by Ivy Smoak
No. I sat down and put my face in my hands. It didn't matter what I told myself. I'd never be okay. I bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn't going to cry in front of James' parents. As far as I knew, they were part of Isabella's scheming. If that was the case, I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. But I really hoped they weren't. They had said that they'd do anything to protect their son. I just needed to make them see that I wasn't the one that they should be worried about.
Isabella had taken everything from me. And all I could do was make sure she didn't get to take my place in James' life. He needed someone good and kind. Maybe that wasn't me. Good, kind people didn't have sex in their fiancé's office. That's what got us in this mess in the first place. Good, kind people also didn't touch strangers abs during their bachelorette parties. But I didn't want to. I had wanted to stay in and watch a movie. I thought I was a good person. And it hurt that James didn't think so. It felt like no one had ever truly seen me before I met him. But he thought I was ugly on the inside. My chest hadn't stopped hurting since I had left our apartment. His apartment. He had made that very clear. He never loved me.
James' father cleared his throat. I immediately stood up. "Mr. and Mrs. Hunter, I'm sorry to just stop by."
"A little notice would have been nice," James' mother said.
"It's okay," Mr. Hunter said and walked into the room. "Eric said you had something urgent to discuss?"
James' mother sighed and walked into the room.
"Yes, it's about Isabella..."
"Isabella is a dear friend of the family. She'll always be our daughter in law. If you're here to complain about her, you've come to the wrong place. You'll never replace her."
"Enough." James' father's voice made me jump. He sounded like James when he was upset. "Let the girl speak."
I swallowed hard. "I'm not trying to replace her. And I'm not going to be marrying your son."
"Thank heavens." His mother sighed and sat down in one of the chairs.
James' father lowered his eyebrows. Again, it reminded me of James. "What happened? Where is he?"
"He's fine. He's with Rob." It was the first time that it actually seemed like one of James' parents cared about his well being.
"Okay, well, Eric will see you out," James' mother said. She snapped her fingers and Eric appeared at the door.
"No. I'm not here to tell you about that. I got an email from Isabella this morning, blackmailing me and James. She had pictures of..." right now wasn't the time to be discreet. And I didn't care if Isabella was listening. She had never said I couldn't tell his parents. "Of James and I having sex in his office. She planted a camera in his office or something. And she said she'd leak the photos to some tabloids if I didn't agree to transfer 20 million dollars into her bank account. I didn't want the pictures to be leaked. I was trying to protect your son. I love him so much, I..." I was getting off topic. I blinked away the tears that were starting to well in my eyes. "I did what she asked. And she said I couldn't tell James that she made me do it. So I didn't. But she actually gave me the bank account of this guy I used to date. I couldn't tell James that she tricked me. I couldn't risk it. So he broke up with me. Because he doesn't trust me. I just thought you'd like to know that your perfect daughter in law just stole 20 million dollars from the son that you claim to care about."
"You're lying," his mother said.
I pulled out the bank slip that I had gotten and handed it to her.
"This doesn't prove anything. All it proves is that you transferred money out of James' bank account. That you stole from him. Which is exactly what we tried to warn him about. No wonder he broke up with you. Eric, please show Miss Taylor out."
I wasn't sure who I hated more, Isabella or Mrs. Hunter. I handed her a sheet of paper filled with the texts that Isabella had sent me throughout the day. I had stopped and had them printed out. "Isabella was watching me somehow. It was like she could hear everything I was saying and see what I was doing. I just thought that you'd both like to know. Maybe she's not the girl you thought she was." I walked past his mother and toward the door before I could start crying.
"Wait," his dad said.
I stopped and turned around.
"Let me see your cell phone."
"I'm not lying. Those texts are from her. That's all the proof I have. I know it'll be my word against hers and..."
"I believe you."
That's what I had wanted James to say to me. His dad believed me? He didn't even know me. Maybe James would believe me if I could have told him the whole story. I pulled out my phone and handed it to him.
He ran his fingers along the back of it and peeled off what looked like a clear sticker.
"What is that?"
"The thinnest camera and recording device in the world. It was the last technology Blive Tech International came out with before James sold the company. She was watching you. And listening to you." He looked over at his wife.
She shrugged her shoulders. It looked like she was in shock.
Maybe Austin had slipped it on my phone when he had kissed me. That was the only thing I could think of. Which meant Isabella had been watching me all week. I felt a chill run down my spine. My phone was always near me. She wasn't lying when she said she had more pictures. Oh God. "Maybe you could get the pictures from her? Ask her not to leak them? I don't want..."
"We'll take care of it." He handed my phone back to me. "And we'll talk to James. None of this is your fault."
"No." I shook my head. "It's deeper than that. We're not...it's over." It pained me to say it. But it was true. I couldn't marry James. He didn't love me. It didn't matter how much I loved him. If he didn't trust me after everything we had been through, he never would.
"I'm sorry to hear that," his dad said.
"Your son is wonderful. He's not weak. He just needs you both in his life. Show him how much you care. Because I can tell that you do. You should be so proud of him. He's the most amazing person I've ever met."
"You really love him?" James' mom asked.
"So much that it hurts." My voice caught. "I'm sorry, I have to go." I turned around and walked as quickly as I could out of the room.
***
I didn't care if pictures of me having sex were all over the internet. Scandals blew over. I knew that better than anyone. I was such an idiot. I should have just told him.
A raindrop landed on the top of my head. I looked up as a light drizzle started. I didn't have a jacket or umbrella. But I didn't care. The cool rain felt good against my skin. Rain had always been comforting to me every since I met James. It reminded me of him. Walking under his umbrella back from the party that I hadn't wanted to go to. I wanted to go back to that moment. I wanted to do things differently. The rain wasn't comforting tonight. It just reminded me of what I had lost.
I took off my high heels and continued walking, letting my feet splash in the puddles that were forming on the sidewalk. It was only a matter of minutes until I was completely soaked. My tears had quickly mixed into the rain.
He shouldn't have given up on me. He shouldn't have said those things to me. All I had ever done was love him. Unconditionally. That's what love was. It was unconditional. James didn't love me. He had never loved me.
I was holding on to something that had never existed. It felt like I was melting into the rain.
James was wrong. I could take care of myself. I didn't need his handouts. I had my debit card with a few thousand dollars left in my account. It was all the money I had saved up working stupid summer jobs in high school and in college before meeting James. And it was all I needed. It was all I had ever needed. I'd use it to leave. That's what he wanted. He didn't want to see me ever again.
I would have followed James to the ends of the earth. I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked down at it. There were no missed calls or messages. He wanted me to leave. So I'd do that for him too. I'd disappear. It felt like I already had. I wasn't me without him.
I wasn't sure when my tears stopped. It was hard to tell in the rain. But eventually I was numb. All James had to do was ask me to stay. If there was anything I could hold onto I would. But he wanted me to leave. I wasn't the one that needed saving. He did. He needed someone stronger than me. Better than me.
I kept walking, like I knew where I was going. But I was completely lost. The truth was, I had nowhere to go. I hadn't come from nothing, but I felt like I was nothing now. Nothing without him. I just needed to get to the airport. I needed to get as far away from New York as two thousand dollars would take me.
A car beeping pulled me out of my thoughts. Water splashed onto my legs as it came to a stop next to me on the road. I didn't recognize the car. I picked up my pace. A car door slammed.
"Penny!" Rob called after me.
"Rob?" I turned around. "What are you doing here? I asked you to take care of..."
"Penny, get in the car."
I had never seen Rob upset before. But he was clearly distressed. "I don't need your help, Rob. I'm fine."
"You're walking in the middle of a storm without a coat, or umbrella, or...shoes?" He looked at my high heels in my hand. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Please, just leave me alone."
"And you're clearly lost. The city is that way," he said and pointed over his shoulder. "I'm taking you home. So, get in the car."
"Rob, James broke up with me. I don't have a home to go to. And I'm not your problem anymore." That's what James had said to me. That I was no longer his problem. That extended to his family too.
"Even if you two did break up, that doesn't mean that we're not still friends. Get in the car, Penny."
"I don't need James' handouts."
"I came after you by myself. Just get in the car. Please."
"How did you find me?"
"You have a GPS in your phone."
"James tracks me?"
"He worries about you."
"He's not worried about me anymore."
"That's not true. He loves you. You know that."
"Did he say that to you?" I let a small spark of hope run through me.
Rob slowly shook his head. The spark died before it had even lit. "Please, Penny. Just let me drive you wherever it is you're going. He'll want to know that you're safe."
He doesn't care if I'm safe or not. He wants me to disappear. "Will you take me to the airport?" I pressed my lips together. This was it. I was really going.
"If that's what you really want, then yes."
I had no idea where I was. I didn't want James' help, but I needed it. Maybe I was a nuisance. He'd be rid of me soon enough, though. "Okay." I walked around to the passenger's side of the car and got in. My wet legs squeaked against the leather seats. I wasn't even sure they'd let me on a plane like this. "I'm sorry, I feel like..."
"It's fine, Penny. You know, you've been walking in the opposite direction of the city," Rob said as he started the car. "The J.F.K. airport is 45 minutes away without traffic. So, it'll be at least an hour." He gave me a smile as he pulled the car away from the curb. There was always traffic in New York. But his joke didn't make me laugh.
It would have taken me forever to walk to the airport. "Thanks, Rob. For helping me when you didn't have to."
Rob shook his head. "Penny, I care about you. You're like a little sister to me. An annoying little sister who likes putting herself in danger. What were you thinking?"
I looked out the window. We really were in the middle of nowhere. It was strange how once you left the city, you couldn't tell you were close to it. I didn't want to disappear. I just wanted to see something familiar. "I wasn't thinking. I just...it's not like I have anything worth mugging anyway."
Rob didn't laugh.
"Can you take me to Newark instead?"
He looked over at me, but didn't say anything.
"Rob, did you go see him?"
He nodded.
I looked down at my hands. That's why Rob wasn't joking around with me. He thought I was a horrible person too. "It's not what you think."
"So you didn't steal 20 million dollars from James and give it to your ex?"
"I think I actually did do that. But I didn't know that's what I was doing. And I didn't have a choice."
"And you told James that?"
"I tried to. Rob, I..." I put my face in my hands and started crying again. "He doesn't believe me. I thought he trusted me. I thought...I mean, we were going to get married. It was all a lie. He never loved me."
"I believe you. I know you wouldn't hurt him. But he's hurting anyway. He's..." his voice trailed off. "You need to go talk to him..."
"Did you leave him alone?"
"Mason's with him."
I nodded my head. "I can't see him, Rob. He made it very clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"That's not what it looked like to me. It looked like he was fucked up and needed you more than ever."
"If you're going to make me feel guilty, you can just let me off here. James kicked me out. Do you think I don't want to be there for him? That's not fair, Rob. You don't know the whole story. And he might need me, but he sure as hell doesn't want me."
"Okay. Newark it is then." He put on his turn signal and drove toward the highway. He put his hand on my shoulder. "How about you start from the beginning?"
***
The elevator doors opened into Rob's apartment. He had changed a lot of things from when it used to be James'. James and I had visited a lot, but not that recently. I ran my hand along the marble countertop.
Rob seemed to believe everything I had told him. He was wondering why I hadn't come to him sooner, since Isabella had never mentioned going to James' friends. And I didn't have an answer. It all happened so fast.
"If you want to take a shower, just use the master. I don't have any shampoo or anything in the guest bathroom."
"Actually, a shower sounds great." My clothes were still a little damp. "Do you have something I could change into after while my dress dries?"
"Yeah."
I followed him into the master bedroom. The bed was in a different spot and the sheets were black instead of white. It hadn't felt like a bachelor pad when James lived here, but it did now.
"Here," Rob said and tossed me a pair of black yoga pants and a white tank top. "Those should fit."
I looked up at him. "I don't even want to know why you have these clothes."
"Women sleep over a lot. I'm a snuggler." He shrugged. "They leave things."
"I never pictured you as the type of guy that let women spend the night."
"I'm letting you spend the night."
I laughed. "Fair enough. Thanks for these." I walked into the master bathroom and closed the door. I tried not to picture James in here with me as I turned on the water. Or as I lathered up my body with soap. I tried not to picture him pushing me against the cold tiles. Fuck. Luckily Rob didn't used the same body wash as James or I probably would have lost it again. I quickly got out and dried off.
Looking through Rob's drawers for a comb reminded me of doing the same when it was James' place. When I was a student and he was my professor. I loved spending the night with him. I loved the way he made me feel. For the first time in my life, I had felt alive. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and then quickly looked away. I didn't want to think about him. Especially if he was back home upset about something I didn't really do. Or worse, getting over it with Mason's help. Just like Mason had helped him find a great location for a bachelor party. James cheated on me.
I found a comb and quickly brushed out my hair before getting dressed. The outfit fit perfectly. It was good that Rob hooked up with tons of random women. I hung up my wet clothes and towel to dry and made my way out of the bathroom. I kept my arms folded in front of my chest. My bra had been too wet to put back on and I didn't want to have to ask Rob for one.
He looked up at me as I came out of his bedroom, and then he immediately looked away. "Do you want somet
hing to drink?" He opened up the fridge. "I think I have a bottle of wine somewhere..."
"A beer is fine." I sat down cross-legged on his couch.
Rob laughed. "And that's why I love you." He grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped off the tops. He handed one to me before sitting down next to me on the couch. "Are you hungry or anything?"
"No, I'm good." We had gotten some fast food at a drive through on the way here. I wasn't hungry then either, but I had eaten a few fries.
"You're seriously turning down Grottos?"
I laughed. "I'm not hungry."
"Geez, you are upset."
I took a sip of my beer. "Yeah. You know, this might be the last time we ever get to hang out."
"James gets me in the breakup, huh?"
"As his brother, yeah, I think so. And Mason and therefore Bee. And Matt. And Jen."
"If he lets you go, he's a fucking idiot."
"He already did."
Rob shook his head. "James still wants to marry you. You have to know that."
"He said he never wanted to see me again."
"Because he was drunk and upset and..."
"He still said it." I took another sip of my beer. "He said it was only ever about sex."
Rob shook his head again. "He showed me the pictures that you threw at him. That one of him having sex was from college. He hasn't had a beard that long since he was strung out on drugs. He was a dumb kid."
Oh. That made sense. But it didn't change anything. "He was probably the same age there as I was when I met him."
"But you had your shit together."
"I didn't. I fell in love with my professor."
Rob laughed.
"What about the other pictures? The ones of Rachel?"
Rob stared at me for a second before speaking. "My parents were awful to James growing up. You knew that, right? They ignored me and Jen. We definitely got the better end of the deal. But James was the prodigal son. Nothing he did was ever good enough. Living like that...it's a lot of pressure."
I was an only child. I knew what it felt like to want to please your parents. I was always worried that I would disappoint them. But they had never pressured me to do anything in particular. They always seemed proud of me no matter what I did. "I don't know that much about his childhood. He doesn't really talk about it."
