by Ivy Smoak
He opened up his office door for me and I walked in past him. The pizza box was open on his desk and a few slices were missing. My anger and self doubt had made me hungry after barely eating anything for lunch. I grabbed a slice and sat down in one of the chairs by his desk, not making eye contact with him.
"How's your first day going?" James sat down on the edge of his desk directly in front of me. It was the same place he had been sitting when Isabella was there. Luckily she had been standing or I'd want to burn the chair.
"Really great. They're all calling me Fight Club because of my black eye that your lunch date, who you stood me up for, gave me."
He laughed but quickly stopped when he saw my facial expression. "She actually came to apologize about that. And for the surprise appearance at the party."
"Maybe she should have talked to me instead of you then. You seriously couldn't take two seconds to tell me you couldn't make lunch?"
"I thought she came to make a scene. It wouldn't be the first time. And now I have you here to worry about embarrassing too. It seemed like the best option was to hear her out."
"So is that how it's going to be our whole lives? You're just constantly going to put her first?" I knew it wasn't fair. He had talked to her in part to avoid her embarrassing me. But I was pissed. And hadn't he just embarrassed me? He knew I wanted to keep things professional here and he just completely threw that out the window because I asked him if we could wait and talk after work. He hadn't gotten his way so he disregarded everything I had asked him not to do. He was being ridiculous.
"No. She actually came to tell me that she wants me to be happy. She won't be bothering us anymore."
"Well, I'm glad you got the closure you needed. I thought the divorce had handled that. But what do I know?"
"You're seriously upset that I talked to Isabella for a few minutes?" He crossed him arms in front of his chest. "You know how I feel about her. There's no reason to be upset."
"I'm allowed to be upset! You can't control my emotions when you control everything else."
"I don't..."
"Why am I here, James? I applied to dozens of places. How could I not have heard back from a single one? What did you do?"
"I thought you'd want to work with..."
"I would have told you if this was what I wanted. It's not. I know that everyone is going to judge me when they find out we're together. Which you kind of just gave away. I needed to do this on my own. I want to be independent. I don't want to have to rely on you for everything."
"Penny..."
"You don't respect me." I stood up and threw the rest of my pizza slice in the trashcan. "At all. Now can we please just talk about this at home like a normal couple?"
His mouth was set in a straight line. I knew I had hurt him. But for one second I wanted to focus on what I wanted instead of what he did. Ever since we had moved here I had tried to give him everything he needed. I had been hyper focused on making him happy. And I had completely forgotten about what I wanted somewhere along the way. He couldn't always get his way. This was my life too.
Chapter 13
Monday
I sat down on a bench outside of the Tavern on the Green. In less than two weeks we'd be saying our vows under the huge tree with the shimmering lanterns that I loved so much. I wasn't having second thoughts. Not for a second. I loved James with every fiber of my being. Sometimes I just wished he could hear me.
During the orientation meeting I had thought about how much I owed him. But I had given up a lot for him too. And sometimes I worried that I lost myself when I moved here. He was complicated and unique and all consuming. And I was just me. It was easy to feel invisible. Which wasn't really fair to say. If anything, James was the first person that had ever truly seen me. How could I feel seen and invisible at the same time?
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of the sun on my face. I was just frustrated because school was my thing and Hunter Tech was his thing. And now I didn't have a thing. I didn't want to follow him around like a lost puppy. Maybe I was having an identity crisis.
I pulled my legs up on the bench and hugged my knees to my chest. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, staring at the big tree again. In twelve days I'd be Mrs. Hunter. That was a new identity. It felt like my heart was beating out my chest. I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees and my head between them. It felt like I couldn't breathe. It was all too much change too soon. I was never good at change and this was a million things at once. I had tried to tell James that it was too much but he hadn't listened. I put my face in my hands.
"I thought I might find you here."
I lifted my face out of my hands and up at James. He looked so worried. Why did it always seem like I was hurting him?
"Having second thoughts?" He looked over his shoulder at our wedding venue.
"No. Never. James, I 'm so sorry about today. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so, so sorry, I just..."
"Stop. You don't have anything to apologize about." He sat down and grabbed my hand. "I'm the one that's sorry. I'm still learning about how all this works."
"God." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "Still learning how what works? Me?" I laughed. I didn't even understand myself half the time. How could I expect him to?
"Love. This." He rubbed his thumb along my palm. "Us. Please don't give up on me."
His words made even more tears fall down my cheeks. "I'm not. I'm just so embarrassed. You're allowed to talk to whoever you want. You're allowed to change your lunch plans. I don't know why I even freaked out."
"I didn't want to talk to Isabella. She came to see me. I didn't want her to make a scene..."
"I know. You already explained it. It's fine."
He squeezed my hand. "She asked if we could start over as friends. I told her that we could be civil if we run into each other in public, but nothing more. I told her if she ever stepped foot inside my office ever again I'd have her thrown out. And I said if she ever reached out to you or me I'd get a restraining order against her. I know I can talk to whoever I want, but I don't want to talk to her. Ever again. I have a past. I can't change what's happened, but I will never, ever put someone before you. I can promise you that."
"I know. I didn't mean what I said. It's just...with graduating and moving and planning the wedding, and then meeting your parents and seeing Isabella, and starting this new job..." I let my voice trail off. "Geez, of course no one else wanted to hire me. I needed a week off for our honeymoon almost immediately. But I didn't even get to the interview process to tell anyone about that." I felt so inadequate.
"About that..."
"You knew no one would hire me because of that, didn't you? I'm such an idiot. I was giving you a hard time and you were just being nice and offering me a job because no one else..."
"No." He cleared his throat. "You were right before. I screened your applications."
"What does that mean exactly?"
He shrugged. "I made it clear that you were working at Hunter Tech. I'd rather not go into the specifics."
I started laughing. "You're infuriating. You do realize that, right?" I couldn't seem to stop laughing.
He smiled and wiped one of my tears away with his thumb. I was pretty sure they were tears from laughing now.
When I finally calmed down, I sighed. "I think I've just been really stressed out. For the past few years I've been so focused on finishing school and officially becoming an adult, that I forgot to plan for this point." I had been so eager to graduate. All those extra classes to make up for the semester I had lost switching schools. Maybe I had rushed all of this. Now I was officially an adult and I felt lost.
"That's why I thought fixing you up with a good job..."
"But you should have talked to me about it. Your intentions are always good, but I want my opinion to count."
"It does. And I do respect you. If I made you feel like that wasn't the case, I'm sorry." He cupped my face in his h
and. "But I like taking care of you. You can't expect me to just sit here and see you struggling and not try to fix it."
I grabbed his hand and pulled it onto my lap. "Do you ever think sometimes that it was easier when you were my professor?"
He laughed. "No."
"But everything was so clear cut. We each knew where we stood."
"Penny, I never knew where you stood."
I laughed. "Maybe you're right. I just thought this boss/intern thing would be a little easier if we just stuck to those roles and didn't mix in our personal relationship."
"Penny, I don't want to sneak around. I thought we were done with that when we moved here. We're getting married at the end of the month. All I ever want to do is be with you. And when we're not together I want to talk about you. If you're embarrassed..."
"I'm not embarrassed about us. That's not it. I just didn't want all my new coworkers to judge me before they got to know me."
"Knowing that we're together is part of getting to know you."
"I know. You're right. And I'm pretty sure one of the guys I work with thinks I'm in an abusive relationship because I'm being too secretive about everything."
James laughed. "Wait, really?"
"I don't know. I'm a bad liar. It wasn't a terrible conclusion with all the weird stuff I said all day. And I don't recommend starting a new job with a black eye. You told me you couldn't see it."
He shrugged. "You can barely see it."
I lightly shoved his shoulder. "Oh and by the way, Andy prefers being called Anderson. What's up with that? You always call him Andy."
"Well yeah, his employees call him Anderson. His friends call him Andy."
"James! You could have told me that."
He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. "I know it's a lot of change really fast. But we can figure this out together. If you haven't discovered your passion yet, you have plenty of time. We have our whole lives to figure it out."
His words should have been soothing, but it made me realize what I probably already knew and just didn't know how to admit. I already knew my passion. It was him. And being in love with him wasn't exactly a career path.
"If you want to take some time off to figure it out, you can," he said. "You don't have to jump right into this internship. And if you decide you do want it later, there's always another program in the fall."
"No, I want to do it. I already got special permission from my boss for a week off. It seems mean to flake out now."
"I was hoping you'd say that. And maybe tomorrow you can tell all the new friends you made today that you're shagging the boss."
"Telling them we're engaged sound so much better."
"Going all in right away?"
"Sierra keeps talking about how sexy you are and it makes me extremely uncomfortable."
He laughed. "You sound jealous."
"I'm not jealous." I bit my lip. "Fine, maybe a little. But what about the flowers you sent me? Marking your territory right away?"
"I sent you flowers because I'm an awesome fiancé and I love you."
I stared at him skeptically.
"And I wanted to force you to tell everyone we were together. Like I said, I'm done sneaking around. Besides, I haven't locked you down until you say 'I do.' I'm not going to risk losing you to a younger man at the last minute."
I laughed. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Before we know it, we'll be married. Right there." I gestured to the tree in front of us.
He kissed my temple. "I can't wait."
Chapter 14
Tuesday
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. James was watching me through the reflection in the mirror. He had that look in his eyes that instantly made me wet. My eyes gravitated down his body. He was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs and he was clearly just as excited as me. But there was no way he was going to make me late again today. I walked out of the bathroom and tried to focus on what I was going to wear instead.
Before I had even made it to the closet, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me over his shoulder.
I laughed as he threw me down onto the bed.
"I've been thinking," I said and put my hand on his chest as he leaned down to kiss me. "It's only a couple weeks to the wedding now. Maybe we shouldn't."
"Shouldn't what?" He put his hand on the knot that was holding my towel in place.
"Have sex." I grabbed his hand before he could undo my towel.
"What? Why?"
"I mean, that's a thing that people do. They wait to make the first time after the wedding special."
He laughed. "That's not a thing."
"Yes it is." I smiled up at him.
"Fine, it is. But it's not something we're going to do. You don't really want to, do you?"
"I don't know." I bit my lip.
"We're already indulging in a life of sin." He leaned between my legs, pressing his erection against me, and lightly kissed my neck. "So much sin." Hit bit my earlobe.
I swallowed down the moan that wanted to escape.
"Besides, you really think you can resist me for two weeks?" He untied my towel and cupped my left breast in his hand, teasing my nipple as he left a trail of kisses down my stomach.
My body squirmed beneath his. He was right. There was no way we'd be able to resist each other for that long.
He kissed my hipbone and then suddenly stopped. He smiled up at me. "Okay, game on. We'll see who breaks first."
"What? You can't just tease me like that."
He laughed. "I'm totally going to win."
"James it's not a game. And let's start tomorrow."
"No way. I have you right where I want you." He kissed my hipbone again and stood up.
"You're not serious?"
"It was your idea. Hurry up, we're going to be late." He disappeared into the closet.
Of course he turned it into a game. And he was right. He probably would win. His ass looked so amazing in those boxers.
***
"Have you told them all about your awesome fiancé that you're withholding sex from yet?"
I laughed. "No, I'm going to tell them after lunch." Today was already going better, although, the nickname Fight Club had seemed to stick. I picked at my salad. I had vowed to eat healthier before the wedding. And Ellen had packed me a lunch that consisted of virtually nothing edible.
James pushed half his sandwich toward me. I didn't hesitate to pick it up and take a huge bite.
"I don't know why you're pretending to go on a diet before the wedding," he said.
"It's the principle of the thing. I'm supposed to look my very best."
"You do."
"Is that so?" I hitched my skirt up a little and watched his eyes wander up my thighs. Maybe I could win this game. I'd have to ask Ellen to pack me a banana in my lunch tomorrow. I could definitely work with that.
"I have a lot of self control, Penny." He grabbed his sandwich back out of my hand.
"Is that why you slept with one of your students?"
He raised his left eyebrow. "The pros outweighed the cons on that one. I could have controlled myself. I just chose not to."
"Sure."
"Mhm. You have something right there." He pointed to the side of my mouth.
I wiped the side of my lip.
"Other side." He leaned forward and slid his thumb along the corner of my mouth, staring into my eyes.
Fuck. Why is that so hot?
I quickly stood up. "Well, I should probably get back to work." I grabbed the rest of my salad and tossed it in the trash, leaning over to make sure he got a good look at my ass.
"You're playing dirty."
I turned around to look at him. "So are you."
He flashed me one of his smiles that always made my knees weak. "Are you still meeting up with Melissa and Tyler tonight?"
Just thinking about it made my stomach churn. "Yeah. I figure the three of us need to talk
. I don't want to put it off."
He nodded. "I'll just meet you back home later then. I'm cutting out early today. I have a few errands to run." He stood up, grabbed my waist, and pulled me in close, planting a passionate kiss against my lips.
If I thought my knees were weak before, I didn't even know how to describe this feeling. He squeezed my ass, pressing his body even more firmly against mine. When he pulled back, I was completely breathless.
"I'm totally going to win," he whispered in my ear and released me.
I knew I hadn't wanted it to be a game, but now I was determined to win. "I have a few tricks up my sleeves too."
"Bring it on, baby." He sat back down at his desk chair and turned on his monitor.
I closed the door behind me. I needed to think of something super sexy to do. I was so preoccupied while I walked back to my desk that I'm pretty sure Sierra had called my name a few times before grabbing my elbow.
"Were you just having lunch with James Hunter?" Sierra squealed.
"Umm..."
"I just saw you come out of his office."
We had reached our desks.
"What are you so excited about?" Zach asked Sierra.
"Penny's secret rendezvous with James Hunter during lunch."
"Is that why you keep ditching us for lunch?" Tavon asked. "You're eating with the boss instead? I feel slighted."
"Well, yes and no." Now was as good a time as any. Especially since I had gotten caught red handed. "I..."
"Wait!" Tavon said cutting me off. "Let us all guess what you were doing."
I sat down. "I'm just going to tell you."
"No, this is more fun. Zach, you guess first."
He shook his head. "She was probably complaining about a super annoying new coworker."
Tavon laughed. "I'm sure she was complaining about you. What is your guess, Sierra?"
Sierra stared at me for a second. "Working her way to the top?" She giggled at the thought.
I could feel my face turning red.
"Oh, shit!" Tavon said with a laugh. "You're cheating on your fiancé with your boss, aren't you? Classic."
"No." My voice sounded way more defensive than I intended it to.
