finger up to his mouth. “Don’t. It doesn’t matter. Everything’s going to work out.”
When the engine was off, they faced each other, and Tanner’s eyes were filled with love for her. “I still feel like I’m dreaming, Jade.”
She felt the hairs on her arms stand up straight. “Don’t look
at me like that in public.”
Tanner motioned to the apartment complex. “Come on. Ty will be waiting.”
Jade drew a deep breath and squeezed Tanner’s hand. “Okay. Let’s go.”
The sun was making a rare early spring appearance, and Ty raced out the door in shorts and a sweatshirt as Jade and Tanner made their way up the walk.
“Mom!” Ty raced to Jade but stopped when he saw Tanner trailing behind her. “Wow … I didn’t think I’d get to meet him today.”
Jade laughed and willed herself not to weep at the significance of the moment. “Ty, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Mr. Tanner Eastman.”
Ty nodded shyly. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
Tanner stooped down to the boy’s level and placed his hands on the child’s shoulders. “Nice to meet you, too.”
Jade saw nothing uncomfortable in Ty’s expression as he remained there, facing Tanner, his face cocked curiously to one side. “So you’re the guy who’s going to get me back home, right?”
“I’m going to do my best, buddy.”
Jade saw the glint of tears in Tanner’s eyes. In all her life she never imagined a scene like this one. God was good, and certainly he would see them through the hearing. Even if Tanner was worried about the outcome.
They settled onto the front porch steps, Jade on Ty’s left and Tanner on his right. She had missed Ty terribly and normally would have been anxious to talk with him. Instead, she said little and allowed Tanner the chance to get to know his son.
“I hear you’re a basketball fan.” Tanner rested his arms on his knees and turned his head so he and Ty were facing each other.
“Yeah, hoops are the best.” Jade savored the enthusiasm in her son’s voice. How long had it been since Jim had asked Ty about his hobbies or interests? He probably never had. Yet when the hour was up, they would be forced to leave him completely in Jim’s care.
It’s not fair, God.
In response she felt a deep-seated peace that caused the clouds of bitterness to dissipate. Somehow, no matter how dismal the current situation, she believed that one day they’d be together as a family. It would not be easy, certainly. If she won Ty back, Jade knew the bond between her son and his father would take time to develop. It would never be what it could have been if she and Tanner had followed God’s plan instead of succumbing to their own desires. But if they did get their chance, she felt certain the life they would someday share would be true and real, and that it would last forever.
A Moment of Weakness: Book 2 in the Forever Faithful trilogy Page 31
