Lauren turned away, pretending to be occupied with getting dressed. "I . . . it was nothing really."
Shrugging into his shirt, Jason came to stand behind her and solicitously began fastening the hooks on her gown. "Lauren—"
Knowing he meant to pursue the subject, Lauren hastened to speak of something else. "You haven't told me about your trip," she said with false brightness.
She couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard Jason give a sigh. "It went well," he replied. "I saw Claude."
There was something in Jason's voice that made Lauren want to shiver. Turning, she saw that he was regarding her intently. "And?" she pressed, directing a questioning glance up at him, though not really wanting to hear the answer.
"Rafael returned some time ago to the Mediterranean. Claude thinks I might find him in Algiers." There was a pause, then Jason said very solemnly, "I have to go, Lauren."
She lowered her gaze. "I . . . I know. When do you leave then?"
"I've ordered that the Siren be ready to sail for England in three days."
Her eyes flew back to his face. "Three days?" she breathed. "So soon?"
Jason touched her cheek. "You still have time to change your mind and come with me."
Lauren held up a hand as if to ward him off. "No, please . . ." Something flashed in Jason's eyes, whether pain or anger or something else she couldn't tell. "I . . . I'm sorry," she said quietly, "but I can't."
This time Jason's sigh was audible. "Very well, sweetheart. It's your choice." Stepping back, Jason looped his cravat around his neck and began the difficult job of arranging it into a fashionable fall.
As she watched, Lauren felt tears sting her eyes. Her beautiful world had suddenly crumbled.
When Jason's face blurred in her vision, she turned away to draw on a stocking. Why now, when she needed it most, had she lost the ability to turn off her feelings? she wondered bitterly. The pain wouldn't go away, and she was unable to pretend otherwise.
She tried to hide her misery in inconsequential chatter, though. As she mechanically finished dressing, Lauren forced herself to ask Jason what Barataria was like. And while she pinned her hair into a semblance of order, Lauren listened to her husband recount the details of his trip.
But she couldn't fully meet his gaze. Nor could she even manage a shaky smile as she took his proffered arm. In fact, Lauren had to bite her lip to stop its quivering. She was totally silent and subdued as she walked with Jason back to the house.
Chapter Twenty-one
From her position on the foredeck of the Siren, Lauren could see most of the ship's crew. They were hard at work, unfurling sails and preparing to weigh anchor. Lauren paid no attention to the bustling activity around her, though. She had eyes only for one man—and the tears that threatened to fall again tended to obscure her view of Jason.
She had come with him to the ship in order to prolong the moment of parting for as long as possible. Unfortunately, Jason had been needed almost at once, and he had excused himself, ordering her to stay out of the way of the sailors. Now he was speaking to Kyle and another man. No doubt their conversation concerned when to cast off, Lauren thought miserably, turning away. Perhaps she should have said goodbye at home as Jason had suggested. Now, of necessity, their farewell would be rushed and impersonal.
No! Lauren vowed to herself. She would not let him go that way. She would demand a moment of privacy—
"Sweetheart?"
Lauren gave a start, realizing Jason had come to stand beside her and was regarding her calmly. "Would you come below with me? I can hardly kiss you here as I would like."
Lauren smiled tremulously, grateful this time that he had read her thoughts. Placing a hand on his sleeve, she allowed him to lead her to his cabin.
He didn't take her in his arms at once as she expected, but instead went to the infamous desk and opened a drawer. Withdrawing a small slim box, Jason presented it to her silently.
Lauren glanced at him questioningly before opening it, then gave a soft cry when she saw the jeweled necklace inside. It was a small golden heart, exquisitely surrounded by emeralds, hung on a slender chain. Giving the heart a closer inspection, she saw the engraving on the face—a tiny but proudly soaring hawk, the symbol of the Carlin ships.
The ache in Lauren's throat was so painful that she couldn't speak. The tears spilled over as she looked up at Jason, meeting his brilliant blue gaze.
When she flung herself into his arms, he held her close, letting her cry, but after a moment, he chided her gently. "If I had known you were going to turn into such a watering pot, Cat-eyes, I would never have allowed you to come. I can't bear to see a beautiful woman cry—especially you."
"You made me by giving me such a beautiful gift," Lauren sobbed against his shoulder.
"I'm beginning to regret it. You're wetting my coat again."
Looking up, she saw Jason's tender smile and was ashamed for spoiling their last moments together. Making a great effort to control herself, she drew away, wiping her eyes. Then she took a deep, steadying breath and rummaged through her reticule till she found her gift to Jason. "I have something for you as well."
She watched anxiously as he unwrapped the miniature of herself. Jason looked at the small portrait for a long while, the expression in his blue eyes inscrutable. Lauren couldn't even tell what he was thinking when he at last tore his gaze away to meet hers. The ache in her throat grew. "So you won't forget me," Lauren managed to say huskily before the tears choked her again.
Setting down the miniature, Jason drew Lauren to him. Cupping her face in his hands, he pressed a kiss on her trembling mouth. "I could never forget you, my precious love," he whispered. "How could I when you own my heart? I leave it with you, Lauren. Keep it safe."
Clinging to Jason, Lauren wept again softly, wishing she could be stronger. She didn't know how long she stood there being comforted by him, but the velvet sound of his voice roused her from her morass of self-pity. "It's time for you to go, sweetheart."
Taking another ragged breath, Lauren nodded and searched through her reticule again till she found a handkerchief. As she dried her eyes, she listened to Jason's last-minute instructions.
"If you need anything at all," he was saying, "you're to contact Sauvinet. I've arranged with him to handle your business affairs, and he'll also see that Veronique is given an adequate income in payment for acting as your companion. I cannot like the idea of you two living in town, but I suppose I'll have to be satisfied. At least Lila and Jean-Paul will be nearby to watch over you. I'll remind you once more, though, Lauren, of your promise to stay away from the casino."
"I remember," she said in a low voice.
Jason smiled. "Good. Then I'll try not to worry about you above twenty times a day."
Her eyes bright with unshed tears, Lauren flung her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "But I'll worry about you. You will be careful?"
"Of course, sweetheart. It may take some time for me to settle my business with Rafael, and I have other affairs that need tending, but I'll try to return in six months or so. Perhaps we may even be able to spend Christmas together."
Jason kissed her once more, then pried himself from Lauren's almost desperate hold. Taking her elbow, he steered her above deck.
She said good-bye to Kyle and took one last glance around her before Jason escorted her down the gangway where Veronique waited for her. He helped Lauren into the carriage, then leaned across to plant a swift, hard kiss on her lips. "Farewell, my love. Take care of yourself." Then he turned on his heel and strode away.
With something akin to shock, Lauren watched him go. A myriad of emotions warred inside her, but amazement was the most prevalent. In her heart she had never quite believed Jason would actually leave her. Deep down, she had cherished a secret hope that he would stay. Certainly she had expected him to try and change her mind. In fact, she had half suspected that Jason would force her to go with him, or trick her into it, as he had when he had married h
er. Yet, incredulously, he had walked away, without once looking back, as if it mattered not at all that her heart was breaking.
She bit her lip to keep herself from calling him back. The decision to stay had been hers, Lauren reminded herself. She couldn't go with him. Nothing had changed—at least nothing but the fact that she loved Jason Stuart to distraction. She was still a bastard. She would still go to prison if her impersonation were ever discovered. She still had no right to subject Jason to such a scandal. And she still couldn't face his hatred when he learned the truth.
The three days had raced by. Although Lauren had tried to accept the idea of his departure bravely, in truth she had been despondent and depressed during their last days together. Their lovemaking had held a hint of desperation, at least on her part. She hadn't put into words her sorrow and despair, though she had known Jason could sense her feelings.
How desolate she felt already, Lauren thought as she watched Jason board the ship. Not even the thought of his child lying deep in her womb could comfort her. She had longed to tell him about that, but she had known it would be a mistake. She had only been able to console herself with the hope that Jason would return in time to be with her for the birth of their child.
She watched as Jason went to stand at the railing where he could observe her. He was still wearing that inscrutable expression, she saw. Behind him the canvas sails were being raised, while in the muddy water below, a half dozen oar-driven skiffs took up slack in their lines as they made ready to tow the schooner into the river's main current.
When Jason lifted a hand to wave good-bye, Lauren found she couldn't watch any longer. Holding back a sob, she ordered her coachman to turn the carriage around and take them home. Then she made the mistake of meeting Veronique's eyes. Eyes that were filled with compassion. Slumping back against the cushions, Lauren began to cry again, silently, hopelessly. "He didn't even try to convince me to go with him," she said brokenly.
Veronique patted her hand. "Did you wish him to, chérie?"
"It is stupid feminine logic, I know. But yes, I did."
"It is not stupid!" Veronique replied with unusual vehemence. "And love is never logical!" She added a graceful curse to the gods above before she, too, found herself weeping.
It wasn't a long drive to the Faubourg St. Marie; a mere ten minutes passed before the carriage pulled to a stop before the house Jason had bought for Lauren. A small black boy jumped down from his tiger's perch to help his mistress descend, but neither of the ladies moved.
Seeing Veronique's tears, Lauren wiped her eyes. "How heartless of me. You, too, are in love. You've lost Kyle, just as I've lost Jason."
"Non, that is not true. I never owned Kyle's love. But you, mon chou, your case is different."
"You think I am making a mistake?" Lauren asked with a sniff.
"Oui, I do. And I think you know it as well. You love Jason very much, non?"
"So much that it hurts. Oh, Veronique, how am I going to live without him?"
"It is not too late. The ship may not have sailed yet."
"It is too late. It has always been too late."
There was another silence. "Well," Veronique said quietly, "what I know is that if I loved a man so much and he loved me, I would never let him get away. I would follow wherever he led."
Lauren looked up. "Even if you knew it could never last?"
"Even so. I do not think anything would be too great a price to pay to know such happiness, however brief."
Lauren gave a mirthless laugh. "However brief," she repeated bitterly. "Do you know it has only been three months since Jason arrived here? And yet I first saw him nearly four years ago. I must have loved him even then."
"Vraiment?"
"Yes," Lauren whispered. For a moment she stared down at her clasped hands. Then she shut her gold-flecked eyes tightly and took a deep breath. "Samuel!" she called to the driver, "I've changed my mind. Please take me back to the levee."
Veronique stared at her, but when the horses began to move once more, the redhead clapped her hands in delight. "You are going to England!"
Lauren nodded slowly. She had amazed even herself with her decision, but she had realized she couldn't let Jason leave without her. She was his wife, no matter whose name was written on their marriage lines. The possibility that their future together might be hopeless no longer mattered. "I must go," she said thoughtfully. "And not just because Jason is my happiness. I could never be complete without him. He is the other part of me. I can't live without him. Nothing else matters."
Veronique squeezed her hand. "I do not think you will regret your decision. Oh, I hope the Siren has not yet sailed!"
"If it has, then I will hire a ship and follow him." Lauren wasn't surprised by her sudden calm. Indeed, she felt as if a tremendous burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She hadn't conquered her fears, nor could she delude herself that she was solving anything. She was buying a few more weeks, perhaps months of happiness. If the truth did come out, she would still be facing the threat of prison and hanging, but she had to take that risk in order to be with Jason. And perhaps she could find a way to soften the blow for him.
Now that she had made the decision, however, nothing would stand in her way. She urged Samuel to hurry, then reached for Veronique's hands. "This doesn't change the other part of our plan," Lauren said firmly. "You are not to go back to the casino—the house is yours for as long as you want it. Please, don't argue," she added quickly as Veronique started to speak. "I can't leave unless you are settled comfortably. The house is mine, so I can do as I please with it. But Jason would want you to live there, I know. He realizes what a wonderful friend you have been to me. And I doubt that I will ever . . . I probably will not need the use of it again. Jason said he arranged a salary for you with Sauvinet. Accept it as payment for taking care of the house, if for no other reason."
Veronique protested the generous gesture, but Lauren wouldn't allow her to refuse. Shortly they were hugging and laughing and crying as they said good-bye to each other.
"You will write to me and let me know how you like being a titled lady?" Veronique said as the horses threaded their way through the crowded street.
"Yes, my dearest friend. And please explain to Lila and Jean- Paul and Matthew and Running Deer—"
"Of course, but they will understand. Indeed, Lila will be ecstatic that you have chosen to be with your husband rather than to live with me. Mon Dieu!" she said suddenly as the carriage ground to a halt. "Is that not them?"
Lauren wasn't looking where Veronique pointed; instead her eyes were trained on the Siren. Amazingly, the ship was still docked at the levee. Even the gangway was still in place, although it was moments before Lauren registered this fact. She was busy searching the deck of the schooner for her tall husband.
There he was, standing beside the gunwale. Odd, but he seemed not to have moved since she had left him there twenty minutes before.
From this distance, Lauren couldn't see how tightly Jason was gripping the railing or how white his knuckles were. But she could see the blue gleam of his eyes as he watched her alight from the phaeton.
She had just stepped down when suddenly she came to an abrupt halt. Staring up at him, Lauren put a hand to her mouth. "My God!" she breathed. "He knew! Jason knew all along I would change my mind." Tearing her gaze away then, she looked accusingly at Veronique. "Were you in on this as well?"
"Mais, non! I had no idea! But I think you would not be wrong to accuse Lila. She is grinning like the cat who lapped up all the cream."
"She is! And so is Jason . . ." Lauren began angrily. Then she caught herself. What difference did it make if her husband was a warlock who could read her mind, or that her friends had plotted against her? What mattered was that she would be with the man she loved.
Not that she wouldn't have a few words to say to Jason when they were alone, she silently promised as he came forward to catch her up his arms.
He lifted her high, in full view
of a crowd of interested spectators. "Back so soon, sweetheart?" he teased.
"Put me down, you wretch! I must say good-bye to Lila and the others."
His blue eyes smiled into hers. "You're going somewhere then?"
"You know very well I'm leaving with you. I decided someone must keep an eye on you. I don't trust Kyle to do it properly."
"Well, say your good-byes," he said, lowering Lauren to her feet. "We'll weigh anchor as soon as your trunks are loaded."
Astonished, Lauren stared at him. Then slowly, her mouth curved in a smile. "Do you mean to tell me they aren't already on board?"
Jason laughed. "I wasn't that sure of you." And since he was unable to resist the lips that curved so provocatively up at him, he bent his head to kiss her.
Before Lauren could reply or even respond, though, she was pulled from Jason's embrace by Matthew. "Ye'll have time enough for that, lass, when ye're alone on the ship," Matthew told her as he wrapped Lauren in his brawny arms.
She hugged and kissed him, then the others, saving Lila till last. Lauren clung to the older woman for a long moment. "Thank you, Lila. For everything," she whispered.
"You forgive me then?" Lila asked anxiously.
"There is nothing to forgive."
"I always thought you would be happy with Jason. Promise me you will be happy, Lauren."
Lauren laughed. "I promise I will try," she said, glancing up at her husband's sparkling eyes.
Lila turned to Jason then, her expression serious. "I expect you to take care of her, Jason. You had better not let any harm come to my girl, or you will answer to me."
Gallantly he raised Lila's fingers to his lips. "I will guard her with my life," he promised quite solemnly.
When it was time to go, he allowed Lauren one last moment with Veronique, then taking her by the hand, led her up the ramp and nodded to a grinning Kyle. Immediately, the Siren's crew sprang to life.
With Jason by her side, Lauren stood at the rail, waving good-bye. As the ship slowly drew away from the levee, she sighed, knowing she would probably never see any of her dear friends again.
Desire and Deception Page 38
