“It’s going to be hard with the circus going on.”
“I know, but we can’t let them win. We can’t let Jules think she’s coming between us. Yesterday you found the dress of your dreams, let’s set a date. We’ll announce it and make sure we’re only focusing on us.”
“Okay,” she says, nestling into my neck. “But, please promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“That she never comes before me.”
“I promise you on my life that she will never come before you.” And that’s a promise that I intend to keep. It doesn’t take long for Joey to find some sleep, but even then the whimpers I hear from her continue to break my heart. I don’t know how long I hold her before returning to Matt. I just know it wasn’t long enough.
“Hi Mom.” I have avoided all her calls up until now. I don’t know if it’s because I have nothing to tell her or because I don’t want her to think any less of Joshua. After taking a restless nap, Josh introduced me to Matt, his agent. I was leery at first, and then quickly realized that he has Josh’s best interest at heart and I know Josh has mine.
“Please tell me it’s not true.”
Oh how I wish I could, but this is a crazy Hollywood movie playing out in real life. My life. I sigh deeply, saying nothing as I stare in the direction of Matt and Josh while they watch television and pick at the take-out Chinese Matt went and got for us.
“Oh, Joey.” Her voice breaks and I find myself fighting back more tears. Just when I think I’m all cried out, more come, and at times I can’t even stop them. I can’t help but play ridiculous scenarios over in my head of what life is going to be like.
“I know, Mom.” It’s all I can say because there is nothing else. My mom saw the live footage of Jules during the show and she knows all about what transpired backstage. She knows everything about Josh because I was his ultimate fan girl and filled my mom in on their Josh and Jules relationship many times. Everything about my life right now is surreal and not in a good way. I can’t tell if this is real or a nightmare—maybe it’s a combination of both and I’m only waiting for the next fork in the road to determine the next scene.
“What’s he going to do?”
That would be a loaded question to most people, but to me it’s not. He’s going to do the right thing because that’s who he is on the inside. It’s who I am. Does it hurt that I’m not the one giving him a child? Yeah it does, but this child shouldn’t be held accountable because of Josh and Jules’ actions.
“He’s going to be a dad.”
“And you?”
I glance over at Josh, who is watching me. “I’m going to be a step mom,” I say, smiling at Josh. He leaves the table and comes over to me, kissing me on the side of my head and whispering thank you. It’s not how I thought our life together would start out, but it’s the course it’s on now. The way I see it I have two options: support him and accept this fully or bail. I don’t see leaving as an option.
After I hang up, I silence my phone, but Matt’s continues to ring off the hook with people wanting to interview Josh and me. He declines for the both of us, telling the reporters that we’re busy planning a wedding and that if they want the exclusive on that to send him a proposal. I know agencies pay big money to have exclusives, especially when it’s a wedding, but never thought mine would be important to them.
It’s when Jules calls that I find I can no longer breathe. Listening to her on speakerphone makes my blood pressure skyrocket and my heart race. I find that each time she says something my nails dig into the palms of my hand, but the pain isn’t enough to make me stop. Josh paces as he listens to her and Matt converse, stopping next to me every so often to remind me that he loves me.
She wants to see Josh and talk, but is already putting stipulations on him. The first one being that I can’t be there. I go to say something, but Matt holds up his hand, letting her finish her rant, and that’s when I stop listening and retreat to the bedroom.
The door opens seconds after I close it and almost immediately Josh is pulling me toward the bathroom. He locks the door and turns on the shower, creating a sound barrier to prevent Matt and subsequently Jules from hearing us.
“Talk to me.” He cups my cheeks with his hands, and when I look into his eyes I see the agony within him—it’s stabbing me in the heart and ripping us both to shreds.
I shake my head. “I don’t know what to say anymore.”
“I won’t go by myself. Matt knows this.”
“He didn’t tell her no,” I point out.
“You and me, we’re in this together … we do this as a team. So if she has to see me, which I’m not sure why she would need to, we go together.”
I want to ask him what if I don’t want to go? What if I want to stay as far away from her as possible? But I can’t. His mistakes can’t continue to haunt him. I’ve accepted it and need to support him.
He kisses me, and what starts off as sweet and tender turns frenzied. My hands fist in his shirt, pulling him as close as I can, but it’s not enough. I’m not sure it’ll ever be enough.
Pulling his shirt over his head, my lips roam over his broad shoulders, down to his defined chest and back to his neck. When I look into his eyes I see a hunger and know that it matches what I’m feeling. I give him a slight nod, letting him know that I want him, too.
Slow and methodical he takes off my shirt and removes my bra with the flick of his wrist. His hands glide down my sides and he kneels until his lips brush against my belly.
“You should be the one carrying my child,” he says before placing a kiss above my belly button. He has no idea what those words do to me on the inside. They rip and tear at what’s left of my resolve.
Nimble fingers undo the button on my shorts and the sound of the zipper is lost among the booming echo of the water hitting the tub floor. Josh watches me as he tugs my shorts and panties down with one swift pull.
“This is not how I thought we’d be right now.”
My hand brushes through his brown hair, the natural red highlights he has are muted from the poor lighting in the bathroom.
“As long as we’re toget— ah oh God,” I stammer out as his tongue swipes against my core.
“Fuck, Joey. I want to taste you, but I need to be inside of you.” In a flash his shorts are down around his ankles and I’m on the counter. I watch as he slides into me slowly and his fingers dig into my hips as if he’s afraid I’m going to disappear on him.
Everything about us right now is slow, methodical. Josh moves as if he’s trying to memorize the way we feel together. Each thrust is proving a point.
“Josh.” I need his attention to focus on me, on us, and not the drama surrounding our lives right now.
When he looks at me, the trance that he was in is broken. A wicked smile dances over his lips as he grips my hip to pound into me. I cry out, only for him to slam his mouth down onto mine and swallow each one thereafter.
His thumb works magic over my clit as my nails dig into his shoulder, leaving marks that are sure to piss off his production crew. Breaking away, I lean back, giving him a different angle that has me screaming out when he hits the place that I need him to be.
“Oh God, Josh,” I cry out as I reach for him.
“Fuck, Joey. Ah fucking squeeze me, baby.”
The most intense, toe-curling orgasm washes over me, leaving me panting. It spurs Josh to move faster, his knees knocking into the cabinet below me. He grunts as he finds his release and collapses awkwardly on top of me.
“Was that make up sex?” he asks.
“I don’t know. We weren’t really fighting. I’m not sure what we’d call it.”
He kisses his way up my chest and finally to my mouth. It’s deep and hungry, leaving me longing for more. Josh helps me off the counter; my sweat-laden skin sticking to the cabinet is uncomfortable and I tell him that I’m going to shower.
The water is lukewarm when I step in and perfect. And when his arms encase me fr
om behind and he holds me to his chest with his mouth pressed down onto my shoulder, I feel him start to cry. I let him get it all out, under the mask of the water and do so without making him cry in front of me.
By the time we’re out of the shower and dressed, Matt is seated comfortably on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. A bottle of beer dangles from his hand and if he is curious about what we were doing, he doesn’t hint at it.
Josh sits next to him, pulling me into his lap. I feel like a high school girl all over again visiting her boyfriend at his friend’s house, only that was usually done in a darkened basement with a purple light and those velvety Jimi Hendrix posters all over the wall. As I look around the room, it’s not a far cry from where I am now with the drapes closed tight. I crave the natural light and want to go outside, but I’m not ready. My experience with the media was not a pleasant one and I have a feeling things will only get worse from here on out.
Tomorrow will be bad enough when Josh returns to work and I’m stuck here with my thoughts, wondering what is happening. Jules was able to get on set and see him, and yet I can’t be there. It doesn’t sound right to me.
Matt finishes his beer, offering Josh one. He declines. It doesn’t go unnoticed that Matt excluded me and that honestly puts me on edge. I know he was in the room with Josh and Jules when the show ended and it makes me wonder if Matt is Team Jules right now.
I jump slightly when there’s a knock on the door and before we can react, Matt is yelling that he’ll get it. The hairs on my neck and arms stand straight up when I hear “Joshie” falling from Jules’ mouth. I attempt to move, but Josh clamps his hands down on my waist, holding me in position.
My eyes are fully focused on Josh and there’s a noticeable tick in his jaw. Someone told her where we are not so much the hotel, but the room—and I’m willing to bet it was Matt. The more I start to think about things, the more I’m wondering how much of this is a ploy by the people he’s paying to take care of him. First it’s his lawyer, Jason, with falsifying documents and now his agent. Shouldn’t they be protecting him?
I can’t even turn my head to look at her. She’s beautiful and ugly, and carrying my husband’s baby. I may have his ring on my finger, but she’s had him longer in all the other ways that matter. Is he going to wake up one day and decide that he wants to be with her and the baby, leaving me by the wayside? That’s my fear, and it seems everyone around him wants that to happen.
“Joshie,” she whines, making my insides turn.
I lean into him. “I hate that nickname.”
“So do I,” he mumbles back. “How’d you find out where I was?”
“I have my ways.”
Josh shoots Matt, who has now busied himself at the small dinner table, a glare.
“I doubt it. Who told you?”
And now I’m looking at her, analyzing her with her perfectly manicured nails, styled hair, and cute as ever baby bump. I’m green with jealousy that it’s her and not me.
“Doesn’t matter. We need to talk.”
He shakes his head. “I have nothing to say, Jules.”
“Well I do.” She looks at me and raises her eyebrow as if I’m in on some hidden secret with her. I stare back, trying to hold my resolve. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” I say pointedly.
“Josh, tell her to leave. This is a private matter. As I told Matt on the phone, you and I will discuss everything to do with our child together. She’s not to be involved.”
Just this afternoon I told my mother I was ready to be a step mom, even when I’m not, but I was going to put forth my best effort because it would be supporting my husband. Now that I’m sitting here, listening to her, I want to scratch her eyes out and watch blood drip down her face while she cries to Josh about how mean I am. It would be comical, if I was a violent person, but I’m not. Even when I found Tony in bed with my best friend I just left. I was defeated and right now it’s looking like I’m heading in the same direction.
“Joey is my wife and it’s time you accept it. If we’re going to co-parent, it will be the three of us. This isn’t up for debate, Jules. You don’t get to come in and interrupt my life because you lied to me. You’re fucking lucky I don’t sue you for fraud, and don’t think that I’m not contemplating the idea. Everything you’ve done since I went on the show has been to undermine Joey and I’ve had enough.”
“You were supposed to be with me, Josh. That show was fucking stupid, a joke. Well funny ha ha, it’s over. Rob told me that you were getting an annulment and yet she’s still here.”
“Things changed in the house,” Josh says, kissing me on the cheek. I can’t help but smile, knowing full well that it’s only adding fuel to the fire.
Jules throws her hands up in the air and looks at Matt. “You told me she’d be gone by the morning. Make sure it happens.”
By the time I realize what was said, the door slams and I’m being tossed onto the couch. I let out a scream when I hear the crunching of bones as Matt’s head flies back and crashes into the wall.
I react without thinking. The rage I feel is released in a crushing blow as my fist collides with Matt’s face. His head pops back, slamming into the wall as Joey’s deafening scream echoes in my ears. Blood gushes from his face and seeps through the gaps between his fingers as he holds his broken nose between his hands. I stand there with my chest heaving, waiting for him to do something in retaliation, but he doesn’t. He looks at me, saying nothing.
“You. Work. For. Me!” I yell, enunciating each word so he understands what I’m saying. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Just doing my job,” he mumbles, adding more to my confusion. If I’m his job, why isn’t he protecting me? Why isn’t he protecting my wife?
Joey appears, pushing me out of the way so she can hand Matt some ice and a towel for his face. I shake my head, knowing that I’ve overstepped, but the more I think about it, the angrier I become.
“I’ll do that,” I tell Joey, moving her away from Matt. I don’t want her cleaning up his mess or mine. It’s bad enough she’s involved in this shit. The white towel issued by the hotel turns red immediately, soaking through in no time.
“Do you want me to call housekeeping?” she asks. I shake my head; I can’t trust them right now. “Maybe to get more towels.”
She nods and rushes over to the phone while I head around the counter and grab the roll of paper towels.
“My wife shouldn’t have to clean up your mess.” I toss the roll at him, and he fumbles his catch but is able to hang on.
“You hit me!” His voice is hollow and that’s likely because he can’t breathe through his nose.
Leaning onto the table, I look him square in the eyes. “Start talking, Matt. I’ve already fired Jason, and as I see it, you’re next. I won’t put up with any bullshit. I’m so fucking done with all of this. How the fuck did Jules find out which room we are in?”
He looks from me to where Joey is talking on the phone and back to me. “I told Jules.” Matt closes his eyes and acts like I’m about to hit him. I want to, but Joey wouldn’t approve—although if she had heard what he just said, she may want to beat his ass herself.
“Why?”
Matt shakes his head, refusing to tell me.
“Get out. Take your shit with you.”
“You need me.”
I turn to face him. “What I need is for you to be my friend, to be on my side and not Jules’. What I need is for my agent to be there to make sure shit doesn’t happen to my wife when I’m not around. Do you really think I can trust you? This was her safe place. The one place where no one could touch her and you let Jules know where we were. Get out, Matt. Your services are no longer needed.”
Out of the corner of my eye I see Joey standing there, watching everything go down. Matt packs his shit and leaves, cursing me every step he takes until the door shuts behind him.
Joey’s arms come around my waist and I turn to face her. “I
’m so sorry. I feel like I’m fucking everything up for you.”
My hands caress her cheeks and I kiss her lightly. “It’s not you, Joey. Jules has this way of worming her way into lives and once she’s there, it’s hard to get rid of her.”
“This worries me, Josh. She’s going around telling the important people in your life that you’re the father of her baby. What if you’re not? Have you considered that?”
I take a step back and let my hands drop. Jules likes to manipulate, but she’s never lied to me. When I thought she cheated, Bronx confirmed that she didn’t. It makes sense that this would be my baby.
“I don’t think she’d lie to me about a baby.”
“Why not?” Joey counters.
“Why would she? She already knows I’m not going back to her, so why bring an innocent life into this mess? Even if you and I were to divorce, I wasn’t going back to her.”
Joey shakes her head. “I don’t know, Josh. A woman scorned and all that shit. She wants you back and what a better way to tie you to her than a baby. Bronx said—”
“I don’t give a shit about what Bronx said. He’s not my friend.”
“He’s mine, though, and he wants to see me happy.”
“He kept you from me,” I say, stepping forward. “He took you from me instead of asking me what was going on. There are no manners in Hollywood, he could’ve easily walked into that room and asked me, but he didn’t. He played fucking hero and helped you hide. I looked everywhere for you, Joey. And he knew exactly where you were.”
My hands go to my hair and pull in frustration. “Ugh,” I yell as I kick the wall.
“Why can’t you just accept the notion that this baby might not be yours?”
“Because she wouldn’t do that to me,” I yell even though I don’t mean to. Joey blanches at my words and steps away from me, moving into the bedroom and shutting the door. I know I should follow her, but I can’t. Not right now. I need to think.
I pace the room, walking back and forth from the window and door. Deep in my heart I know Jules wouldn’t lie about the baby, she knows how I feel. Even when we broke up, we stayed friends and hung out, which is probably what led to the situation we’re in. It was always one too many drinks and we’d end up places I didn’t want to go back to. The only time I stopped talking to her was when she was with Bronx and there’s no possible way it’s his baby. The odds are it’s mine and I’m stuck no matter what.
Twisted Reality (Blind Reality #2) Page 8
