by Kris Norris
“Is that an order?”
“Fuck, you don’t give an inch, do you?”
“I’m only this stubborn when my partner thinks I’m crazy…or are you speaking on Sawyer’s behalf?”
Cole chuckled. “I wouldn’t presume to speak for him. Besides, I doubt he’ll do anything that doesn’t involve yelling.” He leaned in closer. “So tell me. How long have you two been sleeping together?”
She shifted just her eyes to focus on him. “I only said that to shut you up.”
“No you didn’t. You both put up a pretty good front, but there’s no doubt that you’re doing the nasty. I just wondered if it’s recent or since that first night a week ago?”
She raised her eyebrow, hoping it didn’t start off a chain reaction of pain. “What makes you so certain?”
He nodded over her shoulder. “The way Sawyer’s watching you. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you basically told us both to fuck off and marched over here.”
She gritted her teeth against the pain and took a quick glance over her shoulder. The look in Sawyer’s eyes stole her breath. It was nothing short of lethal.
She shrugged, slowly turning back to her drink. “He’s just pissed. That doesn’t mean I’m having sex with him.”
“Mallory. I’ve seen that look on his face before. He might be pissed, but that’s fear in his eyes. You scared the shit out of him tonight, and he wouldn’t be that upset if he wasn’t invested intimately in your wellbeing.” Cole took another pull. “And you’re lying to yourself if you think it’s just sex.”
Mallory sighed. Her head hurt far too much to keep up any pretence with Cole. Besides, she had yet to lie successfully to the man. That was how he knew about the marriage. “I had a nightmare that first night he was going to stay in the spare room and…” She raised one side of her mouth into a grin. “He was kind enough to take my mind off of it.”
Cole stayed strangely quiet, nodding his head as he downed the rest of his beer. Then he scraped back his stool and threw some money on the bar. “You sure that’s wise?”
She laughed. “Hell, no. But…” She forced herself to swallow past the large lump suddenly lodged in her throat. “Damn. You know I’m still in love with him.” She waved it off. “I’ll be fine.”
Cole patted her on the arm. “Sure. Just know this. If he hurts you again, you’ll have to get in line if you want to kill him.”
She gave him a smile, holding up her glass to the bartender as Cole walked away. She’d worry about Sawyer later, once she was too numb to care. The bartender shook his head, but filled her glass, giving her a hard look. She nodded her thanks, sliding it across the polished wood until it rested in front of her. The brown liquid gleamed in the overhead lights, mirroring the row of glasses above her in the small circle. She closed her eyes, lifting the shot to her lips. A hand closed around hers, stopping the glass an inch away.
Her eyelids snapped open and she twisted her head. Sawyer stood beside her, one hand palmed on the bar as the other curled around hers. He held her stare, daring her to challenge him as he gently removed the glass and set it on the bar. Then he tossed down thirty bucks, his gaze never leaving hers.
“It’s time to go. Grab your coat. We’re leaving.”
“I didn’t finish my drink.”
He blocked her from reaching the glass. “Trust me, darling. You’re done. We’re leaving.”
He pulled her off the stool, grabbing her jacket as he headed for the door. She stumbled behind him, caught between trying to keep up and wanting to yank herself free. She waited until they’d cleared the door, stepping into the light rain still blanketing the city, before digging in her heels and pulling her arm away.
Sawyer stopped and turned, the anger on his face more than obvious. “I’m not in the mood to argue with you, Mallory. Now get your ass in the car before I pick you up and carry you there.”
Mallory glared at him. Of all the arrogant… “Fuck you.”
Sawyer growled and moved closer, using his size in an attempt to intimidate her. He stared down at her, close enough to touch her but not moving his hands. “We already tried that, but it hasn’t seemed to improve your attitude any. You’re as reckless as ever.”
“And you’re still an arrogant prick who thinks he can waltz into my life after missing in action for two years and tell me what to do.” She crossed her arms on her chest, praying she didn’t fall on her face as the pain in her head blurred her surroundings. “I’ve managed to survive all this time without you. I think I can make it another night.”
Sawyer’s expression changed slightly, something akin to guilt flashing across his face. “So that’s what this is about? Of all the times, you’re picking now to have it out? Fine. What do you want from me? To have me say I’m sorry? Fine. You’ve got it. I am sorry, Mallory. Sorry I didn’t stick around and pressure you some more when you sat up in your bed and screamed at me to get the hell out of your life!”
His words were laced with pain, but she didn’t let it stop her. He wasn’t the only one hurting.
She held her ground, not backing down when he stared at her, hair wet across his face, his eyes like two dark pools. “I’ve told you. I don’t remember any of it.”
“How fucking convenient for you…darling.”
She scowled at the endearment, inching closer. “What’s convenient, lover, is how over the past week, I’ve managed to tell you I love you, yet I haven’t heard anything remotely resembling those words from you.”
A broken sob bubbled free as the truth of the statement hit home. That was what was really killing her. That he hadn’t reciprocated her feelings and just the thought of him walking away again was destroying what little sanity she’d salvaged.
Sawyer’s eyes bulged wide for a second then narrowed as he watched her through lowered lids. His expression didn’t soften as he leaned in, grabbing her shirt on her good side. “The only reason I haven’t told you I love you is because you’re not ready to hear it. And don’t furrow your brow at me like you think I’m crazy, because you know it’s true.” He shook his head, looking at his feet before meeting her gaze again. “Damn it, Mal, you’re so close to the edge, Cole carries a straitjacket around in the back of his truck…just in case.” He took a quick breath, blowing it out slowly. “Besides, if you can’t tell how much I love you with every touch, every kiss, every bloody smile then that’s the real fucking problem here. Now I’ll ask you again. Get in the car.”
Mallory stared at him, stunned. Was she really riding the line that closely? Cole had made his concerns known on more than one occasion, but she’d never thought he was serious.
The sudden realisation zapped the last of her strength, and she didn’t fight when Sawyer curled his fingers around her arm again and led her to her Jeep. She slid boneless into the seat, closing her eyes as he shut her door, opening his moments later. He mumbled something to her, but she didn’t reply, too lost in thought to notice. A distant hum prickled her consciousness followed by the steady drone of wheels along the road.
The slap of the wiper blades finally roused her slightly, and she looked out of her window, watching the dark landscape rush past the vehicle in a hazy fog. The odd car beamed a circle of light into the interior, but it only served to add to the distance between them. Sawyer kept his gaze focused on the road, nothing more than the occasional shift of his eyes to signal he was watching her.
His words tumbled over in her head, releasing emotions she hadn’t realised she’d buried. It felt as if he’d opened a hole in a dam, and nothing she did could stop the steady flow of water through the break. Even as he turned into the driveway, slamming the vehicle in gear, tears gathered near the surface, threatening to unleash at any moment. She bit her lip, hoping the combined pain would give her just a small measure of control.
Sawyer fidgeted in the seat beside her, apparently confused by the way she just sat there, staring at the house as if it she’d never seen it before. She knew he could see the tears pooled in her eyes,
and she suspected the sight made him feel uneasy.
The man sighed, slapping one hand against the steering wheel. “Mallory. Look. I know you’re royally pissed at me, but…let’s just get you inside and into bed. Then I’ll sleep in the spare room, or on the couch. Fuck, I’ll sleep out here in the Jeep if you want, but…” His words trailed off, as if he didn’t know what else to say to convince her to move.
She tried to will her body out of the car, to stop herself from baring the last of her soul to him, but her head wouldn’t listen. Instead, she took a deep breath, unable to stop the words from spilling forth. “Do you know why I became a federal agent?”
There was a moment of silence as Sawyer stared at her, his lips slightly parted, his eyes rounded in shock before he slowly shook his head. “Not exactly. But after everything you confessed that first night, I have a feeling it has something to do with your father.”
She chuckled, but the sound was hollow and sad. “I wasn’t strong enough to stop him. To help my mother.”
“You were a kid. That wasn’t your job.”
“Maybe not, but I could have tried. I could have done something.” She turned to look at him, no longer caring about the tears slowly tracking down her face or the broken feeling radiating from her. “I could have told someone. Gotten her help. But I didn’t. I just hid in my room, secretly thankful it wasn’t me he used as a punching bag.”
Sawyer reached over, resting his fingers across hers. He seemed to sense she was too raw for stronger contact and kept his distance. “It wasn’t your fault. Your father was a sick man. And your mother had a choice. She just chose to expose you to him.”
“After his death, I promised myself I’d never stand by and watch someone get hurt again. That next time, I’d save them.” She sighed. “It took a while to understand what that meant, but being a Fed used to make me believe in that promise. I thought I could handle myself…that I could deal with any situation.”
She paused, wishing her mouth would just squeeze shut, but knowing she needed to talk as much as she wanted Sawyer to listen. “That night in the alley. When Davies stabbed me…” She closed her eyes, releasing the small sob tightening her chest. “It was the first time since my father died that I realised I wasn’t in control. That despite all the training, the gun, I was still that scared, ten-year-old girl hiding under her bed, praying the monster outside wouldn’t find me.”
“Davies had the upper hand. There wasn’t any way for you to try and save that woman and yourself. You chose to sacrifice yourself. Hell of a choice to have to make.”
“But I didn’t. She still died and I…I lost you.” She took a shaky breath, looking out her window again. “I know you and Cole think I’m reckless, but that’s not it. It’s a choice. A need to feel that I’m strong enough. I don’t expect you guys to understand, I mean, fuck, just look at the two of you. You morons can bend steel with your bare hands. I’m not like that.” She blew the breath out. “But I am sorry about tonight. I shouldn’t have put the two of you at risk like that. It was selfish of me. And I’ll do my best to be a better partner in the future, if Cole doesn’t wrap me up in that straitjacket first.”
She gripped the handle, wanting to leave before she made more of a fool of herself, when his fingers tightened on hers, holding her in place. She cursed her impetuous tongue, wondering why she’d broken down more times in the last several days than she had in the last twenty years, but realising it was too late to take it back. She’d told him everything, and she could only hope he didn’t throw any of it back in her face.
Sawyer’s fingers brushed along her jaw, staying clear of the swelling as he gently turned her to face him. His eyes had softened with an emotion she didn’t dare interpret. He cupped her chin, using his thumb to wipe away the tears still streaming down her face.
“Do you know why Cole and I were so angry tonight?” He placed a finger over her lips, preventing her from answering. “It wasn’t because you took off. Hell, I wouldn’t have expected any less of you, but damn…stepping onto that street, seeing you face off against four drugged-out assholes. Darling, it was all I could do not to mow them all down. But what scared me the most was watching you handle yourself. I’ve never seen you fight like that before, and I think both Cole and I realised you didn’t need us anymore. Not for a second. Shit, I only shot that guy because I was afraid you’d kill him with his own damn knife, and I figured he’d at least survive a well-placed bullet wound.” Sawyer shook his head. “You don’t need to worry about being strong enough, or about proving your father didn’t beat you. You just need to realise you’re human.”
“But…”
The rest of the words wouldn’t come as the sobs she’d been holding back resurfaced, breaking through the fragile hold she had and shuddering through her. Sawyer cursed under his breath, leaning over and bodily lifting her into his lap, gathering her in his arms as he whispered soothing words in her ear. She fisted his jacket and buried her face in his shoulder, not sure whether to be happy that he was holding her, or scared shitless that he was witnessing her so vulnerable.
Sawyer pulled her close, smoothing one hand down her hair as he tried to rock her on his lap. “God, Mallory. Darling, please—”
She silenced him with a single finger, shifting in his lap until her head hovered in front of his, their noses touching. She nuzzled him, planting gentle kisses along his jaw before stopping in front of him again. “Make love to me.”
Sawyer’s brow pulled together in a vee as his gaze fell to her bruised cheek then back to her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
She gave him a lopsided smile. “You won’t.”
“Let’s go inside and—”
“Here. Now.”
He glanced around the tight space. “In the front seat of the Jeep?”
She leaned in closer, brushing her lips over his, tasting the sweet scent of desire on him. “I don’t need pillows or silk sheets. All I need is for you to love me.”
He smiled, and the tension that seemed to have plagued him since he’d arrived lifted from his eyes. “Then kiss me.”
Chapter Seven
Sawyer closed his eyes as Mallory leaned in, softly taking his lips with hers. She moved slowly, tasting his skin, testing the give of his mouth before finally pressing closer and delving her tongue inside. He didn’t rush her, allowing her to set the pace, knowing she needed to gather back some semblance of control. Her body trembled against his, sending his protective instincts into overdrive. He should have followed her sooner, had her back and kicked those fucking bastards in the ass when they’d threatened her. Instead, she’d sat next to him, holding back tears as she’d apologised for not being good enough.
Fuck. He was the one who wasn’t good enough. Undeserving of the chances she gave him. Though he’d meant every word about her not being ready, a part of him recognised the real reason he hadn’t confessed his undying love—he was stone cold scared. Scared she’d turn him away like she’d done at the hospital. That she’d suddenly realise she could do so much better than him…that Cole was a better man—hell, a better friend—than he could ever hope to be.
Guilt rolled through him as she eased back, dragging her mouth down his neck, biting at the muscle in his shoulder through his shirt. God he loved her. Loved the way she touched, the taste of her mouth. How she smiled when she caught him staring at her or how she never seemed to tire of loving him.
He should tell her. Fear or not, she needed to hear him say the words…now, not when she was ready. He cupped her face, drawing it even with his, fighting the feeling that constricted his throat and burned a hole in his gut. Fuck, she was just too damn beautiful.
She gave him one of those smiles, placing her finger across his lips again. “Don’t. You were right. You have shown me. So stop worrying about it, and show me again.”
Something inside him snapped, and he moved, planting one hand behind her head as he took her mouth with his. She didn’t resist his dominance, opening
willingly, allowing him complete control. Her taste soothed some of his tension as he slipped his other hand down, popping open her button and yanking the zipper down. The hiss of metal sounded good…sounded right. He eased his hand into her pants, pushing the denim past her hips.
“Shift just a bit for me, darling.”
She complied, shimmying left and right as he shoved the fabric lower, finally ridding herself of the bloody jeans. He inched his hand up, moaning when he encountered only skin.
“Damn, Mal. You go commando at work?”
She chuckled against his ear, working the fly on his jeans. “I like the way the seam rubs over my clit sometimes. I imagine it’s your hand or your mouth. I swear I nearly came at my desk today thinking about you poised there between my thighs, licking my cleft, warning me to stay quiet.”
He growled, moving one hand up to help her push his pants and briefs down to his knees. “Fuck, girl. You know I’ll never be able to work at that desk again without imagining you shouting my name as you cream my tongue.” He groaned when she straddled his legs again, brushing her pussy over his aching shaft. “Guess I’ll have to settle for you creaming my cock, instead.”
Mallory made a second pass, coating his skin with warm, slippery fluid. She was hot and wet, and he wondered if he could convince her to bend over the top of the seat and let him lick every drop of honey from her skin.
She answered his thoughts with a slow pass of her nether lips across his shaft, building his need. He reached down and cupped her ass, loving the hiss of pleasure that escaped her clenched teeth. And as much as he wanted to lift her up and spear his cock inside her, he knew she needed more.
He moved his mouth to her neck, ridding her of her holster and gun before slipping his hands under her shirt and easing it over her head. White lace glowed in the light from the dash, accentuating the perfect symmetry of her breasts. They brushed against his chest, her hard nipples like hot brands against his shirt. He skimmed his hands up her side, cupping each firm mound as he teased her buds through the material. The nubs hardened further, poking against the fabric, drawing raspy moans from deep inside her.
