by D. B. James
He growls. Growls, through the phone line. And it’s sexy as hell. I’ve never made a man growl before. I’ve written about it, but have yet to experience it for myself in real life.
“On your way back through Texas, come to me, mo ghaol. I’ll show you what it means to be done,” he offers, his voice gruff with sexual frustration.
“I have to be back in time for my next appointment with Dr. Beesley. She won’t allow me to miss another. I’m not sure I’ll have time to stop and see you. But, you could always come see me and drive your bike back to Austin. I know you miss having it with you,” I offer.
Having his bike parked in my garage is comforting to me. It’s been my ace in the hole as far as knowing I’ll get to see him when he comes to get it. But that was before we decided to start dating. Now a few minor details have changed. I know we need more time together, but if I stopped in Austin again, I’d never make it back for my appointment. I’d lose Dr. Beesley as my doctor. There’s no doubt she’d drop me as a patient for missing appointments and going against her orders. A tiny voice inside my head tells me to rebel and who cares if she drops me. But I know I’ll do the correct thing and go home.
After all, I still have pieces of myself to collect along the way.
The next morning, I wake with the sun. It’s a nice feeling to have, I’m used to greeting the sun as it’s coming up before I’m going down for the night. This feeling of normalcy is lovely. It’s not unknown or new to me, only one I haven’t felt in ages.
After hanging up with Case last night, I wrote for a couple of hours. My story flowed freely from my fingers and I know this novel will be done shortly. It may be the fastest one I’ve written. My characters are speaking, and they’re yelling loud and clear. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever written before. More personal. It feels like it’s my story, but fictionalized. The story of a phoenix being reborn and rising from the ashes.
With any luck, I’ll have a first draft completed before month’s end. Then I’ll send it off to my publicist and editor. Hopefully, it’s received well and not a complete piece of shit. Just because I love it doesn’t mean readers will. My story may not resonate with a wide audience. And it’s okay, no matter what. I needed to write this story.
Glancing at the clock, I see it’s nearly 7:30 a.m. and if I’m going to keep my appointment with Dr. Beesley I need to put some lead in it. Some pep in my step. Tossing the blankets aside, I rise from the bed and begin tossing the few stray items I’ve unpacked back into my suitcase. I’d like to be on the road by 9 a.m. if possible. It means I’ll have to shower quickly and grab a yogurt or something from the free continental breakfast area.
No matter how much my characters may be talking, I have to ignore them for today. In order to make it home on time, I need to put in at least eight hours on the road each day.
Too bad I won’t have any free time to see Gloria again.
She’s a truly special person. I’m happy I now get to call her my friend. After one meeting, I know she’s the type of person I’ll keep around forever. Her flowers are only half as beautiful as she is. I’d learned a lot about her in the time we spent together. If I thought I’d been through a lot, you should hear her life story. She’s a survivor. I’m merely a depressant who lost her husband. She’s dealt with so much more. It’s true what they say, you never know a person until you’ve walked in their shoes.
I think about our meeting all throughout my shower. If in the end I do end up moving to Austin, I’ll be closer to her and meeting halfway wouldn’t be out of the question. Van would adore her, too.
After dressing, I grab my laptop bag and suitcase and make my way out to load up my car. I’m not looking forward to driving back home, but I did drive all the way here. I may as well get on the road. After dropping my items off at the car, I run back inside to turn in my keycard and grab something quick for breakfast. Filling up on yogurt and fresh fruit, I take a coffee to go.
I’m well into my drive when my phone rings. It’s Van. I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days and I know I need to pick up now. Before it can ring through to voicemail I hit connect on the car’s Bluetooth.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lee. How’s the trip going?” she asks.
“Great actually. Better than I ever imagined it would to be honest,” I inform her.
“Oh, really? Do tell,” she begs.
“I, uh, have a boyfriend now. Last night Case made it abundantly clear we’re together. He’s waiting for me to finish my journey back to myself. He’ll be there waiting at the end. He calls me this special nickname in Scottish-Gaelic, and, Van, I swear I melt each time I hear it,” I admit hurriedly.
The nickname does make me melt and I don’t know what it means. It could be something like apple and I’ll be severely disappointed, but it doesn’t sound like it means apple. It sounds like I mean everything to him when he says it. He puts a ton of emotion into it when he calls me mo ghaol. Clearly, it’s not apple.
“What does he call you? I can look it up and tell you the meaning,” Van offers.
“No, I don’t want to know yet. Besides, he said he’ll tell me when I’m ready to know the meaning and I believe him.” It may drive me insane not knowing what it means, but he needs to be the one to tell me. Not Van and certainly not myself. I’ll admit I’ve been tempted to look it up online. “He calls me mo ghaol. You can search it if you like, but please keep me in the dark. I’ll learn what it means eventually,” I say.
“Okay. Deal. Tell me everything else,” she prods.
“I met with Gloria, the woman who makes the flowers from books. She’s remarkable. And a true gift to the world. One of the kindest, most caring people I’ve ever met.” Pausing for a moment, I think back on our conversation before leaving each other last night. She shared with me how much she could hear the love in Michael’s voice when he spoke of me. She also told me how she’d been waiting for me to contact her. “We met at a local diner. And get this…they served grilled cheese with melted peanut butter. Gloria ordered one of each kind, she wanted me to be able to try them all. Surprisingly it wasn’t disgusting,” I say.
“Um. I think I’m going to toss my cookies thinking about it. You actually ate cheese and peanut butter together? Like those crackers? Because, ew. Those are frickin’ disgusting. I don’t care what you say, I’m never trying it,” she complains.
My laughter fills the car, bouncing off the windows and making it back to my ears. It’s a sound I’m getting used to again, one I’ve missed. It’s hard to explain my relationship with Van and how different it is from the one I’m beginning with Gloria. They both make me laugh, yes, but if I’m struggling Van was and is always there with a shoulder to lean on and open arms for a comforting hug. She’s my best friend and confidant.
“Van, I vow to never make you eat a grilled cheese with melted peanut butter. But…I may ask you to do something else for me. I don’t know what or when, but I’m giving you a head’s up.”
“Okie dokie, Loki,” she replies.
Again, I’m struck with laughter, I can’t seem to help it. She knows about my love for Loki, he’s way better than Thor in my opinion. It’s the way Tom plays him, I think. Add in that he’s the God of Mischief and I’m a goner. If I were to ever date Tom—which is obviously a far-fetched dream—I’d ask him to wear his Loki costume and speak in Loki’s voice.
“You slay me sometimes, Van,” I inform her.
“Hey, are you by chance in the market for a puppy?” she asks.
“Wow, um, random subject change. A puppy? I haven’t given it much thought. Why?” I ask.
“A client of mine has a few puppies left. He’s not selling them—they’re free—and I thought maybe you’d like one.”
“What type of puppy is it? Will it grow to be a giant? Because if it’s a Great Dane or something equally as large, I’ll have to say no. My parents would toss me out as quick as they could say the word “no”. Most importantly, are there any females left?
” I’m actually giving it some thought. I’d love a puppy to be honest. Something I could raise and have keep me company on my horrible days.
“Well…” she says, drawing the word out. “They’re not huge but definitely not small. They’re Golden Retrievers, and yes he has one female left, actually. Say yes, Lee, you know you want her.”
“How old is she?” I ask.
“Eight weeks, the perfect age to leave her mama and come home to a new mama,” she replies.
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. “Okay, go get her. I’ll pick her up from you in a couple of days. Now I have to break the news to my parents. But I’m thinking by the time she gets too huge, I’ll be out of their house anyway. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Go get my Mabel June.”
I’m fucked, I’ve already named her and claimed her as my own. My father is going to kill me. Van’s squeals of delight bring me away from my own thoughts and back to the conversation.
“Van?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you realize what a vast step this is for me? Getting a puppy is huge. I’m feeling like my old self again. The woman I used to be before I met Michael. Who I was on my way to becoming. I’m finally feeling like me,” I admit. “And I also know now I can keep a plant alive so a puppy is the next logical step.”
“I’m incredibly happy for you. You sound like a different person than you were before you left a few short days ago. It seems like the time away is exactly what you needed,” she says.
“It was and I didn’t know it. I’m writing again, too. I’d say the novel is a decent third of the way complete. I purchased a laptop a couple nights ago and have been writing like a crazed person.”
She’s silent for a few seconds. And it’s what I needed, her silence. After taking a moment to think her reply through she finally starts talking again.
“Words cannot express how happy I am at this moment, Tenley.” It’s all she says. Turns out it’s all I needed her to say.
“Thank you. Now please go pick up my Mabel June, since she’s the only female she could be gone already. I’ll see you in two days to pick her up.”
“Such a cute name. Wait until you see her, Lee. Of course, I’ll give her all her shots and supply you with flea medication, heartworm meds when needed, and kibble. You’re going to love Mabel June,” she says, the excitement in her voice evident.
“I’m excited to meet my new fur-baby. I’ll see you soon, love you,” I say.
“Love you, too,” she replies.
Three days later, I find myself in the waiting room of Dr. Beesley’s office. My appointment was fifteen minutes ago. Either she’s running over with a client or she’s punishing me.
Both seem like viable options.
Just as I’m glancing down at my phone, reading a text from Case, she opens the back door and calls me to follow her back to her office. Unless the patient went out the back door—which is possible—she made me wait as payback. Smart move on her end, it was driving me crazy.
As I proceed her into her office, I slip off my sandals and make myself comfortable on the chaise before either of us speaks a word.
“You’re glowing, Tenley,” she states, as if it’s a fact written upon my skin. “Tell me all about your trip,” she insists.
“A lot has changed since we met last. I don’t know where to begin,” I say honestly.
“How about at the beginning,” she suggests.
Over the next ten minutes I fill her in on the drive to Austin, leaving out the parts about Case until I tell her about what happened while I was there. She laughs with me when I recall the police officer and his warning. How it made me feel like I was living inside a horror film. For the record, she would’ve been scared as well.
“I spent a few glorious days with Case,” I state, not sure I’m ready to go on until she prompts me to.
“You know I’ll never pressure you to talk, Tenley. You have to let it out on your own terms. If you’re not ready to tell me about Case, we can move forward for today,” she offers me a way out.
“Oh, no, I want to talk about Case. Over those days he came to mean the world to me. He’s helped me let go of Michael. But, what’s even better? This box of old photos I found in an amazing store in Austin. I’ve been carrying one photo around with me, simply for the message on the back. Want to see it?” I offer.
“Yes, I’d love to.”
Reaching for my purse, I grab my wallet out and find the picture of the beautiful young Cativa. Handing it over to her, I tell her why I had to have the box of photos containing it. “Turn it over. What it says is the reason I believe I ended up having to buy the box,” I inform her.
“Some of our best living is done with the people we’ve lost kept in mind,” she reads. “Wow, what a punch to the gut. It strikes you, especially with it on the back of a picture of someone who passed away very young.”
“I’ve taken her picture with me everywhere as a reminder. You’re the first person I’ve shared her with.” The admission rolls off my tongue. “I’m going to give you the cliff notes version and we can talk about everything afterward, okay?” Because if I don’t get the rest of it out, I never will.
“Whatever works best for you, Tenley.”
“Case kissed me—it was the perfect first kiss—it happened on the 4th with all the fireworks going off around us. We haven’t taken our relationship any further, though I was staying in his loft. It was torture, but the best kind of torture. When I left, he said he’ll be there waiting for me when I’m done finding myself. I stumbled into a relationship and it makes me happier than I’ve been in quite some time.
“I also went to meet Gloria, the woman who makes the flowers out of books. She’s a Godsend, I swear. We bonded over grilled cheese and peanut butter. We both walked away from the night knowing we had found a new forever friend. She’s remarkable.” Stopping for a moment I take a breath, “I also bought a laptop and started writing again. The novel I’m writing now has been flowing from my fingers like water from a hose. I’ve never written a novel this quickly in my career. And…last but not least, I have a new puppy. Her name is Mabel June, and she’s a Golden Retriever.
“The most important thing I found while I was away was—myself.” There, I think I’ve covered everything. If I missed anything, I’m sure I’ll blurt it out at some point.
“Holy smokes, you’ve been through a whole lifetime of memories in a few short days. Let me start by saying I’ve never seen you this happy. Like I said when you walked in, you’re glowing. How are the medications working for you?” she asks.
“Actually, I haven’t taken a full dose of the sleeping aid since the night before I left. I’ve been sleeping okay without the higher dose, and believe I could maybe sleep without it. The other meds, I haven’t changed at all,” I admit.
“The way I see it, all of these factors happening to you are bringing you back to the happy woman you used to be. They’re all good things. A boyfriend, a new girlfriend to share your secrets with, and a puppy. It all adds up. Let’s not forget you’re writing again. You’re tackling your fears and I’m proud of you, Tenley,” she says.
My cheeks are hot with blush. It’s one thing to feel okay, but it’s another thing to be praised.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“From here on out, I’d like to meet once a week. Only to see how you’re coping and monitor your medication. As for your Ambien, when you first saw me I gave you a higher dosage. I’m going to drop it back down and tell you to take them only in case you need them. I’ll prescribe them so you’ll have them nearby if they’re needed. We’ll try the lower dose for a few weeks, if you find you’re not taking them, I’ll stop giving them to you altogether. Have you thought about moving back to your own place lately?” she asks.
Boy, have I ever. I believe I’m strong enough to be alone, but on the other hand, I want to sell it and move to Austin. I fell in love with the city, not to mention a certain brown-eyed tattooed badass.
&nb
sp; “Actually, I think I’m going to put the house up for sale. I, uh, have been thinking about moving to Austin. Not moving in with Case, but buying a house of my own. Somewhere I could call my own, where neither Michael or Case has lived before. A place all my own, not tainted with memories, one open to make new memories,” I confess.
“Another excellent idea,” she exclaims. It seems like she’s finally liking everything I have to say.
“What if I move to Austin, you’d have to release me from your care, correct?” I ask.
“Yes, I would. But we’ll burn that bridge when we get there. I truly don’t think you’ll need a doctor anymore once you get to the moving part of your journey of self-discovery.”
Oh, great, it means I wouldn’t need to search for a doctor in the Austin area who’d take me on. I’ll admit it, I was a horrible mess before. Now, I finally feel like I’ve defrosted. It’s spring in my heart instead of winter.
Now I only have to take the final steps needed to get back to me.
When I make it home from my appointment later that afternoon, my car is full of groceries. I went to the butcher mama likes and picked up some steaks for dinner. I also went to the farmers market and bought everything under the sun. We’ll have steak, baked potatoes, and a fresh salad for dinner.
The house is silent save for Mabel June’s claws, tick, tick, ticking on the wooden floors.
“Hey, baby girl. Did you have a nice nap? Does Mama need to take you outside?”
She’s pacing near the back-sliding glass door, I’ll take her answer as a yes. My parents weren’t entirely thrilled by my bringing home a puppy, but like I told them, by the time she’s fully grown I’ll be gone. I need the companion. To make up for it and tell them all of my great news, I’m making this special dinner. I know it’s not enough to make up for their taking me in at my worst, but it’s a start.
I tried inviting Lu, but she was closing Bookmark It! tonight and won’t be able to make it. I’m happy she allowed me the time off to take the road trip, thus changing my life. She’s been nothing but understanding. She did hire a new employee, but not one she trusts enough yet to open or close alone. I’ll start helping her again starting later this week. She deserves some time off and it’ll give me time to write somewhere away from home.
