by Anna Paige
Several bites later, he said he was done, and I put the cup away. We sat there holding hands for a while, not talking, just zoning out to the sound of the heart monitor beeping.
It had been a while since I left Mr. and Mrs. Chase in that waiting room. And they hadn’t shown. I didn’t know what to do with that—how to quell my anger so Ethan wouldn’t know what had happened.
The nurse came in and checked on him, administered something for his pain, and promised the doctor would be in again before dinner.
When Ethan’s eyes fell closed a few minutes later, I was grateful. Grateful that he didn’t look to be hurting as much. Grateful that he was here and able to hold my hand. And grateful that he didn’t know his parents were here and left without even seeing him.
The nurse couldn’t have given him a single thing to take away pain like that.
I leaned on the bed, with my head resting against his arm so that I could be close without worrying about accidentally hurting him. Aubrey came in and stood by my side, rubbing my back as she looked Ethan over.
From the pained expression on her face, I could tell how much she cared about Ethan, about all of them, really. They were her family as much as each other’s. She was one of them, and as it turned out, so was I.
“He told me what he did for you for Christmas,” she whispered, watching his chest rise and fall. “That’s a whole new level of love.”
“Guess Kade has to step up his game now, huh?” I managed some semblance of a smile.
“Oh yeah. E set the bar high as hell with that one.”
“He sure did.”
She glanced at his face and dropped her voice to a whisper. “They coming?”
I just shook my head, afraid if I opened my mouth, I’d say something vile and angry at a volume guaranteed to wake Ethan up.
“He has all the family he could ever need, Em. He has us. And now he has you. He’s happy and loved. Screw them. He’s ours.”
“Yes, he is.” I managed past the knot in my throat.
Aubrey stood there beside me and nodded resolutely, one hand on my back, the other on her hip.
I didn’t see Gail and Charles come in, but I felt them. I felt their presence in the same way I always felt Ethan walk into a room even before I saw him. He had an energy about him, an electricity that almost hummed.
Apparently, it was hereditary.
Aubrey and I both turned in their direction as they moved to the end of the bed, Gail holding a large vase of flowers—roses and lilies and daisies that trembled like the hand that held them.
They didn’t look at us—their eyes were locked on their son, their broken, abandoned, amazing son who would open his eyes to a whole new chapter in his life—a healing chapter, in every sense of the word. And hopefully a new beginning for all three of them.
“Is he…?” Charles croaked, blinking rapidly to clear his vision.
“He’s sleeping. The nurse gave him something for pain.”
“He was in a lot of pain?” This from Gail.
Aubrey patted my shoulder and stepped out, leaving us alone. The guys would hear the news in a minute, and I could only hope they behaved themselves when the time came for them all to be in the same room again.
“Not a lot. He was talking and seemed relatively comfortable at first, but I could tell whatever they gave him was starting to wear off. His expression was pinched, like he was fighting to hide it, so I wouldn’t worry.”
“He never did like to let on when he was hurting,” Gail said, giving a little smile. “He shrugged off skinned knees and stitches like they didn’t even hurt.”
“He didn’t want to upset his mama,” Charles added, reaching for her hand as he told me. “Gail went all to pieces every time either of them got so much as a scratch.”
“They were my babies, Charlie.” She shot her husband a look. Her chin quivered when she looked back at Ethan, and I watched two fat tears roll down her face as she whispered again, “They were my babies.”
“Mom? Dad?” Three sets of eyes darted to the bed and found Ethan staring wide-eyed around the room. “Are you really here?”
The way he said that—the childlike tone—made me want to crawl into that bed and hold him to my chest. It was such a small voice coming from such a strong, grown-up man.
His parents heard it too. From the corner of my eye I watched Gail rock back a little, like hearing the doubt and vulnerability in his voice was a physical blow.
Good. I hope it hit its mark.
He looked back and forth between them and me, his eyes as round as saucers.
“I’m going to let you three talk.” I went to stand, but he gripped my hand tight in his own, tugging me back down.
“No, stay. Please.”
And so, I did.
When Ethan was satisfied I wasn’t going anywhere, he turned back to his parents and swallowed hard. “Good thing I didn’t die, or you never would have had this chance.” His chin trembled as tears gathered in his crystal blue eyes. “Please don’t waste it.”
Chapter Sixty
Ethan
It took a minute for me to convince myself I wasn’t hallucinating. Like, maybe the drugs they gave me really fucked my head up, and I was seeing shit. Or dreaming a really vivid dream.
I just kept looking at them, expecting them to disappear like smoke in the wind. Once I realized they were real, parts of me warred with each other. The part of me who’d missed them so much, for so long, wanted to reach out, hug them to me.
The part that resented being cast aside wanted fucking answers, or failing that, to kick them the hell out and tell them never to come back.
The little boy in me won out, though. A combination of the two parts. I was so happy to see them there because no matter how old you get, when you’re really hurting, you find yourself craving your mother’s arms.
So long as they weren’t going to be taken away yet again.
They stood there at the end of the bed watching me, heads tilted down in apparent shame when I reminded them that this chance might not have happened.
And it was the truth.
I hadn’t told Emily that she’d been right to be worried, to fear that I wouldn’t make it. I hadn’t wanted to scare her by telling her I’d thought the same thing. That the pain had been so sharp and near-blinding that I thought I’d die. I didn’t tell her that my final thoughts were torn between not wanting to leave her and wondering if Ryan would be waiting to greet me on the other side.
But that was the truth of it.
And it could have gone the other way.
I could have closed my eyes forever that morning, and I would have done so with so many regrets, leaving behind so much possibility.
Including the possibility of mending whatever was broken between my parents and me.
That scared me a lot more than the idea of being dead.
I blinked slowly and took a deep breath, waiting for them so say something…anything. At least they were here, and that was progress, right? That meant they wanted to work through this—fix things— didn’t it?
My head was so foggy from the pain meds, and my chest hurt, but I didn’t think that was from the accident. It hadn’t bothered me until I woke up and saw them there.
Please, don’t let them walk out on me again.
Chapter Sixty-One
Emily
“Son…” Charles appeared to be struggling for the right words as he ran his hand over his salt and pepper hair. It was the same gesture I saw so often in Ethan, and for a moment I forgot my anger.
I stood, giving Ethan’s hand a quick squeeze before I approached the couple and gripped Charles’s arm. “Take my chair. I’ll pull the other one around for Gail.”
He nodded, looking grateful as he edged his way closer to the bed.
“Dad.” Ethan gave a little nod, the edges of his mouth curling into a pained smile.
I took the flower arrangement from Gail and set it on the nightstand before pulling the chair a
round beside Charles. She patted my hand as she moved to slide into it but stopped before her rear hit the seat. Instead, she leaned over and smoothed the blankets over Ethan’s legs, tugging them down where they’d come undone and exposed his bare feet.
It was a motherly gesture, one my mom would have never thought to do but something I imagined Gail had done hundreds of times when her boys were small.
I don’t know why it touched me so deeply and caused my throat to knot up, but it did. From the look on Ethan’s face, it had the same effect on him, though I could guess why, in his case.
She was acting like his mother again, if only a little.
When she finished, she patted his leg and sat, looking like she was on the verge of breaking down.
Charles watched the whole thing with an expression I couldn’t quite name, his hand immediately reaching out for Gail’s when she was finished.
I took my place on the opposite side of the bed, sliding the IV pole aside so I could grip Ethan’s taped-up hand in mine.
No one spoke for a beat, with them studying their son and Ethan studying them right back, and me taking in the whole thing with fear and hope warring in my chest.
Like a lot of men from his generation, I could tell Charles was the quiet type when it came to situations like these. His expression said there was a lot on his mind, but I didn’t think he was the type to have heart-to-hearts.
Sure enough, when the time came to speak, Gail took the lead.
“Are you okay?” she asked Ethan. “Do you need anything? You thirsty?”
“I’m good, Mama. Thanks, though.” His voice was raspy, and I didn’t think it had to do with his injuries.
She nodded. “You gave everyone quite a scare, you know? I didn’t think we’d ever get here, and it was only a couple of hours’ drive.”
“You were that worried?” My God, the way he sounded, like he couldn’t believe they’d been frantically trying to get to him. Like it was a completely foreign concept.
My heart broke a little more at that soft, quiet question.
“Of course we were, Ethan. You’re our son. We love you.”
He stared at her then, his eyes roaming over her face like he was waiting for the punchline. “Then why don’t you act like it anymore? What did I do?” The break in his voice had nothing to do with his trouble breathing.
I had to turn away at that, though I was sure his parents saw my reaction. My whole face crumpled, and I had to fight back a sob. Ethan was focused only on them, thankfully, so he didn’t see, but Charles’s eyes were on me when I gathered myself and turned back.
When I met his gaze, I realized he was fighting the same battle as me.
Gail’s voice cracked when she said, “Sweet boy, you didn’t do anything. We’re the ones who failed you, just like we failed your brother. We did this.”
“You didn’t fail Ryan. It was an accident,” he managed, sounding out of breath.
I got him his water and held the straw while he sipped. After a grateful smile from him, we both returned our gazes to Gail.
She watched the two of us for a second, her eyes lingering on our joined hands. “We failed him. If we hadn’t made such a fuss, he probably would never have gone on that rafting trip in the first place.”
“He wanted to go, Momma. I remember.”
“Yes, he did. And we argued with him because finals were coming up, and we thought he needed to put off the trip until the semester break. Focus on his studies first. He actually agreed to wait…and then we started in on him about Cara.”
“What about Cara?”
Charles spoke up then, which surprised me. “We didn’t start in on him. I did. I told him he was too young to be getting engaged. That he needed to stop living in a fantasy world where he could marry young and become some famous artist and live in a damn fairytale. I told him the world didn’t work that way. That he was setting a bad example for you, and that you would expect to be some famous rock star and give up on ever having real, attainable goals.” His face pinched at the irony. “I pushed him too hard, said some things about him and Cara that I regret. He stormed out and refused to take our calls for the next few days. The rafting trip was that weekend, and he went, probably because he knew we wanted him not to. We pushed him, tried to rule over him, and he died because of it.” He dropped his head, and his shoulders shook.
Gail’s face was streaked with tears when she looked at Ethan. “After that, we were afraid to say anything, to push you or tell you not to rely on music. We didn’t trust our judgment anymore. When the music label came knocking later that year, and you wanted us to let you go, we did. And once you left to record that first album, we knew you’d chosen your path, and we thought it best not to interfere. You were okay on your own, and we were scared to death that we’d do something to ruin that for you, to hurt you like we hurt your brother.” She was bawling now, her face red and breaths coming out ragged and uneven. “You didn’t see his face when he walked out the door; you didn’t hear the awful things we all said to each other. Those were the last things we said. We can never take them back. He died hating us.”
“No, he didn’t.” Ethan’s face was a mask of anguish. “I talked to him the day he left, and he didn’t hate you. He understood.”
Charles’ head came up, and Gail watched Ethan with wide eyes.
“The last time we talked, he said you guys were trying to protect him because you didn’t understand, but he said you’d get it one day, you’d see how important Cara was to him, how important painting was. He had faith in you. And he had faith in me. He said we’d both be famous and make you proud.” Ethan gave a shallow cough but waved me off when I offered him more water. “He even said he’d paint us something kick-ass for us to use as an album cover, if we wanted. Said once it went triple platinum he’d get to see his painting all over the Billboard charts and in the Rock ’N Roll Hall of Fame. He had that much faith in the band, in me. And I needed that.”
Gail was sputtering, shaking, and close to totally falling apart. Charles pulled her into his side as she said, “We had faith in you too, sweetie. We just didn’t know how to show it. Every time the phone rang, we were afraid something we said would set you on a path to get hurt, some little comment would change your course somehow, and we’d have killed another son.”
There was so much pain in that room, so much regret and fear.
“I know I’m the outsider here, but if I may…?”
“You’re not an outsider, Emily. You’re my family too. Say what’s on your mind.” Ethan looked over at me with red-rimmed eyes, offering me a soft smile.
I smiled back and kissed his forehead before addressing the room. “I think maybe setting up some counseling sessions would be a great way to start mending this rift between you.”
Ethan nodded, looking at his parents. “I’m not going to be playing or touring or recording anytime soon. We can set up something here in the city, have a doctor come to my loft if necessary while I build my strength.”
Charles skewed his mouth, thinking. “But where would we stay all that time? Or would we have to drive back and forth for each session? Not that I don’t like the idea, I actually think it may help, but that’s a damn long commute.”
Ethan’s loft wasn’t big enough for them to stay there, especially not with him needing to stay in the master bedroom downstairs rather than the makeshift bed in the studio until he could safely navigate the stairs.
“Stay at my apartment,” I suggested. “I’m in the process of moving into the loft with Ethan. My building is nice, and it’s not far away. Plus, it’s furnished and comfy. I was going to sublet it anyway, so it’s really no big deal.”
“I’ll cover your expenses while you’re here.” Ethan was obviously excited about the idea of having them nearby.
It took a bit of convincing, mostly because they didn’t want to put anyone out, but eventually, they agreed. They’d go back home to gather what they needed and close up their house for their
absence, but only after Ethan was released.
That night, they slept in the waiting room despite my offering repeatedly to take them to my apartment. The truth was, I was glad they stayed. One, because I didn’t want to leave Ethan, even for an hour or two. And two, because them staying in that uncomfortable waiting room, on those god-awful uncomfortable couches, showed Ethan their level of commitment to fixing things between them.
Since I was afraid to try and wedge myself into the hospital bed with him, I sweet talked one of the nurses into bringing in a convertible chair that stretched out into a bed. I pulled it as close as physically possible to Ethan’s bedside and wrapped up with a thin, industrial-looking blanket, holding his hand through the bedrails the nurses insisted on putting up.
His eyes had been closed for a while, and he seemed to be finally resting, so I let myself begin to drift. The monitors had been silenced, and the ward was quiet, which made his soft whisper easily heard.
“You made the call, didn’t you?”
I looked over and his eyes were still closed.
“I did.”
He didn’t say anything for a while and I wondered if he’d fallen asleep, if he’d even been awake to begin with.
Then, soft and faint, he said, “Thank you, my Emily.”
“You’re so welcome, my Ethan,” I whispered back.
He began softly snoring a moment later, and I smiled at the expression on his face.
Ethan Conspicuous Chase was sleeping as peacefully as I’d ever seen.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Emily
The doctors released Ethan the next afternoon, and it was amazing to see the number of fans and photographers waiting outside for a glimpse. The guys had a car waiting out back to take him home, but it was an ordeal, having to carefully and quickly load him into the lifted, blacked-out SUV before anyone spotted us. Then we had to drive around aimlessly for a while to be sure we weren’t being followed.
