by Ali Dean
“I know you are.”
She opens her arms and I take three strides to walk into her, leaning my head against her chest. Mia is almost six feet tall, and I feel like a child as she squeezes me in a hug.
The door opens and Jamie pokes his head out, holding my phone. “Your mom is calling.”
I take the phone from him and glance at the screen to see which mom it is. “Hi, DD.”
“Hi honey. I heard you were at yoga this morning.”
I sigh and walk inside, looking for Tanner. He’s taking a peek in the downstairs bathroom.
“Yeah.”
“I see. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. What’s for dinner tonight?”
“We have our book club tonight, remember? It’s Sunday.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot.” How am I going to spend the remaining hours of the day? Maybe I can invite Jamie and Mia to stay. We’ll have to order pizza unless they want Ben and Jerry’s for dinner. “I’ll figure out something else for dinner.”
I might have chosen Seth over Tanner as a roommate, but I suddenly don’t want to lose this opportunity. It could take weeks or even months to find someone else. This is just luck I found two who are interested so quickly. I don’t want to be tempted to find a Topher-replacement just because I can’t stand being alone for very long.
After hanging up with my mom I face Tanner. “So, what do you think? Want to be my roommate?” I can’t believe he really does, but hopefully he’s desperate enough.
Chapter Six
Tanner
I couldn’t believe I was actually considering being Charlie’s roommate. But the idea of someone else sleeping in the room next to her, a guy, was making me act irrationally when that person could be me instead.
Uncertain if she’d really thought this through, I answered her question by pointing out the obvious. “But I’m a guy. You’re really okay with a guy as a roommate?”
“This is the twenty-first century, Tanner.”
“I’m not really looking for something long term. I think it’s probably time for me to look into buying a place.”
“That’s okay!” Charlie said with enthusiasm. “Did you get to see the upstairs?”
“Yeah, it’s nice. The bedrooms are huge.”
“Right? I have my bed on one side and a little office on the other.”
“We’d have to share that bathroom upstairs. It’s the only one with a shower.”
“It’s not like we’ll be taking a shower at the same time.”
And now I was thinking about Charlie in the shower, naked in the same space where I would also be naked. This wasn’t going to work.
I could feel Charlie studying me, and she seemed awfully desperate to get a roommate. I did need a place immediately, and there weren’t any other appealing options. Still, this was a bad idea.
Charlie was noticing my reluctance. “To be honest, Jamie’s covered Mia’s rent for a while, so I don’t even need to charge you.”
This didn’t surprise me, since Jamie was a billionaire. But I frowned, because now I didn’t understand Charlie’s motivation to get a roommate.
“Why do you want a roommate then?”
She shrugged and looked beyond me, out the window. “It’s lonely here without anyone in it. I like having people around.” Her voice was easy and light, but I sensed it took something from her to confess this. By giving me this smidge of vulnerability, she’d made it impossible for me to walk away. The idea of someone like Charlie feeling lonely was brutal.
“Will you be having people over a lot?” I was grasping at straws, trying to find more reasons not to do what I already knew I was about to do.
“Well, no. That’s the thing. Everyone’s busy. We do things in town a lot. Occasionally I’ll have some friends over but usually it’s just me here, especially on the weekdays.”
It would be a strange kind of torture living with Charlie. I didn’t want to start out with her having the wrong expectations.
“You know I’m not very social, right?”
“Well, yeah, but you’re a nice guy.”
A nice guy? Coming from Charlie, it sounded like she was telling me I was boring. Uninteresting. I never thought I’d actually be in a position to care what she thought about me. I stood up straighter.
“It’s just that I work a lot.”
“How often are you out at gigs?”
“Mostly just on the weekends. But I have another job.” I really should have thought this through. “It’s a contract position. I’ll have to work in my room on my computer most of the day. And evening.”
Charlie leaned forward, her brow furrowed in concern. “Like, forever?”
“I get breaks between projects. But it doesn’t really feel like work to me. I enjoy it.” The last thing I wanted was her pity, so I risked sharing a little more.
“Well then, you’ll be a lot like Mia was as a roommate. You don’t have to agree to sit around hanging out with me to get the position,” she said with a grin. I couldn’t even imagine doing that. This was the longest conversation we’d ever had, and I was amazed I was holding it together.
She dropped the smile. “You really don’t have to do this if you’d rather live alone, Tanner.” It was like she could see all my vulnerabilities, each weak spot. “I know I can be a little overbearing at times. No hard feelings either way, okay?”
She thought she was overbearing? In that moment, the film of glitter and illusion of magic I’d somehow manifested about Charlie lifted. I could see her clearly now, her own vulnerabilities on display. She meant it when she said she was lonely. But she was scared too. It was hard to believe this woman with all the confidence in the world could be scared of anything, but it was there, in the slight tremble of her lower lip, the way her normally rosy cheeks had lost a little color.
I realized Charlie thought this was personal. That it wasn’t that I didn’t want any roommate, it was that I wouldn’t want her as a roommate.
Surprising both of us, I asked, “When can I move in?”
Before she could respond, Jamie called from the other side of the room. “Don’t you have groceries in your truck, man? It’s hot out there.”
When I turned back to Charlie, her smile nearly knocked me on my ass. Guess the magic factor was still alive and well.
“I heard you on the phone with your mom earlier. They have book group tonight.”
“Oh yeah, isn’t your mom in it, too?” Charlie asked.
“She is. I thought maybe you were making up having dinner with them.”
Charlie threw her head back and laughed, and holy shit, I was going to get this every day. I’d had no intention of asking her about being a roommate, I’d been trying to avoid getting pulled into that altogether. But then Seth approached us, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him living with her. Seeing her all sleepy in the morning. Catching her walking from the bathroom in a towel. Getting her to throw back her head and laugh. In those two minutes, all sense had left me and I couldn’t help myself. I’d had to put myself out there. I should thank Seth for running into her when he did, and for being allergic to dogs.
“If you want, I can leave you the taco stuff so you can cook those,” I offered.
“Do you want to just cook them here? If you’re really moving in, you can even unload your groceries.”
“I’ll need them for the week at the cottage. Plus I need to let out my dog and feed him dinner. Shoot, I forgot to mention that. I have a dog.”
“You do?”
“He’s a bulldog lab mix. Does Donut get along with other dogs?”
“Oh yeah. Why don’t you go get him and we can let the dogs meet while we do dinner? You think there’s enough for Mia and Jamie, too?
Mia and Jamie were sitting on barstools at the kitchen counter, listening to our conversation.
“We thought you’d never ask!” Jamie lifted his beer. “Is it a Hilda Newman recipe?”
“Yep.”
“Cool, we can get started while
you get Meatball,” Jamie offered.
“Your dog’s name is Meatball?” Charlie asked.
“Yeah.”
“That’s an awesome name.”
I could practically feel my chest puffing out from Charlie’s approval. I got praised all the time for my music on stage, and I had millions of fans who raved about my books. And yet, it was a compliment from Charlie about the name of my dog that made me feel a thousand feet tall.
After bringing in the taco ingredients, I headed to the cottage in some sort of twilight zone, half dazed as I unloaded the rest of the groceries, then fed Meatball dinner. I grabbed a six-pack of beer and walked around in a circle, thinking of what else I needed. Was I really doing this? I should have been exhausted from all the people-ing I did today, but my blood was pumping and I was fueled with the kind of high I only got when a book came together after a perfect stretch of writing.
My fingers itched to connect with my keyboard, and I eyed the laptop on the table. But the pull to be with Charlie was stronger. Meatball bounded out the door that I’d left open, and before I could second-guess myself or change my mind about all of this, I followed him.
Chapter Seven
Charlie
I don’t hear from Tanner the entire week. After one of the best nights of the summer having dinner with him, Mia and Jamie at my house, he headed home with Meatball on Sunday night. It was left he’d be in touch about moving in. At the time, I assumed that meant he was planning to move in, and he just needed to find the time to get his affairs in order and pack up. When I haven’t heard from him by Friday, I realize he might have changed his mind. He has my number, and I don’t want to pester him. If he doesn’t want to be my roommate after all, I won’t guilt trip him into it.
I’m too busy to notice the emptiness in the house. Sunday night filled it with enough good vibes to get me through the lonely nights, and during the day I’m racing from one place to the other. This is one of the busiest months of the year as a real estate agent in Sugarville. When I’m not with clients or drowning in paperwork, I’m doing yoga, or recruiting people for my new frisbee league. Every Wednesday I still meet with Mia, Grace and Morgan for a run before happy hour at the Tavern. The tradition for years was just happy hour, but when I got everyone to train for a running relay last spring, we added the run. It was the first of my post-breakup exercise ideas that actually stuck, even if we only run once a week for all of us except Mia.
As I walk over to the soccer fields by the community center early Friday evening and find a dozen people already waiting to play frisbee, I wonder if this activity could stick around for more than a few weeks. After all, it’s the first time I’ve recruited more than just Mia, Grace and Morgan.
It’s been years since I played ultimate frisbee in a college league, but only a couple of others have ever played in an organized setting, so we keep it informal and low key. Another dozen people show over the next hour and we get a scrimmage going. As one of the only players with experience, I’m sprinting up and down the field, jumping in the air, and sliding across the grass. By seven PM I’m sweating like a pig, dying of thirst, and starving.
When I look around, nearly everyone else looks just as beat as I do.
“That was intense,” Morgan pants out.
“That was the hardest workout I’ve done in about ten years.” Oliver, an all-American alpine ski racer, collapses to the ground and rolls on his back.
Seth wipes sweat from his forehead. “Nobody warned me Coach Charlie here is so hardcore. I thought this was supposed to be a casual thing.”
“Oh please, it is casual. I didn’t make you do suicides, did I?”
He’s grinning though. “That was fun, Charlie. I probably won’t be able to walk tomorrow, but I’ll be back next week for sure.”
A few others thank me for organizing before we start talking about heading up to the mountain for food and drinks. It’s always a few degrees cooler up there and this August night is hot and sticky.
Figuring we’d go straight to get food, I’ve planned ahead with a fresh sports bra and shirt to change into in the car. I could take the time to actually get clean and look cute, but I’m too hungry.
Jamie pulls up beside my car and Mia rolls down the passenger window. “Want a ride?” she asks as Morgan and Grace wave from the backseat.
It’s always better to load up one car in case we have more than one drink. There aren’t any driving app services around here yet. I’ve thought about starting my own driving service in the winter, the off season for real estate. I’d probably make decent money driving drunk people around.
It would also be a good way to keep occupied in the evenings if I was still roommate-less by then.
“When’s Tanner moving in?” Jamie asks.
Grace and Morgan were filled in on this development on our run Wednesday.
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him. Maybe he changed his mind.”
“I was talking to his bandmate Nick Maple at Muffins and Steam this morning,” Jamie says. “He told me Tanner might be playing acoustic at the mountain tonight.”
“Really?” Mia turns around in her seat and we all perk up at this. Truly, we are lucky to get to watch him perform for free so often around town.
“Yeah, the band who was supposed to perform couldn’t make it for some reason so they reached out to Maple Moonshine this morning. They couldn’t all be there, so Nick asked Tanner to go solo. Shira might be able to come on piano for a bit to join him.”
“Tanner on acoustic is unreal.” Morgan’s voice is awed as we all remember his performance from one of his last-minute concerts last summer. It’d been at a Saturday morning farmer’s market, and less than a hundred people were there to see it. I think he just decided to show up and it wasn’t as if anyone was going to stop him. He didn’t do covers that morning, at least not songs I was familiar with. I’d wanted to ask if they were originals, but never got the chance.
The village is bustling like it usually is on the weekends, filled with tourists, or people getting away to their second homes for the weekend from Boston or New York. I catch sight of Topher’s blue hair by one of the outdoor patios, and steer our group to one of the other restaurants. There aren’t any hard feelings there, not much feeling there at all really, besides a little regret on my part. But better to avoid the awkward first post-breakup encounter if possible.
It’s still early in the evening, but drinking starts early in mountain towns, and the party vibe is in full swing as we wait for a table.
Others from frisbee wave to us, but it’s too packed to try to get us all at one table. We order beers as we wait, and I note a few lingering gazes in our direction. We’re attracting a little attention, what with our grass stains and dried sweat. People are dressed for a night out – mountain town casual of course – but still showered and put together.
“Hey, are you Charlie Ashley?” Two guys stand in front of me, and since they’re blatantly checking me and my friends out, I do the same. They’re tan and athletic, a couple years too young for me. Pretty much par for the course with the ski bums.
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“We heard you’re starting a frisbee league.”
“How’d you hear about that?” I’m feeling a little prickly about these guys, and I don’t know why.
They look at each other. “Where’d we hear about it?”
“I don’t remember. The girls in the apartment next to us were over last night. Maybe they were talking about it.”
“It could have been Topher, actually.”
“How would Topher know about it?” Morgan asks.
The one with curly hair looks from me to Morgan, then back to me. “Aren’t you and Topher like, a thing?”
“Nope. We’re not.”
He bobs his head. “Cool. Got it.”
“Anyway,” the other guy, who wears a Red Sox hat, asks, “how do we sign up? Can we join?”
“It’s pretty low key and informal.
” I try to think of a way to discourage them. I’d originally thought of this as an inclusive thing, come one come all, kids, grandparents, whatever. But I guess in my head I meant locals. I just didn’t think the ski bum crowd would be interested.
“That’s cool. I can’t commit to anything serious right now.”
I smirk. He catches it, and gives a self-deprecating laugh.
“Hey, at least you’re upfront about it,” I reassure him.
Grace takes that as my nod of approval and tells them we meet on Fridays around five at the fields by the rec center.
We’re called over to a table, and as I follow Jamie and Mia through the busy outdoor dining area, I catch sight of Tanner’s unmistakable frame and slightly wild dirty blonde hair. He’s standing near the stage talking to Shira. As if he can sense me, he turns to look my way at the same time, and when our eyes meet, boom. I can see the blush rising in his cheeks from here.
I smile and wave, and when he does the same, Shira looks over our way and calls out a hello.
“Why do you think Tanner performs if he hates attention so much?” I ask as we sit down.
“I wonder that too.” Jamie puts an arm around Mia and scoots his chair closer to hers. “You guys have known him longer than I have though.”
“Yeah, I’ve always noticed he gets embarrassed when we talk to him about his music.” Morgan drains her beer. “Or when I check him out for too long.”
Grace giggles. “He’s got to be used to it. But boy does his blush give him away.”
“I think he’s just shy.” Mia glances over at Tanner. “And even though having all that attention on him when he’s on stage isn’t his thing, he does it because he likes to share his talent with other people. Make people feel good.”
Jamie gazes at Mia like she hangs the moon, and I love that for her. Even if it stings a little. She’s always been my Mia. I’m the one who sees just how awesome she is. Who appreciates her the way she should be appreciated. But I guess I’ve never been the only, even before Jamie.
“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. He likes doing it because he knows people like hearing him.” I force myself not to look over at Tanner again, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. Most guys like it when I show interest, but Tanner isn’t most guys.
