by Ivy Smoak
"James said he didn't want one and then he never mentioned it again. I figured it didn't matter. I meant to ask you about that, though. What's wrong with Mason throwing it?"
Bee's face went from pale to bright red. "Ummm...well..."
"I'm really sorry, I kind of thought you were just joking around about it."
"I wasn't joking, Penny. This is a disaster."
"I mean, I can talk to James tonight if it's that big of a deal..."
"It's too late. They already left."
"What?"
"They kidnapped him." She tossed me her phone. It was a text from Mason:
"I hope you had a good day at work, baby. Also...we kidnapped James for the weekend. We'll all be back late Sunday night. And we stole James' phone. So tell Penny so she doesn't worry. I love you! P.S. Don't be mad. I promise to make it up to you Sunday night."
I couldn't help but laugh, but I immediately stopped when I saw Bee's face. "Bee, they'll have fun. Don't worry about it. Plus it sounds like you're going to have a fun Sunday night."
She snatched her phone from me and started texting Mason back.
"Will you just tell me what's bothering you?"
"Mason used to be a man-whore," Kendra offered.
"Kendra! Penny is marrying his best friend. Don't tell her that." Bee looked so embarrassed.
I laughed. "Bee, I already knew that. And I don't see why that matters. He used to be is the key there. He's not now."
"Wait, you knew about his side business when we first met and you didn't tell me? A little heads up would have been nice." She laughed and instantly seemed a little more relaxed. But I had no idea what she was talking about.
"What side business?"
"You didn't know? What is wrong with me?" She put her face in her hands.
I looked over at Kendra and Marie but neither of them seemed to want to say anything now. I didn't care what Mason's embarrassing side business was. "If you're worried about him cheating on you or something, you have nothing..."
"Oh, God, no. Mason wouldn't do that. At least, I can't picture him doing that."
"He wouldn't," Marie said. "He's head over heels for you."
"So, it's fine," I said.
"No, I mean, I'm worried about James. Mason isn't good at...pacing himself." She drew her eyebrows together.
I knew Mason knew about James' problems. But I hadn't realized that Bee knew. It made sense though. I knew that Mason was a man-whore because James had told me. And she knew about James because Mason had told her.
"James knows how to pace himself." I didn't want to be having this conversation in front of Marie and Kendra. "It's going to be fine. They're just gonna have fun." Now I was trying to convince myself. I thought about what James had said yesterday when we were playing two truths, one lie. One time he was with Mason he had gotten so drunk that he blacked out and lost a ton of money gambling. That was probably a long time ago, though. James didn't do that kind of stuff now.
Bee nodded. "But I don't know what kind of place Mason's taking him to. It could be really bad. Mason's really good at doing stuff like this. I'm worried he's going to take it too far."
I swallowed hard. I still didn't really understand what she was getting at, but I had an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I hadn't had sex with James all week. He was just as horny as me. And Mason had just taken him God knows where. "I'm just going to call him real quick." I pulled out my phone and pressed on his name, even though I knew Mason had said they had taken his phone. It went straight to voicemail. "Where do you think they went?" I tried to make my voice sound normal as I put my phone back in my purse, but I'm pretty sure I sounded panicky.
"I don't know," Bee said.
"What's Mason's side business?"
"He doesn't do it anymore. He's retired." She gave me a small smile, but it was far from encouraging.
"Bee, please just tell me."
Chapter 20
Friday
So Mason had a shady past. Not a big deal. I pulled out my phone and tried James' number again. Nothing.
I was glad the walk home from the bar was long. I needed the time to clear my head. My mind drifted back to the first time I had ever met Mason. I laughed to myself. He had been asking James if he needed his services, but I had been too love blind to notice. But James had told him he wasn't interested. James would never cheat on me. Would he?
I didn't understand his issues and I wasn't sure I ever would. I took for granted the idea that he was addicted to me. Not because I wanted him to be sick, but because that was how he acted, like he couldn't get enough of me. But what if he was just addicted to sex? I had been withholding sex from him. What if he needed that? That was ridiculous. If he needed it, he would have caved days ago.
James wasn't an addict. I knew that he thought he was, but he wasn't. He was depressed in college and he was depressed when he was married to Isabella. He needed an outlet for his anger. He needed something more from his life. That didn't mean he was an addict.
"Penny, I couldn't stop."
His words seemed to echo in my head. Maybe he couldn't stop, but he hadn't had a reason to. Because he was depressed. But now he had me. I was enough. I had to be enough.
I grabbed the door handle of my apartment building and made my way over to the elevators.
"Mrs. Hunter?"
I turned my head. Sometimes people called me that by mistake. The man at the reception desk was smiling at me and held up a manila envelope.
"Miss Taylor. Our wedding isn't until next week," I said and walked over to him.
"Congratulations." He seemed sincere and gave me another warm smile. "These came for you today." There was also a small envelope on top of the large one. "I was just about to run them up to you, but here you are."
"Thank you so much." I grabbed the papers from him and looked down at his name tag. "Cliff. And please just call me, Penny."
He nodded. "Have a good evening, Penny."
"You too." I walked back over to the elevator and quickly got on. I opened up the top envelope and pulled out a handwritten note:
Stop calling him, Penny. He's fine. Don't you trust me?
-Rob
I laughed out loud and the other woman in the elevator gave me a weird look. I looked back down at the note. Despite the fact that he knew me so well, I didn't trust Rob at all. But I wasn't worried about his influence this time. I was worried about Mason's. And who knew who else was even with them?
The other woman got off and I was alone again. Rob knew me so well. He knew I'd be worried. I'd just have to believe that James' friends had his best interests in mind. I had spent so much time with Mason. He was a good guy. All the weird things about him suddenly made sense though. At first his gaze had always made me feel uncomfortable. He had probably been grading me or something. I laughed at the thought. Mason was certainly a man-whore before he met Bee. But he was completely different now.
Besides, I trusted James. That was what truly mattered.
I got off the elevator and unlocked our door. I kicked the door closed with my foot as I opened up the other envelope. The apartment was dark. Ellen would have left hours ago. I pulled out the papers from the envelope as I switched on the lights. When I looked down, my body froze.
It was a picture of James with his arms wrapped around another woman. They were standing outside a nice house, probably in some suburban neighborhood. There were at least a dozen pictures of the two of them. The first few were of them hugging. The woman looked so surprised to see him. She had stepped back and looked up at him with a huge smile on her face. And then it looked like she hugged him again. Her head was pressed against his chest. James' chin rested on top of her head. His eyes were closed. He looked content. He looked happy. The last image was of her pulling him inside her house.
My whole body felt cold. I wouldn't have known who it was if I hadn't seen a picture of her just the other day. Rachel. She looked older, but it was definitely her. She was more sophisticated loo
king. She was even prettier than she had been in high school.
I felt my chest tighten. I turned over the images. They were dated from this Tuesday. Rachel had been his errand. That's why he didn't have any bags or anything when he had come home that night. That's why he wanted to watch T.V. He didn't want to talk to me about what he had been doing. What had he been doing exactly? Clearly something that he wanted to hide from me. We had promised each other no more secrets.
I looked back inside the envelope. There was a post-it note stuck to the bottom. I quickly pulled it out and looked at the note scrawled across it:
I told you that you didn't know him. He'll never love you the way he loved her. Can you live with that?
Of course Isabella had sent these. She was just messing with my head. I'm sure James had a reason for visiting Rachel. Maybe they were still friends. But wouldn't he have told me that? I looked back down at the picture of James resting his chin on the top of her head. Why did you lie? Withholding information was the same as lying. James and I knew that better than anyone. Was there still something going on between them? Was this why he didn't cave in our game? Because he was sleeping with someone else?
"He'll never love you the way he loved her."
I picked up my phone and called Rob. He had to let me talk to James. I just needed to hear his voice. I needed to hear him say he loved me. The phone rang a few times and then Rob picked up.
"We're kind of busy, Penny. Didn't you get my message?"
"Yes, but I just need to talk to him for a second."
"No can do, babe."
"Rob, seriously, it'll just take a second."
"Geez, Penny, you keep him on a tight leash. You have to let him live a little. We're just having fun, he's fine."
I pressed my lips together. "I know he's fine. Please, Rob, it's important."
"Then why don't you tell me about it? I'm a good listener."
"It's not..." I sighed. There was no way I was going to talk to James' brother about this. "Can you at least tell me where you are?" Maybe I could call the hotel they were staying at and get in contact with James that way.
"I forget what it's called. Mason booked it."
"Are you still in New York?"
Rob laughed. "We're not even in the country."
Fuck. "So what country are you in?"
Rob laughed again. "What is this really about? Are you trying to get phone sex?"
I wanted to kill him. "Robert Hunter, put your brother on the phone this instant."
"I like when you act all kinky."
"Rob!"
"Penny!" There were some muffled voices after Rob's voice.
"Is that him?"
"No!" Rob yelled. "Stop it!" He started laughing really loudly. "No! Mason, help!" Rob's laughter completely filled the phone and then the line went dead.
I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous Rob was. Instead, I started crying. It suddenly felt like everything was slipping away from me. I had gotten so used to James being there to comfort me that the thought of him not being there made me cry even harder. I lay down on the couch and covered my face with my arms.
"He'll never love you the way he loved her."
I needed someone to calm me down and tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed my best friend back.
Chapter 21
Saturday
It was a good thing that Ellen didn't work on the weekends. It would give me time to clean up the mess I had made. I had somehow ended up in bed with all the pictures spread out, a bottle of wine, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. And lots of tears. I had tried to find out Rachel's last name, but I didn't have much information to go on. I wanted to walk up to her house and tell her to stay away from James. But that was ridiculous anyway. He had gone to see her, not the other way around.
I stepped off the elevator.
"Penny!" The man at the front desk called as soon as he saw me.
I knew my eyes were still slightly red from crying all night. I walked over to Cliff, trying to avoid direct eye contact. "Good morning, Cliff."
"Good morning. You got more mail this morning." He handed me a few envelopes, which included another manila envelope. This one didn't have an address. It just said Penny Taylor on the front.
I glanced up at him. "Did someone drop this off?"
"I'm not sure. It was just in your box when I got here this morning. I can call the guy who was on duty earlier if you'd like?"
"No, that's okay. Thanks," I mumbled. I turned away from him and walked out of the building and into the bright sunshine. Ian was already waiting there with the car. I climbed in and stared down at the envelope. It was a bad idea to open it. Isabella was just trying to mess with my head.
I bit my lip and tapped on the glass that separated Ian and me.
He lowered the partition. "Where to, Penny?"
"Where did you take James on Tuesday after work?" I asked.
"He had some errands to run."
"I know. But where specifically?"
Ian disconnected our gaze in the rearview mirror and turned around to look at me. "If you're trying to figure out what James got you for your wedding present, I have no idea." He gave me a small smile. It wasn't guilty looking necessarily. But I knew he knew. He wasn't my employee. There was no reason why he should divulge to me where James was. He had probably signed some confidentiality agreement.
I laughed. "You got me. Sorry, never mind. Can you just take me to Kleinfeld's?"
"Of course. Are we picking up anyone on the way?"
"No. My friends are meeting me there." I wasn't sure why I lied. I didn't want Ian to pity me more than he already seemed to. No one was coming with me to my dress fitting. I had asked Bee to come last night, but she already had plans this morning. Jen had gone back to California after the engagement party. My mom was coming up Thursday for the wedding, and I didn't want to bother her with a day trip. And Melissa still wasn't talking to me. I could feel Ian's gaze on me in the rearview mirror. I felt like I was going to cry again. "I need to make a quick phone call," I said and closed the partition so he couldn't see me anymore.
Maybe I should try Melissa one more time. I called but it went straight to voicemail. I hung up without leaving a message. There was nothing to say. "I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend two and a half years ago, but can you please come help me make sure my wedding dress looks good?" didn't seem quite good enough. She had to get past it in her own way.
I looked down at the manila envelope. Isabella had moved on from James while they were still together. And now they had been separated for over three years. I had been with him most of that time. Why did she suddenly care again? She just wanted what she couldn't have. And now she wanted me to open this envelope. I didn't want to give her what she wanted. But it was like it was staring at me. I needed to know what was inside.
I unclipped the top before I could change my mind and pulled out another photo, just one this time. There was a post-it note in the middle of it:
He's been pretty busy this week. He can't control himself, remember? It's a sickness. I tried to warn you.
My heart starting beating really fast. I slowly removed the post-it note and looked down at the photo. Isabella had James' suit jacket collar gripped tightly in her hands and she was kissing him. James' hands were wrapped around her back. Like he wanted it. I shut my eyes tight. No. No. It was photoshopped. That's what it was. James wouldn't kiss her. He wouldn't do that to me. He loves me. I opened my eyes and stared down at the picture. It was in James' office. It must have been taken on Monday when she had shown up. So James told her he'd get a restraining order against her after making out with her? This is why he actually stood me up for lunch? So he could shove his tongue down his ex wife's throat? I felt like I was going to throw up.
"He can't control himself, remember?"
I needed to talk to him. I needed to hear his voice. I put my face in my hands. I was letting Isabella win. She was successfully manipulating m
e. But what else was I supposed to think when I saw that picture? What other explanation was there?
If I couldn't talk to James, I needed to talk to Melissa. She was always the best at calming me down from stuff. Maybe Tyler could convince her to talk to me. I picked my phone back up and called him. He answered right away. "Hey, Penny. I missed you last night."
I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. I missed him too, but I wasn't really allowed to miss him right now. "Yeah, I went out with Bee and her friends. I hope you had a good night with Melissa. Actually, that's why I'm calling. Is she there? She hasn't answered any of my calls, and I..."
"She's been working a lot. She had to go in early this morning too, so she's not here."
"Oh. Okay." I was having a hard time controlling my voice.
"Penny, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. But I have to go."
"Penny, where are you?"
I took a deep breath. "I'm on my way to Kleinfeld's."
"Was Melissa supposed to go with you?"
"Yeah. It's not a big deal though. I've already picked the dress. It's just a fitting. I can do it myself."
"I can come."
"You don't have to do that."
"I want to."
I bit the inside of my lip. "It'll just make Melissa mad. Thanks for offering, but I have to go, Tyler."
"Penny..."
"I'm sorry." I hung up the phone. Now I just seemed to be pushing away the people I was closest to. But if everything was slipping away, I might as well slide down the slope even faster. I might as well end up at the bottom alone if I was losing the only person in the world I loved. I ran my fingers across the picture. I loved him. Why would he do this to me? Was it something I did?
Of course it was. I had been stressed out for weeks. I hadn't had sex with him in days. I was a mess. And it was more than that. It was my biggest fear coming true. I wasn't good enough for him. I had always known that. Maybe he was finally realizing it too.
