by Layla Hagen
I took out a piece of paper and opened the app on my phone for my savings account, running the numbers, double-checking if I had enough to pay the mortgage and take an unpaid leave. It was impossible, and my gut was telling me that this wasn’t the way to go anyway. What if Cameron needed me to stay on the sidelines for longer? What if...?
I couldn’t think. I could barely breathe. I needed to get out, and I needed to stop panicking. I threw my phone in my tote, grabbed my laptop, and headed out.
How did it come to this? Why hadn’t I thought about this scenario? How was I supposed to fix it? I was so frustrated with myself, and so damn afraid that everything I’d worked for would just be for nothing. I’d finally found my place, finally found a career that made me excited to go to work every morning, and now... now I’d gone and sabotaged all of it.
I went for a walk through Griffith Park, hoping to clear my mind, to rationalize everything. But I couldn’t. I felt this odd ball of anxiety in my stomach, spreading everywhere, until I felt as if I had needles stuck into every inch of my body. I wished Reid was with me. He had this wonderful way of making me feel as if together, we could fix whatever was wrong. And even if it couldn’t be fixed, I wanted those strong arms wrapped around me, wanted to lose myself in him.
I was just wondering if his meeting was over when my phone vibrated. I smiled for the first time today when I noticed the name on the screen: Reid.
Had he felt that I’d been thinking about him? That I needed him?
“Hey,” I greeted. “I was just thinking about you. How did your meeting go?”
“It was a bust. On the bright side, I’m already entering LA.”
“That was fast.”
“You sound beat.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.”
“What happened?”
It warmed my heart to feel him so worried for me.
“Do you have time for a late lunch?”
“Yes, I’m free,” he said instantly.
“You didn’t even check your schedule.”
“Babe, I don’t give a fuck about the schedule. Where do you want me to meet you?”
I gave him the address of a nearby coffee shop.
“I’ll be there in half an hour.”
I felt so much better after hanging up. As if nothing was as bad as it seemed, because Reid was in my corner. My man didn’t give a fuck about anything else on his schedule. Was I lucky or what?
I walked to the coffee shop with a pep in my step. By the time I ordered tea and scones, I was already seeing things in a more optimistic light.
When he arrived, the corners of my mouth lifted in a smile of their own accord. I leaped to my feet. He stopped just a few inches in front of me.
“You look like you need to be thoroughly kissed,” he said.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
He cupped my face with both hands and kissed me deeply. Far from satisfying my need for him, it made me even more greedy. I pushed myself up to my toes, wrapping both arms around his neck. I didn’t want this kiss to end.
I let out a growl of protest when we paused to breathe. Reid was smiling at me, amusement dancing in his eyes. Oh, he thought this was funny, did he? I peeked to my right, and then to my left. Okay, so maybe this was a little funny. People were staring at us.
I crossed my fingers behind me, taking a step back. That was the only thing I could think of to resist the temptation of jumping him again. Clearly, I couldn’t be trusted.
“Want to tell me what’s wrong, pretty girl?”
I nodded, and as we both sat at the table, I recounted my conversation with Cameron word for word. Reid ordered tea as well.
“He’s blowing this out of proportion.”
“Not really. I can’t do right by my clients, so I’m no use to the agency. But hey, the move will have some perks too. I’ll have the chance to acquire some new skills.” Yes! Finally, I’d found a positive angle to this whole ordeal.
Reid stopped in the act of pouring sugar in his tea. “Wait, you already accepted?”
“What else could I do?”
His jaw hardened. “Maybe tell him that you need time to think? Did it ever occur to you to talk to me about it?”
“Wh-what?”
“We’re a couple. We’re supposed to decide things like this together.”
Oh crap. I could totally see his point, but when I sat there in front of Cameron, it had honestly not even occurred to me to tell him anything but yes. It hadn’t felt as if he was really asking.
Reid was right, but I was hard-pressed here. I needed his support, not accusations. I really couldn’t take him putting me against a wall for this, turning against me.
“This is my boss telling me it’s Houston or nothing.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious. Cameron values me, and honestly, he didn’t even have to do this. He could just have told me to pack up my stuff. He’s giving me an opportunity here. I don’t have a choice.”
“You can quit.”
I stared at him, annoyance trumping all the fuzzy feelings that had resurfaced since he’d entered the coffee shop.
“You know me too well to really think I’d do that. I’m not a quitter.”
He twirled the teaspoon between his fingers, smiling sadly. “Am I even a factor you’re considering in all this?”
“Are you serious? Of course you are.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“Reid, why are you being like this?”
“Because I’m ready to do anything for us, and yet you decide something like this... just like that?”
“I’m....”
My voice was small. I didn’t know what to say. All I wanted was to leave this coffee shop, have him take me in his arms. I hadn’t handled this well, I realized that now. If the situation was reversed, and he told me he’d just signed off on a project on the other side of the country, I’d be pissed, but I was already so on edge, so exhausted from all the battering that I couldn’t think straight.
“You don’t want me to go,” I stated, as it finally dawned on me.
“I can’t tell you what to do. I’m not sure you care, anyway.”
“Reid, of course I care. Don’t be absurd. It’s just for a few months. I can travel here every second weekend....” My voice faded as a frown creased his forehead. “And... you could come on the other weekends. If... you want to.”
Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure of what he wanted anymore.
“You’ve got everything planned out,” he muttered. “What if it lasts longer?”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
“We? Are you sure?”
Pain throbbed through my right temple. I pressed two fingers there, drawing in a deep breath.
“Reid... I don’t know what you want me to tell you. This isn’t an easy situation, but we can figure it out.”
“I can’t just hang in here and hope for the best, not knowing what will happen, what you’ll decide.”
Here he went again with that. What I’ll decide.
“Look, I understand that not talking this through with you was....” My voice faded as his words registered. My throat was dry. “What do you mean, you can’t?”
He said nothing, just shook his head, and I felt every muscle in my body clench tight.
“So, let me get this straight, if things don’t happen on your terms exactly, you just give up?”
“I love you, Hailey. You know I do.”
“But not enough, apparently.” I blinked fast, trying to ignore the burning in my eyes.
“Don’t turn this on me,” he said. “You’re the one who just decided to move away without even talking to me about it.”
My shoulders slumped. The inside of my chest suddenly was heavy. The fear was choking me. God, the fear that all this happiness would just be taken away from me, and I’d be left with nothing. I bit the inside of my cheek. Do not cry.
I tried to put myself in Reid’s shoes. I
knew who he was. That he liked to know what would happen ten steps ahead before he decided on something. I knew that his schedule was planned to the second, that traveling wasn’t his thing, that he’d been hurt before, and yet... all I was asking for was support for a few months, and he couldn’t even find it in himself to give me that?
Sure, Houston wasn’t exactly close. Seeing each other wouldn’t be a walk in the park. But damn it, wasn’t I worth any effort at all?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hailey
“I’ve added fifteen more prospects to our list,” I told Annalise. My temporary boss nodded at me in relief.
“You’re a godsend, Hailey. Thanks! It’s late. Why don’t we call it a day?”
“Sure, boss. See you tomorrow.”
I wasn’t particularly looking forward to leaving the office. It wasn’t anything to brag about—just a small venue in downtown Houston where I, Annalise, and two other employees made cold sales calls to potential prospects and handled the few clients we had.
But going back to my rented apartment just reminded me of how empty my life was right now. I felt empty.
During the day, I pulled myself together, but when I was alone, I couldn’t pretend I was okay. I was as far from okay as I’d ever been. I was miserable—away from my family, with a job that bored me to tears... and a broken heart.
I hadn’t spoken to Reid in two weeks. After our conversation in the coffee shop, I just didn’t know how to talk to him, what to say to make things better.
So I sent him a voice message, explaining everything the best I could.
“Reid, I’m sorry about Houston. I understand why you’re mad, but please, don’t think you don’t matter. You do. A lot. I love you. You know I do, and it wasn’t my intention to make you feel unimportant. I just honestly didn’t see another way out.”
I loved this man. But I was pissed at him. He hadn’t answered my message. That could just mean one thing. He was giving up. My damn heart just refused to heal. The cracks still felt wide open. When I stepped inside my tiny apartment, I almost felt like crying.
“No, you will absolutely not cry again. You’re healthy. Your family loves you. The media outlets in LA are already forgetting about you. You’ll go back to your old life soon enough.” Old life minus Reid. And just like that, the cracks widened.
But I refused to wallow any longer. There had to be a way to move on, right? But even the thought drained me of energy.
No, I might not want to wallow any longer, but I wasn’t ready to move on either.
I went straight to the bedroom, changing into unflattering yoga pants and a large T-shirt, then slid into bed, intending to watch something on Netflix to take my mind off everything.
Grrr... why did every show in the “recommended for you” section make me think about Reid? I didn’t need any more reminders.
I was just about to play some Christmas movie, just because, when Val called.
I chuckled. My sisters called every evening. Jace called me at least once a day, using one excuse or the other. I was ready to bet they’d made a schedule to check up on me. I’d call them out on it if I didn’t enjoy it so much. I absolutely needed all the love I could get. All the love. I could use some hugs too, but one didn’t always get what they wanted, right?
“Hello, sis,” I greeted, pushing the laptop to one side.
“Am I interrupting anything?”
“Just a night of Netflix. Business as usual.”
“Uhhh... want me to watch it with you? We can break down every detail over the phone.”
I snickered. Val and I had a habit of dissecting movies.
“It’s no fun if we don’t do it in person.”
I really needed one of Val’s hugs. My sister gave the best hugs. And I’d only see her in another two weeks.
“Hmmm... we could always video chat?”
“Don’t you have a husband to entertain you? Why are you worrying about my sorry ass every evening?”
“Hey.”
“You thought I wouldn’t be able to tell?”
“I was hoping.”
“Val, I’m a big girl. I don’t want you to worry about me.”
Could I take all the doting and fussing but not the worrying?
“I’m your older sister. That’s my job.”
“Put Carter on the phone.” I used a stern, take-no-prisoners tone.
“Yikes, okay, got it. You’re playing the tough card. I pinky swear that I’m not worrying.”
“Uh-huh. You really expect me to believe that?”
“Well, no, but promise you won’t tell Carter anything. He’s already stressing about the pregnancy more than I am.”
“Fine, I promise.”
“Hailey, it’ll get better. Trust me.”
“I miss him,” I admitted, biting my lip. “And I don’t want to.”
“Oh, damn, girl. I want to jump in a plane right now and come to you.”
“I wish you could,” I whispered.
“We’re going to have a full-day sister program when you’re visiting.”
“Yes, yes, yes. I want extra cuddles.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I can’t wait.”
I chatted with Val for a few more minutes, and then turned back to my laptop, deciding not to watch anything romantic after all. A horror movie, yeah, that could work. That would get my mind off romance.
Blinking away the burning feeling in my eyes, I curled on one side, pressing Play. It had to get better. I just had to hang in there until it did.
***
Reid
“Look who’s alive,” Bianca exclaimed when she opened the door to our parents’ house. “We were wondering if you’d make it at all.”
“Of course I would. I don’t miss dinner.”
“Well, you did miss my one million or so calls.”
“I’ve been busy.” While that was technically not a lie, it wasn’t a good enough excuse to let my family’s calls go to voice mail.
Stepping inside, I hung my coat.
“You’re always busy. Never dodged my calls before.”
“I haven’t—”
Bianca crossed her arms. “It wasn’t a question.”
I groaned. She was on a mission. Clearly, she had something on her mind. There was no point trying to fight it. The least painful way was to just get it over with.
“You knew I was going to roast your ass because of Hailey.”
And there it was.
“Bee-Bee.”
“Don’t Bee-Bee me. A family dinner was the only excuse I could think of to get you out of your cave.”
“Darling, you’re here,” Mom exclaimed.
I felt Bianca’s eyes burn the back of my head as we walked to the dining room. Dad was already at the table.
I suspected something wasn’t right when I caught my parents exchanging a glance. When they then exchanged a look with Bianca, I didn’t just suspect. I was sure.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Darling, we’ve been concerned,” Mom began. “We’ve heard that things between you and Hailey are not right.”
I popped open the top button of my shirt, suddenly not getting enough air. Not right was an understatement. She’d left without even a phone call. She sent me a voice message, and then next thing I knew, Cameron called and informed me that Angela had officially taken me on as a client while Hailey was in Houston. That had felt like a punch to the gut. I still hadn’t recovered.
Mom watched me expectantly, clearly waiting for an answer.
“They’re not,” I said shortly.
“But you two were so happy,” Mom insisted.
“Look, I don’t want to rehash this.”
I couldn’t even think about it, because I couldn’t get rid of that sinking feeling that I’d made a fucking terrible mistake.
“What are we having for dinner?” I asked, hoping everyone would take a hint.
Bianca smirked. “Souffle as starter,
but we’re mixing it up, starting with main course, which is called ‘roasting Reid’s ass.’”
“Bianca,” Dad admonished.
“What? It’s true.”
I narrowed my eyes at the three of them. “You’ve asked me here to dinner to give me a hard time?”
I was willing to do anything for my family. Always. But right now, I couldn’t do this.
“Of course not,” Mom said. “We’ve asked you here to help you.”
“Help me?” I parroted back.
Bianca laughed. “Told you he’d be shocked. Worst case of know-it-all syndrome I’ve ever seen.”
“Son, your mother and I have been married a long time, and we’ve had our share of ups and downs. We know a thing or two about what it takes to make things work.”
I couldn’t argue with that. I just couldn’t... talk about it. Even being here was hard, and I didn’t get why until I realized that last time I’d been here to dinner, Hailey had been with me, and fuck, that had been the perfect evening.
Would I relive this deep hollow feeling every time I came to this house? I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be here without her.
I didn’t even want to be in my own home without her.
“What went wrong exactly?” Dad went on. Bianca tsk-tsked, rolling her eyes, as if they’d already been through this. Wait a second. How did Bianca know anything? Had she talked to Hailey?
“Reid?” Mom pressed.
I didn’t want to relive the memory, but I knew if there were two people I could count on to give it to me straight, it was my parents.
It was hard to put into words what had snapped inside me that day in the coffee shop, but the second I’d realized she’d already said yes to Cameron, I saw red. She’d talked so nonchalantly about it all, as if I wasn’t even a blip on her radar, not even an afterthought.
“She’d expected me to what, just sit around and wait to see where the dice would fall?” I asked no one in particular. I just needed to vent.
“Son, I know that you like knowing everything in detail. That you always like to map out twenty steps ahead. You have all the reasons to want to be in control. You’ve taken on an enormous responsibility, and not only managed, but thrived. Very few things in life are in our control, though. Most of the time, we just have to adapt, make the best of a situation. And fight. Even when we don’t see the road ahead, or the destination, we can’t stop fighting.”
