About Wynett
Wynett Isley is a professional facilitator, life mastery consultant, performance improvement coach, author and trainer. Wyn brings a wealth of experience serving a wide variety of industries to her elite clientele of senior executives, top performers, and dedicated self-development practitioners.
Wyn knows how it feels to face the decision to either quit or dig deep and begin again.
Whether your current situation is through design or default, Wyn can masterfully guide you through the process of learning and practicing the necessary tools, techniques and tactics to hit the ‘reset’ button and get on the right path to discover and live into your greatness now.
Her areas of expertise include quality management, leadership development, team collaboration, performance excellence, strategic management, employee engagement, and individual personal and professional development. Wyn has two Master’s degrees, a graduate certificate in National Strategic Studies, and numerous certificates in coaching, consulting and performance development. She has served as adjunct faculty for several graduate schools, and holds membership in numerous professional associations.
With discretion and rigorous compassion, Wyn has supported clients ranging from multi-billion dollar global enterprises, not-for-profit organizations, and veterans’ groups, to sincere individuals who want to [re]discover their dream, and learn the technology that supports their designing and living a life they love, achieving greater success in their personal and professional lives.
CHAPTER 20
READY, SET, GO ENJOY YOUR LIFE!
BY VIOLET DETRE
INTRODUCTION
If you are reading this, I applaud you. That means you want some type of change in your life. Maybe you need motivation, encouragement, or would like to see progress. Or perhaps you feel like life is rushing by, and you don’t have time to slow down. Maybe you’re spending too much time ‘in your head.’ What is missing in your life? Is it joy, peace, or fulfillment? Sometimes these can seem elusive. Sometimes you think those precious things will have to wait until ( fill in the blank ). Truth be told, you’ll feel better by not outsourcing your happiness, you can choose to enjoy your life now.
First, I will tell you an abridged part of my story. Then, I will share some practices I’ve used to feel more at peace and enjoy my life in the midst of life’s challenges, those things that come up for which we need to make adjustments, the unwanted things that we wish wouldn’t occur.
A LITTLE BACKGROUND TO MY STORY
About four years ago, I found myself in a fight for my life. I had been struggling with health issues since I was a teen. From the outside, I seemed alright. I was an honors student (part of the gifted and talented program) since the third grade and did well in school. Doctors didn’t think anything was wrong. However, I knew my energy levels were not up to par. In fact, I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Although I wanted to exercise, I didn’t have the energy to. People didn’t think much of it, dismissing it as genetic. I had memory issues, pain walking or standing for any length of time, and what some thought were seasonal illnesses.
“Maybe it was all in my head,” I thought. My symptoms worsened as the years went by. But, since the “experts” dismissed my symptoms, other than asking for prayer from as many people as I could, I tried to ignore my ailments. That is until an eye-opening occurrence in 1998, while living overseas because my husband, a service member with the U.S. Army, was stationed there due to a deployment. My brother Juan (whom we call Wil) and my younger sister, Lily, came to visit and enjoy a European vacation with us. One day, my sister asked me about an activity we had done the day prior. But try as I could, I could not remember the event or those around it. My sister exclaimed, “Violeta!” my birth name, in a very concerned tone. Finally, someone had noticed that it was not normal! So, I started to be more concerned about my deteriorating health.
That realization led me on a quest to find solutions. The hospital ended up almost like my second home, yet the medical tests failed to pinpoint any specific diagnosis. Eventually, the frustration and disillusionment took over. I was fatigued, in pain, and sick repeatedly. It was difficult to function, much less hold a job. I was too tired to work, and domestic responsibilities have never been my strong suit nor something I found fulfilling. This was not how I had envisioned my life. Growing up I was told I would be a success. But instead, I felt utterly useless. “What good am I?” I thought. There were glimmers of hope in between. For example, some prescription medication helped at first. However, eventually, they worsened my condition.
THE PERFECTIONISM PLAGUE
Health issues were not my only limitation. Perfectionism also had its hand in my dissatisfaction with myself and with life. I’ve always had high expectations of myself, my surroundings, and of life in general.
This is not to say that setting high expectations is wrong, but it is counterproductive when they are unrealistic. Needless to say, this desire to be perfect was a heavy burden for me. It added to my frustration and left me feeling hopeless.
STRUGGLES WITH SELF-PITY
Through it all, I tried to make God and church a priority. But, I became disappointed with God because it didn’t seem like He was coming through for me. I sought help from professional counselors, which didn’t help much. Looking back, it may have been because it made me feel as if there was something wrong with me, which compounded the negative feelings I was having about myself.
MY CHOICE TO LIVE WITH MORE POSITIVITY
Thank God for naturopathic doctors. Their tests finally revealed all sorts of issues including adrenal fatigue, brain fog, and immunity issues from heavy metal toxicity. Additionally, I had contracted mold toxicity somewhere along the line. By this time, I was also displaying signs of neuropathy and could barely stay awake during the day no matter how much caffeine I consumed. I felt God tell me that I would not die from my current condition. Also, I had heard that doctors encourage patients with terminal diseases to fight the disease using positivity. I knew then that I had a choice to follow that advice or be negative and feel painfully miserable, which would probably affect my healing process as well.
So, I made the decision to make a consistent effort to try to stay positive.
Like Jesse Duplantis says, “I tried [it], and I didn‘t like it!” (Trinity Broadcasting Network, 2015, 0:57). I had lived in utter depression and my self-imposed prison of negativity long enough!
MY DESIRE FOR YOU
One of the biggest impacts of my recovery and helping me to transition to my betterment were some strategies I learned to implement over time, some of which I’m sharing below. You can implement these as well and know that no matter what you’re going through today, you too can have victory in your life. Though I’m still under my naturopathic doctor’s care, my health has drastically improved. I have completed grad school and am starting my thriving coaching business. Most of all, I am more at peace and trying to make the most of everyday. I urge you, don’t postpone enjoying your life. Enjoying your life now will help you reach that pinnacle of success with more ease—that is my desire for you.
A FEW STRATEGIES FOR ENJOYING YOUR LIFE
1. Breathe deeply – Not just a breath that fills your lungs, but one that takes a steady count to five or seven, that makes you stand or sit taller, and fills your abdomen as well. In the article, “Relaxation Techniques: Breath Control Helps Quell Errant Stress Response,”the author states that deep breathing, or diaphragmatic breathing, has multiple benefits including reducing stress, lowering or stabilizing blood pressure, and improved immunity.
2. Reduce tension – The author also says that most of us do not fill up all our lungs with the shallow breaths we normally take. I realized I was guilty of mostly taking shallow breaths. Throughout my life I was uptight and tense. But the simple technique of breathing deeply helped me to relax and feel so much better right away. Try it now, slowly inhale through your nose filling as much of your lungs and diaphragm/belly as you c
an, exhale slowly, relax as you let go of all tension. Try this a few times and during breaks throughout your day.
Breathing deeply is a great start, but adding conscious muscle relaxation increases the impact. After you take a couple of deep breaths, start breathing normally. Be aware of how your body feels starting from the top of your head down. Are there any specific areas that you felt tension? Make a conscious effort to try to relax those areas throughout the day.
I am usually most tense in my shoulders and jaw. For some people, it may be their stomach area where they hold most of their stress.
Sometimes, if I’m having trouble sleeping, I go through the tension reduction exercise above, and find out I’m tense in all sorts of places.
So, try it before sleeping, as well.
3. Celebrate your successes! – Positive psychologists have ascertained that “savoring experiences . . . is one key to happiness.” (Moore, 2010, para. 11). I have to admit, this is one that I’m still working on incorporating more of into my life. Relishing in the feeling of having accomplished, learned, done something well, or even for being you reminds you of the magnificent and capable human being you are! It creates milestones to remind yourself of how you exhibited greatness in the past.
It can also serve as a driving force when you look forward to feeling that way after a challenging goal or project. Remember to do it with enthusiasm. So, give yourself a high-five, jump, dance, whatever gets you pumped—celebrate you!
4. Positivity – Positivity makes you smarter. In fact, research shows that for people with a positive mindset, performance on nearly every level—productivity, creativity, engagement—improves (Achor, 2012). Did you know that you can choose your thoughts?
Yes, you have that power! The Bible says, “as a man [or woman] thinks in his [or her] heart so is he [or she].” (Prov. 23:7, New King James Version)
Essentially, your thoughts drive you, can potentially affect your emotions, and subsequently your actions. If you want a happy life, develop a positive mindset. A way to begin doing this is to repeat positive affirmations.
5. Gratitude! – For years, Jose (aka Joe) would urge me to be thankful.
Although he tends to have copious amounts of nuggets of wisdom, for some reason I was resistant to making it a continual practice. It took me years to realize how beneficial gratitude was. As a result, I probably robbed myself of so much joy. It may’ve also affected my healing. I even bought a pretty journal to jot down my blessings, but it was hard for me to slow down enough to do so.
In hindsight, even though not everything in my life met my high degree of expectations, I realize I had numerous things for which to be thankful! Now, it is one of the quickest ways for me to get in a better mood. What are some things for which you are grateful?
6. Laugh! – When was the last time you had a good laugh?! The benefits of laughter are vast. Gendry (n.d.) says laughter is beneficial for body, mind, and spirit. Laughter is good for our circulatory, nervous, respiratory, and immune systems. Some medical applications are to treat diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, mental health, substance abuse, fertility, and aids in prevention of and recovery from, cancer.
During a severe part of dealing with bad health conditions, I would watch Duck Dynasty’s crazy antics to give me that pick me up. I know they can be somewhat controversial, but you’ve got to admit, Si is a riot! However, if that’s not your cup of tea, try some of Gendry’s (n.d.) laughter therapy. Gendry (n.d.) has laughter down to a science and lists several ways to implement what he calls laughter therapy and “kick-start your laughter” … which includes laughter warm-ups, gradient laughter, laughter sneeze, and singing laughter.
7. Put the brakes on profanity – Personally, I’ve never felt comfortable using curse words, so I replaced them with words like “poop,” or the more endearing “poopie,” when unpleasant things happened.
I would even do it if I was upset or disappointed at myself. Ever since I’ve been practicing cultivating a more positive state of mind, I realized that even these words, or probably more so the attitude behind them, made me feel down, like a sludgy heaviness.
It may not seem like much, but little doses of negativity can add up.
Try being understanding. Or, use one of the strategies listed here to get you into a better mindset.
8. Knowing God loves me! – This is the one that made the biggest difference for me. I had to realize that God loves me without conditions and independent of my performance. I have to remind myself constantly that no matter what, even if I fail, God loves me.
He has plans to prosper me and looks out for me (Jer. 29:11; Ps. 37:23-25). I just have to trust Him and be open to receiving His Love & blessings. :-)
9. Apply it! – When have you had enjoyable moments in life? What helps you to be happy? Many of us have probably heard of some, if not all the strategies I outlined. Or you may have additional things that work for you and fit your lifestyle. Not only that but doctors, studies about the effects of stress, the benefits of positivity, even our bodies tell us that we are better off applying these and similar strategies.
Yes, we may have a full calendar but aren’t you, your dreams, and goals worth it? You’ll be more positive, easier to get along with, more productive, creative, and most of all, you will actually be living and enjoying your life.
10. Hire a life coach – Do you need someone who will encourage, listen, challenge you, and most of all, keep you accountable all within a judgement-free zone? If you are ready to change and be propelled to the next level, you may want to hire a life coach. Research shows that having a coach will help you reach your goals quicker. Of course, the effects depend on the effort you put forth. Also, make sure there is a good-fit between you and your coach.
There are plenty more strategies to help us enjoy our lives! These are some of the main ones that worked for me. It took some time and effort to implement them and make them a part of my life. I hope the ones I’ve included in this chapter help you live a more satisfying life wherever this finds you. Start with one, or a couple if you feel adventurous. Like any other habit we try to adopt, we may fall off the rails at times. Just remember to be kind to yourself and try again. If I could do this, you can, too.
Now, ready, set, go live and enjoy your life! :-)
References
Achor, S. (2012). Positive intelligence. Harvard Business Review .
Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2012/01/positive-intelligence
Gendry, S. (n.d.). benefits of laughter. Laughter Online University .
Retrieved from http://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/category/science/
Moore, M. (2010, January 30). How coaching works: Appreciative Inquiry. Psychology Today .
Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-changes/201001/how-coaching-works-appreciative-inquiry
Relaxation techniques: Breath control helps quell errant stress response. (2016, March 18).
Harvard Health Publications . Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
About Violet
Violet Detre helps her clients reignite their passion for success and for life. As a gifted student in her formative years, she was primed to reach the pinnacles of success, but was stunted by unfortunate circumstances and life’s challenges. Through it al , she learned that it was possible to not just survive the day-to-day but to achieve personal fulfillment.
Violet’s life coaching business is centered on her belief that one can reach their goals at a faster rate and with more ease by enjoying one’s life in this moment. As a life coach, Violet’s passion is to help professionals who feel run down or burnt out regain zeal and enjoyment in their careers and lives.
Violet holds a bachelor’s degree in Education and Life Coaching from Liberty University ( summa cum laude ). At present, she is completing her Graduate Certificate in Professional and Executive Coaching and is on the ICF c
ertification track. As a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, she heeds to her call : assisting people to be the best version of themselves.
Violet was born and raised in Laredo, Texas. Currently, she lives with her husband of 20 years in Florida.
CHAPTER 21
A LIFE TO LIVE – NOT TO DIE
BY GRACE MARTINS
So many talks, so many walks,
So many cheers, so many tears,
So many laughs, so many hugs.
Neither our body nor our heart will dominate us. Our mind can control both. An effort toward harmony between mind, heart, spirit, and body would overturn difficult situations. Making intelligent decisions will only make us wiser.
Choosing quality rather than quantity, reinforcing life with kind words would transform a way of living to a simple and extraordinary way to enjoy present moments.
We do our hair, we do our nails,
We love to buy shoes, we love to buy purses,
We hardly talk, we hardly walk,
We forget to pray, we forget our faith.
We feed our body and dress it too, but we forget to feed our brain, our heart, and our spirit; rather, we torment our soul and mind with worries about the past of yesterday. Focus on today, understanding that we can’t bring yesterday back, and whatever happened yesterday are signs of the past. We cannot change or reverse the past, but only change our attitude or perspective toward future misfortunes.
About tomorrow, it is not here yet, and “if” tomorrow arrives and we wake-up, we will have “today.” So why worry? Why not? “Feeling so beautiful alive.”
All those unnecessary worries are robbing our present time and with it, our creativity to be successful in life:
- Embracing life as it comes as a cheerleader, appreciating the cheer up there in the air.
Ready, Set, Go! (Special Edition) Page 18
