by D. B. James
Reading it again, I see he definitely did say to take him, but it’s not like he’s up there watching and expecting me to take another man there. My brain immediately jumped to Case, but I could take Morgan. Or maybe I should take Case, in case he is watching. Maybe I’ll flip him the bird toward the sky.
Opening the bottle of wine I dragged with me into the living room, I don’t bother with a glass—again—and I take a swig straight from the bottle. Reading through his note one last time, I stand and walk back into the kitchen, grab the shirt and my phone. On my way into the bathroom, I send a quick text to Morgan.
Me: Are you busy today? Or is it today that Savannah and Julian come home?
While I’m waiting for her reply, I toss my shirt over my head and stare at myself in the mirror. Instead of seeing the sad lonely woman I used to a few short weeks ago, I’m starting to see a new version of myself. A slightly happier one. A more colorful one, for sure. If I’m not mistaken, a slightly heavier woman is staring back at me. I’m gaining my weight back. Grabbing my cami, I rip it off and fling it to the side and slide on the shirt. It fits perfectly. It’s like he knew I wouldn’t be my old self but a new me. The color is a beautiful antique cream and it brings out the platinum in my hair. I have the perfect shoes and accessories to add to make my eyes shine like the aquamarines they’ve been compared to. For the first time in months, I appear…healthy.
My phone ringing brings me out of my thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Lee, I hope you don’t mind me calling instead of texting back, but I’m driving. To answer your question, yes, I am busy today. Why, what’s up?” Morgan asks.
Laughing, I answer her. “Well, let’s see. First of all, is Van coming home today? Why I’m asking is connected to why I asked if you were busy. Today is, my, um, anniversary.” Taking a moment to let it settle in, I let her take a moment to concentrate on driving. “And, well, I received another gift and note from Michael today. A whole ton of gifts actually and instructions to not spend today alone. If you’re game, I have someplace I’d like to take you. Rather than going alone. If not, I’ll take Case, it’s all good,” I ramble on, the wine I’ve been slinging taking effect.
Letting out a rush of air, she answers with the only thing I need to hear. “Aunt Van is back today, but we’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
Morgan is exactly like her Aunt Savannah, kind-hearted.
Forty-five minutes later, we’re standing on a cliff overlooking the Gulf of Mexico with a bottle of wine in each of our hands. All three of us. Not one of us bothered to grab glasses. We didn’t care, we knew we wouldn’t need them and deemed them unnecessary. Savannah’s dog, Mac, walks over to Dog and plumps down directly in front of where he lies at our feet as we stare out at the ocean. We’ve been silent the whole time. I’m about to open up to a nineteen-year-old college student. And her aunt, who I’ve known most of my life, skip a year or two here or there. But Morgan’s been a great friend and not only a stand-in for her aunt’s place in my heart like she thinks. She’s carved her own place out over the last few weeks. She deserves to know.
“This is where Michael proposed,” I say, finally breaking the silence.
“I can see why. This view is gorgeous.” Van spreads her arms open and twirls around in a circle, taking in the whole view surrounding us.
“Yeah, it’s pretty great, huh? This was our place. We’d come up here whenever we wanted to get away. Which was often. Michael found it when he was hiking and shared it with me. As far as I knew, he never brought anyone else here and vice versa. His note today told me to share this with someone. A him someone. Hence why we’re here. I was too chickenshit and stubborn to call Case. And it was strange because the note felt like my dead husband was giving me permission to date,” I admit.
“Was Michael an avid outdoorsman? You said he found this place while hiking?” Morgan asks.
At the same time Savannah chimes in, “And, did you want to bring Case? Be honest.”
“Hell no, Michael was more of an indoor person. His brother is a hiker; he was out hiking with him. He loved this view and knew I would love it as well. My man was scared of a squirrel. We had a nest of them in our backyard and I loved watching them gather food and stay busy. One day he was grilling and one of them ran across the top of the closed grill, he screamed like a little girl. It was the funniest thing ever. Michael wanted to call pest control to get rid of them, but I was adamant they stay, it was their home, too. They’re still in the backyard to this day.”
“That, my friend, deserves a toast,” Vannah says while clinking her wine bottle with mine, “to Michael and his love of squirrels.”
Laughing, I simply toast, “To Michael.”
“This really is a beautiful place, Lee. Thank you for sharing it with me. I’m honored you picked us. I want you to know over these last few weeks, you’ve come to mean a lot to me. Your friendship. I’m hoping we become the best of friends. Not because you need a friend, but because you deserve a friend. And frankly, so do I. In time I hope you’ll tell me everything. And still stay in contact with me now with my aunt’s coming home and all. Also, don’t think it’s escaped my notice your lack of a response about Case,” Morgan says.
Reaching over, I grab her hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re my friend, Morgan. It’s not changing tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after.”
“Thank you, I sort of like your crazy ass. And I want to stick around for a while,” she says on a giggle.
“Well, you’re stuck with me,” I inform her.
It seems the silence that follows is exactly what we all need. I don’t know how long we stay, but the sun has set and our wine bottles have long since gone dry. Dog begins to stir and whimper, letting Morgan know he’s hungry and wants to leave.
“That’s our cue, he gets antsy around dusk, whenever he knows Harrison should be home,” Morgan says.
“We should all eat anyway. Thank you for today, Morgan, Savannah. Truly.” I grab both of their outstretched hands and gently squeeze it as we make our way back to Morgan’s car. We don’t say another word the whole way back into town or when she drops me off in the driveway. She only hugs me and waves goodbye.
It was the best (and worst) anniversary.
Thank you, Michael.
The next day, I awake to a feeling I haven’t felt in who knows how long.
Contentedness.
And a little bit of excitement.
I’m actually looking forward to my shift at Bookmark It! today. Normally, I don’t want to spend hours in the store because I’m surrounded by my words and those of others. I’m constantly reminded of what could be. And what once was.
The details of what could happen again if I would flip the lid open on my laptop and open a new Word document. It’s not like I have to continue the one I was writing when my life unraveled. Those words can stay forever unfinished. There’s no rules when it comes to writing. Besides, didn’t I start out doing this as something for myself? It was all a fluke that I was signed to a publishing contract in the first place. Just because I’m contracted for the book sitting unfinished doesn’t mean I can’t start something new. After all, I could pitch a new idea to my agent.
I’ve been thinking of writing my own story. A story about a woman who loses everything only to find it all again. It’s fiction. Right? It has to be because I haven’t found everything again, and I doubt I ever will. And, weirdly, I’m okay with it. I’ve made my peace with where life has taken me.
Before I can give it another thought, I grab my laptop and hurry out to my car. I may have grabbed it but it doesn’t mean I have to bring it inside with me.
Pulling up to the back of the store, I’m surprised to see Case standing there waiting for me.
“Hey, what are you doing here this early?” I ask.
After I unlock the door, he passes me a coffee I hadn’t noticed he was holding.
Mumbling a quick thanks, I enter the store, motioning for him to fol
low me. He has yet to answer my question, which I find strange. He’s normally forthcoming.
“I’m leaving town today, Tenley.”
His words stop me dead in my tracks.
Oh.
Well. Okay. I guess.
I wasn’t expecting it.
Heart meet throat.
“Um. Okay,” I mumble the words out, not sure if he heard them or not.
It’s all I can manage to say. I’m unsure of what my reply should be, let alone what I want it to be. I haven’t seen him in weeks, it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to see him. I punished myself and limited my contact to texting only. I knew if we spent any time alone together our friends rule would be tossed out the damn window.
“Say something else. Please.” His tone—different from one I’ve heard from him before—begs.
“Travel well?” Instead of telling him to travel well, I question if he will. Turning my back to him, I go about making myself busy opening the store for the day. If I ignore the elephant in the room, maybe it’ll go away. Brushing it aside has to work.
“Fuck, Tenley. Do you think this is easy for me? Because it’s not. I don’t want to leave but I have to. My job requires it. My shop is in Austin and it needs my attention. My time here was limited and you knew from the beginning. It was your choice not to see each other, to limit us to just texting. You knew I was leaving sooner or later. You pushed me away. And I get it. I truly get it. You had to push me away so you could deal with his memory. But I can’t stay here forever while you deal. I have a life in Austin. One where I need to get back to living. We can still be friends long distance. It’s what we’ve been doing the last few weeks anyway. It’s not like much will change. The only thing that will is the fact I won’t be here if you need a hug. I’ll be a ten-hour drive away,” he says, the words flowing from him are full of the same ache I feel inside.
Ignoring it isn’t going to work.
“I told you from the first day I was a work in progress and couldn’t be anything more than friends. For my own sanity I had to push you away. Force you to take the necessary step back. It was all too much at once with you, and I picked the safe way out. Maybe it was a chickenshit thing to do, but I had to do it. And yes, I still have to do it. I need to find out who I am again. And by doing it, I’m asking for you to be my friend. I’m not going to sit here and say it doesn’t hurt me to learn you’re leaving. Because it does hurt, Case. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like someone has ripped away a piece of something vital to me, even if I don’t yet know what it is. Yes, I like you. And I shouldn’t. Therefore, I pushed you away. But don’t for one second think I pushed you away to ‘deal with his memory’. That isn’t why and you damn well know it! I want to be friends with you more than I want my next breath, but only if you want it, too. And only if you respect my wishes. I’m not saying factors can’t or won’t change in the future, but for now, all I can offer is friendship. No matter how much it feels like my soul wants more.”
There, I said it all. At least I think I said it all.
“Okay,” he whispers the word incredibly low I almost believe I imagined it.
“Okay,” I whisper back.
“I’m leaving in a couple of hours. I wasn’t scheduled to leave until this next weekend, but my shop was burglarized last night, and I’m needed back early. Instead of driving back, I’m flying out. I was going to ask if you could drive me to the airport and if I could store my bike at your place for a few weeks,” he informs me.
“Was anything ruined? Anything important stolen? What time is your flight? And of course, you can use my space in the garage, I don’t mind,” I immediately reply.
“Easy on the questions, babe, one at a time will do,” he teases while he walks to the front of the store, flips up the open sign, and unlocks the door. “No, nothing was ruined. Well, other than the back door getting jammed up a bit. And nothing too important was stolen. They walked away with a few expensive tattoo guns and oddly enough two custom light fixtures. The police think the suspects should be easy enough to catch because of the fact they stole the lights.”
“Ahh, well, at least it’s semi-good news, at least not much was taken. Hopefully the lights will lead to the criminals responsible. Don’t think because I haven’t said anything yet, it’s my giving you false hope. I’m not going to let the ‘babe’ comment slide,” I say.
He winks at me as he confidently strides back my way. “I didn’t plan on you ignoring it. My flight leaves at 4:15 p.m. I’d like to be at the airport around 3 p.m. if it’s okay with you. If it happens to be you’re working later, it’s okay, too. I can drop my bike off by your place and call a cab from there.”
“No, it all works for me to help you out. You’re in luck because Luellen will be in at two, therefore it works out perfectly. I can meet you at my place, and we can leave from there to take you to the airport. I’ll call and inform mama about you leaving your bike there, only to give her a heads up. Don’t call me babe in front of mama. Or Luellen. Or shit, anyone ever. Take a page out of Van’s book and call me Lee.” Seeing the expression on his face, I stop talking altogether.
“Who the fuck is Van?” he bites the question out, his voice laced with jealousy. The green-eyed monster must’ve taken a seat on his shoulder the moment he heard the name Van flow from my lips.
He’s jealous. Which is priceless. Because for him to have any jealousy at all, he has to think Savannah is a guy. The expression on his face is one of utter and pure jealousy. Now I know why it was familiar to me. Michael wore the expression often when we were out in public and men would take a glance at me.
“Well, Van has always been an amazing friend of mine, but nowadays she’s becoming more like my best friend. She’s splendid. Her full name is Sa-van-nah. She calls me Lee, and I call her Van. We’ve finally reconnected after a few years apart. I met her niece Morgan around the same time I met you. She became one of my people literally overnight. Her loving heart has forever taken up a place in mine. She’s the spitting image of her aunt Van. Who at the time was busy moving back from life in Paris with her husband, Julian. She’s back now. Therefore yes, if you’d like to, you can call me Lee like she does. She’s good people. You’d like her,” I inform him.
In lieu of answering, he silently moves his head up and down.
Great. He’s resulted to communicating like a caveman.
“Annnnnnyway, I need to get to work. I’m sure you have crap to get in order before leaving. You know where I live, I’ll see you around ten after two.”
Hopefully, he gets my not very subtle hint for him to leave.
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. See ya.”
And the next sound I hear is the jingle of the bell above the door.
Well, talk about bizarre.
Walking into Dr. Beesley’s office two days later, I’m surprised to see it blissfully empty. No patients, no Gabby. Nothing. The television sitting in the corner, usually turned to some news channel, is black.
“Hello?” I ask the empty office.
Did I get my dates confused? Since going down to two appointments a week, my times have become more and more random but I’ve never come into an empty office. It’s nearly six in the evening but I’ve been here after eight before and as a result I know she takes these later appointments.
Leaning over the reception desk, I see Gabby’s computer is still on and the phone is lit up with calls on hold. I’m choosing to take it as a positive sign. It has to mean someone is here. Quickly signing in, I turn around and take a seat. If I don’t see Gabby or Dr. Beesley in a few minutes, I’ll start to worry more and investigate further.
Instead, I pull out my phone and see I have a few texts from both Van and Case. I may as well answer them while I’m waiting. It’s either succumb to turning on the TV or texting. Texting seems like more fun to me. All the news channels talk about any more is politics, I’d rather talk to my friends.
Van: Do you want to go shopping? I’m in desperate need of some
new clothes. Morgan is busy with Harrison and she won’t go with me. Julian thinks I’m insane to want to replace items in my wardrobe with new ones. But let’s be real here, he’s a nutter who used to never wear a pair of socks more than once before donating them to never wear again.
Throwing my head back in laughter, it takes me a few moments to compose myself before I can reply. I’d forgotten how much she loves her retail therapy.
Me: When? I’m game to go shopping. I could use some new clothes, too.
Her reply is nearly instant.
Van: Tomorrow? I don’t have any patients scheduled yet. The word hasn’t gotten around as fast as it should about my coming home. Anyway, I’m clear for the whole day. We could go into Spanish Fort or Pensacola. Your choice.
Me: Pensacola, they have more stores.
I can’t believe I typed that. Me. I’m normally not much of a shopper.
Van: Yay! Girls’ day. I’ll buy lunch. You drive. Pick me up around nine?
Me: Deal. See you then.
Before I have time to read the few messages waiting from Case, Gabby comes walking briskly into the reception area.
“Tenley, I’m sorry. I was in the back searching for some paperwork for another office. Have you been here long? I’ll let Miranda know you’re here straight away,” she informs me, the frustration evident in her voice.
No wonder I couldn’t find her, or she couldn’t hear my calling out.
“It’s okay, and no not really, it’s only been a few minutes,” I tell her.
“Phew, good. She should be with you in a moment,” Gabby replies.
“Thank you.”
Maybe I’ll have time to reply to Case after all. I glance down at my screen and see his messages. Ugh. Maybe not.
