by James Hirt
cloistral source?
Should you feel cheated; are you missing out?
How can one let the outside things in?
A myriad of fragmented realities
The joining of two…conceptual
This disparity; the foundry of intolerance
I keep following the perimeter
Short sight can shift into zealotry
I can’t see around what envelops
Can I even breech this bulwark?
Could I give up what I have?
Would the detachment be a clean start?
Could I maneuver without past reference?
Without presumptive limitations
My comfort zone is gone
Inaugural presuppositions
Redundancy with a thin veneer
Passing on what is passed again
Admirable intentions for choice
Futile
Pull
You reap what you sow
From the beginning of time
Sowing with more than I know
My arrogance sublime
Histrionic tug-of-war
No smiles; no ray of hope
I re-think what it is I’m fighting for
I regretfully admit
We’re not stretching a rope
Sick to death of being reactive
Yet not big enough to fill my own shoes
Longing for but turning away the abstersive
I’m at a loss for what words to use
Wise counsel has lain before me
An honorable and well thought out course
A vision replayed in my head I can see
Still the seeds that I sow are poisonous
Perplexing conundrum
Has my black heart made this so arduous?
Tell me I’m not the rule of thumb
Can any good from this egress?
I find great comfort in seclusion
Though I put on my happy social face
My destiny is a forgone conclusion
Yet I won’t know it because I’m out of place
Though we don’t want to admit
We are sometimes at the mercy of other’s emotions
This problem seems minor on the face of it
Once again, the wound reopens
From the mind of the young
Comes wisdom as the bell for this chapter peals
Rolling off a well disguised, sharp tongue
He now knows how the rope feels
Purge
Where the addling once skulked
Had its way; struck with force
The levee is once again strong
Nothing left to sidestep my will
Needles in my heart
Not equipped then to avert
Concealing the pain consumed
Feeling hollow, betrayed, morose
Time has brought back my resolve
I discard the angst and invite solace
Looking to what I have
Releases me from my odious bent
Disengaging, letting go
Moves my mood to insouciant
I’ve broken obsession’s hold
Choler dried up and spent
Moving forward moving up
Drawing from lessons learned
Self-exoneration
I am liberated from this burden
My freedom is birthed from absolution
Cut evolution off at the pass
Wishing you no emotional restitution
A dangerous, dark, and uneven path
Put It Down
I need to put this down
Break the grip I’ve had so long
Bankrupt emotions a ghost town
Tainting my sense of right and wrong
I need to know that it’s coming
And then when it rises to attack
Foreknowledge will render it to nothing
Yet failure forces me to double back
Having something this close
And part of me for so long
This thing that resides in me is toxic
Like a smiling liar it strings me along
Fueling the fire
Ebb and flow
Turn circumstances dire
Contempt has my will in tow
Fear drives me to the truth
Yet its strength wanes
Turning a deaf ear soothes
Failing I’m destined to be at pains
