by Aimee Bender
“And,” Zeke raised a finger of proclamation, “he may not necessarily be human.”
Carrie continued to flip through the dossier. “I would say with all the women getting pregnant within a few days of each other, he’s not human at all.”
“Or he’s superhuman.” Emma giggled. “Maybe we should hire him to be part of the Gang.”
“This is serious, Em.” Carrie kicked sand at her.
“One man was filled with helium. One man was beaten to death with a shoe. One man was sodomized to death with a chair. Grisly. One man drowned in his toilet. One man choked to death on an ice cream cone. One man…”
Zeke waved a hand. “We get the point.”
“So why would someone do this?”
“It sounds like someone wants the island to himself.”
“But who?”
“Sheriff Rogers comes to mind.”
“But Emma had sex with both Rogers and The Impregnator and said they were nothing alike.”
“I’ve been thinking,” Emma said. “About my test. I don’t know how accurate it is.”
Carrie looked up from her dossier. “What do you mean? I thought your vag was a hundred percent accurate.”
“It usually is. But it was dark when The Impregnator raped me. What if he was wearing some kind of prosthetic? Do you want to hear my theory?”
Zeke and Carrie both nodded their heads.
“I think this Impregnator character does have a prosthetic penis. And I think he’s outfitted it with some kind of demon semen.”
“Demon semen?” Carrie asked.
“Yes. Some chemically altered substance he’s been shooting into the girls. How else could he get so many of them pregnant in such a short period of time?”
“And they would have to be ovulating within a few days of each other…” Carrie said.
“And none of them could be on birth control or anything…” Zeke said.
“Unless,” Emma said, “the demon seed just needs a warm body and not necessarily a womb.”
“That’s a good point,” Zeke said. “But then why wouldn’t he have just used the men, too?”
“Who knows,” Emma said.
“Maybe he did use the men. Did anyone check to see if they were pregnant?”
Zeke leapt to his feet. “Let’s go to the cemetery and dig up a body!”
Carrie pulled him back down to the bench. “They don’t use cemeteries, remember? They just throw them in the ocean. That’s the island way.”
“Again,” Zeke said. “Who could it be?”
Carrie stood up from the bench. “I think we need to find Rogers and ask him a few more questions.”
The sun was now almost completely gone from the sky, sinking into the ocean and turning it a dazzling orange.
He noticed the tide creeping in at an alarming rate.
On closer inspection, it wasn’t the tide at all.
“Demon babies!” Zeke shouted.
Carrie squinted her eyes.
Emma turned around.
“Oh, fuck!” Carrie shouted.
“Quick,” Zeke said. “We need to get to the car and get out to the barn. These things were probably incubating in the corpses tossed out to sea.”
“And we need to get into the van. Get the weapons out,” Carrie said.
“You girls go get the car. I’ll get the shit out of the van.”
They stood in a circle, even though they didn’t really have time, and put all their hands on top of one another. “Grassville Gang to the rescue. Grassville Gang forever!” And they brought their hands up into the air, the horde of demon babies only a few feet away.
Carrie and Emma ran toward town.
Zeke ran for the van, which was only a little way down the beach.
The demon babies were not hard to outrun, even though they were able to chug along on their legs rather than crawl. Zeke made it to the van, panting and tired, with a few minutes to spare. Beside the driver’s side of the van was an odd shape on the ground. Only, it wasn’t really odd. Just out of place. For a brief moment, Zeke thought it was Brock. Drawing closer, he saw that it was Brock.
Was he somehow still alive?
Had he crawled back here to the van to try and fix it in his final moments of life? Even after his closest friends had thrown him into the ocean, watched him wash back up onto shore, and then left him for dead?
But now he was definitely dead.
Lying out in the sun all day had not done great things for him.
Zeke tried not to become emotional as he crouched down beside him and ran his fingertips along Brock’s red bandana.
“We’ll miss you, buddy.”
Zeke looked at the wheel of the van, hoping the tire would be there, hoping the van would be fixed.
But it wasn’t.
He opened the doors at the back of the van. He crawled inside and collected their weapons. He preferred a battle axe. There was something very traditional about it. Brock had used a flame thrower. Emma used a small chainsaw and Carrie used a garrote.
It was a lot to carry.
Turning to step out of the van, Zeke was confronted with three demon babies, hissing as their little hands clutched the shiny chrome bumper.
Zeke primed the flame thrower and strapped it onto his back. He pulled the trigger and flames burst from the barrel.
“This is for you, Brock!” Zeke thought that was something Brock would have said. He pulled the trigger again.
Then he leapt from the van, through the stench of fuel and burning baby demon flesh, and ran into the early dark.
As soon as they’d taken off running, Emma had tossed the dead demon baby over her shoulder, hoping it would ward off more of the demons. They had run as hard as they could.
Now, halfway into town, Emma stopped.
She leaned against a palm tree and stuck her hand down her pants.
Carrie stopped and walked toward her. “Come on, Em. Now’s not the time to rub one out.”
“Ow, my pussy’s sore. And it itches.” She giggled. “And kind of tickles.”
She pulled her hand out of her pants.
Carrie knew that Emma couldn’t have crab lice because she didn’t have any pubic hair. She moved closer to see what Emma held between her thumb and forefinger.
“What is it?” Emma had her eyes closed, holding her hand as far as she could away from her body.
“It looks like a very tiny demon baby.” Carrie took it from her. It was almost microscopic, but it was definitely a demon baby.
She threw it to the sidewalk and stomped it with her boot.
Looking back, she saw the demon horde approaching.
“We need to go. Quickly.”
They took off in the direction of the town.
Zeke was not used to long distance running. Apparently, it used completely different muscles than lengthy and borderline supernatural sex.
Or maybe it was the extra weaponry he carried.
His vision blurred.
He knew the demon babies were behind him.
Sweat rolled down his forehead and stung his eyes. His vision blurred.
Was that a dune buggy in front of him?
It looked like it was in the middle of the street. An odd sight since they had hardly seen any cars on the road since arriving.
The dune buggy’s lights flipped on. Bright. Blinding.
Zeke drew to a stop, his breathing ragged.
He heard the high whine of the dune buggy in front of him, the engine revving, the tires gripping the road and squealing toward him.
Behind him, the angry and hungry sounds of the demon horde.
Just as the dune buggy closed in on him, he dived to his right, rolling on the ground and pulling himself up quickly, readying his battle axe.
The dune buggy plowed through the demon horde.
Was someone here to help him?
Maybe the driver just didn’t know the demons were there, even though they’d already taken out four or five.
<
br /> And then the demons swarmed the buggy.
Zeke was still unable to make out the driver. He wanted to run, but he was exhausted from all the running. Plus, if the driver of the dune buggy had tried to help him, he didn’t want to abandon him or her to the demon horde.
He approached the dune buggy, battle axe poised.
The little demons were crawling all over the driver.
Maybe it was too late.
Then the driver stood up in the dune buggy.
He was huge. Heavily muscled. Red. Winged.
Zeke noticed the wings as the driver spread his arms, the baby demons lining them like birds come to roost.
Then Zeke noticed the huge appendage dangling between his legs.
This thing, Zeke thought. This thing is definitely not human.
Now that he didn’t care about torching them all, Zeke fastened the battle axe to his belt and primed the flame thrower.
“Halt!” The Impregnator shouted at him. “The Grassville Gang stands no chance against The Impregnator and his minions. If you kill me… everyone dies.”
Zeke wasn’t sure what he was talking about. Wasn’t everyone already dead? Maybe the women were still alive. But they were dazed, traumatized, possibly lobotomized.
Zeke shot a spray of flame toward the dune buggy and took off running. He scrambled off the road, zigzagging around palm trees, stands filled with employment guides and free newspapers, benches, and parking meters.
The Impregnator followed him for a couple of blocks and then abruptly slammed on his brakes and headed in the opposite direction.
Zeke craned his head to make sure no demon babies were following him —and promptly smashed into a palm tree. He sat there for a few moments, surrounded by the weaponry he’d dropped. The air was still. The humidity was intense.
In the distance, he heard the drone of the dune buggy and the high-pitched cackle of The Impregnator.
He needed to find the girls.
They needed to get to the barn.
He couldn’t help but think something very bad was going to happen.
“Shit!”
“Fuck!”
“Where the fuck is he?” Carrie said.
Approaching the Hotel Labrador, there was no sign of Rogers’ car.
“The shit skipped out,” Carrie said.
“And left the girl behind,” Emma said. The girl lay facedown on the sidewalk.
“He didn’t even have the decency to put her clothes back on.” Carrie shook her head in disgust.
“What a fucking goat’s ass.”
“What do we do now?”
“Zeke said something about meeting at the barn.”
“No way.” Carrie shook her head again. “There’s no way I’m going there without my weapon.”
“It’s just a bunch of pregnant ladies.”
“Are you crazy? They’re pregnant with demons! Demons, Emma! Are you so fucking oblivious you don’t realize some really bad shit is going on here? Because if you don’t, you seem to be the last one.” Carrie swept her hands around her, motioning to the dark and hushed town.
Emma slapped Carrie hard, in the face.
Carrie punched Emma in the stomach.
It wasn’t long before they were pulling at each other’s hair and ripping clothes that would miraculously mend only moments later. Then they were on the sidewalk, tongues and fingers everywhere. Dildoes appeared out of nowhere. Five minutes later, the island shook with the crescendo of their simultaneous orgasms.
They rolled off one another, sticky from their engagement, and stared dazedly into the night…
…and into a net dropping down over them. The net closed and they were lifted up and slung over the back of The Impregnator, thrown into the back of his dune buggy, and speeding away from the hotel.
Zeke arrived at the Hotel Labrador, only to find the place abandoned.
No girls.
No Rogers.
Just the girls’ clothes.
He was exhausted. But he was also horny.
He picked up the girls’ clothes, buried his face in their underwear.
He pulled his pants down and masturbated.
Then he went in search of a bike shop.
Soon they were cruising through the dark night in the back of The Impregnator’s gasoline-reeking dune buggy. There was another smell coming from The Impregnator. An awful smell. It smelled like death and spoiled milk.
“You better let us out of here.” Carrie struggled against the cargo netting.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” The Impregnator said. His voice was sinister. Was it electronically altered? It didn’t sound like any type of voice either of the girls had heard before, save the abbreviated conference they’d had their first night here.
“I’ll rip your cock off? And shove it down your throat?” Emma threatened, but it came out in her porno voice.
“I’m afraid not. All I need to do is get you back to the barn and lure that other boy there. I have an especially ridiculous death planned for him. And as soon as he’s gone, the island will be mine. ALL MINE!” The Impregnator laughed giddily.
“And what about us?” Carrie moved as close as possible to him, trying to hiss in his ear. It wasn’t hard. The dune buggy wasn’t very large. “You’ll never impregnate us…”
The Impregnator laughed again. “But I already have.” And he looked smarmily over his shoulder.
“We aborted Emma’s,” Carrie said.
“I gave you both another one. While I was carrying you to the buggy.”
“My pussy is kind of sore,” Emma said. “Again.”
“I told you,” The Impregnator half-sang.
“You’re forgetting one thing about the Grassville Gang,” Carrie said.
“And what’s that, darling?”
“We like to solve crime almost as much as we like to fuck.”
“Liking and doing are two separate things.” The Impregnator laughed and stomped the accelerator, throwing the girls back against the roll bars.
Zeke found something even better than a bike. He found a pedal car. It had two big bicycle tires on the back and a smaller tire up front. It had an orange flag on a stick attached to the back of it. The flag made Zeke think of golf. He hated golf. He tore the flag and the skinny pole off and threw them into the street. He stowed the weapons in the wire basket between the two back tires. He positioned himself in the pedal car. He was almost lying down. It took him a minute to get situated. Then, his eyes clouded with hate, he pedaled furiously, hoping he was traveling in the right direction.
The Impregnator and the girls reached the barn, the dune buggy skidding to a vicious halt.
The Impregnator lifted the net and suspended it from a nearby tree.
The demon baby horde surrounded the barn.
They parted for The Impregnator.
“Even if you get Zeke, Sheriff Rogers will stop you!” Emma shouted in a moment of desperation.
The Impregnator turned and approached the net. He batted savagely at it. “Don’t you ever mention that name to me. That man is an unlanced anal wart. That man is a truckload of AIDS. That man is worthless… And you can rest assured that he’s long gone.”
“But he’s the one who called us for help.”
“After letting this go on for how long? He’s too stupid to exist.”
“He’ll…”
“Shhh…” The Impregnator held a taloned finger up to his lips. “There are other things to do at the moment.”
“But—”
The Impregnator struck the net again. “Please be quiet. Please? Can you do that? Or do you want me to feed your cunt to your friend?”
Emma was silent.
“Very good.”
The Impregnator strolled back to the barn, flourishing his cape and switching his tail.
What had they gotten themselves into?
Zeke carried the girls’ clothes in his lap. He knew they wouldn’t have just gone off and left them. That meant The
Impregnator probably had them. Zeke couldn’t just go storming the barn. He would have to sneak.
Somewhere ahead of him, he heard the most awful sound.
Like a knight or an asshole, he followed.
“Witness the birthing!” The Impregnator cried out.
He threw open the barn doors and all the women came dazedly wandering out.
They were all nearly barking with screams.
The first one dropped to the ground and spread her legs. Emma wondered how she could have let her vagina get so hairy, how anyone could just let themselves go like that. She guessed if you were pregnant it just didn’t matter.
The woman screamed and breathed rapidly.
Another woman dropped down next to her and began doing the same.
“The labor of multitudes!” The Impregnator shouted.
Carrie and Emma watched open-mouthed as the first woman’s vagina ripped open in a shower of blood. A demon baby clawed his way out and crawled into the dirt.
“In only moments, my demon army will be complete.”
“Not so fast, Impregnator!”
The girls heard the voice off to their right. As best they could, they turned in the net.
“Zeke!” they shouted in unison.
Zeke turned toward them and hurled his battle axe and their clothes. The axe sliced through the net and the girls landed on their feet, miraculously clothed, only a second later.
“Demons attack!” The Impregnator shouted. “I will not let you ruin my moment of triumph, Grassville Gang!”
One group of demons moved toward Zeke and another group moved toward the girls.
Zeke threw them their weapons.
They threw him his battle axe.
More women dropped to the ground. The Impregnator began seizing them, reaching up into their vaginas, and forcefully pulling the demon babies out, tossing them onto the dirt where they landed and scampered toward their prey.
Zeke struggled to prime the flame thrower. One of the demons clambered up his leg and bit at his neck. Frantic and desperate, Zeke gnashed his teeth and tore into the flesh of the baby demon, and then swallowed by accident.
