Emma couldn’t think of anything to say. She started to tell him she couldn’t stay. But he was right. She couldn’t leave right away. Not and keep Andrea safe. So she’d wait, take it day by day.
He stood, then leaned down to kiss her cheek again, she supposed, but much to her horror, when she turned her head to see what he was doing, his lips landed on hers.
Ryan caught up with his manager and four other riders who were checking the herd in the lower pasture for new mamas and their babies and those cows who should deliver any moment.
“How’s it going?” he asked Baxter as he rode up.
“Not bad. I decided to take a couple of the first time mamas back to the barn. One of the boys found the tracks of a pack of wolves who’ve been through here since the last rain. What do you want to do?”
“Any calves missing?”
“Not yet.”
“Hmm. Let’s move them in closer. That pasture just north of the homeplace is ready to be used again. We can get them moved today if we start now.”
“You going to help us, or do you have something else you need to do?” Baxter asked.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah. Oh, and boss?” Baxter paused before passing his orders on, “It’s good to see you smiling.” Then he rode off.
Ryan sat on his horse, watching his friend go about his business. It struck Ryan that he felt lighter, more involved, than he had for the past couple of years. Even when he’d spent time with Emma last fall, he’d been fighting what he was doing, feeling more guilty than ever because he was enjoying what he was doing.
Now, he had a reason for Emma being in his life. Merilee would never expect him to ignore his child. And those little caresses he’d been giving Emma were just so she’d feel wanted.
Yeah, right. Honesty forced him to admit that those touches brought him pleasure, too. Maybe more than they did to Emma.
When he’d accidentally kissed her on the mouth this morning, she’d jerked back, looking horrified. A good thing, too, because Ryan’s inclination was to kiss her again. A real kiss this time.
Now that his parents had forced him to face the future, he could admit that he’d never intended Emma and Andy to leave. To go out into the world, unprotected, alone.
You didn’t do such a good job last time protecting your loved ones. A year ago, that thought would’ve devastated him. But now, he admitted he had done nothing wrong. That day, he’d taken the morning off from the ranch work to go with his wife and son. The sheriff had told him nothing could’ve been done to change the outcome.
Finally, he was accepting the truth. Was it because so much time had passed? Or was it because he’d found Emma? Not that he loved her as he had Merilee. Or that Andy could replace Ryan, Jr. But she needed him. Andy needed him.
And that felt good.
And that kiss this morning told him he still wanted Emma. They were good together in bed. They could make a go of a life together. He’d be a good husband.
The relief flowing through him was incredible. Relief that he’d worked out a way to keep the two of them close. They wouldn’t be his real family, but he’d be doing the right thing.
Having settled everything in his mind, he felt even better. He urged his horse forward, ready to work with more enthusiasm than he’d felt in ages.
Only one little question remained, one troublesome question. Would Emma agree?
That sweet kiss stayed in Emma’s mind all day.
And told her a month wasn’t a possibility.
She pushed herself to work hard. She began cleaning the dishes until Billy returned to the kitchen and reprimanded her.
She explained about her arrangement with Ryan to organize the books his grandfather left him. When Billy protested against her doing any work, she assured him she just wanted to do some reading, some thinking about the project. But she needed to see the books before she could do any of that.
Reluctantly, Billy led her upstairs to a back room filled with cartons of books.
“Oh, my!” she exclaimed. She hadn’t been certain that Ryan was telling the truth. But he had been. There was a lot to be done.
“Could you carry a couple of the boxes downstairs so I can go through them, please, Billy?”
“If you promise not to overwork,” he agreed with a frown.
“No, I won’t. Though I need to get better. I can’t have you waiting on me all the time.”
“Don’t see why not. That’s what I’m here for.”
She smiled and pointed out a couple of boxes. Not that it mattered which ones. She just picked the two closest ones.
“Do you have any idea what room he’s thinking about using for a library?” She hadn’t really gone through the house, checking out the various rooms.
“Don’t know, but I’d suggest the living room. No one uses that room. Everybody always comes in the back door, you know, and either sits down in the kitchen or the den.”
“That’s good thinking, Billy. Then let’s put the boxes in the living room. They’ll be out of everyone’s way.”
In a few minutes, she was settled in the room. Billy offered to dust everything before she started work, apologizing for not having done so already, but she sent him away. “Don’t be silly. You do more work than anyone I’ve seen. I can dust a little if it bothers me.”
“I’ll call you for lunch,” he said. “Don’t work too hard.”
“No, I won’t,” she promised again.
When he’d finally left her alone, she sighed and leaned down to open the first box.
But her choice didn’t hold library books. It held photo albums. Emma knew she should close the box and not go through it, but photo albums weren’t things she’d ever had. She had a few pictures from one foster family. She’d lived with them for two years. Then her foster mother had gotten ill and they’d had to take Emma away.
She couldn’t imagine having an entire history of family life hidden away. With a quick look at the door, to be sure no one was watching, she lifted an album out of the box and opened it.
Andy called Emma before Billy did. The baby was on a four-hour feeding schedule. Emma hurriedly washed her hands to remove the dust and rushed to the nursery. She was tired…and sad. She was ready for a break.
She and Billy got to the nursery at the same time.
“How’s the little darlin’?” he asked, peeping past Emma.
“I’d guess she’s mad,” Emma said. “Are all babies this impatient?”
“If Ryan’s the daddy, they are. Why, Ryan, Jr….” he broke off, looking horrified. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“Does Ryan never talk about his son or his wife?” she asked softly.
Billy looked grim. “Nope. He told me he didn’t want me to say anything about ‘em.”
Emma sighed. She’d suspected as much. Which told her, as if she hadn’t already figured it out, that Ryan would hate her looking at the pictures. He would hate her putting the loose pictures in the half-empty album that had pictures of his family.
“I don’t mind if you talk about them, Billy. It must’ve been nearly as hard on you as it was on Ryan.”
“It was hard,” Billy admitted, “but Ryan almost lost his mind. I was so busy trying to take care of him, I got through it easier. He didn’t have anything to pull him out of his despair. Until you come along.”
Emma gave a half-hearted smile. She had already figured out, after she heard about Ryan’s loss, that she’d been a distraction, and a physical release for Ryan. Nothing more.
“Well, I’d better feed this impatient little lady,” Emma said. She’d been changing her diaper while they talked. She sat down in the rocker while Billy returned to the kitchen.
Though she heard the phone ring while Andy was sucking, she didn’t worry about answering it. Billy was around. Besides, she wasn’t a member of the family. She burped Andy until she responded with a loud belch.
“You must’ve gotten that from your daddy, too, little gi
rl,” Emma whispered to her baby as she snuggled her to her chest.
“Emma?” Billy called, giving her a chance to arrange her clothing before he entered.
“Yes, come in, Billy.”
“Do you mind waiting a few minutes for lunch?”
“Of course not,” she responded as he came into view. “If lunch is too much trouble, I can—”
“No, but Leigh and Beth want to come over and join us, so I need to fix some more. You don’t mind, do you?”
“That they come visit? Of course not. It’s not my place to—”
“‘Course it is. They’re coming to see you and the little princess, there. I told them you might be tired ‘cause you’ve been working all morning. They said you could take a nap after lunch.” He was staring at her, as if trying to judge her energy level.
“I’ve been sitting down, Billy. I’m fine.” She tried to remember whether she’d put everything away in the living room. She didn’t think she had since Andy had been crying. But Billy had said no one went in there. She hoped not. She’d be mortified if anyone found out she’d been snooping.
Andy didn’t seem eager to go back to sleep, so Emma followed Billy to the kitchen, carrying her baby. “I’ll sit down and watch if you don’t mind, Billy. Maybe I’ll pick up some new recipes for later.”
Billy stopped what he was doing and whirled around. “Later?”
Emma shrugged her shoulders, trying to think of a simple answer that wouldn’t upset the man. “You know, when I need a recipe for a church social or something.”
“Next one that comes along, I’ll help you make something special,” he said and returned to his cooking.
Emma breathed a sigh of relief. It was hard enough to talk to Ryan about the future. She didn’t want to have to do so with Billy, too.
After a few minutes of peace, in which she talked to Andy, encouraging her to coo, which immediately drew Billy to look over her shoulder, slowing down the cooking, they both heard a car.
“There they are. Perfect timing.”
“I didn’t slow you down too much?” she asked.
“Naw. Though the princess is a distraction.”
The back door opened as someone called, “Hello?” Beth and Leigh came in.
“Oh, there you are!” Leigh exclaimed and hurried to Emma’s side, her hands held out to take Andy.
Emma surrendered her baby, but since Leigh sat down next to her, she didn’t go too far. Beth, with Jackson in her arms, sat on Emma’s other side.
“How are you, Beth? How’s Jackson?” Emma asked.
“We’re fine. Mom’s taking good care of me. Which is a good thing, because Jack’s got a new case and he can scarcely take his mind off it.”
“Now, Beth, you know he has to support the two of you,” Leigh said gently. “After a man has his first child, he feels a new responsibility.”
“I know, Mom, but I miss him.”
Emma was amazed that Beth was actually pouting. She’d always seemed so levelheaded.
“I’m sure he’s paying you more attention than Ryan is Emma, and she’s not complaining.”
“Yeah, but she’s not his wife and Andy’s not his first baby!” Beth snapped, obviously irritated by her mother’s comparison. Then she slapped her hand over her lips in horror. “Oh, Emma, I’m sorry! I didn’t think—”
“No, you certainly didn’t!” her mother snapped in return.
“Please, Mrs. Nix, Beth, it’s all right. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Emma assured them.
“Yes, but she didn’t have to throw it in your face,” Leigh Nix complained, not satisfied.
Beth’s eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Emma.”
Emma reached over for Beth’s baby. “You didn’t. Let me see Jackson. He’s so much bigger than Andy.” Emma took the baby and began asking questions about how he was doing. Beth grew distracted, bragging about her son.
Then Billy served lunch and joined them at the table, and the conversation turned general.
Emma was enjoying all the company. She’d lived such a lonely life during her pregnancy, she found pleasure in talking to the other women.
Until Leigh asked about her work. “I think it’s wonderful that you’re taking care of all those books, but we don’t want you getting too tired.”
“Oh, no! I’m—I’m not doing much. Just checking out what’s there.”
“My father was quite a reader. Not much of a rancher, but he read everything he could get his hands on. He read to us kids, too, on winter nights when it got dark early. We didn’t watch much television. Of course, that was a different time period.”
“Yeah, but I can still remember Grandpa reading to me and Ryan,” Beth added. She looked at Emma. “We loved it. Grandpa had this awesome voice and he’d act out the parts.”
“How wonderful,” Emma exclaimed, adding reading out loud to her mental list of what she’d do for Andy.
“Did you have—” Beth began, but Leigh interrupted her.
“Child, you’re not letting Emma enjoy her lunch. Take Jackson from her so she can eat.”
Both young women protested.
“Actually, he’s going to sleep,” Emma said. “Do you want me to put him in the nursery?”
“But Andy’s asleep, too,” Beth pointed out. “She’ll need her crib.”
“Ryan bought a bassinet and a crib, so we have plenty of room.” Emma pushed away from the table, ready to carry Jackson from the table, but Billy leaped up and rushed to her side.
“I can put the little fella in his bed,” he said. “Just give him to me.”
“And I’ll take care of Andy. You two need to eat more,” Leigh ordered as she followed Billy out of the kitchen.
Beth laughed. “I love everyone telling me to eat more. It’s the first time in ages I haven’t had to worry about gaining weight.”
Emma smiled. “I’d never know it. You always look so wonderful.”
“And that’s why I like you, friend,” Beth said with a grin. “You lie like a trouper!”
They were both chuckling when Billy and Leigh came back in and sat down.
Emma relaxed, thinking how nice the luncheon had been.
“You know, Emma,” Leigh said as she finished eating, “as soon as lunch is over, I’d love to look at some of my father’s books. Do you mind?”
Emma froze. She hadn’t been looking at books. She’d been going through the family’s personal photo albums. And now Leigh and Beth would know that.
Chapter Nine
Ryan swung down from the saddle with a sigh of satisfaction. A good day’s work in a place he loved. Coming home to his family.
He hadn’t felt this way since before the accident. An elixir that said all’s right with the world. They should bottle it and relieve the world of its problems.
“We’ll take care of your horse, boss. Go on in,” one of his hands said.
As tempting as that offer was, because he was anxious to see Emma and Andy, Ryan refused. “Thanks, but I’ll take care of old Gus. He took care of me today.”
When all the chores had been completed, he said goodnight and headed for the house. He had definite plans for the evening. He was going to explain to Emma the future he’d planned for the two—no, three of them.
Before he even got to the house, he had an inkling his plans would fall apart…or at least be delayed. His sister’s car was parked by the house. He guessed his mother and Beth had come for a visit.
But they’d have to go home and prepare dinner for the menfolk, so everything would fall into place. Unless they’d worn Emma out. She pushed herself too hard.
He picked up speed, his long strides bringing him to the back porch just as he heard another vehicle. Frowning, he took a step back and saw his father and Jack get out of the car. Guests for the evening weren’t in his plans.
“Hey, Ryan!” his father called with a big smile, walking toward him.
“Hi, Dad, Jack. What are you doing
here?”
Joe raised his eyebrows, then leaned toward Jack. “That doesn’t sound too welcoming, does it?”
“Of course you’re welcome, Dad,” Ryan hurriedly said. ‘I didn’t know you were coming, though, did I?”
“Nope. You got plans?”
Ryan guessed he didn’t. “No, of course not. I’m just coming in from work. I’ll need to shower before I entertain guests. Unlike Jack, I don’t handle clean-smelling paper all day.”
Jack spoke for the first time. “You have an elevated idea of a lawyer’s work, Ryan. Some of that paper stinks. At least what’s written on it does.”
They’d moved to the porch while they were talking and Ryan held open the door. “Come on in.”
Billy and Leigh were in the kitchen, bustling around. Leigh spun around when she heard them, dropped the spoon she’d been using in the sink and rushed to hug her husband.
Ryan backed away when she approached him. “I’ve got to clean up, Mom.”
“Well, hurry up. Dinner will be ready in half an hour.” She hugged Jack and returned to the stove.
“Where’s Emma?” he asked, not moving.
“And Beth?” Jack added, looking a little lost.
“Oh, I insisted they both lie down and rest while the babies were sleeping. We’ll wake them up in a few minutes.”
“Uh, I’ll go wake Beth now,” Jack said, backing toward the door. “Which room is she in?”
Ryan stood there, jealousy consuming him. Until he and Emma had had their talk, he knew she’d protest if he joined her in her bedroom.
After Leigh told Jack where to find his wife, he disappeared.
“Ryan? Aren’t you going to shower?”
“Uh, yeah, I’ll hurry.”
“You’ve got half an hour,” Leigh called.
But he stopped hurrying when the door closed behind him.
Instead of heading for the stairs, he looked down the hall to where Emma and Andrea had their rooms. He took a step in that direction, then halted again.
Damn, he smelled like a horse. Even Andy wouldn’t want him the way he was. Later, when she was older, maybe two or three, he’d teach her about horses. He grinned, picturing his little girl sitting on a horse, holding on for dear life, while he led the horse around the corral. They had pictures of Beth like that.
Newborn Daddy (The Baby Secret) Page 9
