‘I don’t hold hands.’ Emily went to pull hers back but his grip on her fingers tightened. ‘Hugh.’ She just looked at him. ‘What are you doing? Even if we were together, there is no way I’d...’ The ridiculous thing was that his thumb in the palm of her hand seemed to have a direct route to the top of her thighs and she kept having images of being taken against the wall in the on-call room.
This was what he did to her and this was why she didn’t want to pursue things.
‘I need to get back.’
Hugh just dropped her hand and smiled at a suddenly flustered Emily. ‘I’ll walk with you.’
She’d have preferred that he didn’t but he had a patient in Emergency to see.
‘So, we’re on for your dad’s wedding tomorrow.’
‘Yes, I’ve said that I’m bringing you. Thankfully it’s just a small one this time, I was a bridesmaid at the last one.’ Emily was actually glad that Hugh was coming with her. She found these things excruciating and at least Hugh always made her laugh and he was doing so now as they passed the on-call room and he nudged her.
‘Last chance,’ Hugh said.
‘No chance!’ Emily laughed.
They walked back into A and E and Emily rolled her eyes. ‘Back to it.’
Finally he got her words, finally the jigsaw was starting to take shape.
That morning with Emily she had only been on loan to him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘THIRD TIME LUCKY.’
Hugh turned and looked at Emily as her father delivered the opening line of his wedding speech.
She didn’t smile or laugh, as the rest of the room did.
Yes, third time lucky perhaps, Hugh thought, but at what cost?
Cathy, his bride, was around Emily’s age and Hugh watched a little while later as Emily smiled and congratulated her father’s new wife.
‘So when are you due?’ Emily asked, when Cathy said how excited she was to be having a baby.
‘Christmas!’ Cathy beamed and Emily duly smiled back.
He knew that smile well, for it had been used regularly on him.
It was a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes, a smile that, to the untrained in Emily, might look wide, rather than guarded.
He wanted the smile of that morning in the holiday cottage, yet it was gone for now.
‘Are you happy for your dad?’ Hugh asked, as they danced.
‘I don’t know,’ Emily said. ‘I got off that roller-coaster a long time ago.’
‘They look happy and it was a really nice service,’ Hugh said. ‘You really don’t cry at weddings, do you?’
‘Nope, I save it for the decree nisi.’
‘Ah, so cynical, Emily.’
‘It means nothing,’ Emily said, ‘it’s just an excuse for a party...’
Hugh shook his head. ‘Marriage means a lot to a lot of people.’
‘Well, it means nothing to me.’
Emily looked as the twins, her half-brothers, chased each other around the room. Donna hadn’t come, of course—apparently she would collect them later. And, of course, her father was too busy to keep a proper eye on them.
She’d cried so many tears over the twins.
There were parts of her heart scattered all across the dance floor and parts of her heart that were absent today too.
She thought about Jessica and, as she did so, Hugh actually felt the tension rip through her body.
‘It’s my family tomorrow,’ Hugh said.
‘I bet they’re pretty tame compared to my lot.’
‘Every family has its things. My sister is the perfect wife and mum but you should have seen her as a teenager!’ Hugh rolled his eyes. ‘Now she’s all butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.’
‘How old’s the baby?’
‘Five months,’ Hugh said. ‘He freaks me out a bit, he’s the absolute image of me...’
‘A mini-Hugh.’ Emily smiled.
‘The twins look like you.’
‘I know,’ Emily said. ‘Come on, let’s go and say hello properly, I didn’t get a chance to at the registry office.’
They were very cute, very naughty, and Hugh actually winced for Emily when it was clear that they had no idea who she was.
‘Can you watch them?’ her dad said to Emily when they ran off as she tried to pick one up. ‘They’re getting into everything.’
Hugh could happily have knocked the groom out for his insensitivity but instead they did their best to police the twins until late in the evening when Donna texted her ex-husband to say that she was in the car outside.
Yes, it was Hugh and Emily who took the terrible two out to the car to where Donna was waiting.
‘I was wondering,’ Emily attempted, after Donna had strapped them into their seats and was about to get into the car. ‘Now that they’re a bit older, do you think maybe I could see the twins now and then?’
‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll see them again,’ Donna said with malice that should have been aimed at their father. ‘At his next wedding.’
As Donna drove off, Emily stood there. She actually felt like an ATM machine, though not for money.
An ATM machine that had just run out.
‘I’m going to say goodbye to Dad and go home.’
‘Fair enough,’ Hugh said, silently appalled at the way she was treated but knowing it could only make it worse if he pointed it out.
‘Or should I stay for a bit longer?’ It was the first time he had heard her sound unsure.
‘Do what’s right for you.’
* * *
Home.
Hugh pulled up outside her place and for once he didn’t know what to do or say. She was close to tears, he knew, and he guessed, rightly, that she just wanted to get inside.
He’d have loved to be invited in, not just her home but her mind.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ Emily said.
‘I’ll be here at ten,’ Hugh said. ‘Emily...’ His hand went to her cheek. ‘I’m sorry tonight was tough on you.’
‘Thanks.’ She moved her cheek from his hand. ‘I’m going to go in. I’ll post some of the wedding photos onto Facebook tomorrow, I’m too tired tonight.’
I get the message, Em, Hugh thought as she walked up the path.
Why couldn’t he accept it, though?
* * *
Emily let herself into the home that was her haven.
Flat shares had felt as chaotic as her childhood and though the rent was at times a struggle, from the second she had moved in here it had been bliss to have her own space, one room, one wardrobe.
It felt lonely tonight, though.
By her own choosing.
Emily kicked off her shoes and lay on the sofa—tonight had been far better for having Hugh there.
Maybe she should give them a chance?
Just one chance and if it didn’t work out she’d survive.
Tomorrow, after the christening of mini-Hugh...
Emily smiled at their conversation, remembering the bliss of dancing and talking with him before the debacle with the twins.
Then she suddenly stopped smiling as she thought of mini-Hughs and tried to do the maths as to when her last period had been.
No.
She was on the Pill.
Lackadaisically, though, Emily thought as she remembered lying in bed, eating toast and sorting out the upcoming weeks, when usually she’d have been up.
Surely one lie-in wasn’t going to change both their lives.
CHAPTER NINE
HUGH ARRIVED FIFTEEN minutes early but he held up two coffees so was forgiven.
Emily smiled as she let him in.
‘I’m just finishing my make
-up.’
‘Sure.’
‘I’ve put the photos up on Facebook,’ Emily called, as she headed upstairs. ‘Have a look and then put a couple of them on yours.’
Hugh didn’t peek at her friends or anything, he’d done all that before. He ‘shared’ a couple of photos but did startle a bit when a friend request from Donna came in.
He was very tempted to decline the witch on Emily’s behalf but he breathed his way through it and smiled when Emily came down, her hair worn down, and dressed in suitable Sunday best. ‘You look lovely.’
‘So do you.’ Emily came and looked over his shoulder and rolled her eyes at the picture of Hugh and herself standing next to the bride and groom. ‘Surely Alex must believe us now.’
‘You’d think so.’
‘Do you think you’re going to get the job?’
‘I hope so,’ Hugh said, ‘because if I don’t then I’ll be resigning.’
‘Hugh?’
‘Come on, Emily, we’ve worked together for years, it would be a pretty big vote of no-confidence if he doesn’t give it to me.’ Hugh realised then he had lost his audience because Emily had seen her message.
‘What does she want?’ Emily said, then corrected herself. ‘Sorry...’
‘It’s fine. It’s just come in. I was wondering the same. Are you going to respond?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
‘Er, the way she spoke to you last night, for starters,’ Hugh pointed out.
Emily said, ‘Hugh, I can’t stand Donna, not that she’ll ever know it. I’ll be friendly and polite if it means I get to see my brothers and I’ll be the same with Cathy.’ Emily let out a tense breath and then clicked off the computer. ‘Yes, I’ll friend her but not now. I don’t want to think about last night.’
She didn’t want to think about any part of last night, especially about the realisation of her late period.
Surely not, Emily told herself on the drive to the church.
Why so sure? the sensible part of her checked.
‘Are you okay?’ Hugh asked as they pulled up.
‘I’m fine.’
‘It won’t be a long day.’
* * *
Billy really was a mini-Hugh!
Blond, long-limbed, he looked as ridiculous in a dress as Hugh would, and Emily smothered a laugh as he nearly head-butted the vicar, while Edward ran amok in the pews.
Hugh did all his godfather duties and he did them well, but as they headed out of the church he let out a breath. ‘Remind me not to have children for the next decade.’
Then keep your condoms within arm’s reach, Emily was tempted to say, but she knew it wasn’t his fault.
The christening party headed to a gorgeous restaurant, where she met his far more normal family and they were all very friendly.
After the meal they cut the cake and Emily watched as Hugh posed for the photos. It was all very low key and casual and over with by three. As they drove home, Emily truly didn’t get why Kate couldn’t have accommodated Hugh’s schedule and they discussed it a bit on the car ride home.
‘Is it hard to get a booking at the church?’
‘Maybe,’ Hugh said. ‘Anyway, it’s done now, without anyone getting upset.’
‘Upset?’
‘If I’d not been able to make it or had asked her to move the date.’
‘It looks like the two of you get on.’
‘We do,’ Hugh said. ‘Or I think we do...’ He knew he wasn’t making much sense. ‘When I started at medical school I got a phone call to come home.’ Hugh carried on driving as he spoke. ‘Kate had broken up with her boyfriend and had made an attempt on her life. Thankfully she’d told a friend how she was feeling and she’d gone to check on her. Otherwise...’
‘How awful.’
‘Do you know the awful part, for me anyway?’ Hugh said. ‘I always thought we were close. I honestly thought if she was having problems she could talk to me. Thank God she had a friend looking out for her.’
He fell silent. Part of the reason that he looked out for Gina so much and worried so much for her was because of the friend who had saved his sister’s life.
‘You still worry about her?’
‘Not as much now,’ Hugh admitted. ‘She went very dark after she had Edward but she’s done well with Billy and, look, I just have to hope that if there are issues she has someone she can talk to.’
‘And maybe learn to say no to her a few times,’ Emily nudged.
‘Yep, that too.’ He turned and gave Emily a brief smile. ‘Thanks for being there today.’
‘No problem.’
‘Well, you’ve got a week off from pretending about us now as I’ve got my conference tomorrow, so just the Lake District next weekend,’ Hugh said as they pulled up at her home. ‘‘Do you want to drive up Friday night?’
‘I’m on a late shift.’ Emily shook her head. ‘Saturday morning would be better.’
Hugh gave a tight smile, because he knew she’d do anything to avoid two nights with him. ‘Then, after that, it’s my interview with Alex.’
‘Are you serious about quitting if you don’t get the role?’
‘I am,’ Hugh said. ‘I’ve already started looking about. There’s a position in York that I’ve applied for. I’ve got an interview in a fortnight.’
‘York?’ Emily’s heart started to beat faster, not just at the thought of Hugh so far away but if, if she was pregnant...
Oh, God.
‘If I get another no, I’m gone.’ Hugh turned and looked at her then and she was sure he was talking about them.
He was.
* * *
‘I’ll see you on Saturday bright and early,’ Hugh said.
‘You shall.’
He didn’t make a move so Emily let herself out of the car, her heart pounding.
No, he’d said not a word but Emily knew, she simply knew, that Saturday was going to be her very last chance with him.
CHAPTER TEN
AH, DENIAL—SUCH a fleeting friend.
It stayed by Emily’s side for the week and encouraged her to buy tampons every time she went shopping till she had quite a stockpile, a sort of build it and it will come, in her bathroom.
It didn’t come, though.
And her new friend, Denial, also had a yen for salty peanut butter eaten straight from the jar, which was probably, Denial said, the reason Emily felt sick.
Of course she didn’t have to worry, it was the worry that was causing her period to be so late. And don’t be ridiculous, Denial said as she climbed on a ladder and stacked shelves on the Friday before the wedding in the Lake District, of course she didn’t have to tell Hugh.
There was nothing to tell him anyway.
So why was she hiding in a large cupboard because Hugh had unexpectedly arrived in the department to speak to Alex?
Why was she staring at the pregnancy testing kits and wondering if she should just swipe one and put herself out of her misery?
‘Em.’ She jumped at the sound of her name, or rather the sound of Hugh saying her name. ‘Are you avoiding me?’
‘Why would I be avoiding you?’ Emily said. ‘We’re in lurve, remember?’ She carried on tidying the shelf. ‘I thought you had your conference?’
‘It finished at lunchtime—I just came by to discuss something with Alex, but he’s talking to some relatives.’
‘Oh.’
‘How was your week?’ Hugh asked.
Emily gave a tight smile and wondered how he’d react if she told him it had been mainly spent on period watch. ‘It was good,’ she answered instead. ‘I have a new friend called Donna.’
‘What did she want?’
‘To apologise for what she said o
n Saturday night.’
‘What did you say?’ Hugh asked, genuinely impressed that she hadn’t told her to get lost but he could feel her volatile mood as she moved pack after pack when there was surely no need. ‘Can you get down from that ladder before you answer?’
Emily did so, just to show she was capable of standing without jumping into his arms, but she wanted to so badly. It had been five days since she’d seen him after all. ‘I thanked her for her apology and I said that I understood she might be cautious about letting me into the twins’ lives but that this particular apple did fall far from the tree and that I’m not going to forget about them.’
‘Any response?’
‘A lukewarm one but I’ll keep chipping away,’ Emily said, and went back up her ladder.
Hugh wouldn’t.
There would be no more chipping away. She drove him insane, an obsessive insanity that was going to come to a head tomorrow.
Yes, tomorrow.
He had it all worked out because the contrary Emily was going to be told just how he felt, but not now, not here.
‘You’re sure you don’t want to drive up tonight?’
‘I’m sure.’
‘Well, be ready at five,’ Hugh said, because Emily had refused to make a weekend of it so they were leaving at the crack of dawn. ‘I’ll pick you up...’
‘Actually, I want to drive, my car needs a good run,’ Emily said.
‘Sure,’ Hugh said, and then thought of the bomb she drove. ‘Have you got roadside assistance? I don’t want to be stuck on the edge of a motorway with you in this mood.’
Hugh watched as she actually laughed.
He’d known she would.
She got him.
Yet she didn’t want him?
‘Don’t be late,’ Hugh said, and headed off and left her alone with Denial.
‘Go, have a drink, have fun,’ Denial said. ‘Let Hugh drive.’
But if she was pregnant...
She wanted the excuse of a long drive the next day so she didn’t have any champagne because it wouldn’t be good for the baby.
If there was a baby.
Emily slipped a pregnancy test card in her pocket.
You don’t need it, Denial warned, you’ll be caught, Security might be watching you now on the cameras and then the whole hospital might find out that you’re pregnant.
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